Barack Obama Jokes

1. 67

   Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

   

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2. 67

   Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

   

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   1. 60

      Ron Montgomeryposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Interesting that you don't get that particular joke.
      
      Pity

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3. 67

   Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

   

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4. 67

   Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

   The Obama economy is so bad...that he's only using one teleprompter per speech. - unattributed

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5. 0

   Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

   Why did Barack Obama register to run for Office as a Democrat?
   
   The Communist Party doesn't get enough votes.

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6. 81

   manlypoetrymanposted 13 years ago

   Here's one straight from him...himself. I know ...I know...Everyone slips up when they speak...especially while looking into a teleprompter...But "Corpse-man"...???
   
   "One such translator was an American of Haitian descent, representative of the extraordinary work that our men and women in uniform do all around the world -- Navy Corpse-Man Christian Brossard." –mispronouncing "Corpsman" (the "ps" is silent) during a speech at the National Prayer Breakfast, Washington, D.C., Feb. 5, 2010

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      Brenda Durhamposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Good one.
      
      
      It's that hissssing thing he keeps doin'....

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7. 67

   Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

   President Obama said he’s angry and frustrated with the oil spill in the Gulf and the oil companies behind it. He said he’s tired of all the finger-pointing — then he blamed the Bush administration for everything. - Jay Leno

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8. 67

   Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

   Rush Limbaugh got married. This was his fourth marriage. He blames the first three breakups on Obama. - Craig Ferguson

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9. 0

   Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

   How does Obama compare to the Six Million Dollar Man?
   
   
   Six had a small chip in his arm.
   
   Obama has a huge chip on his shoulder.
   
   
   
   -nonanonymous-

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   1. 67

      Flightkeeperposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Good one Brenda

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         Brenda Durhamposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         I even came up with that one myself.
         Then I was googling some stuff about Obama and got a virus alert.  I imagine Obama has a cyber czar running interference for him so all the libs will keep thinkin' he really is such a good guy.

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         1. 60

            Ron Montgomeryposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Don't quit your day job.

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            1. 0

               Brenda Durhamposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               I wouldn't dream of it!
               My goal is to be President, not a comedian like Obama.
               
               OOps I did it again!

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                  Ron Montgomeryposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  You have stated emphatically and repeatedly that a woman should not be president.
                  
                  Is there something you want to share?

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10. 71

    cindyvineposted 13 years ago

    You know why his ears are so big, eh?  Doctors had to use them as handles to pull him out at birth.

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    1. 79

       Uninvited Writerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Have any pictures been taken of Obama with Prince Charles? It would be interesting to compare ear size

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11. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    At the White House state dinner, Mexican President Calderon said that he and President Obama have a lot in common. They’re both presidents of beautiful countries, they’re both left-handed, and they both preside over 40 million Mexican people. - Jay Leno

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       Brenda Durhamposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       haha!

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12. 86

    livelongerposted 13 years ago

    "Federal taxes last year went down for 98 percent of people, but when asked about this, only 12 percent of the Teabaggers thought this was the case. 88 percent of them had it wrong. And a spokesman for the Teabaggers said, 'We don't want to just be taxed less. We want to be taxed less by a white guy." —Bill Maher

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    1. 73

       Jeff Berndtposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       

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13. 81

    ReuVeraposted 13 years ago

    I saw it the other day on a car bumper sticker:
    
    "What is one thing in common between Obama and God?"
    "No Birth Certificate".
    
    Another bumper sticker:
    
    "What is the difference between Barak Obama and his dog BO?"
    "BO has papers".
    
    BTW, I wonder if the dog actually was named in his master's honor by his initials?

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    1. 0

       Brenda Durhamposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Cool ones, ReuVera! 

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14. 71

    getitriteposted 13 years ago

    "One of John McCain's former top campaign aides says that when he talked to Sarah Palin after McCain picked her to be his running mate, she said it was 'God's plan.' So, apparently, God wanted Obama to win." —Jay Leno   

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       Jim Hunterposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Pure hatred

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          getitriteposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          
          
          This is an Obama joke.  And as the heading of this forum is "Obama Jokes" why can't you just accept it as that?
          
          Why are you soooo angry?  Really?!

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             Jim Hunterposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             I'm not angry I love a good joke, got any?

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             1. 71

                getitriteposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                

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    2. 73

       Jeff Berndtposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       I thought it was funny.

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15. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    Why did Senator Obama vote "Present" on so many issues on the Senate floor?
    
    Every Chicago street-wise person knows it's good to have as many alibis as possible.

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16. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    P.S.
    
    I'm so glad that one nasty post by "iwritegood" was deleted.
    It's nice to know that at least some blatant personal attacks on hubbers are censored around here.

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17. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    What is Obama's theme song?
    
    Waiting To Exhale

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18. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Obama has recently appointed a Golf Czar and major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective 01 June 2010.
    
    This is only a preview as the complete rulebook is being rewritten as we speak.
    
    Here are a few of the changes…
    
    Golfers with handicaps:
    
    - Below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
    
    - Between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
    
    - Above 18 will get a $25 check each time they play.
    
    The dollar amount placed in bets will be as follows:
    
    - For handicaps below 10, an additional $10.
    
    - Between 11 and 18, no additional amount.
    
    - Above 18, you will receive the total amount in the pot even if you do not play.
    
    The term “gimme” will be changed to “entitlement” and will be used as follows:
    
    - Handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
    
    - Handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
    
    - Handicaps above 18, if your ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up.
    
    These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.
    
    In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again.
    
    The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term ‘net score’ will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.
    
    This is intended to ‘redistribute’ the success of winning by making sure that in every competition; the above 18 handicap players will post only ‘net score’ against every other player’s gross score.
    
    These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf. 
Golf must be about Fairness. 
It should have nothing to do with Ability.
    
    attribution: orlandogolfblogger.com

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19. 0

    Rockerzzposted 13 years ago

    Obama and Osama (bin laden) only one word difference.... is there a connection..

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20. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Joe Biden is different from Dick Cheney. In the Bush years, the president would say things and the vice president would have a heart attack. Now, the vice president says something and Obama has a heart attack. - Jay Leno

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21. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

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22. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

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23. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

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24. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

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25. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    I thought this was nice. Earlier today, President Obama invited Mel Gibson and his girlfriend to the White House for a beer. –David Letterman

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26. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    The White House announced that the stimulus package saved 3 million jobs. But they said there are still jobs that need to be saved — President Obama’s, Joe Biden’s, Harry Reid’s, and Nancy Pelosi’s. - Jay Leno

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27. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

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28. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    A guy in a bar called Obama a horse's ass and the bartender slapped him. "Sorry," the guy said, "I didn't think this was Obama country." "It's not," said the bartender, "It's horse country." - unattributed

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29. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Q. Why doesn't Obama pray?
    A. It's impossible to read the teleprompter with your eyes closed.

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30. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.
    
    The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this; "Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
    
    "Well, as a matter of fact, I have!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Plymouths, and I voted for Obama."

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31. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Barack Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
    
    Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
    
    The first kid said, “I want to go to Disneyland “
    
    Barack said, “No problem, I”ll take you there on my Airforce One airplane.”
    
    The second kid said, “I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan”s shoes.”
    
    Barack said, “I”ll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them!”
    
    The third kid said, “ I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!”
    
    Barack was a little perplexed by this and said, “But you don”t look like you”re handicapped.”
    
    The kid said, “I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning!”

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32. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    Why does Obama have such a full head of hair?
    
    
    Nancy Pelosi gives him all the ones she plucks from her upper lip.

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33. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Obama's economy is so bad, I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?

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34. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

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35. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

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36. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    Obama is spreading the wealth around alright;   spreading it so thin no one can even see it.

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    1. 67

       Flightkeeperposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Money's not the only thing disappearing. The Obama administration is making sure that white people are not being treated fairly under the law.  You've got Shirley Sherrod admitting to being racist and not helping whites, you've got the Justice Department excusing voter intimidation against white voters, and you have Berwick not going through the nomination process and he's someone who looks at portioning out healthcare according to groups - hmmm which group would that be?

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          Brenda Durhamposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Yep.  They're only tolerant and diverse and civil-rights-crying when it comes to people THEY choose.
          I guess Shirley resigned, but only after she was "caught".
          Well....at least a few are now resigning instead of just faking an apology;  maybe that's a good sign!

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37. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    Obama and his camp must think an oil slick is what they do with their hair in the morning.

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38. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    Rod Blagojevich wanted Obama to testify at his trial.
    Obama said No, now that he's President, he gets to pick and choose which Chicago criminals he defends.

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       Flightkeeperposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       And as usual, the media are so far up his you-know-whatsis that they didn't make big deal out of it.

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       1. 0

          Brenda Durhamposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Yes, some will still defend him til there is no longer a country to defend.

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39. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

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40. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

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41. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

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42. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    President Obama has passed a new policy that will protect the coasts. You wouldn’t want anything bad to happen . . .
    - David Letterman

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43. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Yesterday, President Obama thanked the WNBA champions the Phoenix Mercury for showing his daughters that they can be athletic and still be attractive. And then Michelle Obama said, "AHEM!" - Jimmy Fallon

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44. 67

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    The topic is Top Ten Things Overheard on President Obama's Vacation:
    
    10."Please, Mr. President, don't throw your butts in the pool"
    
    9 "Sorry, sir, your iPhone has no reception"
    
    8."Crap, is that an oil slick?"
    
    7."Nothing boosts a sagging approval rating like a vacation!"
    
    6."Ewww, it's Senator Scott Brown" (videotape of nude guy on beach)
    
    5."Any interest in pardoning Lindsay Lohan?"
    
    4."Sure is nice to get a break from all that golfing"
    
    3."There's nothing like a romantic stroll on the beach with your wife and 30-man Secret Service detail"
    
    2."Do I have to go back?"
    
    1."A 48-hour vacation? Bush took naps longer than that"
    
    - David Letterman

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45. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    Obama must be in an unusually tolerant phase; he has eased up on Bush somewhat lately.   Now he blames everything on Glenn Beck.

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46. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    I went to an appointment the other day, my son accompanying me.  There was a pesky fly buzzing around the office.  I quipped that we needed Obama there to catch it.  But my son swatted it down without a hitch.  Just goes to show anyone can do Barack Obama's job.

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47. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    After Obama gets impeached and imprisoned, he will still have a job waiting for him there----official fly catcher.

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48. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    Leftists continue to accuse Bush of secretly plotting the 9/11 events.
    Obama openly allows the terrorization of New York and Arizona, and they don't say a word about it.

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49. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    Teacher:
    Okay kids, who can tell us the qualifications a person should have to be President of the United States?
    
    
    Jimmy:   Present!
    
    
    Teacher:
    That's not an answer, Jimmy;  that's more what you'd say if I was doing roll call.
    
    Jimmy:  But that's what qualified Senator Obama!

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50. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    How many brilliant people does it take to cap an underwater oil spill?
    
    
    The world may never know.

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