Angry email from a hub reader

1. 78

   Mighty Momposted 11 years ago

   Today I received my first offline "complaint" from a reader.
   This person didn't leave a comment on the hub itself, but chose to write me privately through HP to chastise me for failing to cover the topic to her satisfaction.
   Notwithstanding this hub is based on my personal experience, this reader leveled all sorts of accusations at me, including
   1. My hub title is misleading
   2. As the mother of a boy, I should be ashamed to exclude boys/men from my discussion
   3. My hub perpetuates gender bias
   4. Don't I know about all these statistics related to the (general) topic of my hub as it relates to males? (Actually, no, I don't. And even if I did, it's my hub and I can write what I want. The hub is PERSONAL).
   
   I'm used to handling snide and off the wall comments.
   But this was over the top.
   Anyone else experienced this kind of disgruntled reader??
   I did report it to HP.
   
   MM

   replyreport
   1. 94

      wildernessposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I haven't gotten an email like that yet, but I would probably ignore it.  Save it for future use if additional emails are received, but ignore it for now.
      
      Too many times people use the net just to vent because they've had a bad day.  It's probably nothing more than that.

      replyreport
      1. 0

         Emerald Strachanposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         MM, I am really sorry to hear that a reader actually abused you like that. If the person is a HP member you can report them.
         
         I think now that we have our own subdomains we should also have mailboxes where we recieve mails instead of through our own personsl email accounts.

         replyreport
   2. 60

      logic,commonsenseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Probably some left wing radical that thinks you owe her.  Watch out, she may start a movement such as 'Occupy Hubs'! 

      replyreport
      1. 78

         Mighty Momposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         You made me LOL with that.
         THANK YOU!!!

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   3. 61

      FloraBreenRobisonposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      ignore the reader for now. If the person contacts you again, notify hubpages you are being harassed.

      replyreport
   4. 79

      JamaGeneeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      MM, sounds like either a new hubber or someone who doesn't play well with others in any venue, cyberspace OR Real World. Personally, I would've told him/her to write their own hub on the topic...and be sure to include a link to your hub that inspired it!

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      1. 68

         Moon Willow Lakeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         I completely agree with this! I also think the "complainer" should write their own hub on the topic.
         
         Personally, I've received only a few emails, and most of them compliments. The only one that wasn't was from someone who had very low quality writing skills. I ignored that one. That person was trying to get me to read an incredibly long article on that subject (nothing negative though). The interesting thing about it is that it was in response to a comment I made on someone else's hub rather than one of my hubs. To each his/her own, I guess.
         
         I wish you well on a positive resolution!

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   5. 69

      Pearldiverposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      NOPE.... But then I don't promote Gender Bias as well as you do
      
      But I can Snap or Trump you with several Exceptionally Disturbing Forum Bans!

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   6. 62

      Greek Oneposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      i get that all the time.. I just assume it is an ex-girlfriend and write it off to sour grapes

      replyreport
      1. 78

         Mighty Momposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         That's it! A jilted ex girlfriend!!
         Thanks, GO!

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      2. 79

         JamaGeneeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         

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   7. 60

      ostikay1234posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You just need to ignore the person and continue writing and never let such comments weigh you down.

      replyreport
   8. 67

      ma45frostposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I have never received such email yet.  However, I have received several emails from readers asking me to do a favor after I posted a comment in one of hubpages articles.  What do you do when this happens?

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      1. 78

         Mighty Momposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         I guess it depends on the nature of the "favor."
         If it's someone whose hub YOU have commented on, you obviously have an interest in their topic. Is their request related to the topic? Or more personal?
         
         I try to help other hubbers whenever I can.
         Within reason.
         Does that answer your question at all????

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         1. 67

            ma45frostposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Yes, their request is something related to the topic and to me, it is something personal too, like asking for something they don't have.  I am not sure if they were hubbers too or just some readers who surf the web looking for an answer to their problem.

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   9. 0

      coreymcclellandposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      All you need to do is just ignore that person, delete the email, and move on. Do whatever you want to do with your hubs, its your life, not theirs!
      
      Its not about how its written, its about what is being sayed.

      replyreport
      1. 78

         Mighty Momposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         So true.
         Better to just not engage.
         I can't tell you how many scathing responses I've written over the years.
         When I'm "self-medicated" I am able to delete without sending. Just getting the venom out of me is enough.
         But I'm very imperfect and sometimes can't help myself.
         
         Hearing other hubbers' experiences and advice does help!
         Thanks to ALL.
         MM

         replyreport
   10. 89

       Dorsiposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       That's interesting MM. I've had readers contact me for other reasons but not to complain. I have had some critical comments though, which I posted as long as they didn't cuss me out.
       Keep your head up! It's just one reader of your many readers..she must have had a bad day!

       replyreport
2. 80

   tsmogposted 11 years ago

   Wow! I earnestly keep trying to get one of those. I work hard at it when writing my hubs, answering questions, and posting at the forums. How did you manage to do that?
   
   I got them all the time at another place. At first I got pretty angry. Then they kept coming. I changed my email finally canceling out that one. But, I am in the extreme whatever there.(I won't disclose where).
   
   I have not received one here. Generally I find here if they don't like your hub they just vote it down. But, you must have struck a chord. You or any hubber do not deserve that type of response. I feel offended by it. I support you for reporting it and I admire you for sharing this experience.
   
   All I can say is at least it was a 'personal' response and not an organized one. Delete it and go on your way sounds too simple. Write about it without specificity is another way. Many will listen to you here, you are a leader here by default. As a leader, writer, you don't have to toss out that you have a voice, which is subject to the same tos and hubpages guidelines. They don't change because you have a '98' by your name and wear a cape.
   
   You know me enough to know I will rant if given opportunity. I apologize to you for it. There is a difference between 'power' and 'force' even Star Wars teaches us this. You did it MM. That is what counts.
    
   

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3. 63

   Lisa HWposted 11 years ago

   I've gotten at least two (that are memorable) of that type. (I've gotten some really, really, nice ones, too, though - and a few more of those than "mean" ones  .)
   
   For the most part, the mean ones I got were essentially telling me all the things I "must be"; and why someone (like that imagined person I "must be") doesn't "know anything about anything".  One of my "favorite" (sacarsm, of course) things in life (online or off - and it has happened offline too) is to have someone first imagine something about me that just isn't what I am - and then to get angry at, or hate, me for whatever it is they've imagined I am, do, or think.    
   
   With both of the ones I got, I had the time (and twisted desire) to pick apart each little thing they said, address it with reason (and reasons why what they said could be proven wrong), and at least (if nothing else) feel as I had the chance to address the issues.
   
   One of them wrote back and had started to turn to nice, but still had questions (which I then answered).  After the second round of "issues" and polite replies we apparently parted as friends.      I never heard from the other one again.
   
   Basically, when someone's being unreasonable and ridiculous, it's a piece of cake to prove them wrong (and why), so for the person who gets a little twisted pleasure from letting someone like that know why he's wrong, it's a pretty effortless thing to indulge that pleasure with a polite but reasonable e.mail.  "Twisted pleasure" aside, I figure it doesn't take a lot of work to write back and let the person know he's had had his "concerns" addressed.  I'd rather not get involved with e.mailing over Hubs, but it hasn't happened to me that often.  Up to a point, I don't really mind addressing complaints/issues/concerns.  They don't happen all that often. I figure it's just a matter of time before that kind of thing happens (again).  (I've actually had another Hubber send me a far worse e.mail      THAT, I didn't bother addressing.  The person was angry (or something).  No point fanning flames.)
   
   It wasn't an e.mail, but a commenter once said s/he hoped to meet me in person so s/he could punch my face.  Then, though, the person suggested that I "must be some nerdy computer girl" and wasn't interested in doing any face-punching.  Seeing some version of a silver lining to all things:  At my age, having someone think I'm a "nerdy computer girl" was kind of flattering in a pathetic way. 

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   1. 80

      tsmogposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You are a 'nerdy computer girl?' (jesting) I thought you were a seasoned detective peering at me on the opposite side of the interrogation table - I'm guilty, I confess. However, your hubs point to diversity. I never judge the cookie without tasting the chocolate chips, sweet raisins, or macadamia nuts too. M'm, M'm I like your Bakery.

      replyreport
4. 80

   ngurecoposted 11 years ago

   I once got one that said, "no offense meant, but you sir, are an idiot" I was advised by Waynet  that such things should not bother me...that trolls are everywhere online and offline...that the best thing I can do is to shrug it off like I am not bothered. Since then, such things do not bother me. After all, this is internet.

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   1. 63

      Lisa HWposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        I love the one you got ngureco.  A few months ago I got a very succinct, "You sound stupid."     (and apparently, this one DID "mean offense"    )

      replyreport
5. 81

   SweetiePieposted 11 years ago

   Years ago I received some really weird emails, but most of these have stopped coming.  I have realized over time there are a lo of disgruntled people who use the Internet to vent their rages.  Just read some of the messages people send celebrities on Twitter, and you will see what I mean.

   replyreport
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      Cardiaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I remember a few weeks ago a woman tweeted Anderson Cooper repeatedly and called him all sorts of vulgar things, and he replied simply "My! You sound charming!"

      replyreport
6. 81

   LeanManposted 11 years ago

   I often get very rude and abusive comments and emails because of my Saudi Arabian hubs, especially my hub about dating saudi girls!! I wish I could publish the comments but they would lower the tone of the various hubs and I would get banned by google and HP.. lol
   
   I have been told that we in the west (and me specifically) do all sorts of things with our mothers, sisters, daughters, and dogs quite graphically!! The comments are really quite sad and show the minds of some of the readers are in need of some serious help!
   
   But............. Ignore them!!! I don't care what they think, if they want to have a true debate about the content of my hubs then fine, but out and out abuse I ignore!

   replyreport
7. 95

   PaulGoodman67posted 11 years ago

   I have received one 'question' written in shouting capital letters, that I ignored.
   
   It has to be admitted though, that as a reader, I have seen (company excepted) quite a few hubs and other websites on topics that I am familiar with that are factually wrong and I think that it's reasonable to point this out.

   replyreport
8. 62

   Dale Mazurekposted 11 years ago

   Dont sweat the small stuff.  You know your writing is great.

   replyreport
9. 92

   habeeposted 11 years ago

   MM, I agree with Dale. I've had a couple of sort of nasty emails from readers who obviously didn't read the the hub they were commenting on. For example, in a hypothetical hub about Shetland ponies, I'd say something like "Based on my own experience, Shetland ponies are often stubborn and spirited, but each pony is an individual, so I'm sure there are some wonderful Shetland ponies out there. Maybe we just got a few bad ones." I might get a comment like "How can you say all Shetland ponies are mean? We have one that's wonderful. You shouldn't make blanket statements like that!" I'm like, DUH! Did you even read the hub??

   replyreport
10. 0

    RookerySpoonerposted 11 years ago

    I have not received such an abusive response on HubPages.  However, I did once on the Richard Dawkins site.  I had started a forum post, where I admitted that even though I am an atheist, I very much missed my former Christian faith.  I received a response which told me to f--k off, and included other angry abuse of a similar nature.  I did report it to the team, however they informed me that this person had the right to his response.  I did not agree, and thought the fact that the Richard Dawkins site is run by atheists might make it a very biased place against anyone who expressed any religious feeling, even if like me they are an atheist themselves.  The foul language used did upset me for a time, and I made a complaint to the team and removed my profile from the site.  Whilst a forum is an exchange of views, between people who disagree most strongly, it should not encourage people to abuse others, simply because they do not share their beliefs. Some people are just nasty, and use the Internet to abuse people in a way that they wouldn't dare to face-to-face.

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    1. 95

       PaulGoodman67posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Swearing and abusive language, even personal comments (unlesss a particular case is made for their relevance) should not be accepted on any forum in my opinion.   If what you describe is accurate, then the Dawkins website team, or a particular individual, are at fault, methinks.
       
       And I am an atheist too.

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11. 86

    rebekahELLEposted 11 years ago

    so very true.
    
    I've read a number of questionable hubs; anyone can write anything now and think they're an expert! Mostly I find this with medical or health related hubs.
    
    I wouldn't let it bother you, MM.

    replyreport
12. 61

    Disturbiaposted 11 years ago

    No, have never had that kind of response and since I keep my email private, if someone has something to say, they can say it in the comments or forever hold their peace. I'm sorry you had such a negative experience, please don't let it bring you down.

    replyreport
13. 88

    livelongerposted 11 years ago

    MM, I've gotten them a couple of times, too, and for really pointless things (you get worked up over the way I make yogurt? really?!). I would get much more annoyed if it were something I was more emotionally invested in, so I can understand your feelings.
    
    Unfortunately, the Net is full of cranks and loons, and it requires very little to fire off an insensitive and rude email. I'd consign it to where it belongs: your trash folder.

    replyreport
    1. 78

       Mighty Momposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       That's exactly it, LL.
       This is a very emotionally charged hub written about my own personal experience with rape. So she's basically writing to vilify a rape victim!
       
       The woman is obviously deranged. I've now gotten 3 separate emails from her.
       It's a little bit like some posters to the religious and political forums -- rabidly zealous and focused in her own belief system and determined to "prove" me wrong no matter what.
       Logic is useless.
       Think it's time for the "block" button.

       replyreport
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          wildernessposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          Yes it is.  If you're still getting new emails it's time to take some action.  Get that account blocked.

          replyreport
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             FloraBreenRobisonposted 11 years agoin reply to this

             how do you do that????????????

             replyreport
             1. 78

                Mighty Momposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                This woman is emailing me on the email account associated with my Hub Pages account. Because I have my HP settings open to private contact (and frankly, often get some really cool private comments).
                So she is sending from her email address to mine.
                In my email settings I can select her email and put "block all emails from this address" so that if she emails me again (I've politely warned her to go get a life) I won't even see the email.
                
                The craziest thing on all of this is she has not bothered to leave a comment on the hub where it could actually educate others. That's why I think she's kinda wack.

                replyreport
                1. 61

                   FloraBreenRobisonposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                   thanks for the directions.  It is bizarre that she hasn't  commented on the hub itself.

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                   recommend1posted 11 years agoin reply to this

                   I don't see the one email being such a big deal, if someone has an extremely  opposing view or thinks what you have written is dangerous or misleading or whatever.  More than one really only indicates that the extreme view is an obsession,  loads would indicate more serious mental issues I guess
                   
                   And - it is just one click to delete it without even bothering to read it I think ?

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                   1. 78

                      Mighty Momposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                      No can do that.
                      Curiosity kills cats.
                      It also kills my productivity on a regular basis

                      replyreport
                3. 75

                   Cardiaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                   Just a question - How exactly do you change your email settings on Hubpages, so that no one can contact you via your actual email?

                   replyreport
                   1. 78

                      Sally's Troveposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                      my account > Profile > Email Settings
                      
                      This stops folks from "contacting" you privately via HubPages. But if you contact someone else the same way, your email address is revealed to the sendee. I don't think there's any way to block it. HP posts a warning about this when you contact someone through HP.

                      replyreport
                      1. 68

                         Moon Willow Lakeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                         Yes, it is correct your email gets revealed when replying back. I actually purposefully planned for this. I allow people to contact me and have a specific email for hubpages for that reason. I also set up my email so that whenever I reply to someone, it will never reveal my name; it instead reveals only Moon Willow Lake as my name.
                         I just thought I'd throw that info out there in case anyone else wants to do that too.

                         replyreport
14. 0

    Onusonusposted 11 years ago

    I changed my setting so no one can contact me through E-Mail on this sight after I got some creepy letters.

    replyreport
15. 72

    KeithTaxposted 11 years ago

    I had a guy threaten me because I refused to send him free stuff. He also spammed two of my hubs. I thought it made good reading so I allowed a few to post. Anything with foul language was cut. You can see a few on my "Coke Rewards" hubs. He even threatened to beat me up if I did not comply.

    replyreport
16. 75

    Anna Marie Bowmanposted 11 years ago

    I swear, some people are just nuts!!  Plain and simple...nuts.  I have gotten a few strange emails, even a few harsh comments.  I just sort of brush it off.

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17. 85

    donotfearposted 11 years ago

    I've never had a personal attack from a private message but I've certainly had the shame & blame laid on me in a few hubs. I got a real beating....oh well, I approved the comments and moved on.

    replyreport
18. 95

    leahleflerposted 11 years ago

    Fortunately, I've never gotten an email from a whacko through HP - I hope blocking the sender solves the problem. Mean people suck (and crazy people can be a little scary)!
    
    I have had comments and nasty emails (ironically, from a video of my son hearing for the first time with his hearing aids) - some people are just jerks and I delete the comments and emails.

    replyreport
19. 88

    Nell Roseposted 11 years ago

    Don't worry, I get the realy weird ones! I had a comment on a hub about an historical lady, who after so called reading all the hub, and it was a long hub! believe me! then turned around in comments and said something like, 'you do realise that you say 'he got fed up WITH it, instead of, OF it!!!' I thought WHAT? didn't realise that I was back at ######! school! the rest of the hub was perfectly good spelling and grammar, in fact the OF it bit was right anyway! so I spent half hour writing an 'essay' back, then deleted it before pressing the comment accept button! lol

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    1. 78

       Sally's Troveposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       about deleting your "essay" before accepting the comment. Been there, done that. After about a half-hour, as you say, it finally hits me that the effort is not worth the energy. I have better things to do!
       
       I look at these often derogatory and off-the-wall comments and emails as learning experiences, not so much for myself, but for the sender. When that much garbage gets slung in your direction, a simple "thank you for your comments" or a no-response (refusal to engage) lets them know their words were powerless.
       
       Somebody else's anger doesn't have to infect you or me. Thanks for sharing!

       replyreport
20. 75

    Cardiaposted 11 years ago

    Wow, I never really thought of people being so hostile to writers on Hubpages, but then again as it is the Internet, I am not that surprised. Some people just honestly have nothing better to do than harrass others over the Internet.

    replyreport
21. 76

    ubanichijiokeposted 11 years ago

    So sad to hear tha MM, be strong. Just ignore the message. Thanks

    replyreport
22. 64

    Andme26posted 11 years ago

    open email and click
    
    forward
    
    
    send

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23. 0

    klarawieckposted 11 years ago

    In Russia that would be considered a love letter.

    replyreport
    1. 80

       ngurecoposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       That's sound funny. May you, please, elaborate?

       replyreport
       1. 0

          klarawieckposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          I've had many russian friends. I know!

          replyreport
24. 64

    Lady_Eposted 11 years ago

    What a Chicken...
    
    I wonder why they couldn't just post it on your Hub.
    
    Aaaawh... don't let it get to you.

    replyreport
    1. 0

       Arlene V. Pomaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Lots of cowards on the Internet.  What works for me is that those same people have stupid pen names.  I can't take take their comments personal because they have published three Hubs or even less and don't know anything about tact and diplomacy on HubPages.  Don't take these cowards personal.  I don't hit that DENY key and let them talk their trash.  In the meantime, I am falling out laughing because with pen names like that, who the hell could take these cowards seriously?  I will fire back at them.  Depending on my mood.  But cowards are cowards.  They aren't going to stick around for your answer.  That's the way it goes with cowards.  But I do remember names and wouldn't spend my time reading their work.  That is, if they can last that long on HubPages.

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