Honesty is a must first with self, I am not sure if we can really say that we are brutally honest with ourselves, being tactful is not lying, i can only see it as giving others space to grow in a nurturing environment.
I mean, here is a time when I am blunt: my best friend keeps making the same stupid mistake over and over again and its not only affecting her life, but the life of her kids. She comes to me everytime to cry on my shoulder. Finally, I've had enough and tell her straight out "you need professional help, you are ruining your life, which is fine because its your choice, but now you are also ruining the lives of your children, which is not ok because they didn't choose this life and don't deserve it." She is shocked at my bluntness, but needed to hear it straight.
But when there are times that honesty can be employed with tactfulness, it is usually the best way to be sure not to unnecessarily hurt anyone.
I remember having a friend when I was little who was brutally honest. I had a problem with my jaw and couldn't eat food without chewing side to side instead of up and down. My friend didn't know I had a medical problem and outright told me that I chewed like a cow chewing his cud and that I should stop. That comment affected me for the rest of my life. I was always hyper conscious of the way I ate and embarrassed to eat in front of people.
anyways, like I said, tact can go a long way in protecting people from getting their feelings hurt.
I'm interested in relaying a message that needs to be made and the impact of said message needs to be understood. If someone get their feelings hurt by the "words", then they need to re-evaluate themselves. Nothing more, nothing less.
If someone says some words, and you get hurt, then apparently you let those words hurt you. Again, nothing more and nothing less.
Honesty is very important to me. Anyone who has read any of my hubs or poetry knows that I value it highly, especially in relationships. There is nothing I dislike more than a liar or a cheat. I speak from the heart, openly and frankly to my family and friends and being a business woman, I deal honestly and fairly with both my employees and my customers.
However, I must say that I draw the line at being "brutal" about anything. As a cancer survivor, I know something about being on the receiving end of brutal honesty and there were times when a little bit of sugar might have made the medicine go down a little smoother. I think there are times when a "little white lie" might be perfectly justified. One must decide for oneself which serves the greater good.
Not that I'm making a case for dishonesty, but things are not always either black or white and sometimes people can become a little bit self-righteous or even arrogant about certain virtues.
WOW! really holy cow ... I'm actually working on a hub on honesty right now .so .this is a trip ......... anyway .my PHD Psychologist said I am the most Honest person she has ever met in her entire life! So, well, comming from a PHD......guess I'm one hell of a honest person
My honesty in telling my ex's wife (who has left him already and contacted me asking questions) has led to a family uproar (the ex's family) and a court date. They even want to fly me out to testify against statements she made in court that weren't completely honest. If they're paying for the flight, I'll go but I will not lie on that stand and they aren't going to like what I have to say about their precious, flawless son. I don't want to get involved but both sides are demanding it. I guess if the judge says I have to be there, I'll go. The ex's ex has twisted some of what I told her and I don't mind straightening that out but in the process of doing so, I will be forced to reveal skeletons that they don't know about. I hate the situation I'm in right now but honesty got me there and I won't go back on it.
I'm very honest, but I'm also diplomatic and am concerned with the feelings of others. If a friend is wearing a shirt that doesn't look good on her, and she asks me how it looks on her, I would probably respond with something like, "I like your blue blouse much better."
honesty is usually the best policy, but, total honesty would bring the world to a halt, if not send it down in flames. Besides, if our politicos were totally honest, they wouldn't be able to get elected
I'm only honest because I am paranoid. I would very much rather be dishonest, but it is just too complicated for me. I can barely remember the truth, let alone make something up.
I do however, try to tell my wife what I think she wants to hear rather than what I think as this is probably better for my health, and she might win the lotto someday and I would rather have some of that than tell the truth.
When she asks me if her new outfit makes her look fat, I answer, "No. Not at all." But I leave the rest out: "It is not your outfit that makes you look fat, it is your fat behind and your sagging arms and protruding belly that makes you look fat."
Do you think this color looks good on me? "Yes it does dear." But then again it would look good on the side of a barn.
Do you think I have used too much make-up? "No dear, not at all." You wouldn't be using too much if you added two more pounds of the stuff.
Would it be okay if I went to visit my sister for a few days? "Of course, dear. Here's a couple hundred bucks, enjoy yourself." Maybe you could stay about 6 months, you and that old bat could maybe could walk around the city and scare children with your horrible faces.
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