Would you ever give up on your child?
I was watching a show where a father of an adopted boy wanted to disown him due to him being aggressively violent, verbally abusive, consistent trouble with the law, and drug addiction. What's everyone's thought on this? At what point (if any) would you give up on a child?
I love my sons more than anything. I can say that with the utmost conviction and back it with the life in my body. Yes. Under certain circumstances, I could give up on my child. Perhaps not hope, but certainly involvement. There is not enough perspective for me to say I would based on your example but if for no other reason...that one of my children is having a major negative impact or danger to another one of my children. The question is open to a lot of possibilities but I feel that I have an obligation to hold my loved ones to the same standard as I do a stranger. I may show more patience and determination to help them turn it around but in the end, I would still have my threshold.
A true parent never gives up. But you have to clarify what that means. It does not mean that a parent should enable a child to continue to harm himself or others. It means that a parent will always do whatever it takes to help his child receive the help he needs to live a safe, healthy and happy existence as much as possible. When a child, even an adult child, obviously struggles with psychological challenges, he could never just have him locked up and throw away the key. A true parent would be sure to provide the necessary medical, psychological, social and spiritual support. Some people have difficult states of mind that make it tough to relate to them, but there are pockets of ability within that should be recognized, salvaged...valued.
I'm not saying that a parent should take on the full-time care-taking of such a child but perhaps quality residential treatment including therapy and medication would make it easier to maintain loving family relationships.
There is so much misunderstanding about people with mental disorders. Those around them need to separate the person from the affliction as much as possible. Love the person, treat the affliction, safeguard yourself from harm, connect in safe ways.
Parents often feel like failures if their child grows to face a hard life. The only failure is a failure to understand that seriously anti-social or self-defeating behaviors stem from brain problems. It's not a personal rejection or judgment of one's parenting skills or worth as a human being. Everyone needs love. A true parent's love is unconditional even if it means it can't be understood or returned by his child.
Interesting question. I believe that most parents would never really give up in their hearts and souls, though they may have to limit or eliminate contact with their child. I do have a friend who ended up leaving her son in the care of the professionals who are trained to deal with him. He had been in rehab now for several weeks, and she has very mixed feelings about his homecoming. She still loves him; of course she does, and wouldn't think of disowning him, but still...her life has been so much more peaceful since he has been in care. He has cost her so much; she hasn't yet despaired of a cure for him, though the professionals do say that with his history of addiction, any slip can lead to a major fall at any time and there are no promises.
I agree. Sometimes we have to limit contact with abusive people. Doesn't matter if they are related or not.
I agree with the parent getting help from professionals. It is best for everyone, especially the child.
I thought hard about this one. My answer is a resounding yes. But perhaps for different reasons. If I was persistent with any of my children and they were constantly having issues and problems I would give up right away. Children are not parent's property. And not all parenting or parents work out with all children.
So if my child was facing the problems in your statement I would give up trying to fix or parent that child and get someone else to help. While parents cannot be fully responsible for their children, they must be fully responsible for themselves. If I were the parent in your scenario I would have to give up trying to do it my way -- because, duh! it ain't working so well.
When I was a rebellious youth, my mom sent me for two summers to live with my honorary aunt. And I thank her to this day for that. Auntie Gail's style was better for me. Mom gave up and I got better.
I would never give up on my child for any reason I have too watched movies with parent and child issues and I fail to understand the parent who gives up on their child. Poor parenting allows parents to be this way
I think there is a difference between giving up on someone and not allowing yourself to be in a situation that you are being abused. I watched that too and had to turn it off. It was like watching my ex-husband other than he wasn't on drugs.
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