Original Poetry or Sweet Revenge?

1. 68

   DJ Funktualposted 16 years ago

   Greetings from Senor Smartypants, the cranky know-it-all with the goofy smile!!!!
   The one thing I DON'T KNOW is if these are any good.
   If you have experience with Poetry and don't mind giving constructive criticism to an amateur in this realm it would be appreciated.
   
   FOLLOW-UP
   Is it wrong to publish poetry here?  Is it out of place?  Self-indulgent?
   I'm prepared to hear the truth about this.  I've got other talents that need work so.....
   Should  I continue to bother? 
   I haven't written a good one in over a year and I'm trying to decide...
   
   http://hubpages.com/hub/Rollercoaster-P … J-Funktual   
   
   http://hubpages.com/hub/Little-Lives-A- … ional-Poem
   
   http://hubpages.com/hub/A-Cunnilingus-P … J-Funktual
   
   http://hubpages.com/hub/THE-WAITER---A- … J-Funktual
   
   http://hubpages.com/hub/Current-Events- … m-about-US
   
   http://hubpages.com/hub/Getting-High-Al … y-Pathetic
   
   
   I'm prepared for honest criticism. 
   
   If I ever insulted you in any way with my gigantic ego, here's your chance for sweet revenge.
   
   Is this something I should continue to do?

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   1. 67

      Stacie Naczelnikposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      Do you mean in this forum thread, or on hubpages in general?
      
      I would say it is totally cool to publish it on hubpages, and ask for critique here.  But, that's just my opinion.
      
      DJ, I'll check your poems out tomorrow.  I'm about to stumble to bed now.  Have you checked out the poetry of other hubbers?  There is quite a bit of great stuff.

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      1. 68

         DJ Funktualposted 16 years agoin reply to this

         I meant this forum AND HubPages actually.  Wasn't sure if this was just for newbies or for technical questions.  I figured Maddie'd let me know if I goofed.  I've only read poetry stuff through the forums. 
         
         I make waaay to many hubs for anyone to believe i read anything, but I do.

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   2. 68

      DJ Funktualposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      No other poetry people?

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2. 60

   Ryan Hupferposted 16 years ago

   Personally, I dig poetry...I say stick with it.
   
   I'll check out your poetry tomorrow - time to crash....going to be an early morning.

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3. 67

   Stacie Naczelnikposted 16 years ago

   So, I've only looked at two so far, but I've noticed some spelling and grammar errors. 
   
   (Caution: English major/Grammar Police entering the building...actually, I edit a lot of papers, stories, and poetry and participate in workshops and writing groups, so I just can't help myself.)
   
   lead vs. led
   
   In Little Lives, you have ex's instead of exes (first is possessive form, second is plural).
   
   Rollercoaster, you misspelled plunge.  There are also some places where punctuation might help the flow.
   
   I like to read poetry, but rarely write it because it is a lot more work than I thought before seriously trying to write it.  I've taken two poetry classes (one with Washington's poet laureate before he was the laureate, and he is the most amazing poetry reader I've ever met--he could make the script of a beer commercial sound like the most beautiful poem you ever heard), and am still amazed at how much concentration goes into finding the perfect word or how one comma can completely change the meaning of a poem.
   
   With your passion for music, I think you can pick up the small rhythm jerks in Little Lives.  A few times I was knocked out (third stanza, line two is the one that jerked me out of the rhythm the most).  Have you tried reading it aloud?  Might help.

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   1. 68

      DJ Funktualposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      Little Lives - The LED's are completely intentional.  First is lives I lead.  Second one is "LIVES I'VE LED (into some direction that suited me) The idea is that I had been treating their lives as Little, which is of course..bad.
      
      Grammar used to be a freind of mine.
      
      Every word matters that's for sure.

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      1. 67

         Stacie Naczelnikposted 16 years agoin reply to this

         Which would be fine, but the first line of the poem is:
         
         "I've lead a lot of little lives"
         
         not "I lead a lot of little lives" 
         
         It either needs to be "led" or get rid of the "I've" and make it "I"
         
         The way it is now, it just looks like you've misspelled led.

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4. 68

   DJ Funktualposted 16 years ago

   In other words - The first line is grammatically incorrect right now? 
   
   Are you sure?   I am almost positive I am spelling right for each case. 
   
   Lead is the past tense for the verb "to lead".  Isn't it? 
   
   The life you lead.  and if you believe in reincarnation....
   The lives you've lead.   
   
   That's not right?   It's LED?   Fa' real?
   
   i'm saying I lead a little lifetime with each person I dated.

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5. 67

   Stacie Naczelnikposted 16 years ago

   When you’re hit over the head, the instrument could be a “lead” pipe. But when it’s a verb, “lead” is the present and “led” is the past tense.
   In a sentence like “She led us to the scene of the crime,” always use the three-letter spelling.
   
   http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/lead.html

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6. 68

   DJ Funktualposted 16 years ago

   Thanks for your help Stacie.  I do appreciate it believe me.  I thought we had more poets around here.  I have found that the best critics for poetry are other poets because we all make the same mistakes as we evolve in the process, so we can identify rhythmic mis-steps and bulky imagery seemingly easier.

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   1. 60

      Ryan Hupferposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      I can definitely get into some poetry...maybe we should write a quick one together about your profile picture?
      
      First couple lines:
      
      DJ Funktual, what an interesting dude,
      He's sometimes really crazy, but not ever rude.
      
      He can make some weird faces, which make him look crazy,
      Before I knew he was kidding I thought that his eyes were just lazy.
      
      Who's next?

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7. 68

   DJ Funktualposted 16 years ago

   oh dear.

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8. 61

   Brainstormerposted 16 years ago

   Poetry At HubPages.                   What a good idea. 
   
   Do the rules say anything about creative and perhaps even fictional writing being not allowed? Personally I think HubPages is the perfect place to vent our creative frustrations and this forum the ideal place to get them critiqued. So many writers crammed into such a small portion of cyberspace.
   
   On the subject of your poetry. I didn't get a single line but then I never do.

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9. 91

   Paragliderposted 16 years ago

   Greetings - I've posted a few poems as hubs, but mostly I prefer keeping my poetry to my own website where I have control of appearance, layout etc. And ads. I don't much like ads on poetry pages. Usually, poems work best on a clean slate, without surrounding clutter.
   
   One small tip for poetry in a hub - If you format the whole thing as header 4, it looks like a poem normally should, with single line spaces and a sensible font. Like this one.
   
   I actually quite like the format of the forums for presenting a poem, and from time to time I'll drop one in by way of commentary.
   
   One drawback with poems as hubs is that most poems are too short to notch up a decent hubscore and so tend to sink pretty fast.
   
   Should you (DJ) carry on writing/posting them? Yes, of course. Stacie is absolutely right that to be accepted for 'serious' publication, there should be no residual typos, etc., so its always a good idea to spend the extra time editing.

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10. 68

    DJ Funktualposted 16 years ago

    Hey thanks Paraglider.

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11. 68

    DJ Funktualposted 16 years ago

    Still here, and still looking for feedback.

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