Do you believe manogomy is possible in relationships?

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   moneyfairyposted 10 years ago

   Do you believe manogomy is possible in relationships?
   
   Just wondering if any of you really believe in monagamous relationships or is one or the other looking over the fence thinking the grass may be greener on the other side(metaphorically speaking)?Can there ever be true happiness with only one person forever and ever?

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   Life and Luxuryposted 10 years ago

   Absolutely. I can't imagine life any other way but monogamous.
   
   I'm happily married, and to be honest, I could never understand why people wouldn't want to be bonded to their true match, and only their true match. Once you have that, everyone else just looks sub-par.
   
   How could true happiness exist if a person is always looking for the next best thing? Why would sleeping around make a person truly happy? Besides physical and ego gratification, it's a meaningless pursuit.

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      moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Life and Luxury: I truly want to believe in monogomy but have not yet found it. You are very lucky indeed to have found your ture match. Hopefully I'll find my true match before I die. I am the monogomas one they guy is not. Very sad.

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      Life and Luxuryposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      You will find your match. It took me many unhappy years before I found my husband. I got married at 37, when most people have already been married for many years. Don't give up. It is true that love happens when you aren't actively looking for it.

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      moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you !!! I gave up a long time ago so it will be interesting to watch it unfold if indeed it ever does. I think it will be a great miracle if it does. Be grateful that you were blessed.

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   fpherj48posted 10 years ago

   moneyfairy......Although I believe in relationship monogamy, and thus, see it as "possible,"  I'm realistic enough to accept that not everyone feels this way.   This topic is so relative ( as long as we aren't including strict, non-negotiable morality).  By that, I mean that an individual would only be monogamous, based solely upon a "religious belief," with nothing else taken into consideration.
   Human beings appear to be programmed to be in a continual search for "something, better, different, MORE,"  despite discovering more often than not, that the grass is not greener on the other side of that fence.   
   What is your translation and/or expectation of "true happiness?"  If we are convinced we are not happy......are we certain we know the real reasons/causes of that unhappiness?   I ask these questions as a means to encourage some serious & deeper thought on the specific topic of monogamy.   Which brings me to one last question.......Would abandoning the concept of monogamy, by being unfaithful to your partner, bring you "true happiness?"    I firmly believe the answer to that question is extremely personal, varied per individual, at a particular period in their life..........
   Millions upon millions of couples have lived happily & in a loving monogamous relationship....till death, did they part.   Millions have not, although it surely did not obliterate all love or happiness from their lives.    Peace.

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      moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      fpherj48: I am the one being cheated on and so finally I just gave up and wondered if true monogomy really exists. I hope for it but have not yet found it. But I enjoy my freedom now. In the back of my mind I wonder if my true match will ever come.

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      fpherj48posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      let me clarify: I answer questions to our "readers," as opposed to you, personally.  This topic is sensitive, not to mention very familiar to MOST of us at one time or another!  People cheat or they don't.   Has NOTHING to do with "WHO" they're with!

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      moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Nothing to do with Who they are with?really? Well I guess they don't really care about who they are with when they are cheating or they would think twice about it before they did it. We are human not animals but some think animal instinct takes over.

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      fpherj48posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Pls understand my meaning.  The person being cheated on, must NEVER blame themselves...bcuz.....a "cheater" will cheat on whoever their partner is.  A cheater is a CHEATER.  Often, they may LOVE U..but do not expect to get caught.   Cheat =Selfish!

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      moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Yes cheat=selfish!!! Thanks!!

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4. 93

   FatFreddysCatposted 10 years ago

   I've been with the same woman for seventeen years and have been married for fourteen of those years. I've never strayed nor have I ever been tempted to do so.
   
   In other words... yes, it it's possible.

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      moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Glad to hear it Freddy. That is awesome ,17 yrs. and still in love!!! Good for you

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   MG Singhposted 10 years ago

   Its a question, where the answer lies in the biological and physiological makeup of man.  Man can never be monogamous and thus I do not see how there can ever be a monogamous relationship as far as a man is concerned.

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      moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Sadly this seems to be true more than not. Thanks MG Singh.

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   Alastar Packerposted 10 years ago

   Some interesting and varied answers, moneyfairy. Good question. My thoughts will just be that any man or woman who were brought up in a loving, happy ,two parent, family situation have a much better chance of a long-lasting, love-filled, relationship themselves. Consequently, those who do not, but instead live childhood through one of more divorces and/or numerous "Uncles and "Aunts"who come and go, the chances for lasting monogamy may decrease significantly. However, many who experience such a youth, break the odds and succeed in a two parent family of respect and love to themselves and any children they raise.

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      moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Very true! My parents are together for over 52 yrs. now but they haven't been all happy. So it just made me wonder if anyone is truly ever happy , and obviously some are.

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   JThomp42posted 10 years ago

   Yes. It is very possible as long as both respect one another. "Do unto other's the way you would want them to do unto you." Before one commits such an act, they really need to stop and think "What if they would do this to me?"  The grass may look greener on the other side, because it has been fertilized with so much B.S.

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      moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      That's the key respect for another persons feelings and honesty to tell the truth if it's not working ,instead of going behind someones back and hoping not to get caught,but eventually do and cause a lot of pain or some just want their cake and eat .

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      Breatheeasy3posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      last statement very literal and very very funny JThomp42

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      JThomp42posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Breatheeasy3.

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      moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      @Breatheeasy: I wondered if you were commenting on the cake and eat it too satetement or the fertilizer BS comment? But thanks for replying, appreciate your comments.

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8. 88

   suzettenaplesposted 10 years ago

   Yes it is certainly possible, but it depends on the two in the relationship and the marriage.  They have to decide what type of relationship they want and how it will be conducted.  If both are capable of a monogamy, then it can work. 
   
   The problem arises when one person wants and/or expects monogamy and the other person does not.  Also, two monogamous people can go into the relationship fully intending for it to be monogamous, but one or both can give into lust or falling in love with another.  Over the years, the relationship can change and one person is not getting what they  need or want in the relationship and look elsewhere.
   
   When men or women cheat on their partner, there has been a relationship breakdown long before the cheating has begun.  One or the other or both are not happy with the relationship but failed to properly communicate their wants and needs to their partner.  I believe no one cheats on a relationship unless they are unhappy at home.  There is some underlying problem with the marriage or relationship or the person(s) wouldn't drift into an affair with someone else. 
   I also am not a big believer in sexual addiction - I believe both men and women are capable of controlling sexual urges.  If not, there is usually a physical problem rather than psychological one, but that is just my opinion.  I believe we have created an 'addiction crutch' in our society for people to lean on rather than looking at themselves and taking responsibility for their actions.

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      moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I think you are so right. Thank you for your answer.

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   dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

   Monogamy is a lifestyle (choice) and not a DNA code. There are lots of people who have never chosen to cheat in their relationships or marriages.
   Not every cheater cheats because they are "unhappy" overall with the person they are with. Cheaters generally seek to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationships while addressing their other "needs" on the side.
   They don't want to throw away a whole relationship or marriage simply because they are unhappy with one or two aspects. Ironically once the cheater is discovered it can lead to the dissolution of the relationship/marriage. However most cheaters don't expect to get caught! Their hope is they can get everything they want without having to sacrifice anything. If they cheat and don't get caught they're happy. If they are caught then they'll deal with the consequences. Cheating is a selfish cowardly act.
   Having said that very few people are going to run down to the courthouse and file for divorce simply because their spouse stopped having sex with them or is no longer attentive. Too often people seek to "relax" in their relationships. They believe if they (stop) doing things the relationship will remain the same.
   When we change our circumstances change.

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      moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      That is true about not wanting to get caught, they want thier cake and eat it too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.

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      Breatheeasy3posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      @dashingscorpio. Like that you point out the separation between 'Choice' and 'DNA coding. Very important for people to understand!

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10. 93

    peeplesposted 10 years ago

    There are a lot of factors to this question. I will start with your first question "Do you believe manogomy is possible in relationships". Yes I believe that for SOME couples it is completely possible. The second part is "is one or the other looking over the fence thinking the grass may be greener on the other side" This implies that just because one partner wants to have sexual relationships outside of their marriage, that they must be looking for something better.  This is not always the case. Many open/swinger marriages are very happy with their spouse and are simply seeking out a thrill, control, or something different. (different does not equal better).
    "Can there ever be true happiness with only one person forever and ever?" You are equating happiness with a marriage with sex. That only partially works. I am married to my husband who makes me 100% happy in ALL aspects. That does not mean that neither of us will ever crave to have sex with another person. Sex more often than not has nothing to do with love and everything to do with basic animal instincts. Did you know women are more likely to cheat when they are ovulating?
    Many open/swinger marriages last yet are never monogamous. So again monogamy does not always equal happiness, but having sex with someone outside of the marriage does not always equal unhappiness.

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       moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you for your very open minded opinion on this subject.

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       Breatheeasy3posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Excellent dissection on the matter Ms. Peeples. You hit on some very key points with precision and much needed perspective!!!!!!

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    PoeticFailosophyposted 10 years ago

    Yes, it is possible.  Those who always crow how monogamy is so "unnatural" have simply never experienced it.  And frankly, very little human behavior is "natural" anyway. We are pretty atypical as animals go.

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       moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Well we are not animals we are human and I beleive we have the choice to be monogomus or not. I'd prefer if more people were monogomus, but haven't found that to be true yet. So you are lucky if you have experienced it. But it seems the exception.

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    Breatheeasy3posted 10 years ago

    Of course! Keep in mind however, that monogamy is a rather new 'Thing' in our society. Looking back on the history of human culture, men have typically had multiple wives.

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       moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Breatheeasy:(re: multiple wives)Maybe in Saudi Arabia or some Mormon cultures but not as a norm in the USA that I know of anyway. Thanks for sharing your opinion.

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       Breatheeasy3posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       keep in mind moneyfairy that I mentioned 'history' of human culture. 'USA' history compared to the overall history of man makes it fairly new. And your research will illustrate that polygamous affairs extended well beyond Mormon & "Saudi" culture

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       moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you Breatheeasy for your knowledge of the history of human culture. I guess I am not that aware of of alot of polygamous communities. Someone mentioned to me that thier are also cultures where woman have many husbands instead of the opposite.

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       Breatheeasy3posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       women instead of men. true indeed moneyfairy. Ultimately, I do feel that monogamy can be accomplished. It resides mostly on the man though, based his nature. Science shows us that high testosterone levels relate to high sexual appetite, hence(men)lol

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    indymichelleposted 10 years ago

    well, I'm 35 and I've been in a few relationships.  Each have had a story of their own.  Prior to my current relationship, I feel as though I had a little more faith in people.  I have been lied to a lot and have wondered now if everyone is like that.  I don't know if people can be monogamous in a relationship.  I personally believe I could be, I don't know if my conscience would allow me to cheat on someone I loved.  But, that's not to say that everyone is that way.

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       moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Because you are a good and decent  person with morals and values and not all people are like that. I hope whoever you're with now knows what a treasure he has in you.

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    IDONOposted 10 years ago

    It's more than possible. It's imperative, necessary and a true relationship cannot exist without it. In any relationship, monogamy is the number 1, ultimate trust. If that trust is broken, how could any other trust ever be possible. And I don't know about that second "ever". Forever is a pretty long time.

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       moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       I totaly agree. Thank you for sharing your opinion!!!

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    AlienWednesdayposted 10 years ago

    There is nothing I can add that someone has not already said. I am in a monagamous relationship and plan to stay that way. Now if he choose to not want to do that. Then at least tell me so we can part ways without all the cheating stuff.. To each their own. If couples want an open relationship and agree.. Good for them.. Just not my bag.

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       moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       I totaly agree. I have recently spoke with people who have been in long term relationships and they all say they don't believe in cheating as they love only ea. other and that's how it should be. If one is that unhappy why stay?Be honest,don't cheat.

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    The Stages Of MEposted 10 years ago

    Oh yes I believe so, it is all about choice.  Manogomy is work and it's decision and it's agreeing to fall in love over and over again.  It is also awareness that you may not always like the way things are going.  There are periods of intense heat in relationships both in the conversation and in the bedroom.  It is important to give attention the the growth and education of both areas.  It is important to have honesting in discovery that is always changing.  It is important to be real and to be real honest. It is most important to be forgiving and open to your own transgressions. It is also important to be sure you get the same from your love.  You will not always likeone another as you are not the same person, however  love is a much deeper emotion and we are capable of great and deep love, especailly if we love as we want to be loved.  It is necessary to understand for you to be manogamous with one, you must accept the heart of who they are.  You must constantly understand you are yourself wonderful and beautiful and worthy of great love and excitement. You have much to share and to learn always. You are also difficult confused egotistical greedy selfish... So is your partner.  To accept the faults and share in the joys to find ways to move past or around difficulty of stress (good or bad) in forward motion, is where you fall into newness, over and over again.  Remembering to take turns in your evolving of self is important.  Sharing self with one another and dying to self.  This type of relationship has the seeds to grow and flourish.  It is complacency that is the killer, routine and lack of loving confrontation.  These are the weeds of relationship and if not tended to, the weeds begin to choke hold.  Dealing with the weeds together, come what may, this is when a relationship can be made new.  It is a choice and communication is the key.  Real honest heart to heart open communication.  With that said, yes manogomy is possible and amazing, because it is always getting better, you don't have to start with a seed, you get to enjoy the fruit, but don't forget to take care of the weeds together.

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       moneyfairyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       What a great well thought out answer. Thank you very much for answering. much

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    Caleb Delovergesposted 10 years ago

    If a woman can't cook, should her husband have to go the rest of his life eating hot dogs and microwave pizza? No, he goes to restaurants and enjoys good food then comes back home to his wife. If there is something a spouse can't provide, they should not be upset when their partner gets what they need from someone else. Sex is very basic and people are putting too much meaning into it. You can have sex without love.

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    Globetrekkermelposted 10 years ago

    I believe so. My parents were married for 45 years before my Dad passed away. Like any marriage, it was far from perfect but monogamy  in my parents' marriage was always in place. I think marriages in my parents' time were more solid as far as monogamy was concerned.These  days ,the monogamy in a marriage is always  threatened and third party issues can easily happen   even to the best of marriages.

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