Just Friends - with a member of the opposite sex

1. 80

   mega1posted 13 years ago

   How does it work for you? being "just friends" with a member of the opposite sex.  Especially when that person is very, very attractive.  I mean HOT!  Can you maintain a friendship like that, and how do you do it?  Or if you never have had a friendship like that, why do you think that is?

   replyreport
   1. 60

      mcbeanposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      When I was a young lad I learnt a valuable lesson:
      
      Being very good friends with girls has two benefits:
      1) They have lots of female friends and it never hurts for them to hear how you are "such a nice bloke"
      2) Although you get labelled a "friend" - not a potential boyfriend, if you then break contact for a few years (move away, go to uni etc) when you return you are no longer categorized in that restrictive "friends" zone. They still feel extremely comfortable around you but a new door of possibilities opens.
      
      I didn't appreciate this in my early years when I was nothing but everyones good friend. Things changed dramatically in later years as my wife will agree (former university drinking "buddy").
      
      What was once "Out of bounds" can become "game on" with a few years gap.

      replyreport
      1. 69

         MKayoposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         mcbean is right on with this one. Very similar story with me and my spouse.

         replyreport
   2. 64

      Greek Oneposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      stop hitting on me Mega!  I am a married man!

      replyreport
2. 80

   mega1posted 13 years ago

   I'm talking about a very close friendship, not just like, you know each other.  But very close - hang out together all the time, tell each other everything - BFF!

   replyreport
3. 92

   habeeposted 13 years ago

   I've had a couple of friendships like that. In fact, I have one now! He knows I love my husband, but I love him, too - in a different way. If hubby ever left me, though...

   replyreport
4. 80

   mega1posted 13 years ago

   yeh- a friendship like that is pretty special - but it always hovers so close to the "friends AND MORE!" line.  I guess its hard to maintain without some fantasies popping up!

   replyreport
5. 71

   Diane Insideposted 13 years ago

   I had a friend like that once, he was very hot to me. But I couldn't bring myself to actually have feelings for him, something didn't feel right.  Then after about 6 months I found out why, He was Gay!
   
   He sure didn't seem like he was but hey, who can tell these days.
   
   We stayed friends but we both moved away from each other and lost touch.

   replyreport
6. 80

   mega1posted 13 years ago

   I have to confess that I started this thread because I've been observing some women friends (loosely labeled friends) of mine who only become fully awake if there is a man in the room.  You know?  and they respond so very differently to men, but neither of them have any men platonic friends, they are ALWAYS in relationships with men, but don't really talk to men and make friends with them.  I think this is common, really, more common than it should be.  Many women don't even consider making friends with a man - just friends.  and vice versa.  These type women barely, rarely, if ever, really talk to other women if there is a man in the room - all the attention goes to him!  It is like they are desperate for male attention and it embarrasses me for them.  I have found myself doing similar stuff and I guess to some extent its just partly how nature made us - always perking up when a man is around.   Now I am embarrassing myself!
   
   

   replyreport
   1. 59

      swapna123posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I would totally disagree with it, maybe nature made me differently .. I worked in a team where there were 11 guys and 2 girls and I never found myself perked up or any different from how I'd be if i were in an all girls team..

      replyreport
7. 92

   habeeposted 13 years ago

   I've always had guy pals! What can I say? I love men!

   replyreport
8. 61

   Lisa HWposted 13 years ago

   I don't think there's need to be embarrassed, but Nature didn't really make me that way.      I've had guy friends, and how attractive they are isn't a factor for me.  I can have a really close friendship with a guy, but I really enjoy a lot of the things women-friends share between them.  If I were at a party, who I talked most to would depend on which friend I was closest to when the party wasn't going on.  I'm an "equal-opportunity" friend.   

   replyreport
   1. 0

      Home Girlposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Cannot have sex with him - befriend him!

      replyreport
9. 68

   Beth100posted 13 years ago

   I have always had men friends but my best friends and confidents are women.  In a room of mixed genders -- I flow between both.  It depends on the mood of the gathering and the topics that are being discussed.  For example, when my women friends start the gossiping, I step away.  I'm just not into that.  When the men start talking about golf, I step away.  I'm not into that either.  I'm happy to be a wallflower as much as a social butterfly.  As for crossing the line?  If he and I had established a friendship, then no.  If he and I had just met, then there is a possibility.

   replyreport
10. 0

    Lady_Eposted 13 years ago

    Fine by me - Most women actually get on better with men than women.

    replyreport
11. 65

    Mishaposted 13 years ago

    There was a pretty long period in my life when I thought it is not possible at all. Now I think it can work

    replyreport
12. 0

    DoorMattnomoreposted 13 years ago

    The last time I was "just friends" with a guy I thought was really really hot, I married him....

    replyreport
13. 59

    MSal2185posted 13 years ago

    I've always been closer to males than females my entire life. I don't know why...perhaps it stems from a close relationship with my brother?
    Anyway, it's definitely possible to be friends with a guy, even if you find him good looking. You can think someone is attractive, and not be sexually attracted to them. I've had many guy friends like this. It's perfect because they can offer advice and vice versa. These relationships have always been smooth sailing and strictly platonic.
    You run into trouble when you DO find them sexually attractive and begin to develop feelings. There's not a worse situation. And I've been there as well. Feelings develop so you start hanging out with them more, thinking that if you just get close to them...maybe something will change. Unfortunately, I don't think thats usually the case. You get stuck in the "friend zone" a lot.
    My best friend right now is a guy, and is someone I'm attracted to. We have hooked up several times, but eventually decided to just be friends. I am still attracted to him, we're together 6 nights out of the week, go out to dinner, hang out all the time, talk for hours. I know everything about him and vice versa. We are practically like a couple, minus the physical stuff. And the physical stuff does make a difference. It's important to keep it clear in your mind that you AREN'T a couple. You'll only get burned in the end when they find someone else...
    
    Proceed with caution....

    replyreport
14. 80

    mega1posted 13 years ago

    Now that I think of it - the men friend relationships I've had never really last - at the most several years.  Always they marry or hook up with someone else and twice she was not keen on his staying in the friendship with me.  We broke up!  That's really good advice - beware of counting on the man friend to stick with you forever, eventually he's going to move on.

    replyreport
15. 69

    Bill Manningposted 13 years ago

    Strangely enough, my best friends have always been lesbians. My best friend right now is a super hot, petite lesbian of 26 years old.
    
    We do everything together and I'm good friends with her girlfriend too. But I have to admit, if she asked me to bang her I'd say yes in a minute.
    
    However she never will and I know that. So we have a good friendship with some flirting here and there. I look forward to going on double dates with her,,,,,, once I get a girlfriend!

    replyreport
    1. 80

       mega1posted 13 years agoin reply to this

       I know it sounds funny but my gay friends are some of my best - they never impose on me, I don't worry about the attraction bit, we have a lot in common and they are always there for me, even better than my female friends - much better.  I can relax around them.  One in particular is so much fun, we laugh like banshees and also can commiserate.  So I can see where your lesbian friends would be great too!

       replyreport
16. 87

    JillKostowposted 13 years ago

    My best friend is a man, we have been friends since we were 4.  I know everything about him, and he knows everything about me.  Our friendship outlasted every friendship I ever had.  I find it easier to talk to him rather than another woman.  I have a great family now and so does he.  As far as being more than friends, yuk, he is more like a brother than a boyfriend.

    replyreport
17. 60

    sabrinaaqposted 13 years ago

    If he really is a good friend of yours dont risk the good relationship. Act as you normally would so he isnt creeped out or anything. Maintain a simple friendship and you will be fine

    replyreport