The mistake we adults do that affect our young ones

1. 71

   HubChiefposted 14 years ago

   This is great forum.
   
   I am parent of a 5 year old and I would like to learn from all parents on the hub.
   
   What is that one mistake we remember that affected our children negatively. What would you advice to avoid from your experience?

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   1. 59

      Pamda Manposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Arguing in front of them.

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   2. 0

      sandra rinckposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I don't know yet.   Maybe making here eat because she was a preemie. 
      
      I was so concerned with her physical growth that I think I actually put her off to wanting to eat.

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2. 67

   world of the wiseposted 14 years ago

   over guarding them, though not guarding thwm is also another mistake

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3. 55

   Farlackposted 14 years ago

   1. Don't beat up your other half in front of them (hitting is bad too)
   2. If you don't think your child should see it.. Chances are they should not see it. I'm not talking about TV
   3. Don't baby them let them experiment if they want to go to a friends house let them.
   4. Let them learn from their mistakes seriously if your kid wants to stick a fork in the wall socket let them do it once they get shocked they wont ever do it again (usually lol) it wont kill them it'll just make them cry a little.

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4. 61

   Mac Missionposted 14 years ago

   Never use bad words in front of them, behaving disobediently in front of your parents ----- too much strict is too bad to them. win there heart with loving words...----- ******* I learnt from my family now correcting myself,using this to my 1year daughter

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5. 71

   HubChiefposted 14 years ago

   thanks to all of you for sharing the valuable lessons.

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6. 62

   Lady_Eposted 14 years ago

   Let the kids choose the subjects in school or careers they want. (Some parents decide the careers of their children).
   
   My mum wanted me to study Medicine. Boy, did I hate those Science subjects...

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   1. 73

      Hauntyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Pretty important indeed.

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7. 60

   Colebabieposted 14 years ago

   Be real. My mom always told me "you didn't come with a manual". We learned together.
   Be a good example, but we know you aren't perfect. My parents have always been affectionate toward each other. They are a good example of a marriage.
   Be fun. I hardly have any bad memories from childhood. But I was lucky.
   Be creative. Activities even punishments should be creative.
   Be understanding and patient.
   
   I have seen/met parents that didn't have any or all of those qualities. That is a mistake.

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8. 58

   Dame Scribeposted 14 years ago

   Be the parent not just their friend. They do need discipline and when they ask, 'Why?' give them a honest answer. Love, affection, time together, physical and mental challenges, realities of growing up including the bad, discourage bad behaviors, reward them with being 'boss' if they are behaving but not 24/7, lead by example,

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   1. 64

      Dale Mazurekposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      That is awesome advice.  The only thing I would add is don't keep your kids in a bubble.

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9. 71

   HubChiefposted 14 years ago

   Great, personal experiences as a kid are also very valuable.
   
   How do you help kid choosing the career. the maturity level of understanding careers in today's world for adults are different.
   
   Would you agree that help kids see the benefits and stand by their choice. or do you agree that make the environment such that kid, as he is growing, is drawn automatically towards what you dream for him today.
   
   As a parent if I am helping my kid get best education today and spending $1000 a month on just private school fee, is it fair for me to think he would grew to be a better person with a career that i would not uncomfortable about?
   
   I feel that I made my parents proud by folloing the pathways they forced me in and may inadverantly play same role for my kid. is it fair?

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   1. 60

      Colebabieposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      To help a child just let them pursue their interests, even if it is something that may seem boring or stupid to you. Shoving out the money will not give your child a better opportunity to be a "good person" there are choices to be made and lessons to be learned at all schools.
      Why do you have to be comfortable with their career choice? As long as he/she is happy and isn't hurting anyone you should be comfortable.
      I made my parents proud by pursuing what I love. Not what they love/

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10. 71

    HubChiefposted 14 years ago

    By the way money was not the point (sorry for putting it wrong way).
    
    The fear I as a parent live with is that my son may be drawn towards bad company (or may be drugs at local school) if he ends up in a bad company. I am not with him 24 hours a day. so I send him to private school.
    
    Its not that I do not trust him (if he were to go to pubic school) but understanding about that subject matter develops as you grow. Teenage is very aggressive, very cherishable, very delicate and decisive, he is still 5.
    
    As he grows I want to protect him from extreme situations. if any extreme incidence happens would the blame be on child or on parent. Would the resulting circumstances would be owned by child or parent. I mean I feel there is thin line?
    
    If I love and care for my child, I can not go to him at any age and say, "its your problem, solve it". Specially in years where he is still developing. so is the onus on parents to guide him and when he is ready at the age he can make decisions, le him be. At least i am sure I had him go through right circumstances!

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    1. 60

       Colebabieposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Understanding about drugs and alcohol can come from home too. In my town the private school students had a lot of drug use. But you just have to make the decision about schooling for your child. The point is no matter where you send him just to give him the values to make good decisions. As far as the extreme incidences, are you worried about getting in trouble legally?
       
       I agree that you must work through problems with your child. As far as "following the wrong crowd" my parents always had their doors open. There were always tons of people at my house. It was always fun. My friends went to my parents for advice because they were so open. Looking back, I realize that my parents were amazing in doing this. My siblings and I would much rather invite friends over than go to their house. This lead to my parents knowing all of our friends and us staying out of trouble.

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11. 69

    Beth100posted 14 years ago

    Lead by example, by teaching them respect, sensitivity, patience, understanding, courage, honesty, trust, self awareness, humor and just being them.  Allow them to make their own mistakes, as long as it does not cause bodily  harm, encourage creativity, imagination, social interaction, and sports.  Let them be kids...they know how to do that!

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12. 69

    lrohnerposted 14 years ago

    I think someone else mentioned this, but I think trying to be their friend at a young age is a huge mistake. You have a lifetime to be their friend, and only a relatively short time to parent them.

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13. 78

    Sally's Troveposted 14 years ago

    Take the time to listen to your child.  Don't brush him off.  When he has something to say, focus your attention on him, not on what you may be doing that he just interrupted. 
    
    Think about how you feel when you have something you want to say, and someone brushes you off by continuing to multi-task, or giving you a disinterested "uh-huh", or pretending to listen.  Do you want your child to feel the way you do when something like that happens to you?
    
    When you listen fully, you will find that your child is teaching you, perhaps even more than you are teaching him.
    
    Pick up a book or surf the net for "active listening techniques".  You will be glad you did.
    
    Great thread HubChief!

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    1. 0

       sandra rinckposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       That's good advice.  I was thinking about this yesterday.

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14. 71

    HubChiefposted 14 years ago

    Colebabie, tank you so much for sharing these amazing experiences. As a parent we are learning too and it is great to hear from you as honest opinion. this would definitely help us new patrents give better lives to our dear ones.
    
    This is amazing and great.. i never thought that we all analyze this special relationship so much by virtue of being a great parent and by virtue of being a child of our parents.
    
    Seems we all have identified one such item that we could have done better or could avoid or have learnt to avoid. Hubbers, we want to hear more, please help us with your experiences. By learning from each other's experience and example, we would at least be able to help next generations more proactively than reactively.

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15. 71

    HubChiefposted 14 years ago

    bringing this back to life, more comments?

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