Barack Obama Jokes

1. 68

   Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

   

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2. 68

   Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

   

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3. 68

   Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

   

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4. 68

   Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

   

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5. 0

   Brenda Durhamposted 14 years ago

   That's a good one! 

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6. 0

   Brenda Durhamposted 14 years ago

   First, the bad news---
   Obama's President.
   
   Now, the good news---
   Joe Biden isn't.

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7. 0

   Stevennix2001posted 14 years ago

   O'Bama must've seen the episode of Futurama where the 80's guy took over planet express with his business policy:
   
   "Blame everything on the last guy that was here before me."

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      Brenda Durhamposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      

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8. 76

   stclairjackposted 14 years ago

   The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
   
   Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
   
   "Very good," said the teacher.
   
   Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." 
   
   "Very good, Jenny," said the teacher...
   
   Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath as Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk.
   
   "$2,467" he said.
   
   "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling"
   
   "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.
   
   "Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell
   enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
   
   "I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."
   
   every one who tried it said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog crap!"
   
   Then I would say, "thats because It's dog crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
   
   I used the Obama method of giving you something crappy but looks good, for free .......and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."
   
   
   The teacher was speechless. . . . . . . . and Little Johnny got an A.

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      Brenda Durhamposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      LOL!
      It's the truth, though!

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9. 68

   Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

   President Obama addressed the nation on Libya. This changes his previous policy on Libya, which was, “don't ask, don't tell.”  - Jay Leno

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10. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

    Instead of calling our mission in Libya a war, the White House is calling it a "kinetic military action," which sounds better than "potentially endless quagmire."  - Jay Leno

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11. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

    President Obama escalated the war in Afghanistan, he sent the Navy in to shoot at pirates in the Indian Ocean, and now he’s attacking Libya. It’s like he took the Nobel Peace Prize as an insult.  - Jimmy Kimmel

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12. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

    President Obama said the United States has clear and focused goals in Libya. He said he would share those goals with us as soon as Hillary shares them with him.  - Jimmy Fallon

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13. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

    President Obama spoke about our role in Libya. He’s not sure when the war will end, what happens when we win, or how much it will cost, but other than that it was quite informative.  - Jay Leno

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14. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

    President Obama’s speech on Libya was scheduled early so it wouldn’t interrupt “Dancing With the Stars.” That’s ridiculous. This is a major historical event that affects the lives of millions of people. I can’t believe it was almost interrupted by Obama’s speech.  - Jimmy Fallon

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15. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

    The latest episode of “Dancing With the Stars” was preceded by Obama’s new show, “Dancing Around the Objectives in Libya.”  - Jimmy Fallon

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16. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

    Critics were saying Obama seemed defensive and slightly angry during his speech on Libya. Sounds like somebody’s March Madness bracket isn’t doing so hot.  - Jimmy Fallon

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17. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "President Obama will begin a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are confusion, delusion, and desperation. " —Jay Leno

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18. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "A man jumped the White House fence, but after a brief chase, the Secret Service was able to talk President Obama into coming back and finishing his term." —Conan O'Brien

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19. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "President Obama said regarding the economy, 'The sky is not falling.' The poll numbers are falling, the market is falling, support for the war in Libya is falling, Anthony Weiner's pants are falling, but the sky is fine." –Jay Leno

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20. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "I don't like this new Obama who hunts Muslim extremists. I like the old Obama who WAS a Muslim extremist." –Stephen Colbert

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21. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "They had another of those Republican debates. The field seems a little anemic. President Obama was watching with his wife, and halfway through he said, 'Honey, you can stop packing.'" –David Letterman

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22. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

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23. 0

    Emile Rposted 13 years ago

    

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24. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "President Obama claims his new jobs bill will be better than his old jobs bill, which only created one job that went to a guy named Bill." –Jay Leno

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       Brenda Durhamposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       haha
       
       Flightkeeper!   You're back!  I've been wondering about you!

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25. 60

    Repairguy47posted 13 years ago

    Its not a joke but I heard today that Obama put a panel together of CEO's who will counsel him on job creation. Most of these CEO's have been laying people off for months. You see, its actually about demand and answering to shareholders not creating a business to employ people. However, I am sure there are some on hubpages who think business exists to provide jobs, more than likely the Keynesian economists that post here, and they would be wrong.

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    1. 59

       Hollie Thomasposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       What gets me, and I know Repairguy47 you'll point this out if I'm wrong. But, if Obama is such an imbecile, why don't the Republicans pass the Jobs bill, let it fail, laugh when it does and pick up the votes of all those disapointed voters? Don't get it?

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          habeeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Hollie, it's not just the Republicans who are opposing that bill. But I agree with you - I think they should pass it.

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          1. 59

             Hollie Thomasposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             Politicians, of all colors, are indeed a strange breed? Why are the Democrats having a problem with this (lobbyists?)

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26. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "Actually, President Obama did take Michelle out to a lovely dinner on Saturday. It was a little awkward, though. When the bill came, Obama just put it on the tab of the Chinese couple sitting next to them." –Jimmy Fallon

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27. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "Happy anniversary to President Obama and the first lady. They had a nice private dinner to celebrate the 19th anniversary of the last time someone said 'yes' to an Obama proposal." –Craig Ferguson

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    The Obama campaign is offering a chance to win dinner with the president for $3. This would explain his new campaign slogan: 'Hey, I'm cheaper than Arby's.' –Conan O'Brien

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29. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "Obama says his new jobs bill will be more successful than his last jobs bill. Let's not set that bar too high." –Jay Leno

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "If you donate $5 to President Obama's re-election fund, you have a chance to have dinner with him. The first lady will even come around and personally knock the dessert right out of your hand." –Jimmy Kimmel

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31. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

    Joe Biden:
    "Hey, Barak, I've been meaning to ask you this ever since the election---exactly what DOES a Vice-President do?"
    
    Barak:
    "Oh man!  I TOLD you to look that answer up right after Sarah Palin asked it!"

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32. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "President Obama's hometown newspaper, the Chicago Tribune has called on Obama not to run for re-election. He has to run. He knows there are no other jobs out there." –Jay Leno

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33. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "President Obama addressed the United Nations General Assembly. He opened up with a joke: 'The American dollar is strong.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

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34. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "During a fundraiser in New York last night, President Obama said he was quote 'in a New York state of mind.' Of course, in a year he might be singing that other Billy Joel song, ''Movin' Out.'" –Jimmy Fallon

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35. 59

    tobey100posted 13 years ago

    The biggest joke of all.....'Hope and Change'.  Second biggest.......Obama!

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36. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "If a person contributes just $5 to President Obama's campaign, that person will become eligible to win a private dinner with the president. But if you win, you're buying." –Jay Leno

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37. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "Congress is investigating why the Obama administration invested over $500 million in a solar panel company called Solyndra, which filed for bankruptcy. Only the White House could pick a solar panel company that goes broke in California in the summer." –Jay Leno

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38. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    NASA now says the bright streak of light seen in the skies over the southwest United States was a meteor. Witnesses say it dazzled brightly, then flamed out quickly - kind of like Obama's presidency. - unknown

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39. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "After saying the jobs bill is paid for, President Obama now says that it will be paid for by raising taxes over 10 years. I can't figure out if he's the kind of guy who makes infomercials, or the kind of guy who falls for infomercials." –Jay Leno

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40. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "Obama says the jobs bill will be paid for. I don't like this focus on paying for things. That's what future generations are for." –Jimmy Kimmel

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41. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "President Obama described himself as an eternal optimist. He then explained that he's the kind of person that sees the country as 'half employed.'" –Conan O'Brien

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42. 0

    Hubertsvoiceposted 13 years ago

    

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43. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "President Obama had beer with four unemployed construction workers. And Obama asked the guys what was it like to lose their jobs, and they were like, 'Oh, you'll see.'" –Jimmy Fallon
    
    "When the check came, Obama was like, 'Do you guys want to split this five ways?'" –Jimmy Fallon

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       Hubertsvoiceposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       That is hilarious. I hope that the joke is a foretelling of the future. We'll find out.

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44. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "Yesterday, President Obama's teleprompter was stolen. Police are on the lookout for a thief that's eloquent and spreading a message of hope." –Conan O'Brien

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45. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "The White House is apparently pushing to create more Latino-themed landmarks. Now that's in addition to our current Latino-themed landmark, California." –Jimmy Fallon

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46. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    "Hulk Hogan says he no longer supports President Obama. Yeah. But the president's not worried because he has the support of the Iron Sheik and Triple H." –Conan O'Brien

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47. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

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49. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

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    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    

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