Barack Obama Jokes

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   Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

   
   
   
   
   Joe Biden said I better drink all I can now, 'cause come November 3rd,  the Republicans won't allow us to make drunken decisions!

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      Flightkeeperposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Why does he look like he wanted to throw that glass at someone?  They must have been holding up the latest polls

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   Stevennix2001posted 13 years ago

   Barack O'Bama, the first President in the United States that doesn't require athletes to win a title anymore to meet him.  No, in fact, now it seems that he just has to like you and your in.  Wow, what a president!

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   Stevennix2001posted 13 years ago

   Barrack says:
   
   anyone that doesn't vote for me is a racist!
   
   (im a minority by the way, so nobody here can say im a racist with that joke)

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      Flightkeeperposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Or a Republican.  To him it's the same thing!!!

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         Stevennix2001posted 13 years agoin reply to this

         that's true too.

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   Bibowenposted 13 years ago

   "Under Obamacare, you'll be required by law to carry health insurance. And if you don't, the government will fine you thousands of dollars. If you don't pay the fine, the government will put you in jail. I think this is what they call the 'public option.'" ~ Ann Coulter

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   Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

   The White House said that the Democrats have “the momentum” going into midterm elections. Of course you have momentum when you’re going downhill fast. - Jay Leno

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   Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

   Vice President Joe Biden says that President Obama has asked him to run with him in 2012. So on behalf of all late night hosts, thank you Mr. President.  - Jay Leno

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   Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

   President Obama appeared on MTV for a town hall program. It was just before the new episode of “Jersey Shore.” Nothing says low approval ratings like opening for Snooki. - Craig Ferguson

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   Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

   It’s a good idea for Obama to appeal to younger voters because he has to find people that are young enough to not be disappointed in his performance.  - Craig Ferguson

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      pisean282311posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      hey flightkeeper you seemed to be die hard fan of barack obama...

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         Flightkeeperposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         I certainly am

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   Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

   Vice President Joe Biden told The New York Times that President Obama has already asked him to be his running mate in 2012. Not only that — he said that Sarah Palin, Mitt Romney, and the rest of the Republicans also asked him to be Obama's running mate in 2012. - Jimmy Fallon

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    Bibowenposted 13 years ago

    ‎"If the courts can find the right to gay marriage in the US Constitution and the Massachusetts Constitution, they are in the wrong job....they need to be looking for Osama bin Laden because they can find anything." ~ Ann Coulter

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       BigChiefLtdposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Ann, Coulter, you are a caustic, demonstrative, highly critical conservative bitch! But I love you just the way you are, so don't ever change!

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Vice President Joe Biden told The New York Times that President Obama has asked him to run again in 2012. The bad news? Nobody is asking Obama yet.  - Jay Leno

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       BigChiefLtdposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Obama's re-election coffers are starting to fill with money already. He's made over $20 million in the past month... all contributions from Democrats running for re-election who are willing to pay him NOT to endorse them.

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    Longhunterposted 13 years ago

    Why has Obama cut funding to the NSA?
    
    With those ears, he can hear a mouse piss on a cotton ball in the basement of the Kremlin.

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    Longhunterposted 13 years ago

    What do you get when you cross Obama with a pig?
    
    Nothing. There's some things even a pig won't do.

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    The White House canceled President Obama’s visit to a Sikh temple because you have to cover your head, and they thought pictures of Obama in a turban may fuel rumors that he’s a Muslim. It’s the same reason he canceled Turban Tuesdays at the Rose Garden.  - Jimmy Kimmel

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

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    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    "Mom" to little "Johnny":  .....Have you been playing with the Mr. T. doll I bought for you?
    
    
    Little Johnny:   ....Yes!  Thank you Mom; it's lots of fun!  And it answers correctly every time I ask it the right questions.  Just listen--
    
    Little Johnny to Mr. T. doll:  .....Mr. T., what would you do if a thief broke into a store?
    
    Mr. T. doll:   ....I pity the fool!
    
    
    Little Johnny:   ....Mr. T., what would you do if someone tried to hurt me?
    
    Mr. T.:   .....I pity the fool!
    
    
    Little Johnny:   ........What do you think of Barack Obama?
    
    Mr. T.:   .....I pity the fool!

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    Bibowenposted 13 years ago

    “Interestingly though since national security has become Obama’s problem, he’s decided to keep Guantanamo open. I think he wants to keep it open in case Nancy Pelosi  needs waterboarding….You remember Guantanamo. It’s the all exclusive tropical resort Bush built for the terrorists so that they’d have a nice place to live until a Democrat president came in and released them or gave them civilian trials…Terrorists being held at Guantanamo can’t be woken for interrogations, can’t be put in cold rooms, and can’t have their mail opened…They’re entitled to eight hours of sleep a night, three square meals a day, two hours of outdoor recreation. I’ve been treated worse at a Holiday Inn Express." ~ Ann Coulter

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       Brenda Durhamposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       LOL

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    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    Did you hear the latest?
    
    Obama just got off the phone with Blagojevich.  He told Blago he wants a refund now that Roland Burris is no longer in his old Senate seat! 
    
    
    Right after he hung up the phone, the Norwegian Nobel Committee called O's blackberry.  They wanna know where he hid the Prize and if the money's already spent.

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    Longhunterposted 13 years ago

    THIS JUST IN!!!
    
    Bernie Mac is alive!!! He shaved his mustache, started dressing in drag, and has been spotted hanging out with President Obama and his daughters under the alias of Michelle.

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    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

     

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    The final poll before Election Day shows that 55 percent of Americans plan to vote for Republicans, while 40 percent plan to vote for Democrats. I guess Obama is finally going to get that change he was talking about.  - Jimmy Fallon

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    President Obama sent out an e-mail encouraging his supporters to take at least three friends with them to vote. That's not how people vote — that's how women go to the bathroom.  - Jimmy Fallon

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Voters didn’t like how President Obama was handling the economy. Wait a minute — he was handling the economy?  - David Letterman

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    President Obama went on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show to talk about the state of the country. If you want to hear the whole interview, you can find it online. And if you just want highlights, talk to Seacrest — he has a salon that he swears by.  - Jimmy Fallon

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Tuesday was bad for President Obama. Voters threw away the hope and just went for the change.  - Jay Leno

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Obama lost 66 Democrats — and not one of them was Joe Biden.  - Jay Leno

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    The president is going to India. He’ll be traveling on Air Force One-Term.  - David Letterman

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    President Obama is getting ready to leave Washington. Not leaving for good — he’ll do that in a couple years.  - Craig Ferguson

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    India is famous for its Darjeeling tea, but President Obama won’t be interested in tea parties of any kind.  - Craig Ferguson

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    President Obama will be traveling to India. After Tuesday’s election, he decided to move there.  - Jimmy Kimmel

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    Longhunterposted 13 years ago

    Before anyone starts screaming at me, I DID NOT create this joke. It was sent to me and I'm just passing it along. I will state that I did think it was funny.
    
    George Bush and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop.
    
    As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.  The barbers were even afraid to start a
    conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.
    
    As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave.  Obama was quick to stop him saying, 'No thanks, my wife, Michelle, will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse.'
    
    The second barber turned to Bush and said, 'How about you sir?'  Bush replied, 'Go ahead; my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.'

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       Flightkeeperposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    President Obama was in India yesterday visiting our jobs. Tomorrow he goes to China to visit our money.  - Jay Leno

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    The president’s trip was cut short due to volcanic ash. That’s the second time his plans have been disrupted by ash. The last time was when the Democrats went down in flames.  - Jay Leno

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    President Obama went to India, South Korea, then Japan. He’s going to keep traveling until he finds his birth certificate.  - David Letterman

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       ediggityposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Ouch!

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    President Obama is in Indonesia. I guess he won a trip on “Wheel of Fortune.”  - Jimmy Kimmel

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    President Obama is in India. You know what they say — go where the jobs are.  - Jay Leno

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    President Obama is still out of the country but he's keeping in contact with Vice President Joe Biden to find out when it's safe to come back home.  - Jay Leno

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    This will be a rough week for President Obama. He’s got a lame duck Congress, he has to pardon a turkey, he has to eat crow, and the Chinese just flipped him the bird. It’s been a fowl week.  - Jay Leno

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    President Obama wrote a children’s book. If only one person reads it, it will be double the number of people that read the healthcare bill.  - Jay Leno

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    You can tell President Obama wrote his children’s book a few years ago. It lists 13 great Americans and they include Bernie Madoff, Tiger Woods, and Charlie Sheen.  - Craig Ferguson

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    All of the royalties from Obama’s book sales will go to an organization that really needs the money: the Obama re-election company.  - Craig Ferguson

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    President Obama’s picture book for kids is coming out. That’s when you know things have changed — when Bush writes a 500-page memoir and Obama hands in a coloring book.  - Jimmy Fallon

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    President Obama said on "60 Minutes" that he wants to bring back the 8 million jobs we’ve lost. Today India said "no."  - Jay Leno

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       William R. Wilsonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       That one's kind of funny.

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Obama’s overseas trip has been such a disaster that people in Kenya now claim that he has an American birth certificate.  - Jay Leno

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    Tammy Lposted 13 years ago

    Somebody should really tell Obama that the oil spill ain't just another Bounty commercial.

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    SirDentposted 13 years ago

    Q. Why did Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
    A. Because Jimmy didn't want to be the worst President in history.

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    SirDentposted 13 years ago

    Two contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.
    
    One is from Chicago , and the other is from Texas .
    
    The Texas contractor does some measuring and figuring, then says, I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.
    
    The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the Obama and whispers, $2,700.
    
    Obama, incredulous, says, You didn’t even measure like the other guy!
    
    How did you come up with such a high figure?
    
    The Chicago contractor whispers back, $1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Texas to fix the fence.
    
    Done! replies the government official.

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    SirDentposted 13 years ago

    

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    SirDentposted 13 years ago

    

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    maven101posted 13 years ago

    Between his lobster gobbling wife, and his failed fiscal policies, Americans are feeling the pinch...
    I tried to make a joke out of this mess but its too serious a subject...

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