Should I leave the guy I'm with because I'm unhappy?

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  1. Jaymeyaroch profile image60
    Jaymeyarochposted 13 years ago

    Should I leave the guy I'm with because I'm unhappy?

    He's a nice guy, doesn't treat me badly or anything, there's just no passion in his life, and he doesn't have a passion for me, in my opinion.  He won't make the first move, he doesn't get romantic, and he had no passions of his own to share with me.  He also doesn't take part in my passions.  He claims to be interested, but he really isn't.

    I love him, we're been together for two years, but I always wanted more passion in my life, more verve.  I'm a dramatic, passionate person who radiates life and vitality.  He's kind of just there, though in the beginning he was passionate about his thing.

  2. Don Ship profile image73
    Don Shipposted 13 years ago

    Try to talk to him about it. Tell him that you're unhappy or whatever. If he understands you, he'll definitely make sure you are happy! If he doesn't, think about it, 2 years is a really long time, if he really claims he's interested, he still maybe, you never know!

  3. Tony DeLorger profile image62
    Tony DeLorgerposted 13 years ago

    His lack of passion maybe something personal in his life, nothing to do with you. Love is never enough. There has to be friendship, a clear cut communication and connection. To give him the benefit of the doubt, perhaps you should communicate your misgivings and suggest a trial separation. If he truly loves you, this should bring him around. However, if his lack of passion is not caused by a problem, perhaps you have made a bad choice. We learn from experience, and then take that to the next relationship. There's an Irish saying. 'What is for you, can't pass by you.'

  4. jennysbus profile image60
    jennysbusposted 13 years ago

    In my book I think a relationship is all about the chemistry. If you don't have that then it is just going to fizz out.

  5. MickS profile image60
    MickSposted 13 years ago

    We've heard a lot about the negative aspects of this man, but nothing about your negative aspects.  It takes two to make and two to break, always.

  6. sweetescape profile image58
    sweetescapeposted 13 years ago

    Talk to him first, let him know what you feel about the relationship. If he really loves you, he'll find a way to make it up to you or make you feel happy in every possible way that he can. However, if you haven't seen any growth in your relationship, or if he's doing nothing.. might as well go look for that someone who can trully make you feel happy. Life is too short, make the most out of it.

  7. Ashantina profile image61
    Ashantinaposted 13 years ago

    In a nutshell, YES.
    There are about 3 billion men on this planet, and I think at least one or two of them will be compatible with you...
    Lifes too short babe.. and don't feel guilty about letting him go, ok?

  8. Edoka Writes profile image59
    Edoka Writesposted 13 years ago

    If a woman is unhappy, it's usually difficult to revive a lackluster relationship, b/c the frustration has started melting away feelings. That is what I've noticed throughout the years; however, if you think that 'loving feeling' can be revived, by him responding excitedly toward you and your endeavors- talk to him. If not, move on and be wildly ecstatic alone! It's possible.

  9. arb profile image78
    arbposted 13 years ago

    They say opposites attract! After 43 years of marriage it is still true. I have learned that our mates are not the source of happiness, they are the ones we share happiness with. Resolution is almost always the residue of a good talk, but, if your looking for a cocker spaniel and he's a Golden retriever, you have two choices. Change your preference or change your dog. I took in a street mutt. It took a while, but now he owns my heart.

  10. Jaymeyaroch profile image60
    Jaymeyarochposted 13 years ago

    I ran out of space for my negatives, they only give you so many characters to write in.  I'm not perfect, and I never thought I was asking for a lot, just passion, and not even about me, just about something.  My negatives include that I am always passionate about EVERYTHING, either positively or negatively, with little middle ground.  I've lived two lifetimes in my single one, and it's made me jaded.  I physically can't have children, and he wants them.  I've never sought true love, but I always accept any love when its offered.  I live honestly, saying what I mean and meaning what I say, and a lot of people call that blunt and cold.  I can be very cold sometimes when I'm angry.

    I have told him, I've tried to talk to him about this.  He seems to understand, tells me what he thinks I want to hear, and then makes no more thought of it.  He never acts on what he promises, though it wasn't always like that.  I do believe he loves me, but I know that love will never be enough.  Do I follow my instincts, which often lead me astray, and leave, or do I make a change, stick it out, and see what happens?

  11. moonfairy profile image73
    moonfairyposted 13 years ago

    yes, yes yes!! I was trapped in the same predicament for 2 years before I had the nerve to leave. My biggest obstacle was that I didn't want to hurt him and then I realized I wasn't being fair to either one of us...I was hurting myself. Sounds like you've already told him how you feel and nothing has changed. You'll grow to resent him if you stay....and probably end up leaving anyway. Best to do it now and find the happiness and fulfillment that you're looking for.

  12. dexixy profile image59
    dexixyposted 13 years ago

    First have you talked to him about this?....
    I think this guy is not your type, you are different, tell him you can't continue with the relationship else you will get old and miserable all your life.

  13. Darknlovely3436 profile image69
    Darknlovely3436posted 13 years ago

    well my question for you .. is should you stay with this guy if you are unhappy,   well i guess you answer the question,why stay with someone who make you unhappy.. that is  torture..which is going to lead to depression, and lot of health problem, especially if you stay in a relationship which is not healthy for you...

  14. Perfect Shop Girl profile image40
    Perfect Shop Girlposted 13 years ago

    You should always surround yourself with people that make you happy!  Good luck figuring out what is the right decision for you.

  15. duffsmom profile image60
    duffsmomposted 13 years ago

    It depends.  1) is this who is always was, was he just the same when you two got togther?  If not, what has changed, is he depressed.  2) if he was always this way, then what attracted you two him.  Can you live without him, without seeing him, allowing him to find someone else.

    Yes, opposites do attract.  Imagine that he is just like you, passionate and dramatic about everything.  That might be too intense for anyone.

    Bottom line is tell him exactly what you want from him; not general terms like--I want you to be more interested.  Tell him what he needs to do to satisfy your need for passion.  Remember he can't read your mind or guess what reaction you are looking for.

  16. FatherOfTwo profile image55
    FatherOfTwoposted 13 years ago

    Difficult question, I, as many others have pointed out also, believe that any relationship needs to be based on close friendship as much as passion - and if it's not there, it's not there. However I can only draw on my own experiences and a long time ago I made the mistake of staying in a relationship in which I was tremendously unhappy. I thought I was doing the "right" thing by hanging in there and trying to work things out but ultimately wasted years of my life unhappily trying to be a nice guy. As others have pointed out, if you cannot see yourself being with a person for the rest of your life it is probaly kinder and better for both of you to end it sooner rather than later. There is bound to be someone more compatible for each of you.  I am now extremely happily married to a woman that I love with all my heart & soul and have two fantastic kids, I just wish I had met her sooner. Just my 2 cents

  17. coexist73 profile image60
    coexist73posted 13 years ago

    Youre story is close to my heart because i was in an identical situation, absolutley identical as far as my passion and his lack there of. I ended up leaving because i realized i would never be happy, i would never be FULL in that relationship and whats more, as person BECAUSE of that relationship. Do not allow the love you may feel for him keep you from having a happy and full life, because i promise you will find someone just as passionate as you and let me tell you, its a WHOLE new level of love.

    I am now engaged to my best friend, my soulmate, someone who shares all of my "passions", a romantic that cares as much about my goals as acheiving his own.

    You DESERVE that kind of love and from what you have described, you will never find it in your current situation. Just be strong, love yourself enough to realize that the deepest, most fullfilling kind of love is out there for you. You will have no doubts when you find it.

  18. Rosie2010 profile image66
    Rosie2010posted 13 years ago

    although you are the only one who can answer this question truthfully, if I were in your shoes, I would be asking myself "Would I be better off with him or without him?"  If I am unhappy being with somebody, I'd be better off without that person.  But that's just me.  Remember life is too short.. make the most of it.  Be happy!

  19. Variety Writer profile image60
    Variety Writerposted 13 years ago

    Yes, yes yes yes. Life is way to short to live it unhappy. The sooner you leave, the sooner you will be happy.

  20. JayDee Sterling profile image60
    JayDee Sterlingposted 13 years ago

    Periodically I clock in as devil's advocate, not full-time. Ok so you have invested 2-yrs of your time and emotions on this man. He's nice. He treats you well. He hasn't cheated on you, or stolen money from you? Nor kicked your cat or dog (writer's license here). And you suddenly want him to be more than who he is?  Not everyone is wired to be a leader.  Ok, so you want more passion, you may just have to be in control of that department. 

    Have you given thought to if you had a man that was just like you running around with his hair on fire, he would probably drive you crazy and you would be on here asking where to find the nearest fire extinguisher?

    We do have to count our blessings. Consider all the women who are with men who abuse them in every way. And then re-think your position.  Those of us who are extroverted, have to learn to accept the introverts, they like pizza as much as we do, they just don't get excited about it. As long as they eat the pizza with us, do we really need to care if they don't think of pizza delivery in the same way we think of Christmas?   Best wishes smile

  21. mcrawford76 profile image88
    mcrawford76posted 13 years ago

    Stay, let your life go by being unhappy. Love and passion are for fools anyway.
    No, really, you should leave before things get more complicated. Why would you want to stay with someone who isn't your soul mate? It would be the safe move to stay with the nice guy who doesn't do it for you, but you could miss out on a chance for real love and happyness.

  22. lawrencebeach2010 profile image61
    lawrencebeach2010posted 13 years ago

    If you need passion and have told him you need it and he doesn't even try, LEAVE. Because some of us need that to feel loved. ~Sarah

  23. GennaMGL profile image59
    GennaMGLposted 13 years ago

    i think you should talk, and see if there is a way to work it out. if you see that there is no chance, then you should walk away. its important to try to work it out. once you tried, there is no point living your life being unhappy. you would be doing both of you no good.

  24. Rogochuks profile image64
    Rogochuksposted 13 years ago

    I would say that life is too short to sell your self short. You can never get everything you want in life, but one should have something like passion that does not cost money.
    One can also say that you knew about this before getting into the relationship, but that is not reason to remain prisoner to unsatisfaction.
    I would say follow your head and heart, but remember the grass; it is not always greener on the other side.

  25. yshashikant profile image61
    yshashikantposted 13 years ago

    It seems to me that something is keeping him low, maybe some kind of family issues. As you said, "though in the beginning he was passionate about his thing". Maybe he lost someone he used to admire a lot or a lot of other things could have happened. What i am trying to say is you should sit and talk to him about this. Maybe he is hiding something from you. Maybe he thinks if you know that he would embarrassed. Try and make him feel comfortable, forgot about what you have started feeling about him, rather concentrate on him for now. And i m sure, things will be good between the two you once again. And pretty soon. No matter what, lovers are always meant to be together.

  26. fpherj48 profile image60
    fpherj48posted 8 years ago

    Jay.....Reading how you describe this guy almost made ME leave him for you.  Sounds like you've got yourself a generic passion-less man.  No excitement, imagination, creativity...NO FUN.  This appears to be his basic personality if it's been this way for the better part of your 2 years together.

    Anything really positive you noticed in the very beginning don't count.  Please be realistic.  When a relationship is brand new, both parties are on their best behavior.....mostly due to the "newness."

    We all deserve to have in our life what it is that makes us the happiest, most secure & comfortable.  The world is filled with the kind of men you seem to want & need. 

    If you have not opened up to him honestly & seriously as yet, it's only fair you do this.  After 2 years and since you claim to "Love" him, it's only fair to both of you to give him a chance at redemption.  I mean, if the poor guy doesn't even KNOW you're unhappy or WHY you're unhappy, he'll be content with how it is forever!  Good luck.  I wish you well.


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