20 Ways to Annoy a Telemarketer

1. 60

   Alessia Amnesiaposted 15 years ago

   I found this list and found it both hilarious and useful.
   
   1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you sure could use some money.
   
   2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you ask?" Alternatively, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked. No one seems to care lately, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try to get the sale, just keep talking about your problems.
   
   3. If they say they are John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Ask them to spell the company's name. Ask them where they are located. Continue asking them personal questions for as long as necessary.
   
   4. If they are selling a lawn service to make your grass grow better, tell them it grows to fast now and green is not your favorite color anyway.
   
   5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
   
   6.  Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
   
   7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"
   
   8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood?
   Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?"
   
   9. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
   
   10. Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company,
   they often can't sell to employees.
   
   11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream "Oh No!" and then hang up.
   
   12. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
   
   13. Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
   
   14. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some food.
   
   15. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
   
   16. Ask the telemarketer if they use the product they are trying to sell. If they do, ask for a complete report. If they don't, ask them why not since it is such a great product.
   
   17. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
   
   18. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder... louder... NOT THAT LOUD!
   
   19. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write
   EVERY WORD down.
   
   20. Tell them that you are busy and ask for their phone number so you can call them back. If they say that they don't give out their phone number or they don't take calls, then ask for the caller's personal phone number at home. If then they say that they don't like being called at home, quickly say "Bingo!" and hang up.
   
   Enjoy. I personally can't wait to try them out

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   1. 0

      B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I kept having a newspaper , that was many cities away, call my house to get me to subscribe...I had caller ID and had a friend over one time when they called..
      The friend answered and started talking to them, finally said, I really wish you would stop calling, I know her very well and she can not read, she has been blind since birth..
      They NEVER called again
      
      
      or I always say, Im a bit busy, why don't you give me your name, ID, number and extension, and I will call you back..better yet give me your home number and we can talk about it..
      
      Telemarketers do not care for that too much 

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   2. 59

      IdeaMorphistposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Blowing a whistle in the phone works well!

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      1. 60

         samboiamposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         You folks are brutal. :-) People like you are why I am no longer a telemarketer.I do something less sterssful. I work in a maximum security prison.

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2. 0

   Crazdwriterposted 15 years ago

   Oh dang I would have too much fun with those and I could so do #7 too well maybe even the one about getting the blood out of the rug hahahaha Nice post Alessia

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3. 0

   cosetteposted 15 years ago

   haha....lol @ sore eyelashes"
   
   
   one time i was on my way out the door and this guy wanted me to do a survey about pizza. i told him like three times i didn't have time and he said well can i call you back tomorrow and i said ok and then i added his number to my blocked calls list and i never heard from him again
   
   muwahahahaha...

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   1. 0

      Crazdwriterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      oooo cosette you mean! I like your style! LMAO

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      1. 0

         cosetteposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         heh. i had to get rid of him and he wasn't budging, so i thought ok throw him a bone, haha.
         
         that's what he gets for bein' all pushy...

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4. 80

   blondepoetposted 15 years ago

   I just say "sorry darlinks I not a speak a English no no," and go back and finish my sandwich.

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5. 72

   Cagsilposted 15 years ago

   That was very cool list.

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6. 67

   AdsenseStrategiesposted 15 years ago

   I always liked Seinfeld's aproach (this is the second time I've referred to Seinfeld on this site... must be getting unoriginal)

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   1. 60

      Alessia Amnesiaposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      What was Seinfeld's approach?

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      1. 67

         AdsenseStrategiesposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         "I'm busy right now, but if you could just give me your home phone number, I'll call you back at a time that's more convenient for me"

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7. 72

   Cagsilposted 15 years ago

   Whenever I have a telemarketer call my home, I let them ramble off their words and then I say NO!
   
   When they continue? I interject and ask if they are learning impaired?
   
   And, when they ask me what I am talking about? I tell them....what part of NO didn't they understand.
   
   That's just my take.

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8. 71

   earnestshubposted 15 years ago

   I'm so lonely and desperate that any calls are welcome! They have to get rid of me!

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   1. 72

      Cagsilposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      For some really strange and very odd reason, I really believe that.

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      1. 60

         Alessia Amnesiaposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         

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   2. 80

      blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Oh Earnest is it really like that?

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9. 72

   ddsurfscaposted 15 years ago

   When they get to the part where they are asking for my credit card or banking information, I tell the that I would gladly give them that information but only after they give me theirs.

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10. 0

    Kenrick Chatmanposted 15 years ago

    I usually interrupt the telemarketer and ask for the purpose of the call. Afterwards, I state I am interested under one circumstance. When he or she asks for this circumstance, I state if it is free. As a result, the telemarketer ends the call.

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11. 60

    TLMinutposted 15 years ago

    My dad had lots of fun once when he was called and told they could lower his monthly mortgage payments by over $100 (or some number like that). He responded, "That's great. Yes, I'm very interested, since I don't owe anything you can just send me the money at my home address!" He played so much with telemarketers for a while that they were hanging up on him.
    
    By the way, it's fun but mean. Telemarketers are not allowed to stop yakking until the customer hangs up -- they lose their jobs over that. I was one for a very short while, bosses didn't like that I accepted no from people so I had to start telling people that I'm not allowed to hang up so it's not rude if they did. (I don't believe in penalizing people for being polite!)

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12. 74

    KCC Big Countryposted 15 years ago

    Back when we got telemarketing calls I would make up stuff.  If they asked for my husband I'd tell them in a my most countrified accent, "sorry, he's on the tractor on the back forty" or that he just left me with two kids and a pile of bills to pay. 
    
    Luckily, the "Do Not Call" registry has virtually eliminated that.

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    1. 60

       Alessia Amnesiaposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Sadly, the "Do Not Call" registry doesn't seem to work very well around here.

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       1. 0

          Kenrick Chatmanposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Actually I receive calls from non-profits (and market research firms) and I believe they are exempt from the Do Not Call list. Or that is what they tell me.

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          1. 60

             Valerie Fposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Another thing- be careful about ads you click on. A lot of people click willy-nilly on stuff, and an unwanted "telemarketing" call is really a call to follow up and provide information they unwittingly requested. Such calls are also exempt from the Do Not Call registry.

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13. 70

    Pearldiverposted 15 years ago

    The best way is to keep them holding on as they are expected to make a set number of calls per shift.
    
    So after they have almost finished their sales script... butt in and Say.. Hang on.... can you hang on please?  Put down the phone and Use an alarm clock and/or the oven timer and set them for two minutes. 
    When it goes off... let it go for awhile and then reset it for another 2 mins.  Most of the time, there is no one on the line anymore.. becoz they don't know what to do when an alarm goes off.  If there is, ask them to repeat their pitch again and repeat the exercise on them. If it's on speaker.. then even better.

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14. 70

    pylos26posted 15 years ago

    I ask them to "hang on a minute" then I lay the reciever down and go for a walk.

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15. 60

    TLMinutposted 15 years ago

    If you have babies that like to play with the phone, you can let them "talk" on the phone. The baby's happy and it doesn't annoy any of your friends that don't want to hear a baby chatter incomprehensibly and then you fighting to get the phone back!

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16. 75

    Hauntyposted 15 years ago

    You just gave me something I'm going to use every day. Thanks.

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17. 61

    Army Infantry Momposted 15 years ago

    LMAO,.. These are great idea's !!!! Heres some ideas to annoy people at the movies,...
    
    1. Buy a really tall hat Sit in the front row. If someone asks you to take it off, tell them it's against your religion
    
    2.Clap when something bad happens to the main character, boo when something good happens. During a really sad scene, start cracking up. During a happy/funny scene start yelling or crying
    
    3.Start coughing very loudly/'choking. Point to/ask for the person-next-to-you's drink. If they offer it to you, drink the rest, including ice cubes. If they refuse to give it to you, stand up and yell "Fine! Let me die!"
    
    4.Tap the person next to you and say "It's sure is dark in here." *Wink Wink*... *Wink* (Wink at them)
    
    5.Preferably during the beginning of the opening stuff start screaming "No, not the voices! Anything but the voices". Also works when you're in a crowd, "An (Earthquake, flood, fire) We're all going to DIE!!!!!"
    
    6.When the last people are entering the theater, stand up and start waving and yelling for them to join you. (They can be strangers or you can get a whole bunch of friends to come in late or even better yell to imaginary people.
    
    7.Talk and laugh hysterically with your friends. When at least 10 people have shushed you, stand up and yell "Would you people SHUT UP! I'm trying to watch the movie!!"

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18. 60

    TLMinutposted 15 years ago

    The point is to annoy people who have started by annoying you, NOT to be an annoying obnoxious person yourself! It's funny to think about sometimes but I would never do it.

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19. 66

    awareposted 15 years ago

    talk to them about joining the jahovas wittnesses

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20. 98

    Rochelle Frankposted 15 years ago

    I wrote a hub about this subject.
    I especially like the ones where there is a recorded message that asks for your recorded response.
    I like to pretend like the message isn't working " Honey the phone rang-- and it sounds like someone trying to talk, but it is all garbled."
    Giving the phone to a small child is also good.
    
    On a more serious note-- I have heard that you should never say "yes" to anything, because scammers can manipulate the message to make it sound like you agreed to buy something.

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21. 62

    Ohmaposted 15 years ago

    My Sister has a German Shephard that will bark at the phone as long as he can hear a voicce coming out of it. She does not have trouble with tele-marketers!

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22. 68

    Ivorwenposted 15 years ago

    I loved watching my uncle get rid of telemarketers.
    
    One evening, during supper, the phone rang.  He answered it, listened for a while, then began sobbing.  "Why didn't you call two days ago?  My house just burnt down last night, and we didn't have insurance.  If you had called two days ago, we would be able to rebuild our home."
    
    When the marketer hung up, he shrugged, "Don't know why those folks don't ever want to hang around and talk."

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23. 74

    KCC Big Countryposted 15 years ago

    I decided to look up the info about the Do Not Call Registry.  This is from the official site (donotcall.gov):
    
    Who is covered by the National Do Not Call Registry?
    
    The National Do Not Call Registry applies to any plan, program, or campaign to sell goods or services through interstate phone calls. This includes telemarketers who solicit consumers, often on behalf of third party sellers. It also includes sellers who provide, offer to provide, or arrange to provide goods or services to consumers in exchange for payment.
    
    The National Do Not Call Registry does not limit calls by political organizations, charities, or telephone surveyors.
    
    
    What about an established business relationship?
    
    A telemarketer or seller may call a consumer with whom it has an established business relationship for up to 18 months after the consumer's last purchase, delivery, or payment - even if the consumer's number is on the National Do Not Call Registry. In addition, a company may call a consumer for up to three months after the consumer makes an inquiry or submits an application to the company. And if a consumer has given a company written permission, the company may call even if the consumer's number is on the National Do Not Call Registry.
    
    One caveat: if a consumer asks a company not to call, the company may not call, even if there is an established business relationship. Indeed, a company may not call a consumer - regardless of whether the consumer's number is on the registry - if the consumer has asked to be put on the company's own do not call list.

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24. 60

    Eric Graudinsposted 15 years ago

    Here's what I do.
    http://hubpages.com/hub/make-telemarket … -up-on-you
    
    Works every time

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25. 57

    inspireyourspiritposted 15 years ago

    I hardly answer my house phone because of telemarketers but now I'm looking forward to messing with them with all my new tips!  Thanks!

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26. 60

    Eric Graudinsposted 15 years ago

    Have fun!

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27. 60

    The Ropeposted 15 years ago

    :  This list is great! 
    
    I've been a fan for years of just laying down the phone when they begin  reading their script.  I go about my business and eventually check the phone - they have long since hung up - and I never got a repeat phone call.  Of course now with caller ID, I just don't answer unless they've called several times in a short timeframe...and you don't want to be on the recieving end when I'm having to respond to one of these.  :  :

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28. 0

    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 15 years ago

    ask them if they are intrerested in your own  business, also ask for a full name, bade number and an extention where they and their supervisor can be reached at

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    1. 76

       marcofratelliposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I agree! If it's to do with a telephone service, just tell them your company provides you with the phone and you are not allowed to alter the plan. I did that once, legitmately, and they just said "oh ok, thank you. bye"! No point going any further!

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29. 76

    skyfireposted 15 years ago

    If there is female on other side of phone, i don't mind going off-topic.

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30. 70

    Happyontheinsideposted 15 years ago

    Just wanted to stop by and say how much I love the fact that this thread is on the entertainment forum...LMAO

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31. 56

    yenajeonposted 15 years ago

    Im doing #19 tomorrow. So determined Haha

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    1. 60

       Valerie Fposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Just so you know, telemarketing sucks enough as a job without people deliberately making it more difficult. If you find a call annoying, just be honest. Say you're not interested, and you'd like your number removed from their lists or databases. Most of the time, you'll get a nice, "Okay, I'll do that for you. Have a good day," and everyone's happy.
       
       But regarding being annoying, trust me. Phone workers have already heard everything plus death threats before, and none of it is original or clever.

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32. 60

    jossecarrposted 15 years ago

    With the call screening/blocking system I recently got, all the calls not included in my preset list of contacts are directed to my voice mail or callers would hear busy tone. This way I would not hurt telemarketers feeling.
    Besides they are just doing their job.

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33. 61

    Glenn S.posted 15 years ago

    I do my best to remember that these folks are just the messingers doing their job. However, they shouldn't be calling you if you signed up on the no call list.
    
    Nevertheless, when I do get a call, I try to be polite as possible and encourage them to speak as long as they want. I put down the phone and check everyonce in a while to see if they have hung up.
    
    Or, I encourage a conversation to waste as much of their time as I can. This is can also be fun.
    
    The best bet is to screen your calls through phone ID, or the answering machine.

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34. 82

    Rafiniposted 15 years ago

    OMG  once I had a telemarketer call and I completely agreed to buy whatever it was they were selling, just to get them off the phone, right?  10 minutes later they knocked on my door!!  I just about died cuz I didn't have the money!  Anyway, I pretended to not be home, and they called back!!  this continued for about 30 minutes until they finallly gave up.  LOL
    
    this was before the No Call list btw

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35. 60

    logic,commonsenseposted 15 years ago

    Tell them that you are thinking of killing yourself if one more telemarketer calls and then fire a gun into the air!

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36. 52

    mvh676posted 8 years ago

    Tell him/her in a frightened voice, "Thank goodness you called when you did! I've been held captive here for 3 years! My kidnapper left, but he chained me to the wall and I had to dislocate my own shoulder to reach the phone! Send help!" If they haven't hung up by now, say, "Oh no! He's coming back! Hurry!" Then hold the phone out from you and scream loudly. If you have another person with you, have them be the "kidnapper" and threaten to kill you if you do this again.

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37. 75

    Aime Fposted 8 years ago

    Yeesh.  I've never understood why people are so mean to telemarketers.  They're doing their jobs.  If you're that bothered by unwanted phone calls then put your name on the DNCL and it'll eliminate a majority of them.  My name is on it and I get maybe one call per year from an exception.
    
    It takes way less time to nicely say "I'm not interested, thanks" and hang up the phone than it does to deliberately make someone's job harder.  Plus the added bonus of, you know, not making another human feel like crap about their job.
    
    I think sometimes people forget that there's a real person on the other end of the phone.  A mother or a father who is doing a very difficult job to support their family, perhaps.  If you think trying to annoy them is super fun then I think you're probably naturally pretty unpleasant and don't need a list to work from.

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