How can I stop seeing a married man?
I've been seeing a married man, he works 2 doors down from me, so I do see he on a day to day basis, but don't always speak, I bump into him rather regularly on a night out and we always end up together we have only happened to be together a very few amount of times. He is charming, good looking but I know I'm not the first person he has cheated on with his wife, I fancy him like mad! And I am really struggling to get him out of my head as he works so close by, what can I do?
You have two ways to go here:
1. Enjoy the ride until his wife finds out, then experience the rejection when he tells you he made a mistake and can't see you anymore;
2. tell him you made a mistake and he is leave you alone from now on.
I good way to stop seeing him is for you to put yourself in his wife's shoes. How would you like it/react to it if he was your husband and she was the other woman? I'm sure you have your reasons that make sense to you of why you accept being second place/a booty call, which is all you are, but in my opinion it's wrong and the only person/persons who will end up getting hurt is his wife and children if he has any, when you guys get caught, which eventually you will.
One good thing is that we can call it what it is! LUST! Love it cannot be for love is kind, charitable, kind, courteous and to willfully engage in this activity is further evidence most of all that you don't LOVE yourself enough to stop! If you loved yourself, you would not accept something that you would not want done to you if you were married.
People tend to have 3 "to do lists".
1. Things I want to do
2. Things I have to do
3. Things I need to do
Generally speaking if it's not on the first two lists it's not likely to get done. Judging from what you said here you have not really "had enough". If you're still going on about him as being "charming","good looking" and saying "I fancy him like mad!" Those don't sound like words coming from someone that dislikes another person or (condemns) their behavior.
In fact when you say, " I know I'm not the (first) person he has cheated on with his wife." This is the one time you sound slightly disgusted and only because it makes (you) feel less "special".
You can't get to second base if you insist on keeping one foot on first base. In order to get over a bad habit you have to replace it with a good habit. If you truly want to stop seeing this man and by that I mean (intimately) then you need to make up your mind that it's over. Stop running in the same circles or going places you know he is fond of hanging out, get out there and start dating single guys, and refuse to have anything to do with the married man not even (friendship).
"If you want something different (you) have to do something different!"
OK... here's some things to think about.
1. If he has cheats on her multiple times, what does that say about the man?
2. How would you feel in his wife's shoes?
3. What kind of morals does this man have?
4. Are you OK being a booty call?
5. Why get into something that probably won't go anywhere other than hooking up.
6. You should be the better person. Its wrong. Step up and do the right thing.
7. Don't ever fall for the " I'm leaving her" trick.
8. If he has done this multiple times, what does it say Bout his views on relationships,
9. Not only is he being the man who cheats on his wife. Your being the one who thinks its OK for him to cheat on his wife.
10. Are you willing to have that on your head. One of those people he cheated on his wife with.
11. Are those your morals?
I'm not trying to bash. Being an adult means making adult decisions. Knowing right and wrong and doing what is right. Obviously your not a teenager fawning over the head football star. These are peoples lives thatyour dealing with. THats someone's husband your going after. Its not about what you want.
Stop seeing him avoid contact to get him out of your head it can be difficult but if you seek other friendships you will forget about him. Remember he is married and you don't know when he will leave you. You should do it before he says so.
It's not him, it's your brain. When you're attracted to someone (or something) your pupils dilate. When it comes to lust, you can become sweaty, have a racing heart, and releases of dopamine. You need to evaluate what it is that you're missing in your own life that has addicted you to this feeling when the dopamine is released into your body.
It's purely physical, and fortunately, we were created with the ability to control our actions!!
This is just about the worst sin you can commit in the sisterhood. Good women don't do this to other women and it sounds as if you aspire to be a good woman. My best friend let my husband into her life. Any chance that we had to keep our lovely home and family was gone out the window when she responded. Our children were devastated. Her husband tried to commit suicide as well as one of her children. My daughter was gravely affected. You simply don't know what you're doing when you open yourself up to this. Our good little family, could have been saved; our children could have had good and decent lives. Instead we have suffered emotionally, financially and in any other way you can imagine. How arrogant for one woman to believe she can give to a man what his wife doesn't seem to be giving. You are playing with fire and it's actually dispicable behavior. Quit the job if you have to; find a great hobby. Don't ruin someone else's life no matter who much of a cad this man is. There is hope for his marriage and a chance for his true happiness if women don't respond. The fault lies deep in his psyche. Have more self-esteem than to be flattered by this man's attention. You wouldn't purposely run a family off the road whether or not you perceived them to be a "healthly loving family". Don't be a part of running this family off the road no matter how recklessly the guy in that other car is driving.
by terced ojos 5 months ago
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