Hi- I am 33 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend is selling and addicted to heroin. He is planning on...
quitting soon. I am so depressed and confused as to what I should do. I really want to make this relationship work, but at the same time I dont know how much more I can take. Please help me:
You need to get the hell out of that relationship. If youa re not going to do it for yourself, then do it for your baby. There are a lot of groups (I would reocmmend a church based group) that will gladly assist you.
Addiction is a terrible disease. Does your boyfriend have a support network of some kind? You say he is planning to quit. How developed is this plan? Has he found a doctor? Will he go into rehab? Has he checked out a methadone clinic? If he hasn't done anything this concrete, it's not going to happen.
My sense, based on the fact that you describe yourself as depressed and confused, is that you are in a toxic relationship with an addict who is not going to get better any time soon. I imagine you love him. The best thing for him if for you to leave. It may be hard to imagine--you probably serve an important role in his life. But if you leave, he will have to take his problem seriously. Most addicts must lose everything before they will go into recovery.
The fact that you are pregnant makes this decision both harder and simpler. Harder, because it must be terrifying to envision a life as a single mom. Simpler, because you must realize that that option is better than bringing your baby into a world of drugs.
All addicts say they're "quitting soon". You can't believe that unless/until you've seen that he's remained "clean" for a good long time (years, and even then he won't be out of the woods).
Leave now (seek help with leaving if you need it). If he gets clean at some point in the future you can think about what to do then. Your life will be "all upheaval" and "drama" as long he's in it, and your baby's wellbeing will suffer one way or another. If authorities know he deals drugs (and they'll figure it out) you could lose your baby, because they know how unsuitable an environment it is for one parent to be addicted and selling drugs.
People who are addicted to drugs aren't fit for a relationship, because their "relationship" is with the drugs. There's no point trying to make a relationship with an addict work. If he has family behind him (and a lot of families are willing to hang in, no matter how "far gone" their addicted relative is), great. If he doesn't, and if he needs support, he'll have to seek support from someone working in a drug program if/when he decides to get help. It isn't your job. You aren't his mother or his therapist.
If he gets better (for long enough) things will be different, but not as they are now.
One way or another, this is going to be a matter of "your baby or him". You decide. You may also want to talk to a counselor for yourself, because it seems you don't know what you have a right to expect in a relationship.
GET OUTR FAST , IF YOU WANT TO DO ANYTHING RIGHT IN YOUR LIFE DO NOT EXPOSE YOUR NEW BABY TO THIS GET OUT FAST , YOU AND YOUR NEW BABY DESERVE A GOOD LOVING DAD AND MAN , HE NEEDS HELP MAKE YOUR BABYS LIFE THE BEST IT CAN BE THAT IS THE GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT YOU WILL EVER FEEL YOU DID ,BEEN THER DONE THAT IT SURE CAN TAKE A BAD TOLL ON YOU BOTH.
You need to protect yourself and your baby from this situation. I would recommend leaving him. If he gets himself into some kind of program and starts to make changes in his life, THEN you can consider getting back with him. The most important person in this is your unborn child. S/he needs to be born into a safe environment with responsible parents.
It is going to be much harder to leave after the baby is born. Especially if you are experiencing spouts of depression now. [Quick Note] I would speak with your Doctor about antidepressants, due to your high stress situation. The chances of experiencing postpartum depression in your situation are higher than most. If you were to experience postpartum depression, having the challenges of a new baby, and a boyfriend addicted to herion, would cause for the lack of energy or shear will to leave. All addicts plan on quitting, the % of those that follow through are slim. Has he even made plans to enter a detox center? He's not planning on just going cold turkey is he? If so, that % I just mentioned just dropped to 0%. Leave, you can always re-enter his life if he follow through and stays clean. Another thing, I can't see a newly recovering addict handeling a new baby. Stress triggers relapse.
To defend your newborn a little bit. Do you, as a mother, think it's fair for your baby to be brought home to a house where someone is abusing and selling heroin? That will be your memory later in life. The first serious decision you made as a mother was horrible wrong. That's a lot of regret. Also you know the answer to your question. Not all children need their father in their life. You probably need him more, but you have to remember it's not what you need any more. Your decisions now, begin to shape and mold your childs life.
Another thing to think about. Babies start crawling within months. What happens if he hasn't stopped. [Some Tough Love]Please think about the consequences... Can you imagine the horror you would feel if your baby injested some heroin that your high boyfriend didn't put up. It wouldn't even take a full bag of dope, just a ripped open, used one with a small amt. left over for a baby to go into cardiac arrest. What if he/she gets ahold of rig and put it in his/her mouth.
From a recovered addict, who it took years to quit, take my advice leave and don't create regret and bad memories with your new baby
It's not going to work. Of course, you didn't think of that when you went ahead and let the pregnancy continue. Now you are almost 8 months and now you start to worry. Sheesh.
Sorry, too late for you. Maybe some other bimbos will read and heed this, but I doubt it.
Attention bimbos: ABORTION!
You know...I'll tell you, I was an addict. Trust me...addicts don't "plan" to quit. They have to hit bottom first, and that bottom may be at the cost of you and your babies safety. Leave and keep your child safe. If he really does get clean, then you can re-consider. You have to choose...your baby, or him.
your cocern now needs to be your unborn child not him i feel for you and for him you will defentily be in my prayers addiction can ruin a good pearson i know you love him but he needs to get sober for himself you can not make him sober this is something only he can do i wish you and your family the best of luck try to hang in there i know its hard my whole famly are drug addicts and i myself am in recovery
Have to make your health as well as the baby's on top of your priority so ask your boyfriend to quit or leave him. To know more about addiction rehab centers, visit us at http://addiction-rehab-treatment.net/ad … recovery/.
hey, i guess you should give him a little more time. My friends boyfriend was also addicted to heroine for 5 years but once they fall in love he quit heroine in 1 year.And now they are getting married after 3 years of relationship.It takes time but if he really cares for you he will definitely quit. Else you know how much time its been since you are giving him chances and chances to quit.
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addicted2jg, the format of this is tough to read!As far as the trip, you did the right thing. A relationship can't succeed if one or the other is unwilling to allow for a little space.
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