Can you fall in love again with someone especially if one has wronged you but yo

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   Jorgeregulaposted 11 years ago

   Can you fall in love again with someone especially if one has wronged you but you want to stay
   
   My boyfriend and I have been together over three years. He came home one day told me he has feelings for someone else, kissed her and asked her for more, she said no.He tells me he loves me and that I'm not the same person he fell in love with.He continued to tell me that he's worthless and wants to be alone. A couple hours later when we both stopped crying, he tells me he loves me and doesn't want to leave me and wants to go to counseling.So when someone tells you their not in love with you at the moment but hopes they can be, do you think it should be worked out or give up on them entirely?

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   LongTimeMotherposted 11 years ago

   I feel for you. Life is a rollercoaster ride and sadly you're probably in one of the all time lows. The good news is, happy times come again - even when you don't imagine it is possible.
   
   For me, trust is the foundation of a relationship and once that's gone there's no getting it back. I did try once, when I was a lot younger than today, to give the benefit of the doubt but wasn't able to feel happy every morning when I woke and every evening when I tried to sleep.
   
   After 20 years with my current husband, I am smiling all day every day. You have to make your own choice and whatever that is, I respect it. 

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      Jorgeregulaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks so much. I totally understand the trust thing but in my situations I hope I can trust again, if I can't I don't think I'd ever be able to trust anyone anymore. I just want to try and be in love again with him.

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      LongTimeMotherposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      If I was to disappoint you, would you assume that everyone else in the world would disappoint you? If I was to give you a million dollars, would you expect everyone else to do the same? Your boyfriend is one man. Lucky not all men are the same.

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   IDONOposted 11 years ago

   You will never fall in love AGAIN because you are in still in love the first time. You don't risk, or even entertain the thought of the same thing, or worse happening again unless you are still in love. Don't mistake hurt or anger for falling out of love. It's easy to do. But also, don't forget to love yourself enough to get out of a relationship that could devastate you.

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      Jorgeregulaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      No, I wouldn't but I would be cautious. If your child does something for you not to trust him or her would you never trust them? I think I need to work on trust in general because I never had it before.

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      IDONOposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Jorge- Your love of a child is far different than the relationship you speak of. Love of a child is usually unconditional. If your love for them is the same, something is wrong and you will be hurt by one or both.

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   Alphadogg16posted 11 years ago

   Well in my opinion your boyfriend is more than likely young (probably under 30), has not completely matured yet and doesn't know what he wants. If you stay, you will probably have to deal with more indecisiveness, that's just what kids do. I know its easier said then done, especially when you love him, but I would walk away. He is obviously not ready to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

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      Jorgeregulaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      He's over thirty. I greatly appreciate your advice, thank you.

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   cjaroszposted 11 years ago

   Here's the big question. Is it all worth fighting for? Are you both willing to fight to keep your relationship together. If not, then its most likely a lost cause. You cant fix something that don't want to be fixed.
   
   If you do, there is a long road ahead of you. You can try counseling. The biggest thing is finding out, where it all went wrong. Where did your relationship stray off course? Was it something you did, or he just being a " hungry" man? The first would mean finding out what it was that made him change his feel I towards you, and try to fix those things. If its the second, your getting into something that will probably never change.
   
   You got to understand  that you might get hurt in the end. That's all part of love and life. Putting your heart out there and seeing who will take it as it is. Giving up won't change anything. Not everyone is alike. He may put on bind on your love with anyone. Don't build you wall so high no one can knock it down. There's a difference in protecting yourself, and completely shutting out.
   
   Hopefully, you guys figure this out. Decide what you both want and go from there. Take small steps into fixing things. Don't rush to be back to perfection. Learn from each other on your expectations. Being in a relationship is a two way street. You give a little to get a little. Make love work for you, not just the working of the relationship. Take a break, and try to rekindle old fires hat you guys had with each other.

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      Jorgeregulaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you!

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   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
   - Oscar Wilde
   Anyone who comes home after being in a relationship with you for three years and tells you he attempted to have sex with someone else and the only reason he didn't was because he was (rejected) is clearly letting you know they don't think (you) are "special".
   There are two reasons why a cheater or "would be cheater" reveals their activities without being pressured.
   1. They're unable to cope with the guilt they feel each time they look into your loving eyes. (We can rule this one out since he said you aren't the same person he fell in love with.)
   2. They hope (you) will end the relationship.
   Everyone always asks; "If a cheaters are unhappy why don't they just end their relationships?"
   Cheating is a (cowardly) act. The goal of any cheater is to (hold onto) all that is good in their primary relationship while addressing their other needs on the side. A cheater has no interest in giving up one relationship for another, going through a messy breakup or divorce. Rarely does a cheater intentionally (initiate) a breakup. Those who do treat relationships like jobs; they won't leave one until they have another one in place. Cheaters don't want to sacrifice anything!
   Cheaters don't believe they will get caught.
   Counseling only works for couples who are "in love" but are having difficulties in areas like communication or conflict resolution. Counseling has never caused someone to (fall in love) with anyone! In fact the number one reason why counseling fails for so many couples is because they wait until one or both people have (fallen out of love) before seeking help!
   To walk away from someone who is not in love with you is not giving up on them it's looking out for you! To stay with someone knowing he does not love you IS giving up on YOU. I think you might benefit from reading my book. Best Wishes! 
   My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany) http://www.amazon.com/Cat-Wont-Bark-Rel … 1468104721

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      Jorgeregulaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I hope to take this advice.

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   DDEposted 11 years ago

   The thing about love and trust is and can be so complicated, he kissed her and trusting him going to be hard remember not every person is the same when it comes to trust or love.   If you still have something to work on then work on it but soon you will realize it on your own what is best for you. It happened once even  touching someone is cheating especially if is not  your  partner

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      Jorgeregulaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you, I appreciate it.

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   lupineposted 11 years ago

   If you want to stay with him, it's your choice. Just don't overburden yourself with his unethical ways. You keep commenting you want to give him another chance, go to counseling, and so on...go ahead for your peace of mind. If you end up with a trusting, loving relationship, that's all you really wanted. If not, you tried, gave him another chance, did what you could, and that's all you can do. No more...no less!

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      Jorgeregulaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for this I really do appreciate it

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      lupineposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You are welcome... I really hope all these answers help you.

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