Non-Monogamous Relationships Are the New Norm

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   Shakka Jamesposted 8 years ago

   I am not currently in a relationship, but I want to have an open relationship in my next relationship. Until recently I was not a fan of open relationships but I have come to realize that one person cannot satisfy all of my needs and vice versa. Instead, of being in a relationship and knowing one day my other will cheat is mind bottling and plus it takes a lot of work trying to keep an individual satisfied, especially after a few years. I think having an open relationship builds a strong bond, builds trust, and loyalty. But, there has to be boundaries set.
   
   Being that this is something I have venturing off into I do not have all the specifics. If anyone does:
   
   What are some boundaries that need to be established?

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      calculus-geometryposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I am not in an open marriage, but I guess an obvious rule is that if you're going to have sex with other people, they need to be completely outside your circle of friends, relatives, coworkers, neighbors, etc. Otherwise things will get way more awkward than they already are.  It seems this would be easier if you lived in a large city.
      
      Can you imagine conducting an open relationship in a small town?  Every trip to the grocery store would be fraught with peril!

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Here is one (boundary):
      NO SEX!

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      dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      You said: "But, there has to be boundaries set."
      The very definition of (cheating) is breaking the rules!
      
      It's not about having sex with others as bad as that may seem it's the betrayal that comes with lying and pretending to be in agreement while (secretly) doing otherwise. Essentially cheaters are (dishonest) people.
      
      I don't know what arrangement could be made that would make a dishonest person honest other than having no rules/boundaries!
      
      I've heard of people in open relationships agree to various things like not becoming emotionally invested in other people, not having sex with each other's friends, being discrete, not having sex with others in their primary home/bed, no taking phone calls from lovers while they are in each other's presence, no same sex hookups (especially for men), and don't have children with other people outside of the primary relationship...etc
      
      Bottom line is you can have any number of rules/boundaries.
      However if a person is dishonest by nature they'll break the rules.
      
      It's also not uncommon for someone in an open relationship to fall "in love" with someone they've been seeing on the side and end up breaking up with their mate. Another common issue is one of you decides you want the relationship to become monogamous while the other still wants to keep things "open". Someone wants to suddenly "change the rules"!
      The person who "fell in love" is then in a very tough position either way!
      
      My point is there is no way to "escape" being hurt one hundred percent.
      If you "trust anyone" you're always in a position to be hurt.
      
      "No strings" would be saying; "There are no rules. Each of you can do whatever you want when you're not together. No questions asked.
      
      "Having rules/boundaries means you have an agreement requiring trust.
      If there were no laws there would be no criminals.
      If there are no rules there is no cheating. 
      
      It's probably easier not to be in a relationship at all and just have "booty calls", "friends with benefits", and "one -night stands" with people you have no emotional investment in than it is to share someone you do have feelings for and see on a regular basis.
      
      You can't easily be in a "semi exclusive" relationship.
      One man's opinion!
      
      
      

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         IslandBitesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         True. The same happens in monogamous relations.
         
         Again. True. The same happens in monogamous relations.

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      Phyllis Doyleposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I do not believe that  non-monogamous relationships are the "Norm".  However, just like in religions and beliefs, everyone has a right to their own way of life when it comes to relationships. Wherever your journey leads you, I wish you luck.

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      Marisa Wrightposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I think it would be very dangerous to answer that question.  You can't make that decision in advance, all by yourself.  The boundaries have to be set by BOTH of you, in total agreement.   If you decide what boundaries you want, and then tell your partner what they will be, you are being selfish.

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      realtalk247posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Interesting-until recently you didn't believe in open relationships now you do.  Can't give you advice because you mentioned partners cheating like it's acceptable or inevitable.
      My 2 cents, women with low self-esteem are not entering "open relationships" because they are so desperate to be with someone that they will accept them at any cost and convince themselves that it is okay. No man or woman truly in love with their spouse wants to share with anyone else. It's human nature. Relationships grow and evolve over time and if you create a solid foundation based on similar principles you should be okay. 
      
      All these new normal relationships have led to more divorces, heartbreak, diseases, children that are not recognized outside of a marriage/relationship. This reminds me of women doing threesomes and then act surprised when the man develops a relationship with the other person and leaves them.
      My advice - Don't open Pandora's Box.

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   Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years ago

   <" Non-Monogamous Relationships Are the New Norm ">
   
   no they are not. and never will be. so don't kid yerself.
   
   The offspring will be a wreck in such relationships.
   
   (Not to mention there will be MICROBES, BACTERIA and VIRUSES being passed about like crazy.)
   
   wait for true love.
   don't sell yerself short.
   why would you do that?
   might as well commit suicide. I hear its legal now in CA.

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      dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      No one said anything against practicing safe sex.
      I don't believe anyone who considers having multiple sex partners might as well commit suicide. There are many people who have had multiple sex partners and continue to live healthy and productive lives.
      
      BTW - Euthanasia is legal in the states of Washington, Vermont, Oregon, California, and Montana. I suspect more states will follow suit.

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      Phyllis Doyleposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      +1

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   Aime Fposted 8 years ago

   I think you need to wait until you're actually in a relationship and then set boundaries with the other person, specific to that relationship.  Even people in monogamous relationships set different boundaries so I think it's very much what you and the other person are mutually comfortable with.
   
   You are entitled to have whatever kind of relationship you want - don't let anyone tell you that you're selling yourself short or not doing it right. 

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Yeah and allow the destruction of yourself, society and America.
      Land of the FREE within in boundaries,
      
                                "Thou shalt not commit adultery."
      
      that is what God set forth ... not me.
      If we do not listen to God and read the words of Jesus and understand them correctly we are sunk. sunk as a people and as a nation.
      
      America's success is the world's success.
      Those in neighbor nations should support the boundaries set forth by God in the Bible for continued good relations.

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         dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Every Christian I know of "cherry picks" which scriptures or verses they will follow. A lot of them have had pre-marital sex.
         
         The bible also said "Thy shall not kill" - Exodus 20:13
         
         However later on  the same bible says Exodus 32:27- 28 :
         
         "Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and (slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbor)."
         
         "And the children of Levi did according to the word of Moses: and there fell of the people that day about (three thousand men)."
         
         Exodus 31:15
         "Whoever does any work on the Sabbath day is to be put to death."
         
         Exodus 21:17
         "Whoever curses his father or his mother shall be put to death."
         
         All I can say is thank God the forefathers of the U.S. had enough sense to institute separation of church and state in the U.S.!
         If had not we'd have something resembling Sharia law.

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      IslandBitesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I agree 100%. Life is too short to let others dictate what you're supposed to do, specially petty hypocrites.

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   Aime Fposted 8 years ago

   Why do people feel like it's any of their business what people do in their private, personal relationships?  How does someone having sex with more than one person at a time affect you IN ANY WAY?
   
   It doesn't.  You just like to play "I know better than everyone else" card.  Over and over and over again.  We get it, Kathryn.  You've got it all figured out.  How about you live your life according to what makes you happy and let other people find their own happiness.  You let God tell you what's important and the rest of us will follow our own hearts and minds.

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Because it will affect the whole world in a sad and destructive way if we let people act like barnyard animals. We are not made by Our Creator to act like them. The sex center and the love center in the  HUMAN brain are located in close proximity for a reason: the successful up bringing of very sensitive and vulnerable offspring. They need a committed mother and father. Only ONE each.
      
      What about the germs that are easily spread? The Beatles can tell you what germs they picked up in Germany as young adults and had to take antibiotics for again and again.
      
      Syphilis, Gonorrhea and HIV/AIDS, Genital warts. These diseases are not jokes.
      
      One should be able to trust the other not to have sex behind their backs. One should demand exclusivity or it will be extremely bad for all concerned.
      A libertine consciousness running amok in the world will not go unpunished.
      
      If I know better than you. oh well. too bad.
      
      Maybe you should read up:
      
      Syphilis
      http://www.avert.org/syphilis.htm
      
      Gonorrhea
      http://www.emedicinehealth.com/gonorrhea/article_em.htm
      
      HIV/AIDS
      http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/17131.php
      
      Genital warts
      http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-cond … n-20019380

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         dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         "if we {let people} act like barnyard animals."
         
         Life is a (personal) journey!
         
         None of us has any say in who you chose to date or marry or how your mate selection process was devised.
         
         What goes on in your neighbor's home should not effect what takes place in your own home.
         
         I never understood why people aren't content with simply controlling their own decisions in life. You can't get anymore personal than intervening in one's love life. We tend to take things to the extreme in order make a point.
         
         The bible also says "Judge not lest ye be judged," and "Love thy neighbor as thyself.
         
         Ecclesiastes 7:20
         "For there is not a just man upon earth, that doeth good, and sinneth not."
         Everyone "cherry picks" which biblical verses they're going to obey.
         Just because someone's list in not in line with ours doesn't mean we're any better or less sinful than they are.
         
         Bottom line is the only people we can control are ourselves!
         That's even a challenge for a lot of people these days!

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            Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            Controlling oneself involves willing obedience to cooperate with what is known as common decency.

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               dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

               Controlling oneself is knowing what makes him/her happy and focusing on their own goals instead of telling other people how to live their life.
               There is only one (you) and you get to make decisions about your life.

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                  gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                  +1,000,000,000,000,000 !

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               PrettyPantherposted 8 years agoin reply to this

               What you define as "common decency" with regard to this subject is undoubtedly different from another person's definition.  If a couple agrees to an open relationship, and each abides by the ground rules they themselves agree upon, then what's it to you?

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                  Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                  for instance:
                  My daughter has a male friend (in his forties) who has finally decided to marry the mother (in her mid twenties) of two of his children.
                  Sadly he does not love her anymore.
                  But for the sake of his two children, who are both in daycare, one recently born, he feels he must.
                  He works and she works.
                  When the babies were very small he stayed home with them while his girlfriend went to to work.  She had declared she is not the stay at home type of mommy.
                  He told my daughter that he originally thought she was pretty and flirty, but has realized some things about her that will be very hard to deal with once they are married.
                  
                  
                  I feel very sorry for him. He wants to do the right thing by the children but believe me, he will suffer.
                  
                  
                  How could all of this have been prevented?
                     NO SEX! 
                  At one time dating with anyone, non monogamous relationships if you will, was the norm … no sex. (like in the fifties, before birth control)
                  But now that dating includes casual sex, complications arise which affect the whole of society in negative ways.
                  The children of casual sex oopsies (Not everyone can stomach an abortion) are the ones who suffer. And children were not meant to suffer.

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                     wildernessposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                     Unfortunately, it seems your sense of "common" decency isn't very common at all.  It is, in fact, pretty uncommon.
                     
                     On the bright side, birth control is becoming more common all the time.  If we could only impress our youngsters more strongly, somehow, of that absolute necessity it should help.

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                        Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                        decent
                        1 conforming with generally accepted standards of respectable or moral behavior:
                        2 of an acceptable standard; satisfactory:
                        
                        
                        Let's say you are having sex with more than one person in an open non-magnomous way.
                        This has always been frowned upon because it is considered adultery.
                        But despite societal/religious stigmas, there is a scientific reason not to behave in such a way.
                        
                        Because there becomes a deeply spiritual connection between people with sex. Its not the sex which is wrong ... it is the misuse of it. It is to be used in a relationship cemented first by love and secondly with sex which provides commitment/loyalty.
                        
                        Without commitment sex jeopardizes the physical and psychological health of all people concerned.
                        
                        Love has to do with sex because the sex center and the emotional center are in close proximity within the brain. Nature found a powerful way to guarantee that both parents remain emotionally attached for the long haul in order to successfully raise offspring.
                        
                        Nature dictates that HUMAN offspring have parents on a long term basis.
                        
                        My parents are still alive and still together.
                        How grateful I am for that. I would be sad if they weren't.
                        Their commitment to each other through thick and thin has brought me many benefits.

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                           wildernessposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                           decent
                           1 conforming with generally accepted standards of respectable or moral behavior:
                           2 of an acceptable standard; satisfactory:
                           
                           Yet somehow that "generally accepted standards" turns into "Kathryn approved standards".  The point is that when it comes to pre-marital sex, or even extra-marital sex, the "Kathryn" standard is not the "generally accepted" standard.  That you wish it were, or that you claim it is, does not make it so.
                           
                           Not that I necessarily disagree with you, just that your idea of "common decency" is pretty uncommon today.

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                        gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                        Exactly, Wilderness.  We as a society have to take sex education out of the dark ages and discuss comprehensive sex education which include the use of contraceptives & abortion if need be.  America leads Western postindustrial nations in teenage pregnancy.  It appears that abstinence based sex education ISN'T working.
                        

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                     dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                     Yes it's possible he could have avoided his situation if they had not had sex. On the other hand if they had not had children he may have still be under the illusion that she was "pretty and flirty".
                     
                     Lots of people get married without having children and end up in divorces. The "right thing" for this guy is to remain in his children's life and financially support them.
                     
                     He's not "obligated" to marry a woman he does not love!
                     
                     No one has (two children) with one person by mistake!
                     This guy is not being completely honest with you or your daughter.
                     He's not some "victim" who was roped into proposing marriage.
                     I bet he has NOT told (his fiancé) that he does NOT love her!
                     
                     If he truly doesn't love her but marries her he's going to cheat on her.
                     No young person is going to stay married and faithful to someone they're not "in love" with for the rest of their lives.
                     
                     
                     

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                        Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                        No. He would have realized she was not his type and he would have moved on no foul no harm.
                        He was talking about their relationship to my daughter in front of his girl friend at dinner one night!
                        I guess his girlfriend / fiancé loves him despite all. Maybe her love is the attracting / bonding force.
                        
                        Sometimes we can't resist another's love no matter what their personality traits / background.
                        
                        An open relationship seems to be dating which includes casual sex.
                        to me, that is diluting the magnificence of such coupling.
                        it is diminishes love. It becomes just a game.
                        Its not real.
                        You have to LEARN to "love the one you're with."
                        its not natural.
                        TWISI

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                  gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                  Exactly, what two consenting, mature, RESPONSIBLE, and intelligent adults do is no one's business.  As long as they respect and value each other.  I do not see a problem as to whether a sexual relationship is monogamous(exclusive) or non-monogamous(inclusive).  Besides, people have been indulging in open relationships, married or not, with no harm to parties involved.

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                     Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                     ~ how about to those having to witness (or hear about) such debacles?
                     These relationships are not responsible.
                     
                     Lets have an example of a responsible open non-monogamous relationship, gm!

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      Rochelle Frankposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      It's nobody's business,  except that we live in a society which is falling apart because people care only about their own needs and desires no matter how much they hurt others -- especially kids.
      I know, basic as it is, it's hard for many people to understand.

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         Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         consequences for society as a whole will be bad.
         That is why I am yakking on and on and being creative with lyrics:  To reveal how utterly silly this type of thinking is.
         Good Grief, Charlie Brown!

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         Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Again, how do kids know who their parents are having sex with?

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            Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            They find out!  they always freaking DOOOOO!!!! UGH!
            
            and when they do it is devastating!

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               PrettyPantherposted 8 years agoin reply to this

               LOL, I just asked my kids who I have had sex with in my life.  My kids are now in their mid-20s.  They answered my current husband and their dad.  Hmmm, somehow they were completely unaware of the several dalliances I enjoyed during the 15 years I was single Mom. It's not that difficult to have an adult life away from your kids.
               
               But to your point about the ill effects on society of open relationships, you are transferring your own fears onto the rest of us.  Many people manage to live many years as single adults, enjoying sex without contracting diseases and without getting pregnant.  It simply requires education and responsibility. 
               
               Open relationships are mutually agreeable between two consenting adults.  There is no cheating involved, because everything is open.  I have known two couples who have open relationships.  One has been together for over 40 years, the other over 20.  Both seem happy to me.  Both have children who are well-adjusted and productive adults.  That is just anecdotal evidence, though, but you did ask.

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                  gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                  +1,000,000,000,000,000!  Couples in open relationships are smart & mature enough to be educated about sex & birth control.   They are also less hypocritical in sexual matters.  They recognize that they are not monogamous by nature.  There are many couples in so-called exclusive relationships who regularly cheat on each other because they refuse to acknowledge that perhaps that they are not monogamous but choose to live in denial. 
                  
                  There is absolutely nothing wrong w/open relationships as there were parameters set in such relationships.  Couples in open relationships have been thoroughly educated in terms of their sexuality & birth control.  Birth control is highly effective but one has to be responsible enough to use it effectively.  It is not couples in open relationships that worry me, it is couples in exclusive relationships who refuse &/or don't use birth control, having more children than they can reasonably take care of financially, emotionally, & psychologically.  Now, THAT'S IMMORAL.

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            gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            Aime, some children have been exposed to MUCH WORSE such as poverty & neglect.  I have digressed yet again.  Why all this brouhaha over who is sleeping with whom as long as all parties are responsible adults.   To reiterate, there are monogamous, married adults who have irresponsible sex which result in them having more children than they can afford to take of care financially, emotionally, and psychologically.  What about the children born into poverty with limited socioeconomic and educational opportunities because parents are irresponsible, unintelligent, and selfish enough not to use birth control.
            
            
            Which is more egregious morally(again, I AM GOING THERE, INTERJECTING)-(a) having non-monogamous relationships respectfully, responsibly, and maturely or (b) having a monogamous, married, but irresponsible relationship, bringing children into a world of poverty, scarcity, and lack.  Most people would chose (b) Aime.    Responsible sex whether married or unmarried, is never immoral but irresponsible sex, regardless of marital status, is DEFINITELY IMMORAL.
            
            Nothing immoral-these are RESPONSIBLE adults.
            
            Immoral and IRRESPONSIBLE.

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               Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

               I could understand if they looked miserable
               
               which they DO NOT
               
               BTW you are totally off topic.

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                  gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                  I WAS ELUCIDATING  a point regarding the discussion at hand!

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                     Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                     we are not talking about anything but the effects of dating promiscuously.
                     Such as:  pregnancy, infections, broken hearts and stuff like that.
                     Okay?
                     
                       … well, unless your promiscuous dating ends up being a case of the old woman who lived in a shoe or Lady Madonna.
                     
                     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkJH90EphNo
                     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XKH3QEtHQg

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                        gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                        If one dates with "so-called promiscuity" but is SMART about birth control and sexual health, h/she will be fine.  When people are single and healthy, they will have varied sexual relationships.  Sex is a healthy part of adult life.  Healthy people ........HAVE SEX!

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                           Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                           yeah, just ask the AIDS victims and all the others who have come up with GERMS of all sorts!!!!
                           
                           https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=921CsfhKzqw
                           https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOl01vKXv6I

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                        Rochelle Frankposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                        There are more effects as well. Human emotions play a part. There is jealousy, betrayal and many complexities.  If it is seen as "normal and acceptable", not everyone is going to be discreet and careful.
                        Yes, children will find out that it is ok and follow that example.
                        Truth, loyalty and any other aspects of positive family bonding are trashed. Anything goes.

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                           Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                           I agree.
                           Except on one point:
                           The kids may NOT think it's okay.
                           They may see you as a real sluff-off and respect you way less.
                           
                           Actually, if they maintain any respect what-so-ever, you are lucky.

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   Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years ago

   Broken hearts can result in the kind of relationship being advocated here.
   If you've never had one, you're lucky.
   Ask someone who has been hurt by their partner whom they trusted, loved and depended upon for emotional support and psychological stability.
   
   Who in their RIGHT MIND would subject themselves to an OPEN relationship?
   Big mistake, Shakka don't even think about it.
   
   If it can affect adults in devastating ways think about the children in such situatiuons.
   After all, sex is for reproducing.
   Anyone can get pregnant at any time.
   
   Perhaps if you want an open relationship you should have a hysterectomy first.
   Go ahead and mess up our own heart and soul.
   
   … and let the souls presently sleeping peacefully in the arms of the angels stay right where they are.
   
   I guess you, Amie F and islandBites do not celebrate Christmas.

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      IslandBitesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      LOL That explains a lot.
      
      In fact, I do. But who cares!

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   Aime Fposted 8 years ago

   I've had multiple sexual partners and never had an STI, that's (partly) what condoms are for!  The risk of getting an STI is the same whether you're having sex with multiple people over a number of years before finding your spouse, or over a number of years after you find your spouse. 
   
   I can't see how a kid's parents' sex life would affect them all that much - I can tell you that I know absolutely nothing about my mom's sex life now or when I was a child.  She and my dad might've been in an open relationship for all I know.  I've never asked, I have no desire to know what she does in her bedroom.  That's her business and she should do what makes her happy!
   
   Again, feel free to live your life according to how you think God wants you to.  A lot of people don't believe in God and would rather make their own decisions, and quite frankly you have no place telling them how they should or should not behave in their personal, consensual relationships.

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Its a matter of science.
      Yes, you can do what ever the hell you want, but if you do not cooperate with Mother nature she will box your ears. I am reminding you there are consequences. Why do stuff out of ignorance and suffer rather than heed the words of sage advice? Willful obedience involves knowing consequences of one's actions and behaving in a proactive way to insure one's own happiness and the happiness of those around him.
      After all, it is not all about you. What you do will also affect others.
      If you have an open marriage, the kids will be confused. I am not talking about what goes on behind closed doors.
      
      islandBites:
      Why would anyone celebrate Christmas if they do not heed, believe in or follow the words and teachings of whose birthday it is?

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   Aime Fposted 8 years ago

   "Willful obedience involves knowing consequences of one's actions and behaving in a proactive way to insure one's own happiness and the happiness of those around him."
   
   And if two people are happiest in an open relationship?  Or does it not matter because you don't understand it so it couldn't possibly be the right thing for anyone else?

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      how could the kids not know something is amiss?

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         Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Because the "open" in open relationships usually refers to sexual encounters.  Why would children know about their parents' sexual experiences?

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            Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            because of the vibe in the house hold.  The family would be a lie/illusion AND FAKE to everyone involved!

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               Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

               Gosh you're judgey.

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                  Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                  better than shallow.

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                     Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                     There you go again.

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                        Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                        I am not above a tit for tat.

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   Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years ago

   how long could the happiness possibly last?
   why don't you tell me a true case study of an "open relationship?"
   why/how would/could it produce happiness?
   and how about lasting happiness?

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9. 77

   Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years ago

   if it is open, the kids woiuld naturally be in on it too.

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10. 77

    Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years ago

    <"I think having an open relationship builds a strong bond, builds trust, and loyalty.">
    
    how could this possibly be?
    
    
    < "But, there has to be boundaries set.">
    
    such as???
    
    I really hope this is a joke thread.

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11. 71

    Aime Fposted 8 years ago

    If being open-minded and believing people should be able to do whatever they'd like within an adult, consensual relationship makes me shallow then so be it.  I'm cool with that. 

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       Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       You have to be joking. I am done. Goodbye.

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12. 71

    Aime Fposted 8 years ago

    Okay, see ya.

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    1. 0

       PrettyPantherposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       LOL, she judges everyone else, then gets all a-twitter when called on it.

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          Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

          One cannot just do as one likes. Justice consists in considering the well-being of others.

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13. 49

    mirjana manigodaposted 8 years ago

    I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years, we were best mates for 5 years before dating.I just want to say if you have been hurt in the past and mistreated don't give up on finding love just because its easier. After being mistreated, so much effort has to be put in to be brave and have the courage to put yourself out there again.But nothing good will ever come from an open relationship. whats the point of an open relationship if there are boundaries? personally i enjoy having the love of my life all to myself.

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14. 84

    gmwilliamsposted 8 years ago

    Each person is different.  There are some who are inclusive relationships while there are some who want more exclusive relationships.  Whatever floats their boat as long as they are respective towards each other.  Some people are suited for inclusivity while others are suited to exclusivity.  I am more suited to exclusivity, mainly based upon my being an only child.  I am a 1-1 person.  However, my belief in exclusivity is not for everyone.

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15. 77

    Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years ago

    PS It is against human nature to have romantic feelings for two people at once. Go talk to the miserable wives of polygamous marriages. Jealousy will always come into play. 
    
    PSS If you are having sex without love it is called USING. Not loving.
    
    wilderness:
    I am bringing the science to light. There is a reason the love center and the sex center are situated so closely in the brain.
    
    I believe in cooperating with the designs of nature.
    Who wouldn't?
    Its for our own good/happiness.

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16. 77

    Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years ago

    There is nothing wrong with dating whoever you want. Sex is what makes the difference.
    dating / playing the field versus love / sex
    Devastating consequences can result.
    Sex is playing with fire.
    
    
    As long as SEX stays out of the picture, non monogamous "relationships" (friendships?) are fine, I would say.

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       gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Responsible sex is part of a healthy adult relationship.  One does not have to be married to have responsible sex.  There is birth control, just use it.   Also, to digress (yes, I am going to go THERE, YES INDEED), there are MONOGAMOUS MARRIED COUPLES who have irresponsible sex and look at the result.......... If a person is single and wants to have a relationship, monogamous or otherwise, use birth control.  Protect thyself.  Sex is not a baaaad thing if used intelligently and responsibly.
       
       If this ISN'T irresponsible sex, then NOTHING IS.............(married couple)
       
       Yet ANOTHER instance of irresponsible sex......NEED I SAY MORE..........(married couple)
       
       Here's an UNMARRIED couple having a relationship, they are using preventives.  Everything is fine as long as preventives are in the picture.

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          Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

          The first two families are smiling and obviously happy. This is not a good example of monogamous irresponsible sex.
          What is a good example of that?
          
          Any couple who can't afford another child and does nothing to change the situation, but instead relies on welfare.
           
          You act like preventative (birth control) measures are fool proof.
          They're NOT!

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          1. 84

             gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

             It is IRRESPONSIBLE for parents to have large/very large families.  No parent can effectively raise a very large number of children by themselves.  It is also SELFISH for parents to have large/very large families. The MAJORITY of large/very large families have SOME TYPE of aid/assistance in one form or another through affluent relatives supporting them, government aid, and/or through charitable donations.  Large/very large families get OUTSIDE ASSISTANCE.  Again, if that isn't irresponsible sex, then NOTHING IS. 
             
             Also, birth control is effective if people were more responsible in its use.   Many people "forget" to use it which explains why birth control does not work.  Then there is always abortion.  Yes, people do have abortions because the pregnancy is unplanned and unwanted. No one should have to endure an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy.  Well, I'M DONE here.

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                Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                You give no proof if those families are unhappy.
                none.
                   proof please.

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                1. 84

                   gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                   The PROOF is in the FIRST PARAGRAPH.  Large/very large families are oftentimes socioeconomically impoverished to downright penurious.  Children in such families DON'T have the proper, nutritious food nor medical care.  If it were not for government food programs, most children in large/very large families would neither eat nor get nutritious food.  They oftentimes wear clothes that are cast offs. 
                   
                   Such poor children have to work, even forgoing their education to supplement family income thus continuing yet another generation of poverty brought upon by SELFISH, IRRESPONSIBLE, and YES LAZY parents who REFUSE to use family planning to limit the size of their families to 1-4 children.   Yes, these "parents" are indulging in irresponsible sex so don't use judgment regarding people or couples who indulge in non-monogamous relationships. AT LEAST, they USE birth control and aren't acting willy nilly regarding sex.  Furthermore, such non-monogamous are intelligent and responsible enough to use birth control and other forms of planning. I would like to interject that those who responsibly engage in non-monogamous relationships AREN'T hurting anyone while those who have large/very large families ARE hurting their children, ruining the latter's future chances socioecnomically & educationally!

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17. 77

    Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years ago

    There is science to it, williams.
    Science.   You are going against human nature to say "Oh, just be sure you use birth control."
    
    What about when the methods fail?
    One aborted fetus is too many.
    Don't jeopardize the life of a fetus.
    Be proactive I say.
    
    
    Happiness consists in cooperating with the way we were created. We were not designed to just enjoy life and live for pleasure alone.
    There is a higher purpose to human life.
    Life matters. Its not just a joke. But, as you know, "Some people feel that life is just a joke." B.D.
    Sex leads to love … and when it doesn't, it leads to heartache.
    Don't jeopardize the psyche of another.
    
    I am keyboarding in the spirit of encouragement.
    Not in a spirit of forcefulness.

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18. 74

    brakel2posted 8 years ago

    I don't know if you are talking about a married relationship or a dating one. If it is a married one, I would not do that to my children or spouse. However, each person must make his own choice. I guess rules would help.

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       gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Audrey, the OP is talking about a dating non-monogamous relationship, not a married non-monogamous relationship.  OP is stating that dating non-monogamous relationships are becoming the norm.  OP wishes to know what rules and guidelines should there be regarding such relationships.  OP, am I correct regarding this premise? If not, correct me please.

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          Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

          relationship vs. dating
          We do need clarification!
          
          
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5IVuN1N6-Y

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19. 74

    brakel2posted 8 years ago

    A friend of mine dated two guys for about two years, neither knowing about the other. She got pregnant by the irresponsible one, broke the other guy's heart, got a divorce 10 years later after an unhappy marriage. Does this answer a question about why this might not be a good idea?. FYI. Nobody ended up a winner.

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20. 77

    Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years ago

    I suppose some men are out there wondering, "What the heck!"  Can you imagine two men dating with benefits/casual sex the same woman?
    Two women dating with benefits/casual sex with the same guy?
    
    Ha Ha ha ha ha!
    
    
           

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21. 77

    Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years ago

    You Two
    
    Hey, hey my sweet Louise!
    You are my main squeeze!
    Of course my Baby Boo,
    There is Judy too!
    Oh, my dear main squeeze,
    I'm glad that we are three!
    Some days I love you ...
    Some days its Judy Blue!
    Of course you do not mind,
    I give you half my time,
    The other half is hers 
    And you both know what makes this great big 'ol tiger purrrr…
    You two!
    
    (flash lyrics by KLH)
    
    
    Can't you just hear Johnny Cash singing this?
    
    No, he never would.

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22. 77

    Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years ago

    Chorus:
    Just we three, just we three
    Happy, happy as can be!
    Busy bees, you two and me
    Busy busy bees!
    
    Second verse:
    Hey hey, my Judy Blue
    I have some time for you,
    Took a break from my main squeeze ...
    Uh .. er, I mean Louise.
    What? You're not in the mood?
    But, you've been oh so good!
    Why this change of mind?
    Now that we have some time!
    Oh, don't break my heart!
    Its too late for a new start!
    Its stifling just us two
    I'll always need you too!
    
    ~ any one up for the final third verse?

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23. 77

    Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years ago

    Hey you great big Jerk!
    Why did ya think this could work?
    Now I am pregnant, Oh!
    Where now should I go?
    Of course, I'll have to leave
    You and your "main squeeze!"
    Good luck to you both;
    This has been a joke!
    Like a feather in the wind,
    I'll blow away again.
    Back where I came from
    Always on the run
    Sorry to abandon ...
    You two.
    
    Signed, Judy Blue.

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24. 71

    Aime Fposted 8 years ago

    My mom was a single mom twice over the course of my childhood and I also couldn't tell you who she's had sex with other than my biological father, my adoptive father, and her current husband.  I'm 27.  I'm pretty sure at some point during those other 8+ years she was having relationships with other people!  But it's not something I thought about as a child, and she wasn't trying to "hide" anything from me, either.  I just didn't clue in and at this point in my life it's been long enough that I don't remember the length of those relationships, whether they were just friends or dating, etc.  I could think of a couple of people that she *might* have been having an intimate relationship with but I still never knew for sure. 
    
    Presumably people in open relationships are actually trying to be discreet, which my mom wasn't, and I STILL have no idea.  So no, I don't think in most cases (unless they're being careless) the kids will find out.  Same goes for diseases and pregnancies.

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25. 77

    Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years ago

    I guess people don't care about true love any more.

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       wildernessposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Sadly, I tend to agree with you here.  Lust and convenience seem to be the "common standard" today - a Saturday night spent alone is to be avoided at all costs.

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          PrettyPantherposted 8 years agoin reply to this

          This is a complete mischaracterization of the topic at hand.  Open relationships are mutually agreeable arrangements.  One can love someone, but not possess them.  Possession does not equal love.  Love is not defined by exclusivity.  "True love" can exist in many situations, including open relationships.  This notion that the ideal is to find one person and spend the rest of your life with them doesn't seem to work out for most people.

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             brakel2posted 8 years agoin reply to this

             Many of my friends are married and in long relationships. I don't think you can speak for society as a whole, unless you have done a study of the situation and have actual statistics. What is happening in your circles represents a small segment of the population. I wish folks would not make such generalizations, but they will continue to do so. In this thread, folks have such definite ideas that it is probably useless to even state an opinion. It is like a religion or politics discussion.

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                PrettyPantherposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                I am not speaking for society as a whole.  I am doing the opposite and saying that each individual gets to choose what works for them.  I specifically stated "true love" can exist in many situations, including open relationships.  I think one monogamous, long-term relationship is great, but I also think it's an ideal that hardly anyone achieves.  That is all I'm saying.

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                   Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                   ~ what the heck is true love to you?

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                      PrettyPantherposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                      Well, that's a big question.  I don't know if I can put it into words, and it will probably be a disjointed mess, but here goes.
                      
                      True love is unconditional.  If you add a condition to love (i.e., marriage), that condition is merely a transaction that has nothing to do with love.
                      
                      Someone once said love is a verb (Martin Luther King, Jr.?).  I agree with this.  Love is what you do, how you behave, how you interact with the world and people.
                      
                      True love, with regard to one person, which is what I think you are asking, is a cultural expectation that has arisen out of our need to feel safe and secure.  People attach conditions to true love, and say they are not conditions, but commitments based on love.  Such as:  you will only love me, you will stay with me as my spouse forever and always.  Those commitments are not true love, but transactions that help both people feel safe and secure.  True love is separate from these transactions.
                      
                      Now, more from the heart:  True love is what we give to another, not what we receive.  It is unconditional.  It is what we do, not what we want.  It is offering ourselves up to someone, free of demands.  When both people do this for each other, that is true love.

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                         gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                         +1,000,000,000,000,000,000!

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26. 59

    Kiss andTalesposted 8 years ago

    Interesting but all things have been tried and tested, and you will find it does not work as well.
    you really have the clues in your statement that will help you understand rather is this a good thing or bad,
    
    First I will give you credit that you are not trying to rely on your own thoughts because you know that you could be wrong, plain to see,
    Next you are aware that if a person can cheat in a single relationship , and not satisfy you , why should you believe it can be resolved with more people. Just to find out
    People do not like to be used.
    So do not treat people like appliances , example three toasters in your kitchen could look bizarre ! Take up space ,
    and clutter , more to maintain, to clean, when one breaks , do you toss it out,,
    People are worth more and made with wonderful intellect.  Do not use people.
    The next thing you assume this is the answer , what about the other persons ?
    They can change course in the middle of it all.
    Next as another example say we want to use the toaster example again, when one breaks
    Will it be useful to another owner? Once you are finished with it.
    Some one can come along and help with repairs at their expense , but this should not be the case.
    Cheating can be done right in front as you would say open , you are still cheating no matter how many partners you have.
    Because you are using for your needs as stated, and you are cheating the person out of a decent relationship.
    
    Next the problem you have come up with , is not that you some how was not mistreated yourself and now you are saying it is war .
    But the problem lies in the instruction book
    Of life you did not read and look into the fine print of success to make your path straight
    You experience things done your way , and by trail and error, Now you are about to make it worse involving more people.
    
    Pr 3:6 In all your ways take notice of him, And he will make your paths straight.
    
    Php 4:6 Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving, let your petitions be made known to God;
    
    Try this way first, you can find a faithful mate, just do it the right way.
    
    I hope you will consider

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