How do you stay strong when your best friend, mentor, hero is going through canc

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   suzzycueposted 11 years ago

   How do you stay strong when your best friend, mentor, hero is going through cancer? She is so weak.
   
   My friend three days before new years day was told she has cancer. She had been in hospital for a month then sent to a nursing home for a month because it was close to Baltimore University Hospital so she could get her radiation treatments. Marylou made it threw the radiation but now is going threw Kemo treatments and yes I probably spelled it wrong. I have been here with her in Maryland helping her for 2 weeks now . I am watching her struggle as I am the one giving her kemo pills that are zapping her away from me. She let go with no vidal signs at the Doctors office today. She is ok now.

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   Alaina Smith Cainposted 11 years ago

   True enough, you gotta be strong for her, but that doesn't mean you can be a little weak too. As a matter of fact, I recommend it! It was only when I tried so desperately to keep everything together that it all fell apart anyway.

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      suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Alaina. I think Marylou is going through it stronger than me and I am hoping for the best. Sorry you went through it and it fell apart. I feel good I was in a position to be able to come and be here with marylou.

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      Alaina Smith Cainposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Cherish these days with her and you may even want to keep a scrapbook together to take your mind off such trying times.

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   Vickiwposted 11 years ago

   First of all, Suzzycue, this must be a really dreadful time for both of you, and it is wonderful that she has such a truly devoted friend. It is so good that you are with her to advocate for her, as by the sound of it she really needs you. You will be able to make sure both of you understand everything about her treatment, and you can speak up for her with the treatment staff, tactfully of course. I don't know if she has any anti-nausea medication.
   It sounds as though she is very weak. Just by being with her you are helping. Make sure you have lots of interesting things to do when you are with her. She will be able to see that you are trying to keep yourself together. Who knows, she may even want to try something herself.
   Read stories if she wants you to, and tell stories. That is the age-old way of calming and coping.
   You are her advocate, her strength. That is what will keep you strong. All blessings to you for helping her.

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      suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      We have been reminising about her family and about our travels together. Marylou likes that you are right. Thank you for your help Vickiw.

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   ChitrangadaSharanposted 11 years ago

   That is so sad and upsetting news, suzzycue. I can understand, how you must be feeling. This is destiny. No one can do anything but to face it with courage and hope against hope, that your friend recovers from her illness. You have to stay strong and help her deal with the problem. Watching a close one struggle is the worst thing to do. I can just wish her speedy recovery.
   Have faith and pray to God. You are such a devoted friend.
   May God bless you!

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      suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for your encouraging words ChitrangadaSharan. I continually pray and trust in God.

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   SidKempposted 11 years ago

   Hey, SuzzyCue! I know how tough this is. I lived with my Mom through her first six months of cancer. Now, both my wife and I have chronic illnesses.
   
   I can offer three encouraging thoughts:
   First, you are doing far more than you realize. Just being there and doing your best, you are helping in a thousand ways.
   Second, every mentor wants to see her mentee grow in strength and power. Until now, she has been stronger. Now, it's the other way around. Both of you be joyful in your growth, SuzzyCue!
   Third, take good care of yourself. Each day, each week, and each season, find a way to take a break. Prayer, time in nature, healthy food and exercise, or just one junk food binge - whatever it takes to restore your balance!
   
   My prayers and best wishes go with you.

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      suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks a lot Sidkemp. I will practice all your encouraging thoughts. Last night while marylou was in hospital I had the most wonderful whirlpool bath. I understand now how important the me is. Until last night I was forgetting me. Take Care yourself.

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   padmendraposted 11 years ago

   The support of a friend plays an important role in anyone’s life who knows the value of friendship. With the help of a friend, one can overcome from the problems more easily and feels connected with the outside world. .Sometime if your friend is ill or indisposed, you will feel depressed and   may start taking  everything in negative.But as a true friend, you should always wish speedy recovery of your friend and only then you can enjoy every moment of your life more happily with the presence of your friend.

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      suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      OH I needed to hear this this morning. I was slipping thanks a lot padmendra

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   ramkimeenaposted 11 years ago

   I pity your condition Suzzycue much more  than your friend's. It is really depressing to see a dear friend melting  down  slowly and steadily. The intensive treatment at  the hospital prolongs her life each day but ultimately the inevitable  has to happen. After this, a melancholic feeling  and greater  depression is likely to overtake your mind.  This is the bigger danger. If  you want to avoid it, hope for the best but be prepared for the worst right  now. Understand that whatever happens is only for her good. You have many years of active life left in you and  you should not brood the past with sad thoughts. Life should be taken positively. Whatever is destined to happen will happen. We cannot  shape up events. We can  only react to them. In the ultimate analysis, this kind of situation can  only allow a  friend like you  to  undertake damage limiting exercise. Let God  give you the strength and positive thoughts to tide over the situation. My best wishes to you.

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      suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you ramkimeena. I do not want to be pittied but your words are comforting and I relate closely to their message. I will keep your thoughts close in my mind. I appreciate all the time everyone spent to help me today to feel hope, strength.

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   Sunshine625posted 11 years ago

   Whether you or a loved one is dealing with cancer, your strength is vital. Staying strong is not mandatory, but it helps you cope... read more

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      Sunshine625posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I'm sorry that you and your friend are having to deal with cancer. I appreciate you sharing your journey with us. I've been on the journey for many years with my mom and now husband...this hub helped me cope a bit. Thank you for the nudge.

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      suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Sunshine for sharing your courage with me.

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   devisreeposted 11 years ago

   Hi suzzycue
   
   Very sad news. I can imagine your feelings. Seeing the worst condition is really painful. There are some moments where we are helpless..
   But  you can do one thing .Give her mental support. Divert her attention by engaging in meditation or yoga. This will help her to gain positive energy. She will learn to  Face the fate with will power. God is great. Surely a miracle will happen and she will get cured.

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      suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I believe in miracles and I agree with you devisree God will cure my friend. I trust in God.

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    Kris Hodajposted 11 years ago

    I think the best way to deal with situations like this, is to accept reality. My advice to you is to train yourself with death and the nothingness that comes after it. In other words, we all (you included) should know and calmly accept that death is a natural process, without which the world wouldn't be as we know it.
    I am not a nihilist nor a death-admirer of some sort, you should know that. And accepting death doesn't mean your friend is going to die, it will just make you strong and disoccupied with the thought of losing your friend and will concentrate your powers on helping her.
    Let me give you a personal example: My grandfather passed away two years ago. We were very close. When he died I was normally upset, but I didn't suffer his loss in great amounts because I knew that death would eventually come and I just accepted that what had happened was a normal and natural thing.
    Hope to have helped,
    Kris

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       suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       You have helped Kris and your advice is understood. I will work on your suggestion. Thank you.

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    Stacie Lposted 11 years ago

    I have to commend you on being there for her and being a good friend.
    Going through cancer treatment is no treat as I can attest to first hand.
    Nutritional support is vital at this time as is emotional support.
    Having someone by her side is a relief I'm sure and emotional support does wonders that modern technology cannot measure.
    Stay positive for her and she will become stronger.

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       suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I am doing my best to be strong but last night after she went into the hospital again I lost it and that is why I asked for help and I thankyou Stacie for your help and everyone else's help to keep me strong is amazing. I can do this!

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    PurvisBobbi44posted 11 years ago

    Believe me I know what you are feeling---helpless and just want to pull the covers over your head and cry. I have been through it all with my sister twice.
    
    She had breast cancer twice with radiation and Chemo treatments---I was with her when she began them, and when she was so sick and when she ended them.
    
    I cried when her beautiful long chestnut brown hair started falling out---she had it shaved off. I can honestly say even when she had surgery to have her breast removed---she did not cry one tear---but I did--- I am nine years older than she is---and I am the biggest baby.
    
    She is back at work and doing great. And I still cannot relate to how great her faith was to carry her though. I was so afraid she would be taken from me.
    
    To be with your friend now and show her there is always hope and never let her give up. You are an Angel to do this for your friend. I know she loves you more than words can express.
    
    I will pray for you both.
    Bobbi

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       suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you Bobbi for your encouraging words and your prayers. God bless you for your strength for your sister. I am a baby with these kind of things also.

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    vocalcoachposted 11 years ago

    suzzycue - First of all, I'm so terribly sorry.  You are going through the most difficult of experiences right now. And no one can give you the answer you seek unless they have have also experienced the identical crises.  Others may have an opinion but that is unfortunately of little help.  How do I know?  I've experienced exactly the very same thing under the same circumstances.
    
    I not only lost my best friend to cancer, but my very own son - my first-born.  He left 4 children under the age of 13.  No mother to care for them as she abandoned the family years before.
    
    So, yes, I totally understand and my heart goes out to you.  You have made a good choice by sharing your story with others here on hubpages.  That, in itself, will build the strength you need to endure at this time.
    
    As odd as what I'm about to say may seem - be patient with yourself.  Love the compassionate and devoted person that you are.  Seek those who truly love you.
    I learned from my tragedy 2 things:
    1.  Strength comes in stages and it comes and goes.  Emotionally we are caught in a kaleidescope of feelings.  Those feelings should not be judged.  They just are - period. Allow your feelings to change.
    
    2.  No other person "knows how you feel."  No one!  (Including me.)
    
    You are a wonderful friend to Marylou.  And you are much stronger than you think.  She is blessed to have a friend like you. That is the greatest gift of all.
    
    Hugs to you along with loving thoughts...

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       suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Thanks a lot vocalcoach. I was putting myself down for crying but no more . You have helped me realize I am doing a good job.

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    pstraubie48posted 11 years ago

    Good evening Suzycue
    There is no one correct answer to this question.  Each of us faces situations like this in different ways. My grandson was diagnosed when he was four and we were told he would never live to be six. And he just had his 18th birthday. What a celebration that was.
    He has been in and out of remission for years and we are thankful for that. He is currently on strong chemo injections.
    His Mother, my daughter, was diagnosed nine years ago and was told two years later to party like a rock star because the cancer spread throughout her body. She has many HUGE issues but she is on the planet so that is reason to rejoice.
    What this has to do with your question is this-----do not MISS one moment of joy with Marylou.  Tomorrow will take care of itself. L I V E today and in so doing it will be contagious and she will do the same. Try not to second guess the future....treasure each bit of time you have for yourself and for her.
    Take care of YOU---allow yourself a good cry, a really good one, and then, move on. Embrace the goodness of life and find joy in the simple things you may have forgotten to revel in.
    Surround yourself with loved ones who will let you express your concern. Stay postiive and hopeful. Believe in HOPE.
    We have been so blessed to have many earthly Angels and spiritual Angels who have walked our walk with us. Even the doctors have told my grandson and my daughter that it is miraculous that they are here today. So yes, I believe in miracles and I believe in Angels.
    So as I close, I am sending you Angels to comfort you and to help remove your fear.  ps

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       suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       What a great story. Thank you pstraubie48. I will be reading a lot of these answers over and over. I so appreciate you sending the angels. I also believe in angels. You are worthy.

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    Globetrekkermelposted 11 years ago

    being with her go through this makes you feel stronger.Try not to shower her with pity in your actions and words.Be there for for here like how you were with her when she did not have cancer. think of the good times when you were with here before cancer. LAUGH EVEN NOTHING IS SO LAUGHABLE. it helps breaks the ice of doomsday feelings.

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       suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Awesome I will. Thank you Globetrekkermel. Thank you Hubbers for your much needed support. You have made me understand my strength for Marylou.

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    torrilynnposted 11 years ago

    I understand exactly with what you are going through. My mom currently has aggressive cancer and the doctors are trying to figure out the next step in treating it since it is not going away with chemo this third time around. It is very hard to stay strong, when there is nothing that you can physically do to help them deal with the amount of pain, anguish, and fatigued that they are experiencing. The best thing you can do is to always give positive feedback and to be there for them emotionally and mentally. I know it may be physically exhausting but it will all be worth it and your friend will greatly appreciate you being there for her.

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       suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       God Bless you torrilynn, We can be strong together, You and your Mom are in my Prayers.

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       torrilynnposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       thanks you suzzy and god bless you as well. you and your friend are in my prayers as well

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    delaneyworldposted 11 years ago

    I have learned that one of the best things you can do is simply take it one moment at a time.  It's important for you to keep your body strong by eating right, moving as much as you can and resting whenever possible.  Your love for your friend is evident in your writing and she is truly blessed to have you by her side.  It is great to be strong, but it is also human and perfectly okay for you to have moments of weakness.  Cry when you need to, laugh until your ribs hurt and follow your instincts and lean on someone if you need to.  It sounds like you are an amazing friend and I am praying for your sweet friend as she goes down this path.

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       suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       One moment at a time is good. I like that. Thank you delaneyworld for your help and your prayers along with everyone else's prayers are very much appreciated. You guys are the best! Thank you!

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    lorddraven2000posted 11 years ago

    I lost my best friend to cancer several years back. he was the best guy I ever knew. What got me through is the knowledge that all that pain he had to endure is over. Even with cancer eating away at him he was strong and dedicated to being the person he always was. In many ways he was a hero to anyone who knew him.

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       suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I bet he was a great Hero and a great friend . Thank you lordraven2000 for sharing this with me. God bless you. This is the hardest thing I have ever done and I understand your feelings more than you know.

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    PJ Stuartposted 11 years ago

    First, let me say I am so sorry for you, for Marylou and for the pain you both must be experiencing. I hope and pray she will recover. Friendships like yours are so rare and so beautiful. I'm not a doctor, but I am a woman and I say love her better. Do not leave one word unsaid, your friendship will be stronger because of all the honest moments. Don't be afraid to let her talk about her pain, fear, and anything else she needs to say. Help bring people to her she needs to see and maybe forgive. Most of all, take care of you, Suzy. You need to be rested to be her strength. I pray right now i the name of MY Lord Jesus for her total and complete healing. And for you, my name is PJ Stuart, Hub writer and here for you if you need to talk, or support, or just a good old girl to girl cry. Reach me at bestseller.pjstuart@gmail.com and I'll give you my number if you need to talk. All the best and love ya, Suzy. Hang tough and believe.

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       suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Wow thank you PJ Stuart. I appreciate all your kindness and prayers. I love hang tough and believe.

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    cat on a soapboxposted 11 years ago

    Hello suzycue, 
    I am sorry that your best friend is so ill. How lucky she is to have you with her!
    I agree with the many great answers here.    Keep your friend focused on living and getting well by reminiscing, sharing thoughts, and making the most of the present. Laughter is definitely good, and humor can be found in unexpected places. It is really important to take care of yourself in order to be strong. Have a good cry to relieve stress, don't be hard on yourself if you get angry or frustrated, keep busy with small projects and enjoy a good walk where you can take in the beauty around you. These breaks help you recharge. Stay close in your relationship w/ God. He will lift the weight from your shoulders.  I am also a believer in journals for writing both thoughts and feelings, esp. if you are unable to sleep well. If you are not getting rest, ask for a mild sleep-aid from your doctor so you don't get run down.  I wish you and your friend the best. 

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       suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you Cat on a soap box. I like your name and am grateful you wrote in to advise me.

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    liesl5858posted 11 years ago

    You are doing a wonderful job looking after your friend. Your friend is very lucky to have you. I know what you are going through right now because my friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer just before Christmas last year. I was shocked but luckily the cancer had been detected early so my friend went through the operation after Christmas and had just finished her radiotherapy last week. All we can do is offer what we can do for them. You can stay strong by looking after yourself and your health too. And if you can take a break by getting someone to look after your friend that would be better just for a day or two. I am sure your friend would understand. I hope your friend will get better soon. All the best.

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       suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Seems our friends got sick at the same time. You helped me by sharing your story thank you lies15858. God Bless you and your friend, You are in my prayers.

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    shivanchirakkal10posted 11 years ago

    DDear suzzycue,
    Your question put me to rethink those days in which my young mother ( sister of my mother) struggled due to lungs cancer.
    One day she told me that she feel pain in her ear. So I used to con consulted her with an E N T specialist. He told me to admit her in hospital as he want further more checkup. Next day he advice us to undergo check up in Regional Cancer Center. So we went there. There, doctors confirmed that she have lungs cancer, which is in worse condition.
    For all these days I am not told her what is her illness. But when she admitted in cancer ward she asked me about her illness. I with much sweet words told her about her illness and told her nothing worry, she will be OK with the treatment.
    There, she was under gone radiation and chemo etc.As the side effect she become pail and dark, hair falling made her so sad.
    Physical changes always make mental tension to the cancer patient. She also in that condition. Unable to take food, collapsed her health. She become more fear and always said me to sit with her.
    Doctors tried their best to give speedy recovery to her. After a six moths treatment she become energetic and recover from cancer. We came home.
    In home she shown more eager towards food. She told she want to eat different kind of food and fruits. We are only happy to make available such items to her. We, all the family members sit together and  eat with her. She become more happy and confident about her health.
    But, one day she told that she find difficulty to eat food.
    Again we went to RCC and under gone checkup. Doctors said the cancer re-appeared.And said that it is very difficult to get relief from treatment. Even then they started treatment. But with in two-three days her condition become worse.She failed to intake even liquid food and her face become swelled and breathing become difficult. Doctors advice us to take her home.
    She lived only three days more. She left us.
    Her last days, I do not know how I express my feeling.
    As she have no children, she loved me much. So her death given me pain.
    Towards cancer patient, give more and more love and be with them all the time. This will give much relax to them.

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       suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       shivanchirakkal10 Thank you so much for sharing your story and giving me hope. Your story is similar to what I am going through. Marylou is back home now and getting stronger. She is still taking chemo pills and I sit near her all the time.

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    lone77starposted 11 years ago

    My prayers are with you and your friend.
    
    Chemo and radiation are perhaps the most poisonous things you can do to a person, and the most cancer-causing. The efficacy of these techniques has long been proven to be extremely low. All too frequently, the cancer is killed, but so is the patient -- not from the cancer, but from the treatment.
    
    There are alternatives. Hopefully it is not too late to investigate them. The medical, big Pharma, government mafia have a vested interest in selling patients these poisons. They're big money. They're not into health maintenance or cures. They're into disease maintenance.
    
    And that should make perfect sense. As a business model, cures are bad for the bottom line. Cures would put companies like each Big Pharma giant out of business. That's why cures are outlawed. That's why cancer cures that worked were forced out of the country without peer review proof of anything. Patients loved the cures; Big Pharma didn't for obvious reasons.
    
    You can be strong for your friend by helping them find a good alternative to the poisons of radiation and chemo. If they are not willing to trust nature, then you can be strong for them by knowing that their physical body is not the real them. The real them is immortal spirit -- the child of God (Holy Ghost, Holy Spirit, or soul), within.

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       suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I agree with you lone77star it is poison. It is taking it's toll on her but the treatments are almost over. But you are also right as we almost lost her twice and she has come back to us. Thank you for your wisdom on the child of God. I believe that.

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    cre8ivOneposted 11 years ago

    Hang in there Suzzycue,
    I was good friends with a woman who had cancer, that was the entire time of our friendship.  She had up days and down days, especially after chemotherapy treatments.  I didn't think I would have courage or strength to be there with her when things were tough but I found that I was!  We have to be strong for people who are going through something like this because that is reassuring to them.  And for us, it's okay to cry too.  Finding faith and relying on family and friends can be great comforts and help you to gather up strength too.
    
    I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time and sorry to for your friend.  I am sending my thoughts and prayers and hoping for some comfort to come your way.

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       suzzycueposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       You had a strong friendship with your friend just like I do. Things are good today and we shared breakfast and coffee this morning. Thank you cre8ivOne. It is great when Marylou can eat anything. I loved your encouraging words.

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    suzzycueposted 11 years ago

    First of all my wonderful friend," Marylou " Passed On Sunday May 19th. She rests in a wonderful place now, at peace and out of pain. 
    
    There is no answer I can decide as best because I appreciate all of the Hubbers' that helped me stay strong and hang tough for my friend to the end of my journey with her.
    
    I thank each and everyone of you for your answers, your prayers, your angels, thoughts, advice and your time you shared, to help me stay strong and believe me, you really helped. I read these answers over and over many times and am proud to belong to such a supportive system of friends called Hubpages. Thank you all again, Suzzycue.

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