Seeking Wise-Elderley Advice

1. 79

   PoeticPhilosophyposted 10 years ago

   Ahhh.. I'm in a very bad situation that has been leading up for a while now but today it just exploded in my face.
   
   In 10 days I'm basically going to have no where to go, very little money...
   
   I have basically 2 options, stay where I am and somehow have a miracle happen, get a job and get my own place.. Or, go to a city where I lived my whole life that is quite dangerous.. But a lot of my friends live there and risk a move in going there. Even if I made this choice I don't have anywhere I could stay but fortunately I have a credit on a plane-ticket so the money to get there is taken care of.. Then basically this is where I'm blank.
   
   I've never been in this situation I'm gonna have to rough it out with basically nothing. Has anyone been through a similar situation and can you give me your experienced tips on what to do, thanks.

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   1. 31

      Writer Foxposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      What city do you live in now?

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      1. 79

         PoeticPhilosophyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         lol why are you canadian

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   2. 84

      Marisa Wrightposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I've never been in that situation, I'm so sorry to hear of your trouble.
      
      If you go back to your home town, would you be able to stay with friends, at least for a short time?   
      
      If the answer is yes, then I'd say go back there because at least you'll have a roof over your head while you work out what to do.  If the answer is no, then you'll be no better off in your old city than in your new one, so I can't see the point of going back. 
      
      Can the credit on your ticket be used to go somewhere else?   Is there another city you could go to, where there is more prospect of work?   
      
      I always understood Canada to have a good welfare system - are there avenues where you could get some help and support to get you through this?

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      1. 79

         PoeticPhilosophyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Oh god, I can't go on welphare haha. But no I would have no friends house I could stay at in the moment, 20 is the worst age to be in this situation.. Thank you for your help though Marisa

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   3. 74

      CraftytotheCoreposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      PoeticPhilosphy, no, I have never walked in your shoes.  However, I have worked with people who are homeless.  1) Are there homeless centers in your area?  Here there are a few who will take adults for 3 days.  That's a start anyway when someone is on the street.
      
      2) Can you get a job at a coffee shop or day work?  Also, find out if there are any day laborer jobs which pay out the same day.  (This is typically what inmates do after leaving prison, and it's like construction work.)
      
      3) Find a quick job, anywhere, where you can get an advance pay, and then sign up with a pay-by-the week motel room....or a shared place to live.  There are places you can room with others and share the cost of everything.  Or, you can find a studio apartment which are generally cheaper. Find out if you can skip the security deposit.
      
      4) If you do end up living in your car, you can find 24-hour restaurants that offer bathroom facilities.  Wash in the sink and use the hand dryers to dry your hair (for job searching).
      
      If I found myself in your situation, I would head over to social services ASAP.  Especially at your age (20 right?)  There are places where you might be able to stay such as group homes which are nearly free....and social services will help guide you toward food, shelter, clothing, and whatever else you need.  This isn't the same as welfare.  Social services are normally located in every town.  (Although I don't know anything about Canada.)  A homeless shelter and soup kitchen are also places to start which will lead you to the right places for help.

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   4. 73

      Barbara Kayposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Do you have a Salvation Army in Canada. They help people in situations like yours.

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2. 94

   SmartAndFunposted 10 years ago

   There is a guy on Bubblews who has been writing about living in his car; if I remember correctly, it is a choice that he made to challenge himself, and now he recommends it. Unfortunately I do not remember his username, and that site is basically impossible to search.

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   1. 75

      WriteAngledposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      It's this one:
      http://www.bubblews.com/account/58457-aksysgamer/posts

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      1. 62

         Lisa HWposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         I lived in my car for awhile when I shocked a few people by leaving my marriage, and I was thought to be "crazy" by a very few people in my closest circle who didn't think that a "nice little lady" like me might possibly have the confidence and resume to confidently feel comfortable walking away from a marriage.  Of course, relatives don't always know/understand your resume when you've been a stay-at-home and only part-time freelance writer for long enough.
         
         Anyway, I lived in the car, and it was actually quite comfortable.  A couple of things helped.  One was that I had friends/relatives homes where I could at least get a shower.  The other was that I was in a relatively safe suburb and could park in a relative's yard.  Oh... another was that my car had bench seats and tilt steering wheel. 
         
         I actually did try going to welfare when I was first kicked out of the house, but I was rejected because - as is so often the case when people manage to get custody of children away from mothers - I didn't have my "minor children" with me, which meant no assistance.  I had a solid background/resume and could have found good work in a few different areas, so all I needed was - like - a one-time emergency-assistance type of thing to get a place to live.  But, no.   (Of course, since I had a couple of relatives nearby I made myself look even more "crazy" by not staying with them, but I was angry at them for not knowing me better than they apparently did.  Besides, they were talking to me as if I was suddenly "crazy" - and not my "regular, old, self".  Known for being understanding and good natured, being angry made people think I was "acting out of character".  It was a giant mess.
         
         In any case, I was - considering the circumstances - reasonably happy to live in my car, find a shower at a relative's or friend's house, pick up my children from school every afternoon and let them play either in our "regular" neighborhood, at a relative's or friend's house, or at the park (where I sat just outside the playground, having coffee in my car and keeping an eye on on them).
         
         I had a plastic box with my "bath products" in it, a tote bag with other things I needed (including a knife for making sandwiches with non-perishable foods), and my "office supplies" for keeping in touch with the lawyer, writing whatever needed to be written and/or mailed, and watching for job opportunities that fit with what the court arrangement meant my schedule was.  I'd go from one drive-through coffee place to another, sit for an hour and a half or so and write or read, and then go to another one.  The car had heat, air conditioning, and a radio.  Talk radio was what helped me feel like I was at least sort of in touch with "the outside world".
         
         Maybe it helped, too, that the few clothes I had with me were the clothes of "a regular looking" woman/mother, so I didn't "look like a homeless person".  My "big thing" at the time was that I was a mother and had to find a way to (bizarre as this is going to come across) "live as normally as possible" and make sure my children saw the "same me" they'd always known and relied on for emotional support and guidance.   There were some humiliating moments related to things like having a neighbor walk by and see me leaning my head on the driver's-side window; but all else aside, it was actually reasonably enjoyable enough and peaceful enough that it wasn't such a bad thing.  I suppose I think that the most important thing is the area in which someone lives in his car, whether there's at least a casual friend or two who can help in some little way (like a shower every so often), and whether someone has at least enough money for gas.  When the weather went from Spring/Summer to colder Fall nights someone gave me a heater than could be plugged into the car's lighter.  Winter is a whole other thing, of course; so what I had no choice to do in Winter was to sit up all night on a relative's couch (and maybe doze), and head out first thing in the morning - and stay out until, say, after midnight and during those coldest hours of the night.
         
         OP, I don't know if any of this is at all helpful, or if you even have a car.  My thinking from that experience is - for what's worth or not worth - that personal safety is the main thing; but not to be overlooked is where you may find people who are most willing/able to offer you a little bit of "concrete" help in some way (whether or not they're people who can/will be emotionally supportive of you).  The other side to that, though, is that when one is facing a challenging situation, that person may be "solid" enough not to want/need emotional support from anyone; but what that person can't afford is to be around people who are working against him, his sense of confidence, etc. etc.  So those are things to keep in mind too.

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3. 87

   IzzyMposted 10 years ago

   I think the OP should follow his own advice and 'attract a woman like no other'. One that has her own apartment, obviously.
   Problem solved

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4. 73

   relacheposted 10 years ago

   From PoeticPhilosopher's profile:
   
   "I'm a man who accumulated so much knowledge and I think it's time to share it. All the content I am going to provide is basically all info you can take in to further your life for the better
   
   If you wish to further enhace ur life follow me and you will recieve top-notch advice ."

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5. 56

   andromidaposted 10 years ago

   Ask yourself what is most important to you right now.Put your 200% effort only on that what is important right NOW!

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   1. 91

      Jean Bakulaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Are you in trouble with the law? Your reluctance to try to go on welfare suggested that to me, but I may have misinterpreted that. I have a brother who has drug and legal issues, and he is bi-polar too. So he often finds himself homeless, when one of the three issues, or a combination of them, causes problems. He has been in jail, and I realize how easy it is to lose everything you have. He has some really old drunken driving tickets in our home state, and outstanding warrants from them. If a person is in jail in a state where they have no help though, they lose their job, apartment and all the contents of the place. People don't realize it's that easy to lose everything you own and to have nothing. The apartment landlord will just throw out all your belongings if they don't like you, or the rent is a few days late. This can happen after 1 month in jail over a few DUI's and some pot, which is getting more legal all the time. His charges go back as far as 20 years, and at this point it's ridiculous for them to be held over his head. The only person he hurt is himself.
      
      He often goes to a local Salvation Army store, depending on where he is. The western states are more compassionate about this kind of thing if you are in the U.S. Then he can usually get clothes and they often know a place where he can shower. Then either they or people he meets near the place know of a rooming house or sort of halfway house where he can get a roof over his head, and food to eat. He already will have some clothes from the store, so he can keep up a "normal" appearance, as I read someone else said. That is kind of important, so people are not threatened by you. Maybe you can find someplace like this?
      
      Anyway, I wish you the best, and understand that your family may not be helpful. Often when people are in your position, it's their family they are trying to get away from. We don't all have Norman Rockwell families.

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      1. 62

         Lisa HWposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Another side to "Norman Rockwell" family, or at least to one that seems awfully close to it; is that when someone from one of those situations does something at all "not-Rockwell-like" it can be such a huge shockeroo to those in the family, or otherwise close to them; that it causes a whole lot more drama than there otherwise would have been.  The thing with those families, those, is that while they can create problems for someone who does something "out of character" or unexpected, they're not malicious and only make problems out of not knowing any better.  So sometimes, at least up to a point, such family members actually do try to "be there" however they can for the person who could at least use some limited help from someone.
         
         The other thing about people from an "almost-Normal-Rockwell" type of family is that things like welfare or going to the Salvation Army don't even seem like they're aimed at "regular people" - and the reality is, they're not.   I'm not a snob, but when I had no place to go and nobody on my side, except for my own young children, I went to a shelter for women.  It was runs by nuns and aimed at the nuns "teaching" people like nineteen year old unwed mothers how to run a life.  I was rejected because the woman in charge said there were "cultural differences".  I also tried a "regular" shelter, where I had to hand in my peanut-butter sandwich knife   (), met a woman who thought she was Jesus, someone else who talked about having killed his mother (I don't know if that was imagined or not), and a general environment that was just too weird and uncomfortable for someone who WAS from a "not-all-that-far-from-Norman-Rockwell" family.  (The core of the problem was that one person had a medical condition that affected reasoning ability, that was kind of it at root.) 
         
         There's a good chance the OP is actually very much from an "almost-NR" family/background,  At twenty, most people have had the "be independent" and "don't rely on anyone" thing drummed into their thinking since early childhood.  Even if it hasn't been "drummed in" independence and self-reliance are pretty natural in most human beings.
         
         What Jean says above is all very true and real, but there is that other side that I've presented here, only because I hope the twenty-year-old OP knows that once a person finds himself without a roof to go home to, he will be presumed guilty and/or mentally ill and/or both by pretty much most of the people he runs into - and that includes, sometimes, people in welfare programs or other programs designed to help homeless people, but not necessarily designed to understand that they aren't all guilty and/or mentally ill and/or flawed in character; and sometimes the only thing someone needs is enough money to get a roof of his own head and take it from there.   
         
         When I thought there might be some "emergency type of thing" in my own situation I discovered, as I said above, there was not.  I was offered food stamps that I didn't need or accept, and I was offered job training for work that wasn't anywhere near as good as what I could do; and when I said I had several things in my background/resume that meant I really didn't need their "special welfare job-training program" the woman said, "Well, maybe you want to get some anyway?"   Oh - and when I contacted my local church to see if there might be some kind of minimal help somehow, I was offered a free turkey for Thanksgiving.  (It was particularly "lovely", since I was a vegetarian, by the way.)   
         
         I'm not saying any of this to "turn this post into 'about me'".  I'm just hoping the OP (and anyone in any similar situation) understands some of what can go on the minute someone finds himself/opts for being without a roof over his head.  It takes a mature, strong, person to be able to deal with pretty much being alone in this world; because the minute someone declines help that someone else thinks he ought to have (but they may even be damaging to the situation of the one who needs some help), he's at best going to be seen as "someone who won't listen" or "someone who thinks he's too good for that particular kind of help", or at worst, he may be seen as "hopeless", "not willing to cooperate", and/or someone who should be "written off" (because by refusing that so-called help someone else thought was right for him, he has essentially "created his own problem" at that point). 
         
         The OP is young (and by the way, OP, I'd rather not be counted among "the elderly"  ( ).  Someone young (or even someone not-so-young) in a situation like that needs as many people that are truly on his side as possible.  I hope the OP know where it is s/he is most likely to find such people. 
         
         OP, I don't want to make this all seem too ominous, because sometimes problem situations work out fairly quickly.  It's just that I also did not want to make living in the car seem too easy either - because I did have a few things working in my favor, particularly the fact that I was where I knew quite a few people and had a few months of good/reasonable enough weather before having to figure out where I'd spend those four or so overnight hours during the Winter.  (All I know is that I wouldn't want my son or daughter being homeless if it was simply a matter of their coming to stay for awhile until they got on their feet.  These days it's far, far, from unusual for a young person to "get up and running" without some problems or the need for a little help while they're on their way to making their life what they want/need it to be. )

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6. 60

   A1anposted 10 years ago

   Sorry about your present dilemma, and hopefully good fortune may strike before things get any worse. Encouraging that you have friends that you may be able to count on from time to time, but even so it's a tightrope between feeling welcome and wearing out your welcome. Have you considered a clean, reasonably priced rooming house until you can get on your feet so to speak. Maybe barter your time around the place in lieu of paying, in exchange of providing light landscaping, repairs, painting, etc. As much as you may be against welfare, just be mindful that bestselling author J.K. Rowling, musician sensation Justin Bieber, etc. have all hit rock bottom at some point in their lives, and have managed to soar back all the way to the top. Sometimes circumstances and timing can thwart the best of us. Good luck...safe travels whatever you decide.

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7. 79

   PoeticPhilosophyposted 10 years ago

   lol... thank you Crafty, A1an, andromida, and Marisa. Haha circumstances suck somemtimes but this is what defines a person. I'll definitely get through it, the day I posted this it hit me like a brick and I decided I would see what other people would do in this situation. Thanks you positive people and I'm deeeefinitely making it through this bump in the road, a lot of people I look up to sometimes purposely do this or have been through this so it doesn't bother me, circumstances are circumstances and I love and cravvvvveee all the spots in life. So thank you positive people keep being positive.

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8. 46

   Ericdierkerposted 10 years ago

   My house is open to you. We are down here San Diego way. We hardly make our mortgage every month but we got good health and a happy family. I am very ugly and old but my wife is very pretty and young. My 3 year old will bug you and you can take over playing chase. You will eat well and have room to breath.
   We only require love in my home. The rest comes naturally. We have all the amenities. But you will have to wash my car to use it. hihihi maybe together with my boy.
   
   Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes it makes us move on and do better, in my home you will have respite to get well and strong. I am Christian and a minister --- but I have Buddha on a table and love our Native American traditions so do not worry about that. If you need work, I will help you find it and get you back on your feet.
   
   The cost is high. ---- You must try!
   
   My name is Eric Dierker and my job is to love.

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   1. 91

      Jean Bakulaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Lisa,
      Thanks for bringing up issues I did not in my attempt to advise. It's true that some people, actually most, let's face it, will still think something is wrong with you if your life doesn't look "normal" on the outside. I just wanted to make the point that I don't think people understand how fast a person can end up homeless, and sometimes they didn't do anything that was so bad. They didn't hurt anyone. Eric, you are a wonderful example of a true Christian, something we don't see in a world where so many of them are acting superior to others and like hypocrites.
      
      Shelters and halfway houses are usually not clean or safe, my brother got involved with people in worse messes than he made of his own life there. But if there is any kind of place to stay or work, I hope you find it.

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