Can a man that lies love a woman he lies to?

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   chelseacharlestonposted 13 years ago

   Are liars completely unemotionally available?

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      knolyourselfposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Depends on whether he is a con artist, or just so insecure that he must compensate with untruth.

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         chelseacharlestonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         "So, you're saying there's a chance" LOL  I'm thinking it's a little bit of both.

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      shell20110309posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      lies love a woman maybe is a wrong.Women will always like cheating ourselves

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         chelseacharlestonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         You think women like cheating ourselves?  Really?

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            shell20110309posted 13 years agoin reply to this

            not all,but in my opinion,Some women like cheating themselves and do not believe some facts which they don't want to believe that is true

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      Felixedet2000posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Yes that is absolutely possible, it happens around every now and then.

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         chelseacharlestonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         I suspected.

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   AshtonFireflyposted 13 years ago

   That's an interesting question...good thought. I've wondered this a lot myself. Funny you should post about this. I dealt with this situation just like ten minutes ago in my own relationship.
   I think his motive for the lie would be what would determine that. If a man lies to me because he feels he's protecting me, I'm more likely to overlook it and explain to him that lying to me is hurting me worse. If he truly loves me, once he realizes that, he will not lie to me again, because he is truly concerned for my well being. (Also, some men lie, deceiving themselves into thinking they are doing it for their partner's benefit, when really they are doing it to save their own necks. That's an annoying situation.)
   If a man lies consistently without finding any wrong in it, knowing full well how it will hurt me, I would question his love, or at least the TYPE of love he has.
   I think men can still "love" a woman in a certain selfish way and still lie. (but in that case, I guess it wouldn't really be love. The term is used far too loosely these days.)
   Good Lord, that was probably way too long of an answer to your question...

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      chelseacharlestonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      That was a great response!  Agreed.

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   Eaglekiwiposted 13 years ago

   Lies are destructive. Sooner or later.

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      chelseacharlestonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      For sure!

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   prettydarkhorseposted 13 years ago

   that is why he/she lies is to cover his/her a$$. They don't want to hurt the partner, but they will be hurt more later if they will know the truth

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      cheaptrickposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Speaking of a$$es...When my GF walks out of the bedroom and says"Does this dress make my a$$ look fat"?...the truth goes right out the window and you can bet I'm gonna Lie[yes,with a capital L]no matter what her dress makes her a$$ look like.
      Men call that"Self Preservation",and I've never had it cause destruction...Ever!

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   dashingscorpioposted 13 years ago

   Oddly enough sometimes people lie to those they love because they don't want to hurt them with the truth. For those they don't care about they tend to be brutally honest. A very strange irony indeed.
   Yes, I believe it's possible to lie to someone you love.
   For some people lying is their way of trying to avoid throwing something in their mate's face. I once saw a character in a movie say, "If I didn't care I would have told you the truth!" LOL!
   Most lies or deceptions are done to keep the listener beliving the liar is a good person, avoid tension/pain, and very often to be allowed to keep doing whatever it is they're doing.

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      chelseacharlestonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Great answer.  I guess I'm just wondering what good it is.  I can totally see through it, it just throws everything else totally off!

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   Greek Oneposted 13 years ago

   why, I do it all the time...
   
   

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   theSimpleOneposted 13 years ago

   It depends if they lie because they seek to gain something, or lie because they care about the persons,that they lie to, reaction. And the outcome of it being bad to lie depends on the situation, not on the matter that it's a lie. Example: Your out for groceries and bump into an old affection of yours and you chat with him having tea/coffee, yet when your back home, a jealous partner is waiting for a meal after work and he's in a bad mood and you have options:
   A) Tell him his dinner is late because you took the time to chat with your old affection.
   B) Tell him there was a big line at the store.
   C) Tell him you took longer because some stuff for his favorite meal was out of stock and you had to visit another shop, so you could make his favorite meal today.
   
   It's just caring for the persons feelings when you see that he's not prepared for a straight answer, so if you feel you really did something bad back there, you'll just tell him the true story the other day, when he's not so tensed. It's just knowing your partner and what is best for the both of you, full openness only exist where there is full understanding. However when you know that a simple situation will strike your partner through his weaknesses: jealousy, insecurity, confidence, then you should really leave those for a later discussion, because this might save you from a chain reaction of what he hasn't settled in him yet, a burst of all the flaws he can find about you, just to compensate for making him feel bad. Consider using lies wisely.

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      chelseacharlestonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Excellent answer.  It's just SO complicated.

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   Dave Mathewsposted 13 years ago

   Sometimes people lie trying to protect others from the truth so that they do not get hurt, or involved with their personal problems. If one lies to protect the other, is it so wrong?

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      chelseacharlestonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I think so, but there are sometimes I question it.  Not all the time in this case.

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      Eaglekiwiposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      How can not telling someone the truth be protecting them?
      
      Im not meaning blurting out opinions under the guise of truth, i.e "Your looking chubby lately" or speaking of others as in gossip and calling it truth either.
      
      I like to hear the truth ,even if it may make me uncomfortable or be disappointing because at least then ,I can make a better informed decision about my own thoughts.

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   stclairjackposted 13 years ago

   if i ask my boy friend if i look fat in these jeans,.... he'd better lie like a dog,.... if i ask if he liked dinner,... he'd better tell me the truth in a tactful way, or i'll fix it again.
   
   its all about context.
   
   my ex came home and unloaded his concience on me at 5:30 am while i was still in bed, and caring for a 6 week old,... and to top it off,... he wasnt even confessing what he had done,... rather it was hat he hadnt done and advising me tha i was lucky he hadnt,...
   
   his honesty at that moment had NOTHING to do ith his lve or respect for me,.... it was about makoing him feel better. i could have went my whole life blissfuly ignorant of the whole situation,.... his honesty was self motivated.
   
   i have skelletons, i have secrets,... and because i care about what others feel,.... i can take them to my grave.
   
   in the end,... its context and intent,... who does the honesty serve.

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      stclairjackposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      on the other hand,... my second husband lie about everything.
      
      he didn often lie about huge things,... he lied constantly abt mundane idiotic things,.... things that made no sense,... things that wer small until you lied about it, and then led to back up the first lie,... then the mundane became a mountain.
      
      lying can be a habbit,... i guess with him it was.

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         Eaglekiwiposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Lying by ommission(leaving out all the story) is sneaky and deceitful.
         
         Its cowardly and hurtful (IMO)

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            stclairjackposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            yes,... thats true,... when the inent is hurtfull,.... but if te intent is to shelter someone from harm,.....
            
            if i asked my mother who my father was,... my real biological father,... and it does interest me to know,... if i asked her that, i know it would hurt her,... because i believe she realy doesnt know,...
            
            and if i asked,... and she told me a lie,... said she didnt know,... or threw out some other name,.. rather than the real one,.... knowing the triuth might hurt me,...
            
            i hope you see my point.
            
            i'm not endorsing whole sale falsehood,..... i'm trying to make the point for the ..... "theraputic untruth"

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            chelseacharlestonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Totally, totally, totally

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    Mighty Momposted 13 years ago

    I think you can love a person and still lie to them. Very good examples cited here of situations where lying could be less hurtful than brutal honesty.
    
    But (I'm guessing) the OP is asking about a chronic liar.
    A man who engages in behavior that is hurtful or deceitful to his woman then lies about it. So is it really about the lying or what he is lying about to cover up?
    
    A chronic liar, cheat, thief (likely) has emotional issues going on.
    I'd also suspect substance abuse which may not be obvious -- yet. But those bad behaviors are classic alcoholic/addict indicators.

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       stclairjackposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       yup

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    Jw Worcesterposted 6 years ago

    What is the very best definition of love?  To me it is all consuming attention to the needs of another.  Not worshiping the ground they walk on - but always willing to put ourselves second to the person we love.  No one does this perfectly.  An addict is by definition and experience wholly devoted to their addiction - and everyone else is way behind the addiction in priority.
    
    Based on what I just said a liar is holding something back.  They are not being totally committed.  And as to whether the wife looks good in a certain dress then not being honest is a sign that there's a lack of trust or unwillingness to accept truth on someone's part.  Perfect love demands perfect honesty.
    
    I am not perfect - but I know One who is.

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