Has anyone received hateful or derogatory email from another hubber? What did you do?
I woke up with one this morning, while it is perfectly just to disagree with one's view on a subject, I don't believe it needed to be taken as far as "this hubber" did.
Yes, I reported it to Hubpages via email, but then wondered what other hubbers did when they opened up an email from another member and it was clearly violating the rules of conduct.
I've received mail about my religion, how I need to find Jesus.
I've also received unwanted email with sexual connotations
I've never received anything demeaning or hateful. I know I if I did, I would discern the effects in an email message versus public placement in a comment section. I also think that some things almost earn no response at all.
I got one that wasn't really "hate mail". It was more a matter of the person's trying to think up whatever s/he could say that would be demeaning to me (so there was hate behind the e.mail - and it sure seems as if there was - the person didn't out-and-out express it in out-and-out "hate". It looked like it was sent by an "alter-ego" user name.
Anyway, because it was just aimed at trying to be insulting I just deleted it and ignored it, but not after first looking for the profile. If I had the right profile, it looked like the person wrote a Hub that could possibly have been aimed in my direction in an "if-the-shoe-fits" kind of way. Then, though, the person deleted that Hub, so I'm thinking s/he may have thought better about it for one reason or another. (It wasn't a bad Hub. It just made the person look like someone "with issues".) Anyway, since it's always difficult to let someone who has been demeaning (and particularly when that someone doesn't have a clue about where you're coming from or why you said something), I wrote my own "if-the-shoe-fits" Hub a couple of days later.
(I can't help but suspect that a whole lot of Hubs people write are "if-the-shoe-fits" Hubs aimed at other Hubbers. Ah well.. It's the nature of the beast when people dare to write from their own voice. )
(All the laughing emoticons shouldn't be interpreted as my making light of the hate mail you got. All derogatory e.mails aren't equal. The one I got was silly. I can't help but see the humor, though, in how worked up some people (namely, those who send hate mail to people over something they've written online) can get on a site like this - but also the humor in knowing my own reaction in not wanting to let such a person have the last word.. ) (A particularly interesting phenomenon is when people take their personal axes to grind to the "dueling, personal-attack" Hub level. )
I couldn't figure out the hubber's identity so far, although I did not waste much time trying to find out. The email was not verified. In reality, your smiles are very true, and what a waste of time to write hubs in regards to another person that is meant to demean them.
The subject at hand would call for some extremist to "freak" per say, although I can almost guarantee that this would not have happened if it were face to face. This is what kills me, one deems to be so tough when they pound the keyboard, yet would they have the balls to say to my face? I am thinking not so much.
Now, if you were to know me in a reality sense and all my friends will concur, that I say what I think, perhaps a little too boldly. Yet I remain true to my belief speak up and speak out. However, I try to express myself and views with a little tact, and I find in my old age, I have calmed down.
Although sending me a private email of crap that obviously held no intellect is like knocking on my front door.
I am curious how the mediators of this site will handle it, I can bet on it that this wasn't "his" first time sending a private message of this nature.
Aside from the way people feel freer to be insulting online, I think there's a far bigger problem with a lot of these people's just having poor reasoning/logic skills. (That goes, of course, with low intelligence, or at least with low ability in the areas of reason and logic.)
There's a whole of this kind of thing that goes on: Someone makes an innocent statement like, "Today is a nice, blue-sky, day." Someone else will then twist that into, "What???!! You hate the mauve sky at sundown?? What kind of freak are you to hate sunsets?? Do you hate everything in Nature?? That's what the wrong with the world today. etc. etc. etc.
I've found over the course of a lifetime that I use a lot of words in my attempt to make sure nobody fills in any blanks because I haven't covered all the points enough to keep someone else from imagining something I wasn't saying, implying, or meaning. As a result, though, people have often misinterpreted the motives in using a lot of words; and those misinterpretations aren't particularly erring on side of benefit of doubt. Worse, the more words and sentences a person uses, the more fuel there is for anyone out "looking" to misinterpret the words of others. So, that goes back to it sometimes being better to say as little as possible - which goes back to the thing that not saying enough runs a high risk of being misunderstood - so I guess everyone ought to say nothing, writing nothing, and keep silent (but even then, there'll be someone who takes issue with those who keep silent).
Moral of the story, if someone has a nasty disposition and hates other people for stuff they imagine about them, or for thinking differently than they do, they're the one who has serious problems and are going to remain miserable, unhappy, hateful, people - or else people who can't like anyone else unless that other person thinks and is just like they are.
Never from another hubber, but I have gotten a couple of ugly comments from people off the site on a couple of my hubs...yeah, I know, on wedding related hubs, go figure. I had an extremely nasty hubber call me names in the forums before, but I think he got a forever ban, so oh well.
I don't understand why hubbers would want to be mean to other hubbers enough to send them hate mail. Aren't we all working toward a common goal here? I would definitely report it. So word to any potential meanies out there!
I had a borderline threat in a comment on a Hub. Someone said s/he hoped to meet me in person and punch me in the face. (And I don't even recall ever writing anything at all so controversial that it would warrant that kind of hate/anger. I've come to realize that if people don't keep silent and say nothing there'll always be someone who hates them for whatever they say, no matter how harmless whatever they say may be.
You're kidding! I've read alot of your writing and can't imagine what you could have done to evoke enough anger for someone to want to punch you in the face.
Wow, people seriously need to lighten up! And possibly get a life!
You're right. I'm not controversial. I pretty much stay away from almost all controversy, for that matter. I don't really remember which Hub got the punch-in-the-face remark (). In that instance, the person went on to add to the "punch" remark something like, "but you're probably just a geeky computer girl so ......blah blah blah". (They didn't take back the "if I ever meet you on the street" remark, though - only seemed to be calming themself down by assuring themself (or maybe even me) that I was "just some geeky computer girl" not worth getting all worked up about. People definitely do need to lighten up, though - that's for sure.
@Diy~ I think some members here, disregard the rules of conduct, paying no attention to the consequences or not really caring if they violate the rules. Others just like to cause an uproar, even on wedding hubs. Which is pretty wild if you ask me....
@ Lisa~ So true, so very true. I am quite proud of myself for the tactful reply I sent back to the "hubber" , which in turn probably pissed them off even more that I did not reply with the same tone.
I've never received a damning email from another Hubber, though I've gotten a tongue lashing in the comments on a couple of my hubs. There was a Hubber who posted passively aggressive "shame & blame" comments with just enough stab to let me know they "didn't approve" but polite on the surface. Reading under the surface I know exactly what they meant.....
None yet, somebody commented in one of my hubs saying it is crap. I laughed and deny it. Mostly nasty emails and I ignore all of it.
I don't mind a legitimate opinion when someone disagrees with a point or thinks the Hub is crap. There'll always be someone who thinks one or another Hub is crap, so there's no point worrying about that (and sometimes they may be right - I'm open to that possibility too ). If someone disagrees with a point I've made, I'd rather they either ask where I got the information or else raise their "concerns" (civilly), so I could address them (also civilly).
What DOES both me (and I know it shouldn't, but it does) is to be hated or disliked for something someone imagines I "meant" or some motive they've imagined I have; that's just completely fabricated in their mind.
Offline on on, I don't mind if someone doesn't like me (or even hates me, as long as they don't plan to act on it, of course) for what I really am or really think (even though it wouldn't kill them to be a little more tolerant of others who think differently than they). What I don't like, and don't think is fair, is being disliked or hated for nothing more than what someone imagines in their ugly little mind. I don't know... Maybe I can't make peace with that kind of unfairness out of insecurity, but I kind of think it's more a matter of having enough self-esteem to know I don't deserve to be treated, or talked to (or written to) unfairly.
I stand by what I say and am, and if someone isn't OK with me for some reason, I'm well adjusted enough to not worry about it. If it's extreme enough I can actually laugh at it most of the time. It's when it's less extreme enough that it doesn't look like the person's a complete and obvious maniac that I find I can't just let it sit and let someone's make-believe and imagined view of what I am, or think, be the last word.
Of course, maniacs and jerks aren't into what's fair and reasonable - so that goes back to why ignoring them is best.
This is quite true about hubs and the ideas behind them. If you manage to avoid mentioning the person in particular, I see it as just a way to get ideas for hubs. I have seen some hubs that mention people by name. I remember reading a hub about Sophia that called her out by name and was all about dissing her.
I've gotten pretty combative emails from people who disagree with statements in my Hubs (particularly Master Cleanse enthusiasts) telling me where I can go, or what to stick where. If they're non-Hubbers, I simply ignore them.
If a Hubber is harassing or attacking you, you can report it to us and we'll take appropriate action.
I did Maddie, early this morning. I added their email along with my reply, which was very tactful by the way. I did try to see who the "hubber" was but could not find them, the email was not verified either.
Thank you so much. I know it will be looked at.
I have not received any hate mail, but I suppose my time will come. I had someone use two of my Hubs to sell shoes and skincare. I wrote a Hub on making valentines, and some smart ass suggested that you put $100 in a plain brown envelope, instead. That really pissed me off because I've been single on Valentine's Day and unhappily married (but felt so alone) on Valentine's Day. I'm married now, but I do understand that there are people out there who want a relationship. I felt he had cheapened the whole idea with his stupid remark. He did apologize, but I published his apology and left it alone. I was done with him long before the apology, and didn't feel the need to reply. There are so many cowards on the Internet. And I treat them like I did like the worthless, insensitive individuals in my former job. These people don't come home with me, I don't have lunch with them on a regular basis, and they don't share my bed. Therefore, they don't exist as long as they hide behind a pen name and a computer. For me, to complain to Administration here would be a waste of time unless the negative behavior becomes a pattern. This is what I hate about online. Miserable people who feel the need to knock you down feel it's okay to crank up the rudeness because they feel that they won't be caught. Online is a luxury for those who want to remain anonymous and not own up to their negative behavior. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but you can express yourself without being hurtful.
True that Arlene, as I wrote to Web, it took some premeditation to send a private email rather than comment on a hub....What nin-com-poop. Really, I only wish I had that kind of time to fart out personal views to some stranger I never met, who I never talked, never seen face to face. Well I have to take that back, I do fart, I do comment, I guess the only difference is I remain in tact---for the most part.
Not on HubPages. It's still early days for me here yet.
I've been called every name under the sun on various other sites, though. Sometimes for the smallest of reasons. There's the usual "you stupid athiest!" and "Durp! Girls aren't aloud on teh interwebs!" but I've gotten horrible comments for reviewing Microsoft Windows products and writing about different things blind people have to deal with.
I was shocked when I first discovered the internet, at the viciousness of people, but developed a thick skin soon enough.
Thick skin is required in the realm of cyber reality for sure. as Arlene states (Hey Arlene) people tend to become super heros behind their computer and pen name. I really don' t interact with confrontation here or anywhere so to wake up to an email from another hubber I was delighted, and then duped after the degenerate ranted on a comment that was made like eons ago.
I've never gotten any hate email either. However, I have taken precautions against anyone who wants to send me an email. If you do send me one, as soon as I open it, a little bug will travel back into your email and open up into your computer and filter out through the cables to your desk, down your chair and into your kitchen cupboards eating all your chocolate and hiding all your medication.
*I'm just sayin*
I have (Yet) not any such mail, but I receive many offensive comments, which I just ignore. I believe that we have freedom of expression, they believe that they have freedom of abusing.
Must be interesting for you to receive such things. And then decide what to do with them.
It was. Comments are one thing, but to take the time to look up my profile then conduct an email that is full of hatred of opinion differences, it just like pulling in my drive way and knocking on my front door.
Now if the guy had the balls to do that, which I know wouldn't be the case, things would not have transpired to his liking.
I am sorry this happened to you and others. You are an excellent writer who admits to farting. Ha! Hilarious! I'm not afraid of confrontation, but at the same time, I do know when I am wasting my time on a coward. People on the Internet will do what they want to do. It's not that I can get out my ruler and rap their knuckles. I have written two Hubs on how to leave comments, and I've had a couple of "off" days. I didn't apologize for my behavior because I believed in my comments. But I did get to one writer because she immediately deleted my comment. After that incident, I quit being Mean Arlene the Cyber Bully. I don't have much patience for twits, but I have toned down my act. If you can't say anything nice to a Hubber, don't leave a cruel comment. Or tell them they can't write themselves out of a paper bag. Like I said before: I am not a copywriter or an editor. We don't have one here at HubPages, so as writers, we are on our own. I won't criticize anyone's work other than give them praise and why I liked what I wrote. I have no problem voting writers up and selecting comments. When you are cruel to a creative person, they could take it personally and shut down. And never write anything again.
If it is really important to you to speak about me, you ought to send me an e-mail instead of writing personal insults about me, blatantly lying about my age in your hub (I'm almost 36 and not in my early 20s), and also mentioning references to me in an open forum. I shut you out because you get personal and obnoxious, not because you have different views/lifestyles. I wrote you off a long time ago because you crossed the line and you are a complete waste of time. People like you aren't happy unless you are baiting someone. Get a life.
Personally, I don't care. This was a long time ago, and your article angered me at the time because it was so one-sided. I learned from that experience and moved on. So I won't pull that stunt on you in the future, I have removed you from my feed so that I will not stomp on you again. If you can't get past my blatant error, then that's your problem. If you had a problem with the way I handled the situation, you had all kinds of time to shoot me an email, telling me why you were so angry with me and why.
But, you didn't. Instead, you chose to stuff your anger, and it comes down to this.
Your complaint is no longer valid, Smarty Pens. Since you did nothing to resolve your anger, go ahead and get an ulcer over it. I own up to what I did to you, but I am not repeating my mistake, nor am I apologizing for what I felt about your article. Chalk it up to experience and move on, or feel free to send me something I'll happily delete, too.
Why? Because I don't even know you.
And, I'm certainly not putting any more time on something you can't handle.
I would not have posted if I couldn't handle it. I skimmed your article about a month ago and fully read it a week ago, as it was a suggested read on the side bar.
The fact that you are comfortable lying about my age, my education, and personally attacking me in your hub, and that hub remains published makes my complaint fully valid. I could care less that the time frame doesn't suit your fancy. You don't get to dictate my response. You should have thought about that before you published your hub.
And then you have the nerve to reference me in an open forum, and act like I don't have a valid reason to call you on your actions. Too frickin' bad.
If a person puts something in print about you that is not true, or at least can't be proven, that's Libel.
I read that one person spent a year in jail, on probation for 5, and had to pay a $5000.00 fine for Libel.
WOW! So far I haven't received hate email, and of course I hope that I never. There's no telling what my reaction will be.
I have toed-the-line with a few hubbers in the forums though. People get a false bravado behind a computer screen. It seems that the most reasonable thing is leave it alone...but you can't tell these lost souls that!
Good for you for reporting it!
Report the person to HP, and then ignore the person as if he or she does not exist. I had a flaming war about me on Facebook recently and I pretended the threads didn't exist. The more I ignored the person, the angrier the person got and the more swear words this person used. The funny thing is, I never did respond. Now the threads are invisible to me via someone else blocking me. I didn't have to lift a finger.
When a hubber harasses you, you can block the person from sending you mail through HP and block them from your home page. Then you do not have to see him/her.
By the way, the person who has given me this problem and I've blocked has convinced someone who is now stalking me that I was stalking her. Meanwhile, I've blocked that other person too after that.
Well Gosh Flora, if you weren't so awesome then you wouldn't have this problem I commend you for taking the high road, that is the best thing to do. And I do hope they get off your back. You can gather you hubber posse and visit your facebook page to load it with warm messages how great you are, well wait that maybe already happening.
I've had hate mail, abusive comments the full works - do I care? Nope... if they don't have anything better to do with their life that is their problem - not mine!
Just ignore - don't bother to reply - they soon fade away..
I get plenty because of my Saudi Arabia hubs as they seem to inflame quite a few people....
The only thing that bothers me is the fact the guy abused the rules, I woke up to see a hub email and when I read the ill written message, with the end message of to "go crap yourself" that was the most nicest thing said, I was thinking, alright dude, calm down, here in about 40 years I will be crapping myself and our point of views won't mean crap....
I woke up with the HP team emailing me stating the guy didn't even have a hubpage account, however the header read (via hubpages) which is how the private emails come in. Goes to show this wasn't his first nor last abusive email. One thing to look for is if the email was verified, which his wasn't.
@Smarty Pens: I don't mean to point you out although as I read your comments here I can not help wonder why the anger or ill feelings still persist against Arlene, she made her amends, and still the negativity remains on the past subject. I only can suggest to find the good in the present and always seek a positive outlook, rather dig in the past and keep riding the issue. To each their own, no offense, no intention to fuel your fire, but this brings me to my point about comments versus an actual conversation:
I would bet that if the majority of ongoing ill hatred toward a "pen name" or another writer here or on another site would cease if in fact those two were face to face. Not because of intimidation of "I will show you" but for the simple fact a conversation in person consists of body language, a moment to pause to allow the other to reply. When a conversation consists of a blank page, you, and your keyboard, with no one else in the room, just your own mind working in overdrive, replying to a written statement without the voice of emotion to play off of, chances are, it may be taken wrong.
This is why I keep it nice, keep it simple, for the most part...Haven't we all typed or texted a message that was taken the wrong way? Or without interruption or seeing the other person's body language, we envision a negative voice and assume we are under attack?
Now I have had to take a step back and look at the bigger picture when it comes to a comment, and remind myself it isn't all about me, hard thing but true. I guess I would rather leave a lasting impression here, and in the "real world" of humor and unconditional love. Yet I am only human, and things sometimes get distorted.
Now I can bet my last surviving ovary that there will be a negative response, someone who may take this the wrong way, and to that I will only reply with the confidence of compassion. There are times when I misread a comment and take a conscious step away from the screen to digest it, take my personal inventory of it, and realize I shouldn't reply until I have a conscious image of what I want to relay.
There have been some instances to where this did not occur and I learned from it.
Shouldn't we all try?
I'm pretty sure that when the header reads "(via hubpages)," it means that someone - a Hubber or a visitor - clicked on the "Contact jenobouka-or-whoever" link. That notation shows up even the first time someone sends an e-mail through that link, and it doesn't necessarily mean that they have sent similar e-mails before.
The "not verified" note means that the e-mail address is not the same as the one that is associated with the HP account; so, "not verified" can mean that the e-mail came from someone who is not a Hubber (as in this case), or from a Hubber who is using a different e-mail account or who is not signed-in.
Thanks for updating us. I've been sleeping most of the day, so just read this. Scary.
That is supposedly what it means. But that, too, can be abused if the sender happens to know the recipient's email address. Someone could mask emails to appear to come via HubPages, for malicious purposes.
My goodness, I didn't know that! There are all kinds of technology skills I know nothing about.
The sky is the limit. Many email accounts are getting hacked these days, aggravating these types of problems.
I've not yet gotten an abusive e-mail, but I have been getting a lot of "I follow you, you follow me now." command e-mails, it would seem.
I've gotten several now. And then a few days later when I don't follow them, they unfollow me!
You are probably better off without them.
That is pretty low, Shanna~ I have never been told to follow back...
How or why someone is too expect another to follow them in the event the follow you, come folks the follower numbers don't mean a whole lot in the end. You could have over 1K followers yet only a dozen will comment on any or all of your hubs.
That is a first to hear, sorry Shanna you have gotten entangled with kind of folk, but know, of course, I am compelled to view your profile and follow, hint hint....I am only kidding
And it turned out that he didn't even have an account.
You have been putting out some interesting questions lately, jenubouka. A lot to think about, but in a good way. Maybe if I tried some WEN shampoo, it will protect me from haters??? Naw. Too late! But like everything else, you deal or don't deal with things as they come. I'm not one who makes it habit to twist my panties in a knot over some online remark.
If someone told me that my writing stunk to high heaven or my online behavior was simply unacceptable, get in line!
Thanks so much Arlene! For your input is always important, and still can not father how anyone could hold a grudge against you.
when the rejection letters come piling in, I always reflect back to Stephen King, when started out he had stacks upon stacks of "your crazy" rejection letters, and yet he insisted to write, and now look at him. There are some who dislike him or his writing although he continues to be successful.
I keep my stride up, my head in a positive light although at times, things may seem a little dark, I just have remember I know how to turn the light switch.
I've been collecting rejection slips since I was 12. So when I do get some kind of job or even an encouraging word, it's all worth it. If I get called on to correct my work, I'll do it. I'm not hard to work with, but I'm no mind reader. Have you read "The Help" or gone to the movie? It was rejected by agents about 60 times. No guts, no glory, but 60 times? I'm with you on that. Somewhere down the road is a "Yes!"
I turned the thread negative, and it really had nothing to do with Arlene. I could have picked anything out to bitch about that night. So I read something small and went Basketball Wives with it.
Having had two police officers for parents, I normally stay focused on my task no matter what anyone else does. Part of publishing is attracting responses of all kinds and simply accepting that is how it is. If you are directly harassed of course, that's different.
Anyway, Arlene, if you happen to read this, I know you are a thick-skinned lady and totally do not care, but sorry for going over the top at you in the forum.
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