I'm Getting a Divorce

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   melbelposted 14 years ago

   Well, my husband and I are getting a divorce. This is definitely not a happy time in my life and money if definitely spread thin right now which also does not take away from the stress.
   
   I guess I am just writing this in hopes of hearing some kind words.
   
   Anyone else here going through this right now?

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      thriftychicksposted 14 years agoin reply to this

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      bumblebeeartsandentertainmentinc.wetpaint.com
      
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      Ghost32posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Not going through a divorce right now, but have gone through 6 (not a misprint, really six) in the past.  Yet wife #7, Pam, and I have been together almost 13 years now--5 years longer than anyone else ever made it with me (and yes, it was my idea to split, every time...picky, I guess). 
      
      Am only saying all this to let you know that while it's never any fun when you're hip deep in the swamp wrestling alligators, there's also no reason to stay "down" indefinitely.  While getting my 6th divorce, I wrote a song titled "I'd Rather Die" (than go back to that particular lady), and I meant it.  Yet within weeks from that songwriting moment, Pam and I had met and committed for life (and beyond). 
      
      Summary:  Yes, there IS Life After Divorce.

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      Dewey Cheatemposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      When my ex told me she wanted a divorce I was devastated. I couldn't eat or sleep for months. I lost 30 pounds in about 4 months. I did not want divorce. In my mind, my marriage was better than any of my family or friends marriages. My wife kept saying "I need more". The reasons kept changing for her. I started working out. Working out started making me feel more confident and I started eating again. I focused on my kids. You don't say if you have kids. I am happy to say now that I have been living in the marital home for over a year and a half. I have been able to get back on my feet financially even though divorce cost me every cent I had saved for retirement. To me divorce is like a death. Part of my family died. The kids are coping with lots of upheaval. One thing I can say is that I did a lot of reading and I knew what I was in for. Nothing took me by surprise.

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      awsydneyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      In this summer sky
      My, how I wish I could fly
      
      In this sunburnt sky
      Among its bursts of orange, crimson and gold
      You are there for me to hold

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      julie20201posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Not going through this, but hang in there. Life's ups and downs usually get us back to a decent place.

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      asalvaniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      If you will try to stay a friend with your husband you will suffer less in a long-term. You can try building your friendship from today, and you will see a side of his that you hardly knew about.
      That helps if you still have feeling for him, and for experience, they usually never fade away!

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      noserverposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      think 10000 before accepted if can fix then go

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      jhdinteriorsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I have not been through a divorce myself, but I have several friends who have so I have learned a lot by watching them.  My first thought would be to surround yourself with friends and family for support.  If you belong to a church, let them know what you are going through. A good friend of mine is going through a divorce and her church has been absolutely amazing.  She moved into a smaller home and I helped her move in, pick paint colors, arrange furniture, etc., because that is what I do for a living (interior designer).  But every day, people would show up at the door asking how they could help.  We got the entire interior of her home painted in a few days....meals were brought to her every night....carpools were set up to get her 3 children to all of their sports and activities....etc. Her parents were there every single day, and that helped both her and her children.  My second word of advice would be to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!  It is so easy to forget to eat when you are going through such an upsetting and worrisome time of life, but you need your strength and your health. Try to get out for some fresh air and exercise each day, even if it's just a short walk.  If money is tight, meet a friend for a walk rather than lunch. Try to work some fun into each week, even if you don't really feel like it.  And don't give up. You will be alright.  Each of my friends has ended up stronger, happier, and in much better relationships down the road. Their children have faired well too.  Good luck to you and I am so sorry you are hurting.

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   \Brenda Scullyposted 14 years ago

   hope you can pull through....it must be awful for you.... thinking about you.....

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   Stacie Lposted 14 years ago

   some speople think marriage is outdated...
   maybe that is true...
   I don't know if pwole should have legal marriages anymore...?

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      melbelposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      See, I don't see marriage as the problem. I just don't know if people are as willing as they were in the past to treat the other person better or to work through their problems.

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         kmackey32posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Wel it depends on the problem. I one time left my husband for almost a year and was ready for a divorce only I couldnt afford it at the time, now we are back together.

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   Beth100posted 14 years ago

   Divorce is not a failure.  It's an admittance that the two people involved are not compatible.  It takes greater courage and self belief to admit that than to continue in a relationship that it hurtful to everyone, including children, extended family and each person.
   
   There is a life after divorce and you never know if you will meet a person that matches you better than the last one.  Good luck and chin up!!!

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   livewithrichardposted 14 years ago

   Life is too short to go through it unhappy.  I know many people that stayed in terrible marriages just for the children only to find that they missed on opportunities that would have made them happy sooner.
   
   If you're waiting on your husband to make you happy then its too late.  The only one that can make you happy is you.

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   Mishaposted 14 years ago

   Good luck to you Melanie!

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   Earthscribeposted 14 years ago

   Best wishes in riding the flow of opportunity, new challenges of dealing with life from your changing vantage-point of view. Divorce is truly difficult, but not aweful... as in tragic, even as much as the emotional habits may keep trying to assert alarms of disurbance, really one could say there is cause for celebration. It's all about the perspective you are free to choose (depending on how attached you are to emotional habits... it's only human to feel emotional withdrawl symptoms!)
   
   But the pain is real! However suffering is optional. It's not necessarily a bad thing to feel terrible at a time like this... is a natural part of the purification of the brain's patterns. But the shadows of valleys cannot hold back the dawn; eventually, the oppression of change passes into joy of new beginning.
   
   May you find that which you seek.

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   melbelposted 14 years ago

   Thank you all so much for your kind words. I am hoping that the strength you've all given me can help get me through this tough time.

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      logic,commonsenseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Believe in yourself and have confidence in what you do.  Whether what you have done is right or wrong remains to be seen, just go forward and do not dwell on the past and you will feel better about it.
      Best wishes and take care!

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   bgpappaposted 14 years ago

   Very sorry to hear that.  Best wishes

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    rmcrayneposted 14 years ago

    Yep, going through divorce.  Haven’t seen each other since 1999.  Don’t think we’ve been in the same state since 1999.  Kind of a military thing.  “Dependent of active duty” military has better access to health care.  So at least I’ve had time to get used to no longer being a couple.  But nothing could make me ready for the possibility of forfeiting 25% of my military retirement pay.  Sucks. 
    
    People seem to crave having a life partner.  So we get married, divorced, married….I think we are afraid to define ourselves as individuals, rather than in terms of another person, until we have to.  Some of us find that life goes on and being “I” instead of “we” is okay. 
    
    I don’t think it’s realistic to find ONE person who fills our physical, emotional and intellectual needs, for a lifetime.  Sure, we can get some of those needs met through friends and family, but I think most of us want it all from our mate.  And I don’t think that’s realistic.  I think sadly we tolerate more from our friends and families than we do from our mates.  I think we think life’s too short to stay in a relationship that’s not working.  I think 50 years ago, primarily women were not only willing to take crap, but felt it was not even a choice.  How many women lived unfulfilled lives because of the societal and religious pressure to not divorce.  I think divorce is more common because women think more highly of themselves and aren’t willing to settle for less until death. 
    
    Probably not the kind words you were looking for.  Sometimes Karma has to shove us in another direction.  Best of luck.

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    sarovaiposted 14 years ago

    sorry for that. You think about future.

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    Davinagirl3posted 14 years ago

    Making a huge change in your life requires a lot of courage.  I am glad that you are strong enough to know the changes you have to make, and make them.  You will be happy in the near future.

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    Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago

    I am so sorry melbel that you have to go through a divorce. I hope that you keep your head up and know that you can come to us...or well at least me for support on hubpages *HUGS*

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    annvansposted 14 years ago

    I went through a divorce, one of the best things I could have ever done.  Things happen for good reason.  Getting together with friends and family was great after my divorce.  I don't look back.  I may not be remarried, but the reason is that I actually am not the kind that likes to be married. 
    
    Enjoy your life no matter what you do.  Be happy and hopefully you both will take the 'easy' way while divorcing rather than a difficult one.

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       melbelposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you. Everyone offered amazing advice, but yours really reaches me. Thank you for your kind words.

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    annvansposted 14 years ago

    I agree, you should stay friends if possible.  Forgive and forget and make two lives easier and better!

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    Kentyposted 14 years ago

    I am sorry to hear about it,   hope you can feel better soon.just forgive and forget   to make two lives easier
    and better.
    
    
    
    I am a chinese,but  my teacher told me that American divorce is very common, and why did you felt sadness?

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    Mac Missionposted 14 years ago

    One thing i wanted to tell you.Why people get divorced? I am not hurting you, but i need to know the reason.  Divorce is not the only solutions for this.

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    Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

    Melbel, if you think that you have done everything that you could to save it, then you should have no regrets and go full speed ahead. Good Luck!

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    Daniel Carterposted 14 years ago

    Sorry you're going through this. I went through two and they were both absolutely brutal. I might as well have found a woman I didn't like from the beginning and bought her a house and furnished it. I've started over 3 times, and it's not easy, but I'm in a good place, wish them well, and am moving on.
    
    However, I know that doesn't take away the sting of what you are going through. If you can, encourage him to be rational and civil, to make it equitable for both of you. Now that the decision is made, all the other emotional issues are useless because nothing will be resolved between you. Just figure out how to move forward in as positive a way as possible.
    
    Best to you.

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    Poppa Bluesposted 14 years ago

    Don't know where you are with this now, but I will tell you I've been through it and I can say you will be fine! Everything works out for the best, not to worry!

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    prettydarkhorseposted 14 years ago

    hi Poppa blues!
    
    Hi melbel! maybe you are divorced already, but if not yet...just take it one day at a time and sooner you will be over it. Divorce is never easy, (emotionally and financially) specially if you have children. If you have children, they should be your focus now, both of you and your soon to be ex. keep your chin up and always smile!

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    Chloe Comfortposted 14 years ago

    Been through it myself. Just stay strong and hang in there. It will get worse before it gets better but it WILL get better. Believe in yourself and if you are sure that this is what you want, don't let anyone make you doubt yourself. You WILL make it through and have the life you deserve.

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