Do we prepare our children for failure?

1. 71

   samnashyposted 11 years ago

   Do we prepare our children for failure?
   
   In today's society to be prepare our children for failure or are we wrapping them up in cotton wool?  My children get awards for 'settling into prep well'  and 'having a kind nature'  whilst this is lovely to see I wonder if they have any real value?  Especially when there are so many children getting similar awards each week.

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2. 81

   pstraubie48posted 11 years ago

   One thing that can happen along the way is buffering chldren from too much. They need to know that they will not always win the game but that life goes on. At the time winning may seem like everything but it is after all not. No one likes to lose but sometimes we do lose. The important thing is letting kids know it may happen that if it does they can pick themselves up and go forth.
   Rewarding too much takes the bang out of it. When I taught school the last few years that I taught especially
   I gave fewer extrinsic rewards and gave more recognition for academic success. I would give group praise for a whole class behaving well at a function around school but the kids knew I rarely if ever rewarded for BEHAVING. Behaving well was expected. Kids new it and they overall (with the exception who might have severe behavioral issues but even those children ususally stepped up to the plate) behaved well because it was expected.
   It is self fulfilling prophecy I believe. You get what you expect. This of course is my take on this issue.

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   1. 71

      samnashyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thankfor your reply.  My husband won't always let my 6year old win at football and it always ends in tears.  I thought he was mean, but I am beginning to realize it's not so mean and will hopefully prepare him for some life- long learning.

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3. 59

   IDONOposted 11 years ago

   I don't know if I would actually prepare them for failure as much as making them aware that failure is always a possibility. Plan for the future, but don't plan the results. Too much preparation for failure seems like giving them more reason not to try.  But, you are right that sugar coating or not being realistic is setting a child up for huge dissappointments that need not be. A balance is very important and difficult to find. All kids are different.

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   1. 71

      samnashyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I didn't really use my words correctly regarding preparing to fail, but you got the gist.  The balance is hard, my youngest child excels in everything whilst her older sibling has yet to find his thing.  I therefore over compensate with praise for hi

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4. 81

   Author Cherylposted 11 years ago

   In today's society are parents preparing their children for anything for the most part?  I don't see children as being afraid to fail, I see them as not fearing anything nor most parents teaching them any morals or values which are a far greater need then failing.  My children are grown and I have never in my life seen so many disrespectful children in my life.  They don't care if they fail, they don't care if they even win.  Society isn't teaching them how to be children.  How can you (not meaning you personally) prepare a child for failure when they are not even taught the basic needs of love, morals, and values.  They are not shown love, they are being rewarded for bad behavior and they don't listen to anyone.  My question is are parents being parents or trying to be their childrens friend.

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   1. 71

      samnashyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      A good point.  I didn't even think about the other side of the argument.  There are many children that don't care about failing because I believe their own self worth is very low

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   2. 61

      Monisajdaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I don't even think they want to be their children's friend, they don't care themselves, they are too busy with their own life, having their grown up activities that they choose not to be involved in their kids life.

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5. 56

   bones0614posted 11 years ago

   I believe that answer depends on how you raise you child. If you raise you child to believe that their best will always let them win then yes because our best is not always good enough. Now if you raise them to always try their best wether they win or lose that they can be happy if they gave it their all then no you are not raising them to fail. Setting goals helps us along they way and keeping direction in life. If you set goal that are often unachievable and are constantly disappointed in yourself you will eventually give up trying to do anything because you think the outcome will always be failure. Somewhere in the middle is the balance that nobody can perfectly teach because nobody is perfectly the same. All you can teach as a parent are the directions. I'll put it like this your child i see plays football, you teach him the rules of the game and give tips on how to improve and give encouraging words for him to try harder or know that he did good. No matter what you do or say you cannot play the game for him, only give guidance. I believe this is true of life also. You can teach all you want but you cannot live for them, they have to find their ownway and make their own mistakes.

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   1. 71

      samnashyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Wise words. As hard as it sometimes we have to let them find their owm way.

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6. 52

   Giddy Geezerposted 11 years ago

   My daughter came home last year with her report card and told me she would not be receiving an honor roll certificate although her grades clearly indicated she had earned it. When I asked why, she told me her teacher didn't give out certificates because she didn't think it was fair to the other students! This is the kind of thinking that prepares our kids for failure! The lesson from this is "you will all get the same result whether you work hard or you slack." My daughter was very discouraged and it took quite a bit of convincing for her to understand that life really doesn't work that way and personal achievement is a matter of pride. Yes, I do believe the schools are setting our kids up for failure with that teacher's kind of logic.

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   1. 71

      samnashyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I agree, hopefully that is only the attitude of one teacher and not the school's philosophy.

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7. 70

   connorjposted 11 years ago

   
   
   I would indeed prepare children for failure. after all is not failure usually a necessary step to significant creativity? There is an excellent TED digital video about this at this url: http://www.ted.com/talks/jk_rowling_the … ilure.html

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8. 84

   gmwilliamsposted 9 years ago

   There are parents who prepare their children for success. Then THERE are parents who prepare their children for FAILURE.  They do this through being critical, soul destroying, even overprotective. read more

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