My mom needs a grandchild and my elder brother doesn't want to marry

1. 79

   accofrancoposted 15 years ago

   My mom needs a grandchild and my elder brother doesn't want to marry.What can we do?

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2. 77

   Mighty Momposted 15 years ago

   Not sure who you mean by "we" but assuming you have a wife, fiance or girlfriend, you could step to the plate and give her one. But honestly, I don't know anyone who "needs" a child. People want children. They pray for them. They do amazing things to be able to have them -- in vitro fertilization, adption, etc.
   I would suggest that your mother could become a foster grandparent or do other volunteer work with children until such time as your life circumstances change. Don't allow her to pressure you into having children before you are darned good and ready! It's a lot of responsibility.

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3. 0

   jjrubioposted 15 years ago

   Selfishness If I have ever heard it!!! How awful!
   
   First of all I can understand ones feeling of needing to keep the family going but honestly it isn't a neccessity to carry  on bringing children into the world on the sheer fact that the GRANDMA wants one...and the one who doesn't want kids, That's his/her choice. Not that I agree with it. I feel GOD put us on God's Green earth to "Fill the earth" but we also have "free will" in all aspects of the word. If someone doesn't wish to pro-create...then we CANNOT force them.
   
   Its all about compromise.....this is not our burden to take.....THATS THE BURDEN OF THE MOTHER-TO-BE and FATHER-TO- BE and no one else's.

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4. 85

   Marisa Wrightposted 15 years ago

   I agree with Mighty Mom. 
   
   Accofranco, you seem to have made a lot of posts on these forums in a very short time. It's nice to see your enthusiasm, but maybe I should clarify a couple of things:
   
   You earn money from your Hubs.  You don't earn anything from the Forums, or from making Requests.
   
   The Forums are a place to socialize with other Hubbers and expand your knowledge about Hubbing and working on the internet.   If you participate in existing discussions and post your Hubs in the "Hub Makeover" section for review, you'll find Hubbers will come and look at your work and comment. 
   
   However if you post lots of new threads all over the place, people will start to think you're attention-seeking and are actually more likely to ignore you!

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      accofrancoposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         actually u are right marisa,but these are things that border me so much that i am posting in forums to see how i can learn from others anyway.The matter that i just posted here concerning my mom and my eldest brother getting married

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5. 79

   accofrancoposted 15 years ago

   This matter seems to be a tomb in my family's flesh.U know we Africans care more for our siblings and extended family more than u westerners.So mom phoned me this morning that i should advice my brother.Because all he does is date ladies,break their hearts and dump,and mom can't this any longer,she wants him to settle down.So i post it on forum to get different people's opinion,so i can print it and post it to him to read,but if i did violate the rules here,plz forgive me,may be its bcos im a newbie here.Concerning making money,i knw money isn't made by posting on forums,and i'm nt basically here to make money though,becos by God's favor i have made it already.im here cos i love writing,but if money comes,i grab it anyway cos money is like sex,never can one get enough of it.Plz pardon me house members.Im working on a novel thats y i haven't got time to pub. a new hub,bt soonest,i will do that in numbers,just doing some researches.Thanks for your criticism.

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      darksideposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Interesting stereotype.
      
      Aren't you the one freaking out at the global reputation of Nigerians for scamming?

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      1. 79

         accofrancoposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            don't murder for nothing.Plz housemates,this is net,take it easy with me,don't send in sentiments or chauvinism here.I watch Jerry Springer's show,i watch Ricki Lake's show,i watch Judge Judy's reality shows and a million others,so i learnt my perspective about westerners and family relationship all these places,i also have some western friends here and there,i am sure of what i'm saying.No father,mother,sister,brother or so would sue another for:sex,money, or whatever issue,unless those influenced by western life through cultural integration.Unfortunately i have only travled to UAE Dubai.Plz i'm planning coming to the states for my master degree,i hope u people won't kill me,the way u all sound like swallowing up,just becos i shared my burden for help.

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            kerrygposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            Augh, SO not representative of real American culture. It would be like a tv show about Nigeria that focused exclusively on the scammers and the people who stone their daughters to death for getting raped.
            
            For a more realistic portrayal of how real Americans live, try a show like Friday Night Lights. Being television, there's still a heck of a lot more excitement packed into 22 hours of television than most real people experience in a year, but at least it's closer than the sensationalistic c*** on Jerry Springer!

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6. 79

   accofrancoposted 15 years ago

   As for me,i don't think i'm ready to father any child until the next 6 to 7 years when i should be through with my masters and Ph.D degress and strenghtening financially my foundation for ex-prisoners rehablitation and poor children,then i can think of being a father.Thank u to all of u for your good comments,advice,critcisms,suggestions,fan mails,guidiance and all of em,i appreciate u all,may God bless and flourish your efforts in life.But i've understood somthing here,HP forums isn't a friendly place to get friendly advice on personal burdens,it seems to be a home for online money moongers.Kudos & luck to all of u out there,such is life anyway.Thanks.

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      Marisa Wrightposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Oh dear, accofranco, I'm sorry you feel that way.  I can understand that this topic is important to you - the problem is, as I said, that you created a lot of new threads with questions, and I think some people assumed you only want to be noticed.  If you had just posted one or two questions, I'm sure you would get a completely different response.  I hope you give us another try.

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         AEvansposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Oh Dear ...

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      Abhishek87posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Dude, we understand that this issue is important for you but you need to understand too that although you may be completely honest in your attempts, there are hundreds of people who do this stuff for different reasons and hence people tend to be skeptical.
      
      As for the community, give it some time, take it easy, make some friends and enjoy. As Marisa said, in the internet world, most of the people who open new threads (or stuff like that) are not usually taken that seriously.
      
      Peace.

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7. 82

   LondonGirlposted 15 years ago

   "U know we Africans care more for our siblings and extended family more than u westerners."
   
   woah! Easy on the stereotyping there.....

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      WHoArtNowposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Darn, you beat me to it LG!

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8. 82

   WHoArtNowposted 15 years ago

   I read the original post expecting it to be a troll post. People come onto forums all the time, post something, and then there "friend" will come along a few posts later with an answer and a link to some company offering help. We see it a lot her, you see it a lot everywhere.
   
   The forums and community on here are second to none on the net. You just have to be careful with what you post. Sometimes people don;t want to see your families business. Others may just be confused as to why you posted in the Hubbers Hangout and not further down in the "families" section (which would have made more sense)
   
   On to your post, it sounds like you and your brother aren't ready for kids. That's your choice. Your mum wants some grand kids. Great for her, but it's not her choice, and not her place to try and pressure either you or your brother into having kids.
   
   Oh, and as a westerner, I take offence to you saying that African's care for their family more than us. I love my family more than anything in the world. I'm sure you can say the same thing, so I wouldn't say you care more, but more like the same. Don't judge (and stereotype) westerners as people who only care about themselves.

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9. 83

   SweetiePieposted 15 years ago

   accofranco,
   
   Although I do not think you should assume that Westerners do not care as much about their family as you do, I really did not think you were making that many forum posts when compared to some of the more active posters.  I think this is a big misunderstanding with all and everyone should just take a step back and relax.  It is just the Internet .

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10. 85

    kerrygposted 15 years ago

    accofranco, your family's situation sounds a lot like one in my husband's family at the moment. They come from a society where most marriages are arranged and the youngest brother is currently the only one of five siblings not married. He is 25 and still basically %^&*$#% anything with breasts yet his mom and sister are trying to pressure him into letting them find him a wife.
    
    Quite frankly, I think this is a terrible idea. Obviously, on a case-by-case basis, a happier ending might result, but my experience has been that even the most confirmed Casanovas will eventually decide it is time to settle down and until they do, there's very little point in trying to force them. If you do, you just end up with a miserable marriage - often an unfaithful marriage - so why add some innocent girl's (and quite possibly your brother's as well) misery to your mother's self-imposed unhappiness?
    
    Meanwhile, if you personally are more inclined towards fulfilling your mom's wishes, work on your studies and developing your financial independence, and try to find something for her to do so she doesn't dwell too much on her lack of grandchildren. (I know this kind of woman is almost impossible to dissuade from her goal - American would-be grandmothers are exactly the same - but some form of outside employment will help.)

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11. 62

    Mishaposted 15 years ago

    LOL He might word it not-so-smart, but give the guy a credit for ESL. I don't think he was trying to offend, he was just trying to explain his point...
    
    And this is undeniable fact that American society on average is much less oriented on extended family than more traditional societies, probably including Nigeria.

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       Rochelle Frankposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       You may be right, Misha, but I think the TV shows he mentions are not representative of  "typical American life", but rather, concentrate on the extremes of bad behavior for the 'entertainment value'.

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12. 79

    accofrancoposted 15 years ago

    May be i have committed a fallacy of generalization or Admisericordium adhominem,i appologize,but I am still confused as to the offence i committed to deserve all these criticisms,advice,corrections and infact wanting to wipe me off from HP or even this planet,plz i beg u all slow down.No cause for alarm.Pegridymegridy.Unu were ya wayo biko o.Ejim chineke nario unu.Abum kwam onye ekereke ka unu dum.Ndewoo nuo o! Jirinu wayo,enwee onye ma onye bu onye.Les petre von sa pondre a jasue ma' fuele` köntre eces`t cest equa.La mars sue la jeudi fue avril ma vendredi.Merci bouque

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13. 79

    accofrancoposted 15 years ago

    Don't say just that.I have up to 4 uncles and aunties living in usa and uk,they've all sent back their children to Nigeria because they are getting nasty and disoriented.Little family misunderstanding,a child would dial police and get his or her parents or siblings arrested and locked up.Little worries,a child or adult will murder his parents or neighbors.Little pressure,an adult will decide to take his own precious life or take gun and start to shoot others not concerned.Small troubles,a kid will run away from home.Minor quarrels,wife will sue her husband for divorce and demand for alimonies.All these and more can't happen in typical Nigerian family.We respect marriage,family,peace,unity and tradition except for the muslims among us.I'm proud of being a Nigerian with discipline and good cultural heritage.

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       LondonGirlposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       How would you like it if we said, "Brits are coming home from Nigeria. They are all scam-artists and 409 criminals".

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       darksideposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       The story so far...
       
       Nigeria = Good. Undeserved reputation for scamming.
       
       America = Bad. It corrupts Nigerians who go there.
       
       And next on the agenda, Muslims? They don't respect marriage, family, peace and unity?

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    sunforgedposted 15 years ago

    Although it is possible that African culture engenders a stronger sense of EXTENDED family...but his question is about immediate family...maybe just lost in translation.
    
    For some reason Im still expecting the hook, I think this is a long con.. im hoping that term will be lost in translation too

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       Mishaposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I got the same suspicion yesterday, but after watching a guy for a while I think he is just honestly trying to blend into the community, just doing it waaaaaay too fast

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          Sally's Troveposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Misha, I am of your thinking.
          
          accofranco, I read this forum thread and I scanned your Hubs.
          
          I think two things about what I read.
          
          First, I think your words about extended family are important, as is your original question about your mom wanting a grandchild.  Your message "hits home" to all people around the world.
          
          On the other hand, I feel that you are argumentative, but that may be because you've received an argumentative reaction from this forum.  And, your Hubs are difficult to follow (perhaps because English is not your first language).
          
          I would like to see this forum thread go on, because the issues you write about are important.
          
          Can the HubPages community attack the issues and not the person?

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    countrywomenposted 15 years ago

    If some one close to you has had bad experiences then generalizing based on that doesn't necessarily give a complete true picture. And the TV shows that you watch is for entertainment and that hardly represents the true entire American culture. I am an Indian and now residing in US now for almost 5 years. I find some traits like honesty (and truthfulness), open minded (about others views/culture) and politeness (even strangers smiling/greeting each other) is something that needs to be admired about American culture. I wish you come to the US(and do your further studies as I did) and then will have a first hand experience to realize for yourself so many things(which you are now just assuming). Please don't be apprehensive (based on a few "experiences" of yours both online/offline) and hopefully you will have a great time pursuing your education here. And in the end I would also like to add that US is the 3rd largest country in terms of population. As far as immigration(in absolute numbers) is concerned it is the number one country in the world. A country's greatness can be judged by how many people want to get out of it and how many people want to get into it. Have a great day my friend.

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    trish1048posted 15 years ago

    Bravo, Sally! 

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    countrywomenposted 15 years ago

    This thread side tracked a bit and I tried to elaborate on that. Btw I hope I didn't come across as attacking anyone and since I am also an immigrant I just thought I should provide my perspective. If anybody has been offended by my previous post then please accept my apologies

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    Mishaposted 15 years ago

    Come on CW-girl, I've yet to see you attacking anybody

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       countrywomenposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       It wasn't what I said(or meant) but it was based on what it seemed/appeared to others. I saw two posts after mine and was just a bit concerned about my initial post.  Thanks for the kind words.

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          Sally's Troveposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          CW, you never attack anyone.  You are a kind soul who leads others into new dimensions, if they are willing to follow.
          
          My comment was about the forums in general and how the forums can make some feel uncomfortable, or how the forums can make someone who has an important message, like accofranco's, get subsumed into an argument that is beside the point.
          
          I cherish your comments and Hubs, always.

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             countrywomenposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Sally- Thanks for the clarification. And also thanks a lot to you and Misha for all the kind words/appreciation

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19. 71

    AEvansposted 15 years ago

    accofranco,
    We thank you for asking so many questions and in regards to your brother not wanting to marry, unfortunately it would be up to you to marry and give her a grandchild. I understand that the culture is different over in Africa opposed to the U.S. as most grandmothers here, accept the fact that they may not be grandparents, regardless if they like it or not. Marriage is not for everyone, just as much as being married. Nobody at HP means any harm in the forums , they are only trying to guide you, Maybe what you could do is create one subject and break it down into what you are asking. For Ex:  101 Questions I need to know but I am afraid to ask, or write an article about you and you are welcome to use the subject and we will respond on your page. Just an idea, we love having you here and I hope that you do not take anything to heart.

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20. 79

    accofrancoposted 15 years ago

    Come to scam,usa is no 1.For the first time in human history,one person was able to fraud his fellow countrymen over a billion dollars through financial scam- tribute to Madoff.But the world wants to crusify poor shrewd Nigerians for penny-worth scams,when Europeans riped us,exploited our lands,resources,and Americans slaved our forefathers for years,using them like animals to flourish the so-called new America,yet we cried not,instead we hoped only in God and future,to reward and console us.But now,at just some penny-worth scams by some unworthy Nigerians,entire Westerners are crying like...can u people feel the pains?This is just a 1% of the pains we feel for what westerners did to us in the past.You colonized us,u taught us the evil ways and the said corruptions,we were ignorant,u guys opened our eyes,in your quest to exploit us more,you get cunned,who gets the blame?

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21. 79

    accofrancoposted 15 years ago

    Now America is waging war here and there,no one seems to complain,but let Nigeria do it,the whole feeble-minded world would shed tears crying like pranks.Learn to be strong and wise,stop complaining,u westerners complain alot.Whatever hardship,economic and technological set-backs we are facing today in Africa,the tribute goes to Westerners,especially Europe and America.Germans destroyed the world through Hitler and co,western world rehearsed the stories as a timeless history,escalating money from it,nobody crusified Germans for that.America arrests,jail,torture and murder middle easterns on the secret code of war against terrorism,no one condemns them,rather your money and politically-controlled TV's flag them over their networks as news,digging money out of it to better your countries.Please you all should think twice.I thank God China,Iran and North Korea are coming up,watch PRESS TV war & live documentaries,you will see the atrocities usa has committed on this planet.

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22. 79

    accofrancoposted 15 years ago

    Again,Americans committed a world historic genocide in Japan- dropping the mushroom atomic bomb,yet japan forgave them.U westerners enslaved our forefathers,using them like camels yet,we forgave u all.But at just penny-worth scams,all westerners wants to froze Nigeria and wipe them off entirely (an impossibility),u cut off all our online legal revenue sources,just for nothing.Imagine this wicked act,Paypal rejects Nigerians from opening account with them from Nigeria,for just penny-worth scams that can be easily controlled and managed.Tell me, what PAYPAL did,by not allowing a million innocent Nigerians like me to open a paypal account,is it good and fair to all concerned?(i don't know if any ROTARY member is here,God bless Paul Harris).Be honest to yourselves and don't bring in racism or prejudice into this matter,or back off.But if they like,they should block all our internet access and communication,we must survive and shine,God is alive!

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       darksideposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       You seem to be doing a fine job bringing it all on your own.
       
       Peace out.

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       gamergirlposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Hubpages is an awesome place to learn, write, and make friends along the way.
       
       It is NOT a platform for racial/national bias or anything of that sort.
       
       Please think about that when you post.

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       Mark Knowlesposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I think that is stretching the truth somewhat. My western forefathers probably bought slaves from Africans who had enslaved other Africans. And slavery continues to this day in Africa. So I suggest you get down off your high horse and take a look at what is currently going on in Africa before blaming it all on the evil westerners.

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    accofrancoposted 15 years ago

    AEvans,u seem to be the only one in a billion,u are the queen of hubpages,God bless u for that and i can't wait to crown u or witness it soon.Please if u care,contact me,let me tell u how to send me one of your pictures,so i can make a portrait of u,so u can scan it in here for others to see u soar higher and higher like Eagle,the queen of HP,AEvans.

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    Lisa HWposted 15 years ago

    It occurs to me that one way to get try to get traffic is to write something ridiculous and insulting and maybe get people to go check out someone's profile page and/or read a few Hubs.    Of course, even if that were to work for a "moment or two", it probably won't work for too long; because Google frowns on "hate" writing.  I, personally, am very proud of my perfectly kind, decent, American family and children who don't hate whole groups of people without knowing them.
    
    I would think someone aiming to get a Ph.D. would have the ability to reason out that all members of any culture/nationality are individuals; and that all Americans today do not even have ancestors who had anything to do with slavery, either because their ancestors were not in the country at the time, or because their ancestors may have actually been sickened at the thought of slavery.

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    accofrancoposted 15 years ago

    Thanks to all of you out there.I love you all! God knows that,even if you don't believe in God,whatever you believe in,knows that i have a very open mind in all i am saying.Ofcourse i have lots of western friends and my family a swiss family friend too.To you,Vladmir,Anelka,Jackie,Sussie,Lennon and my best friend Chester in russia,usa,uk,germany and swiss,i love u alk and yet,i love america,i will be there soon,please do welcome me with love.I never meant to provoke any its just that some folks tried to take me to our pains and past,u know i read alot of history,documentaries and em all about western world,cos i love them,all i want is a peaceful pari persu world.A world with peace,love,forgiveness and success for all.Forgive me if i did ofend u with my comments,i am sorry and on my knees.Have mercy all.Thank you all.Hands down!

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