They Walk Amongst Us . . . .

1. 61

   Eric Graudinsposted 15 years ago

   I received these in an email - They haven't all happened to me
   
   
   I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The check-out-chick rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I departed the store with the $46.64.
   They Walk Amongst Us
   
   I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.' 'They're already buy-one-get-one-free,' she said, 'so I guess they're both free' She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.
   They Walk Amongst Us
   
   One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one of them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said, 'Where'?
   They Walk Amongst Us
   
   While looking at a house, my brother asked the real Estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff.'
   They Walk Amongst Us
   
   I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call centre. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call centre was open. I told him, 'The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.' He responded, 'Is that Eastern Standard time?' Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, 'Uh, yes.'
   They Walk Amongst Us
   
   My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the boot.
   They Walk Amongst Us
   
   My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that VB slabs were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 slabs. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
   They Walk Amongst Us
   
   I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?'
   They Walk Amongst Us
   
   While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small takeaway pizza. He appeared to be alone. The cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6.'
   They Walk Amongst Us
   
   ......... and they Reproduce, and Worst of all ............
   
   THEY VOTE !!!!!

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   1. 79

      JamaGeneeposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      One day last summer, I'd gone off to work without my thermos of coffee. (Why pump my hard-earned pay back into the company's over-priced vending machines?)  At lunch, needing caffeine NOW, I went to the nearest drive-thru (Sonic) and ordered a large iced coffee.  There was about 30 seconds of total silence...the girl scanning all the menu choices on the register...then "Ma'am, we don't have iced coffee". 
      
      So I said.....
      
      You have coffee, right?
      
      Yes.
      
      You have ice, right?
      
      Yes.
      
      Before you pour the coffee into the cup, put a lot of ice in the bottom.
      
      (10 more seconds of dead silence...)
      
      Ohhhhhh.....
       
      They Walk Amongst Us

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      1. 68

         rmrposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Same thing happened to me, but it was iced tea, and a Chinese restaurant. When I asked for it, they looked confused. What I got, was a glass of ice water, and a plate with a tea bag on it!

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2. 68

   Stacie Naczelnikposted 15 years ago

   My mom always bought 1% milk, but my step-sister always complained that she likes 2% better.  Mom told her to fill half of her glass from one 1% carton, and then fill up the other half from the new 1% carton that was in the fridge.  My step-sister did and was quite happy.
   
   They Walk Amongst Us

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3. 60

   ceounlimitedposted 15 years ago

   During my lunch hour I walked into a popular pizza shops and asked for one of their championship smoothies.  The cashier asked me if I wanted that with or without ice?  With a scooby doo turn of the head - I repeated my order, she looked directly back at me and asked again, With or without ice?  I stated that most smoothies I've come across are made with ice, fruit and juices/water blended together.  She said, what is a smoothie?  (say it ain't so)
   
   THEY WALK AMONGST, US!

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4. 77

   Shadesbreathposted 15 years ago

   At at popular prime rib restaurant in town, a friend asked me why this particular cut of meat was called prime rib.  "Are there some ribs better than others?" he asked.
   
   I explained that the meat was so named because it would not do to refer to its origins directly as prime rib is the genitalia of the female "cow."  "Prime rib is a euphemism for cow va*!^@," I said.
   
   He wrinkled his brow at me, head slightly tipped, "Really?"
   
   "Of course," I explained.  "You see, 'prime' is an old slang term for having intercourse, and 'rib' is a reference to Eve's having been created from a rib of Adam."  I told him that the name selection had to do with decency, but that the meat was delightful as he obviously knew having eaten half of it already. I smiled politely, the teacher done with the lesson, and went back to my meal, kicking my wife under the table lest her bulging eyes and that snicker contained barely by a hand upon her mouth burst free.
   
   My friend stared down at the half eaten slab of tender pink meat in his plate and began to pale visibly.  LOL
   
   They Walk Amongst Us

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   1. 61

      Eric Graudinsposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      That story is SO good.
      
      And @ Stacie:
      You're joking.
      Right ? ? ?

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      1. 68

         Stacie Naczelnikposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         I generally am, but not this time.  She's five years older than me, but even I knew then how silly it was.
         
         Shadesbreath: Sounds like you would fit into my family as we always pull that kind of stuff on others (and each other). 
         
         While living in Switzerland, my aunt and I had people convinced that the dairy was so good because all of the cows were very relaxed and content.  You see, they have cows wear bells because the melodious tinkling and ringing make the cows happy.  Every time they move the bells ring, making happy cows.  Zen.  Thus creating outstanding dairy products.

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5. 68

   waynetposted 15 years ago

   Whilst working for a waste management division, one of our supervisors hurt his knee cap pretty bad and then went to go and get some ice in a bag, he returned with some ice in a bag and held it on his knee for at least half an hour, another colleague walked in and said how come that ice has turned to water?
   
   They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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6. 61

   Eric Graudinsposted 15 years ago

   Well, I must confess to a bit of absent mindedness from many years ago.
   
   I went into a shop to buy an apple pie with cream.
   But my head was concentrating on other things, and the request came out as
   "An apple pie with Sauce"
   
   The shop assistant asked me twice "Are you SURE that's what you want?, and I said yes.
   
   It was only when I bit into the apple pie and tasted Tomato sauce instead of cream, that I understood why the shop assistant quizzed me.
   
   I walk amongst me

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7. 68

   rmrposted 15 years ago

   I once made the mistake of ordering chicken, at a steak house. The (very young) waiter asked me how well I would like it done. Dumbfounded, I looked at him for a moment, then said, "What the hell. Bring me the chicken sushi!" He returned a few minutes later, and told me they did not serve chicken-sushi, so I asked for a porterhouse, instead.

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   1. 77

      Shadesbreathposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Probably a really, really good call.

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      1. 68

         rmrposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         It's my guess that sarcasm was wasted on this waiter.

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         1. 77

            Shadesbreathposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            For sure, and it's my guess that he was inept and perhaps pre-neanderthal as well.

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            1. 60

               B.T. Evilpantsposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               There was, in fact, evidence of a suborbital ridge. Possible evidence that he wasn't quite done evolving?

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8. 77

   Shadesbreathposted 15 years ago

   Too bad there's not an evolutionary microwave we can pop people into to finish them off if they haven't quite caught up to the rest.
   
   Hey, that's a hub idea!!!!  I shall go play with it now!

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9. 89

   Patty Inglish, MSposted 15 years ago

   I am laughing so much that I can barely respond.....Wheeeee!

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10. 67

    quensdayposted 15 years ago

    One of my guy friends kept pestering me about the loyalty of his girlfriend. During the umpteenth anecdote for which I am supposed to provide some girl insight to, I finally said, "You know what it is? Sometimes the on button in a girl's brain is switched off. Tell her to switch it back on."
    He replies, "Really?"
    
    This one's going to reproduce!

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11. 60

    cowgirljessposted 15 years ago

    All of these are great, I have had my laugh for the day. LOL thankyou

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12. 68

    Stacie Naczelnikposted 15 years ago

    Ooh...I love it when they reproduce.

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13. 85

    glassvisageposted 15 years ago

    I feel I'm going to have to put up one of my own doing...
    
    My friend and I were at work, and she complained that she was going to have to write an autobiography after her shift that night.
    
    To prove my interest in her assignment, I made sure to ask, "Who is it going to be about?"
    
    Sigh.

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    1. 77

       Shadesbreathposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Glass, see, it's confessions like this that make us all feel like we aren't alone.

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14. 61

    balisunsetposted 15 years ago

    we are human
    
    we often lose focus and concentration and  do many stupid things
    
    no one can escape this..........

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    1. 77

       Shadesbreathposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       True, but I keep trying.

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