Should one tell everything about one's past to a fiancee?

1. 60

   Agnes Pennposted 13 years ago

   Should one tell everything about one's past to a fiancee?

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2. 82

   Credence2posted 13 years ago

   Honesty is the best policy, I always say. What is worse is unexpected or unanticipated surprises that is revealed at an inopportune time that can and do spoil a relationship.

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3. 66

   Billrrrrposted 13 years ago

   Tell 'em now or Tell 'em later.
   
   Like pimples on a teenager's face, sooner or later the secrets of the past will come out.
   
   Better to tell upfront than try to create a backstory.

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4. 71

   onegoodwomanposted 13 years ago

   The telling of every, single, detail, of our life, would take away the breaths of tomorrow.
   
   
   Tell of  desires, brokeness, hurts and struggles that shaped you.   Do not speak of, on the last Tuesday of the 2nd month, just because it is followed by Wednesday, I can not eat  spinach.
   
   
   It is enough to say.......I do not care for spinach.
   
   
   
   Honestly.............share the things that matter........you know what they are........let the rest of the details be revealed over time.
   
   If it might matter, then tell me..........if it is a minor issue, don't bog me down with details.........I am busy.
   
   As your fiancee, I expect to spend the REST OF MY LIFETIME with you............don't forcefeed me  a lifetime of discovery in two weeks.
   
   
   If you have a felony, a DWI, owe federal taxes,.....tell me.
   
   Tell me the things that will alter my tomorrows and my responsibilty.
   
   You do not need to tell me, yet, of your distaste for Chocolate pie, how much you blew out of your nose, of ingrown hairs, or how many rolls of toilet tissue you use in a month.
   
   
   Just be, just live, and let life flow............
   
   I vow this to you.........after 30 years, three children, and  two grandchildren, several homes, and countless vehicles.............there are intimate 'details', that I have never shared with my hubby.........there is no need to ponder, on what he might keep to himself.

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5. 73

   Seek-n-Findposted 13 years ago

   Depends...don't hide things...but you don't need to go into every single detail.  My now husband knew the "main idea" and important thematic elements of my previous relationships, but I didn't give him a play-by-play of every detail.  Did that with my ex-fiance and we thought it was "good communication" but it just gave too much focus on the past.  And some people have a higher sensitivity level than others and want to know less or more.  Perhaps it would be best to start with a conversation about, "How much do we want to share and how many details do you want to hear?"  Not sure if this helps...

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6. 62

   jeshonposted 13 years ago

   It's better to tell and share everything that you think your partner should/need to know.
   I rather know sooner than find out or hear about things later.
   Details are not necessary, but sharing your experiences that has made you who you are today could be useful information for the one you're supposed to share your life with.
   And if you don't have anything to hide, than you should be able to share it...

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7. 82

   Tom Voglerposted 13 years ago

   I would think that by the time a couple gets to where they are fiancee and not just friends or boyfriend and girlfriend that much of the important things would have been told while they were dating and courting.  Honesty is so important in relationships and marriage.  Withholding information is dishonest, but TMI is also not healthy.

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8. 60

   juiwei2000posted 13 years ago

   Depend on what you are telling them and what are the circumstnaces, there are no definite answer,

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9. 81

   Escobanaposted 13 years ago

   Definitely yes! In fact, I would tell my boyfriend everyting. Waiting untill he will be my fiancee, makes it more complicated.
   
   I'd rather have him know about me completely, instead of finding out about some juicy details if we are about to marry.
   
   I can tell you honestly....sharing stories about your past makes your boyfriend a real friend and a real partner. Everyone has had their share of shameful moments in the past. There's no need for shame in your relationship, if you respect one another.

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10. 62

    Dave Mathewsposted 13 years ago

    If asked, one should reveal what is asked. To hold back the truth is lying and a marriage cannot survive on lies.

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11. 58

    patbessposted 13 years ago

    Honesty is key in a relationship. Better get all the stuff out in the beginning and see how the person reacts to it from the start.

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12. 77

    Faceless39posted 13 years ago

    Nope; everyone has secrets and things better left unsaid.  We shouldn't display every single detail to anyone.  That said, we should be honest when topics come up, within reason, and should let them know when we're uncomfortable answering some of their direct questions.  Relationships are based on love, communication, and loyalty.  These are extremely important, but that doesn't mean we have to disclose everything.

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13. 38

    Borsiaposted 13 years ago

    I think that when you get to the Fiancée level you should pretty much lay out all of the cards.
    But I don't think you need to go into every detail, just the major stuff and, of course, anything that the two of you might have very different views of.
    I believe that you might want to sit down and say something like;
    "OK this is your chance to ask me anything and everything you want to know. After this you will only get the condensed version of what I think I want to say and the book will be closed, along with the library."
    AT this point you should answer any questions fully and completely. You aren't obligated to add subjects to the list.
    They, needless to say, have to be willing to do the same for you.
    If they later start trying to rake muck you just say "you had your chance to ask, it's history now."

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14. 58

    zzronposted 13 years ago

    
    
    I don't think is necessary, I believe it depends on if you think they need to know or if you want them to know.

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15. 59

    Angel709posted 13 years ago

    I agree with the quote from Onegoodwoman, "Tell me the things that will alter my tomorrows and my responsibility."  I'd also like to know the steps the person has taken to avoid repeating the past mistakes.  Details? No. Just the lessons.
    
    Everyone is different and some people would rather not know anything and then hope to never find out by chance...I believe a discussion about what to tell and how to tell would be appropriate for those couples.  If a person says, they don't want to know, then honor their desire.

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