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Were Women Born To Suffer At The Altar Of Men?

Updated on April 5, 2009

If Your Man Does Not Beat You, He Does Not Love You

There is still a considerable good number of women who think they were born to suffer and to be martyrs at altar of men. They take easily any form of abuse meted on them because they believe they deserve it. They believe that if your man does not beat you, that man does not love you. It is not unusual to find fellow women comforting the battered woman that ‘men are like that’ when a wife has been abused by her husband. Take the issue of the abused woman to other men and the response is ‘domestic issues should be sorted out at home domestically’. All these are myths of backward beliefs which are deep seated in many societies.

Disparity between Boys and Girls

The society has created an image where the man is viewed as strong, educated, creative, clever and reliable, while the woman is the direct opposite of all these. When women bring up children, they deliberately create disparity between boys and girls. A boy is brought up knowing that he is not supposed to wash his own clothes, cook, help out in the house or be beaten by a girl child. Then when the boy is grown up and married, you can not expect him to do these kinds of chores. As far as this young man is concerned, this is the norm, more so because he never saw his father does those chores. If he gets married to a girl who was brought up in a home where duties were shared equally between girls and boys, then you will expect tension and violence in their new home.

Wife Battered By Husband

Myths of backward beliefs: If Your Man Does Not Beat You, He Does Not Love You, and a boy child shouldn’t be beaten by a girl child.
Myths of backward beliefs: If Your Man Does Not Beat You, He Does Not Love You, and a boy child shouldn’t be beaten by a girl child.

If Your Man is Abusive, Leave Him

If your husband is abusive, leave him. It is true you may suffer for the next six months or so but the truth is that you will be better off by the end of the first year. After all, starving of your children is less harm than the harm that will befalls your children when brought up in a home where there is violence.

Obligation to Fulfill for their Children

If your man is abusive, why don’t you leave him? Many women agree that staying in abusive relationship is wrong but feel they have an obligation to fulfill for their children, if nothing else. In many instances, a woman have little economic empowerment and the husband may be the sole bread winner in the family. In such a situation, a woman has to stay for financial reasons.

Double Tragedy

But seriously though, what is wrong with reporting your husband to the authorities to face the law of the land? Many women will perceive this as a double tragedy in the sense that the bread winner will go to jail and the children may starve to death.

Ghostly Illusion

And then there are those who believe that in almost every woman, there usually is a ghostly illusion of a woman who is desperately waiting for her to leave so that she can come and take her husband.

If Your Husband is Abusive, Leave Him

If your husband is abusive, leave him. It is true you may suffer for the next six months or so but the truth is that you will be better off by the end of the first year. After all, starving of your children is less harm than the harm that will befalls your children when brought up in a home where there is violence.

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    • Marsprofane8 profile image

      Marsprofane8 

      6 years ago from Abuja

      Great hub! Also most girls are raised up to believe that if they are not married that is the end of their life or that they are not respected and worth anything in society. It's rampant here in Africa, many mothers make their girls to spend most of their time in the kitchen or in company of other women so that they can learn to cook or take care of their future husbands . You hardly ever hear mothers telling their sons the same thing instead they tell them to read so they can become great people in future. An article in the news paper once said that Nigerian girls and women are raised to be slaves, raised to believe they are inferior to men, that's why domestic violence is extremely common to the extent that it is shown in the movies. Many women choose to stay because their friends say so or to avoid the social stigma of divorce and singlehood. I'm so glad I'm different, I wish more Nigerian women would see your hub, it's great!

    • dawnM profile image

      Dawn Michael 

      8 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

      the fact remains if you allow your children to see you abused this is the most damaging thing that you can do, you have just created a male that will continue to abuse and a female who get abused. a woman who has children ans is being abused is sending a very bad message to her children, so if for any other reason leave for your kids!!!!!!

      Great hub ngureco!

      Especially if a woman is abused in the United States Of America there are so many places to get help, you must leave!!!!!

    • needful things profile image

      needful things 

      9 years ago from Poland

      Sometimes it is the other way around. Yep it sure is. Thumbs up!

    • Kulsum Mehmood profile image

      Dr Kulsum Mehmood 

      9 years ago from Nagpur, India

      Hi ngureco. Nice hub written on domestic violence. Also, the children raised in a violent home are affected mentally and scarred for life. Alcoholism in husband and poverty too can add to the grief. Family courts here in India deal with such problems.

    • ngureco profile imageAUTHOR

      ngureco 

      9 years ago

      You are welcome, Aya Katz.

      And in passing, I looked at one of your goal when you were young – that you wanted to bring up a chimpanzee and teach it language. I can only wonder how well you achieved that goal?

    • Aya Katz profile image

      Aya Katz 

      9 years ago from The Ozarks

      Ngureco, no problem. Typos happen.

    • ngureco profile imageAUTHOR

      ngureco 

      9 years ago

      Thank you, Aya Katz, for your interest in this hub. Thank you too for the spelling mistakes that you pointed out. Sometimes you may want to see these spelling mistakes but for some reasons you can’t see them.

    • Aya Katz profile image

      Aya Katz 

      9 years ago from The Ozarks

      Ngureco, you make a lot of good points. When a domestic situation is bad, the best thing to do is to walk away from it.

      There is just a little problem with the English. (I myself just made the mistake of using the wrong character in Chinese on one of my hubs, so I totally understand how that can happen and am not trying to be critical.)  Better to change "surfer" to "suffer" and "alter" to "altar."

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