Why do some dark skinned men only date light skin women?

1. 74

   realtalk247posted 10 years ago

   Ignorance
   Programming
   Post Traumatic Slavery Disorder
   Self-Hatred
   Just to name a few phrases. 
   Superficial
   
   When men say such things, it shows all of the above.  First of all I always reply to people (when they ask about color preference) "I don't date colors, I date people."  Someone's shade should not determine their value/beauty. Some men are so into "light" that they miss the persons facial structure, cheekbones, etc with the programming that "light is right." 
   It's funny, tragically, the same men that praise "light-skinned" women have the complexion of Little Wayne or darker.  Little Wayne, Neo, and many others have expressed different opinions about praising lighter skinned women which is hilarious to me given their skin tone.  When I hear ignorance like this, I just laugh and think oh: you're telling me you hate yourself. I wonder what your mother looks/looked like? *If a man does not see value/beauty in the skin tone he see's in the mirror then he will not value/importance you if you are similar in color to him.   
   
   My desire is for people to move beyond this "color issue" and learn that being a beautiful person means being a beautiful person inside and out, regardless of whatever shade God made you. 
   The "Dark Girls" documentary comes to mind when you first mentioned this topic.
   
   I have no preference and neither do most of my friends other than the qualities/morals of the person w/ a dash of attraction, common goals, and reciprocity..................shade of color, irrelevant.  Beauty is beauty. Beauty comes in all different shades. 
   
   What bothers me are women that have internalized this ignorance.  The war between light and dark skinned. Dark skinned women with complexes and issues w/self-esteem issues: the worse. 
   
   Oprah had a show with Iyanla Vinzant about this very topic.  It made me sad to see dark skinned women admit that they don't see beauty in other dark skinned women because they are dark themselves.
   
   First Look: Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant Address Colorism on Oprah's Lifeclass
   Oprah is joined by Iyanla Vanzant to discuss colorism, the prejudice people face based on skin color, and the impact it has on self-esteem.
   
   Life is short, this complex is still present, but it is ridiculous.

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2. 67

   Hezekiahposted 10 years ago

   Very interesting question. Me myself as a black man tended towards the lighter skin, even white, Asian , Indian Pakistani, Latin other than my own color. But that was in my younger days. It don't see the difference any more. Maybe it's the culture we grew up in, being multicultural. Maybe black men want something that's far from the race of their own family.

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3. 52

   Naquita Charlesposted 10 years ago

   Because we as dark people well some of us don't really like sone one that is darker then ourselves

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   1. 74

      realtalk247posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      "We?" If you don't see beauty in that which looks like you then you will seek not to partner with people of your same tone or perhaps darker.

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4. 58

   Nikkipoo1974posted 10 years ago

   Its media society and its translation of beauty in AMERICA.  In other countries you might be considered more beautiful with dark skin....sad thing is that a book gets judged by its cover at all. We are souls that have a body not vice versa.

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5. 98

   Theophanesposted 10 years ago

   I'm surprised no one has mentioned power. I see class being brought up (with lighter skinned women being assumed to be higher class than darker ones) but I have not seen anyone say it's a power play for a darker man to get a trophey white or light skinned girl. This probably goes back a long ways but I think it became a more prominant issue with the emergence of the civil rights movement. Suddenly interracial marriages were not illegal. So yes, I'd say black men dating white women is an expression of power.
   
   Granted the media has a lot to do with this. All any race ever sees is skinny white broads plastered everywhere. Hard to find diversity.... sort of saturates the male mind I would think. 'Course what do I know? I'm just a white woman (who gets accussed frequently of having anemia I'm so damn pale) who enjoys a bit of people watching.
   
   As a woman though, I do agree you shouldn't waste your time on someone who thinks of you as "lesser." You deserve more - to be treated as the equal you are.

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   1. 86

      gmwilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      To many dark skinned men, the lighter skinned woman is seen as the prize, the trophy, the lady.  It is status for the dark skinned man, esp. the more successful dark skinned men to want to date/marry the lighter skinned woman.  She is the STEP UP.

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   2. 68

      Terrexposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      'skinny white broads'?
      As a woman, is that acceptable language? Would 'fat black 'hos' be ok to you, also?

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   3. 98

      Theophanesposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Language is what you make of it. I find my own speech acceptable - but then again I have always found being "ladylike" to be total bull. I find no reason to gentrify my views, nor do I expect others to. To each their own.

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   4. 68

      Terrexposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      You misunderstand - it's not abt being 'ladylike', its about not using demeaning racist epithets against other women, especially in a world where women have it hard enough as things are.
      That's not gentrification, it's common decency.

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   5. 98

      Theophanesposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      ....It's a 'racist epithet' to white women.... even if it's said by a white woman.... Sorry, I also do not agree with you there. We are free to use the words we chose for our own tribes, especially in satire and jokes... which that was.

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   6. 68

      Terrexposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Wonder why you left  'demeaning' out of that explanation.
      It really is unfortunate that women complain about sexism, but then actively and viciously partake in behavior that puts other women down.

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6. 57

   LiyahTalksposted 10 years ago

   Many dark skin men date selectively / preferably lighter skinned women , because they are insecure about their own skin town. They've grown up watching light skin males and envying them for their easy ability to get women and they wish that was them so they try to live veraciously through lighter women so they can feel better about themselves. Or in some cases, they grew up being taught that DARK is ugly , and they see themselves and other dark skin people, mostly women, as ugly and that they should be with a lighter women .
   I hope this answers your question.

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   1. 74

      realtalk247posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      true

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7. 73

   platinumOwl4posted 10 years ago

   Until that Black man or those black men who  fall into this category discover what was lost between 1555 and 1619 this conversation will not end. The majority of the answer were pi squared. But during those years the African community lost more than they will ever know, and research into this period must be done. You know the prior before the  coming of the European.

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   1. 58

      Nikkipoo1974posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      We As a people lost our identity we have been spliced culturally, genetically and spiritually. All the particles have fallen back scrambled and displaced leaving us socially and culturally amiss and incomplete ....however this could be said for many

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8. 61

   msdieliseposted 10 years ago

   I guess because... opposite attracts? Lol. Well not all really. I am okay with Black, White, Yellow or Brown skin..

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9. 60

   esteniomodiraposted 10 years ago

   I'm a dark skin male and I date women of all shades of color. I've been with dark skinned women, brown skinned women, "red" women, and "yellow" women. I'm attracted to the mind of a woman and her feminine heart. I think most guys only do things because of the social brainwashing. The media always put the spotlight on women of lighter skin and most often degrade women of darker skin (the maids, the "ratchets", the ghetto and bossy ones).
   
   I honestly think it's sad. Black women are beautiful, and beyond the "aggressive" nature that people often complain about, is usually an innocent child. I always try to look beyond the physical aspect and connect on a deeper level, so it really doesn't matter what skin color a woman is.
   Love is love and love sees no color.

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10. 60

    ReneeDC1979posted 10 years ago

    It's about preference.  Just like a woman choosing to date tall men-that's their preference.

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11. 52

    Gnaneswaranposted 10 years ago

    The reason is opposite attraction, dark skin male likes light skin girls. So this is not a issue . Try your best your also have a chance to date with the same or opposite skinned male partner.

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12. 81

    Raine Law Yuenposted 10 years ago

    It is a sad reflection of society that through social conditioning we are focussed mostly on external perceptions as a means to judge people;s abilities and character.  As humans we assume to to be at the top of the food chain but even lower animals know better than to select a mate purely on external looks. Rather a mate has to prove themselves by some strength or prowess. It makes me wonder what future we have as a species when we base our survival only on something so trivial as   looks or skin colour.

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13. 58

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14. 72

    CarolRuckerposted 10 years ago

    First of all, unless you live with a man, it would be impossible for you to know that they only date light skinned women. 
    
    Second, most people have a type that they are attracted to for one reason or another. You may never be able to figure out what that reason is, and they probably won't tell you.
    
    Sometimes they change up. If the people you know are young, their preferences aren't set in stone. If they are older, they might change, but not likely.

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15. 46

    pateludayposted 10 years ago

    It may be a personal preference but we are nuts about fairness.

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16. 79

    Oztinatoposted 10 years ago

    There is a DNA drive to reproduce with other races to create a healthier gene pool.

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17. 60

    Anishwebmasterposted 10 years ago

    I have also dark skin, but every human want to changes, and want to good partner, and light skin have also good look. but it does not necessary, because in this world at a present time, skin nature not important, important, you are genius, how much genius, and today time, dark skin male also invited dark female for dating. importance between close friend.
    
    I am not completely suggest your question, so please suggest me, i am wait your answer, thank you, I hope, you suggest me

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18. 51

    Nan-Cposted 10 years ago

    I think that this has to do with conditioning or brainwashing. Some black men tend to think that a lighter skinned woman is more of a status symbol than a dark skinned one. They're following after what this society suggests would be the better choice in order to make them look good. They use these lighter woman as arm trophies and try to overlook dark skinned women even if they are secretly attracted to them. And they listen to their friends and peers when it comes to who they choose to be with because they are just not strong enough to use their own thinking.
    
    This light skin/dark skin psychological game began as far back as slavery and it's been kept alive and well by people who refuse to let go of it and just live their lives the way they want to and not the way someone else tells them to.
    If a black man is attracted to a light skinned woman, that doesn't mean that he has to put a dark skinned woman down, and vice versa. People are just people. Their complexions have absolutely nothing to do with who they really are, and eventually those guys who tend to have a preference for one particular complexion begin to see that--even if they do try to ignore it.

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19. 57

    Patrick Dunningposted 10 years ago

    Simply, status. If you can get a white (or close to) woman, you are doing all right.

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20. 53

    Mona Kposted 10 years ago

    not all but some do...I am from India and color is very big deal there(Now i m at usa) Dark skin people treated very bad at India and they dont want their kids go by that problem.

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21. 60

    thevanzicodeposted 10 years ago

    Some men or almost men, especially or maybe dark skinned men are more attracted to light skin women. Light skin women looks more sexy and clean thats why more women are dating light skin women

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22. 52

    Grady L Kennedyposted 10 years ago

    The same reason some dark skinned women only date light skinned men, it's subliminal brainwash caused by years and years of seeing mostly white faces in the media. That creates a varied degree of rejection of anyone that is dark skinned like them in the social arena. I am a dark skinned man that has dated very light and very dark women, I don't have a preference but I have dated more lighter skinned women than darker skinned women , because they tend to gravitate to me more than the darker ones. So often times some dark skinned men like myself, who have been brainwashed by the media and also been rejected by some dark skinned women, may have the tendency to only want to date light skinned women.

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    1. 74

       realtalk247posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Grady. People of all shades get rejected but I wonder if your approach and treatment of women were the same.  Did you pay rent for light skinned girls and offered the dark skinned girl a hamburger and can't understand why she wasn't interested?

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23. 56

    peter565posted 10 years ago

    When it comes to dating, two words "opposite attract"

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24. 60

    shivanipatelposted 10 years ago

    Beats me completely. But I do agree with the fact that dark skinned men prefer to date women with light skin.

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25. 59

    amanda sillposted 10 years ago

    As for me it looks amazing when the couple is black-white. I guess the skin colour can attract people and its nice.

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26. 39

    cer1056posted 10 years ago

    People may be attracted to their opposites.
    
    I am a very light skinned - almost albino blue eyed male.
    
    Most of my girlfriends have been Black - and very dark.
    
    I am attracted to them, and some of them are very attracted to me.

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27. 60

    PARASMARTposted 10 years ago

    Sure there are those who date lighter skin women but there are a lot who date dark skinned women also and prefer to date dark skinned women.   It is a matter of perception  you think the way you see and see the way you think-
    Focus on dark skin guys who date dark skin women and you will see more and more of them.
    I also think the world is white-washed.  White is seen as good and pure, and Black, {and that which approaches the color black}, as evil and defiled.   We are brain-washed to love 'white' {light}, and hate 'black'
    {dark}.
    The English Dictionary once defined the word 'black' as 'ignorant' AS IF a 'color' can be smart or stupid!  The color 'black' is scary because it denotes the unknown, which only brave people can face honestly.
    This probably orginated from our fear of the 'dark' or night as cavemen, and carried on today into the races. 
    Also the bible paints images of God, Jesus, and the color of heaven as white which inforces this 'fear of the color black', and when it comes to people and skin color, actually promotes suppressed racism.   Why are most of the churches segregated?
    
    And lastly,  I am dark skinned and ONLY date light-skinned men! 
    Just kidding!   
    
    Focus on what you want, not what onwhat you don't want, or what the negative world might try and show you, and your world will be brighter!
    Happy Dating!

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28. 83

    Vvittaposted 10 years ago

    It is not about the girl but about this individual. Self confidence and self esteem is not something all men have. We should merely pity him for he is looking outside himself for this.

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29. 60

    Multivacposted 10 years ago

    I'm going to answer you technically and then I'm going to tell you what you can do.
    
    Technical answer:
    A fairer skin for societies still doing most of the work open air (indian) or for old rural europe, means that the girl has a nice life, she is in a better social position since she is not getting darker by working on the fields.
    On the contrary in Europe to have a fair skin means that you are working in the office, but working, and if you are tanned you spend most of your time taking care of yourself, exercising open air or going to the beach.
    So for modern point of view we will prefer a tanned girl since a fairer girl is "poorer". Opposite applies in rural areas.
    
    My advice, choose your own dates, don't care about what people says or may think.

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30. 68

    chaitanyasaivbposted 10 years ago

    External must not be taken into account, when people tries to date a girl. Because, Beauty of a person lies inside. So, We might have been living in a community like this, where there is a difference between light skinned and dark skinned. But, People have to change their mind, to stop this kind of behavior.

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31. 56

    DesertSandsposted 10 years ago

    Only two reasons...
    1. They are shallow
    2. They have deep seated issues with color

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       realtalk247posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       The Official Dark Girls Movie Documentary sheds light on these issues

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32. 38

    AndrewHil93posted 10 years ago

    Apparently there is less attitude... but I beg to differ.
    Personally, I prefer darker skinned people to pasty white simply out of personal preference. But in terms of personality I find you have nice black people and nice white people.

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33. 61

    nelson-coy7posted 10 years ago

    I believe one of the reasons dark-skinned men prefer to be with light-skinned women is a insecurity in themselves. And they feel better about themselves when they have a light-skinned woman. A good friend of mine is this way; very insecure with himself. I hope this was helpful.

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34. 58

    Jeff Macroposted 10 years ago

    this is because they will go out with them then they can get their money and get a visa then they will get a job over here and they get money and send it to their country I read that this often happens because these men think a light-skinned woman is as close to a white woman that they can comfortably get. The roots to this is believed to date back to post slavery days. Dark skinned men who dislike dark skinned women have superiority complexes, they are ashamed of these women and only denounce them to cover up the fact that they are actually ashamed of themselves. The standard of beauty set in our society greatly contributes to how we choose partners. I want to make it clear that this doesn't only happen to colored men. Koreans also have a set standard of beauty which includes pale skin as more beautiful.
    
    Black society in the western world started off as being seen as ugly or slaves. The transition from slavery to acceptance started with the cross bred children who were given lighter work or taken in as adopted kids.
    
    Further transition into acceptance were beauty pageants where only lighter skinned people were allowed to enter. The standard of beauty set in these societies implies that light skin, skinny, long haired woman are ideal representations of what beauty is.
    
    Further to this we see lighter skinned colored women given better privileges and opportunities. I live in Jamaica and when I was a child there were hardly any dark or chocolate brown complexion women working in banks or high offices.
    
    This has led to skin bleaching as women with chocolate brown and mahogany toned complexion feel that less opportunities are given to them, or that they do not meet the general standard which applies to beauty.
    
    To add insult to injury, many songs have been sung about the lighter shade of the black woman. If you are Jamaican you know what a "browning" is. Browning in Jamaica applies to the lighter skin tone which is just a few shades darker than the white woman's.
    
    I could go on and on to try and explain it but black men who were brought up in such society as I have explained will feel that the "browning' is more beautiful than the darker shade.

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35. 61

    MichaelMcNabbposted 10 years ago

    I love Irish Red Haired women with fair skin, Spanish women melt my butter on first site and I'll take cookies from a nice dark skinned lady any day.  But seriously, Is it not okay to have a preference?  I think there may be something in cultures from time to time causing people to be attracted for certain reasons good or bad but I don't see how it can be fought or corrected.

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36. 81

    Bills Placeposted 10 years ago

    I seen some really good answers, but when I seen your question "preference" was the only thing that could come to mind in the end. We all have some type of preference, whether it be food, drinks or people. The issue (the damaged part) is how people express this.

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37. 76

    Claudia Marieposted 10 years ago

    This is a problem in many races. It is good to asked the male why he feels that way. You may learn about his personal views on this matter. It could  be media which shows the beauty in the lighter persuasion and or thru a Eurocentric lens. This affects all the darker skinned ethnicities the world over because of the after effects of colonization or from slavery.

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38. 0

    GregDeTisiposted 10 years ago

    What a stupid question.  Are you mad, the world is a mixture of everyone nowadays and I cannot see how this is of any benefit to anyone.

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39. 69

    CrescentSkiesposted 10 years ago

    That can completely be summed up with a single line, my friend.
    
    There's no accounting for taste.

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40. 0

    MrDanielAbramposted 10 years ago

    Some people have a preference that way for their own personal reasons.

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41. 61

    Chrisphine Obadoposted 10 years ago

    They also take it that light skin is beautiful, and men being what they are, think with what they see.

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       Niknewman1posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Oh brother...

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42. 70

    Chriswillman90posted 10 years ago

    I think it's more of a societal thing than anything. It's no secret that our society views lighter skinned individuals to be more beautiful than darker skinned. It's not fair and doesn't make sense, but a lot of the things society does make you question yourself.
    
    Maybe there's a psychological component that comes into play, but I wouldn't know anything about that. I hope this ideal changes eventually because dark skin women are just as beautiful as light skin women.

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       dcluvely03posted 7 years agoin reply to this

       Unfortunately we had a black president. The first lady isnt lightskin and people doesnt change. They went to harvard law school ! And that dont matter why not pick someone that has a college degree and successful in their field ? Instead of skin tone

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43. 57

    Beth Torresposted 10 years ago

    Well to me, and I'm not one to judge others. To me each of us  choose who we want to be with no matter what color or race. that is the problem with this world. let people be happy and comfortable with who they decide . The reason why these men choose to be with certain women is because those women give off a special sense to these men, so that these men can be themselves around them. It has nothing to do with the color of your skin. no hard feelings. that's my opinion.

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44. 48

    Aagonis bureauposted 10 years ago

    its the color combination which attracts them towards light skin women .
    the pale/ light skin women looks wonderful under the circumstance hence they date them

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45. 74

    Jennifer Mugrageposted 10 years ago

    This is all new to me, and very educational.  I'm a white girl who was raised to believe that racism is wrong, but with very little idea of what life is actually like for Black men and women.  AND I grew up ashamed of being so "pale," wishing I could be more "tan." 
    
    (Fair-haired people DO NOT photograph well!  Our eyes disappear!  Our skin looks blue! Or red!)
    
    Sometimes it seems that everyone, no matter what they look like, grew up feeling like a have-not? Isn't it a shame?

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46. 76

    melbelposted 10 years ago

    Why does anyone have a preference? I really dig guys with curly hair. I don't see anything wrong with this. I think everyone has a "type."

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    Karen Ranoniposted 10 years ago

    It's preference not racism or shade. Why do some dark skinned woman only date white guys? Why do some old guys like younger woman or some guys only date super skinny women?  Because that is their preference. I only date older guys (well I'm married now but when I was single). I think you are hypersensitive about it and therefore aware of it, so you notice it. Now any man that would outright say "your to dark for me" is a total piece of shiz and you should be happy you didn't end up with such a jerk..let the light chic have him lol.

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    Joshua Otuposted 10 years ago

    llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll they love to

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    moviesreviewsposted 10 years ago

    Its just a matter of preference. I would not take it personal at all. Hopefully some men will change there minds and have a more appreciative outlook on darker women.

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    Ngiculela Smithposted 10 years ago

    Hello Bellz23. I do realize some time has passed since you initially posed this question to the Hub community, but I feel compelled to provide some input. While I certainly empathize with you, (and believe that you ask this from personal experience), sometimes we look at such issues from an inaccurate angle. Most Americans are accustomed to exploring racism amongst different ethnicities, but I'm certain many African Americans can relate to the racism experienced from within based on hue and skin tone. Of course, we've all heard of the special treatment the mullato slave received as opposed to his darker-skinned brothers and sisters, which is generally accepted as the root of this mental enslavement. To be Fair, sometimes we just like what we like for reasons that seemingly carry no rhyme or reason. Some recognize the beauty in the complexion variety of black people, and some seem to make no distinction at all. As a child,  as many young black children do, I often wished for a lighter complexion of skin. But to answer your question specifically, one could never group all these dark-skinned men together as though there is a singular explanation for their tastes. I have found that it is often our earliest development that dictates whom or what we eventually become attracted to. The gift is that we possess the ability and right to choose who we are going to be for ourselves,  and thus embrace the beliefs and values we hold dear. I've met black men who are attracted to white women or men only. I take no offense. At the end of the day we're all JUST PEOPLE. Sometimes our likes and dislikes don't line up with other individuals who's paths we might cross. Part of being a good American, in my humble opinion, is having patience and tolerance with individuals who might not be so patient and tolerant of who I am. Just something to think about.

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