What do you think about a mentally/physically healthy adult in his/her late 30s, 40s, & even 50s who
NEVER left the parental nest, still living with his/her parents? Would you contend that this person is very immature in more ways than one? What would cause him/her to live with his/her parents when h/she should have established an independent life LONG AGO?
I have a friend in Romania. He is 21, a college graduate who has no plans to leave home. He runs the household for his parents. Father is an alcoholic and mother has some physical ailments.
He works from home and supports the family, even saving enough to buy a car.
They live simply on a farm with goats, pigs, and a few other animals. He and his father have a small hay farming and wood supply business. They are considered poor by our standards.
Hi is mentally/physically healthy and very smart, having graduated with honors.
He just doesn't feel a need to join the "rat race". He applies for jobs from time to time, but doesn't feel the need to accept one just to have a job. He would if the job were something he could do and still be able to care for his farm and family.
I find him to be very mature, and extremely intelligent. He speaks several languages, reads, writes well, and is physically fit.
I think it all comes down to individual choices. Some people have drive and ambition. Some people do not. Some people love to be active, and some do not.
Some people want to live independently, and others do not. It may come down to, "I'm OK, You're OK". If no one is being harmed, then there is no point in trying to force someone to be who they are not.
At 21 he's still so young. Chances are what works now works now makes sense for them all. Eight or ten years now what works for all of them may change. It's not as if what anyone is doing today is the "end of the story".
He sounds very mature and it seems that his parents may need him there. and later on it seems he would adjust very well if he moved out of the house.
Assuming this adult is "single," either never married or formerly married, She/he may be living with her parents at their request and/or insistence. The reasons could be health issues, "help" issues or perhaps financial issues with either the parents or the adult child
I had an Aunt (single her entire life) in a situation where it "appeared" she lived with her parents (my maternal grandparents) when in fact, she was actually the legal owner of the home. One might say that her parents lived with her! The reality was that regardless of the situation, they found it sensible and acceptable to live in the same house.
Many people (including parents & their adult children) find it unnecessary to live "alone" when it's much more convenient & safer to live together under the same roof.
I don't really see where maturity or immaturity is a factor in the vast majority of these cases. It is safe to assume their lives are otherwise independent of one another since they are all adults.
As long as all parties are in agreement, comfortable and enjoy their living situation, this should be all with which they need be concerned. Families, neighbors & friends would do well to butt out of their business.
I agree. People need to deal with their own households. It's hard being on the outside looking in. Thinking of things that one thinks would help might not be what is really needed. Like hindsight, Oversight often thinks it is 20/20 vision too.
I agree with your answer and like it. I'd add, though, that many/most parents would not request their child stay but many grown kids may elect to stay if it's a "no skin off my nose" situation what works well for all involved at the time.
There could also be a cultural angle that not's being explored here - I'm assuming this question is mainly directed at the classical "American" family setup - but it is not uncommon in many parts of the world for families to continue living in the same household even into adulthood. From an economic standpoint, it makes sense. If the parents are elderly/sick, they might want their child to stay in the home to look after them.
Having a communal lifestyle does not in any way diminish one's ability to be financially and socially independent.
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