Is eating chocolate while masturbating a sin?

1. 81

   cindyvineposted 15 years ago

   Well, is it?

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      Mark Knowlesposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Of course not. Eating chocolate is a sin, as is masturbation, but when you combine the two, they cancel each other out and you are sin-free.
      
      This is the way my world famous alcohol and chocolate diet works, using the active ingredients in one to cancel out the bad effects of the other. Same principal.
      
      This is why it is important to allow gay people to be married. Gay marriage is a sin, as is being gay in the first place, but the two cancel each other out.
      
      It really is unfair to prevent these deserving people from entering the kingdom of god by preventing them from being married. They will eventually have to resort to other sins to cancel the sin of gayness, which can only be a bad thing for all of us.
      
      Are you following me?

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         earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         So far I'm with you Mark, but what about the highly talented Jewel and cindyvine, they do much more.

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         mohitmisraposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             you are seriously nuts

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      No1beautytipsposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      well when i on i crave it alot but then when i do eat it i feel a little sick. i heard eating bananna has the same feel good factor

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2. 61

   Cris Aposted 15 years ago

   No. I'd call it dexterity par excellence

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3. 0

   \Brenda Scullyposted 15 years ago

   from the way i look at it after being educated on hub pages.  Yes chocolate is a sin........

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4. 81

   cindyvineposted 15 years ago

   But if you go for a jog afterwards, Brenda, it should be okay?

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5. 0

   \Brenda Scullyposted 15 years ago

   what if I jog whilst I am eating the chocolate is that a sin?

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6. 81

   cindyvineposted 15 years ago

   No, I don't think so, but how are you going to masturbate while jogging?

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      Mrvoodooposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Believe me, it can be done.
      
      What about masturbating whilst eating chocolate whilst smoking weed, is that a sin?

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         Jewelsposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         I'll see your chocolate whilst smoking whilst masturbating and ipod listening and raise you a glass of red.

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            earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            You are a powerful force Jewel, I always said that...

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            Mrvoodooposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            Jeeez, How many hands do you think I have? But If you're up for giving it a go, I'm game. + I'll twirl a hula-hoop around my waist at the same time (and by waist I mean my cock), nah!

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               Jewelsposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               That is just not fair, you have extra bits.  Hmmmmm. Thinking thinking.

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            Amanda Severnposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            ...and a whiskey chaser!

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7. 60

   kephriraposted 15 years ago

   It sounds a bit messy, but if you did it with enough enthusiasm then maybe you wouldn't need to go for a jog afterwards, although men probably would have the advantage in that cos the..er... results... are quite calorific.

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8. 0

   \Brenda Scullyposted 15 years ago

   I am going to have to go for a shower, I cant handle all this chat about chocolate....

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9. 81

   cindyvineposted 15 years ago

   How about you listen to your ipod, nibble on chocolate as you masturbate while jogging?  That way you have a beat to synchronise all your moves.

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10. 81

    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    Damn Jewels, not sure if I can beat that hand.  Okay, listening to the ipod, nibbling chocolate, smoking weed, sipping red, masturbating while jogging in Victoria Park in Germany.  Istn't that the nude park?

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11. 81

    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    Yeah Mark, I got it, two wrongs make a right.  So you can't have chocolate, weed and masturbation as it's three wrongs which makes it a sin.  You have to add in the ipod to make it even.  But then, if Jewels adds in a glass of red, it's uneven and a sin again, so I've added in a nudist park to balance it out again.

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       Mark Knowlesposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       You got it in one. I have learned this through careful study of the scriptures and behavior of the clergy and righteous - and this is the only logical conclusion I can come to.

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12. 81

    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    We might want to include a power shower Jewels, you know the shower with the detachable head that you can set the water pressure?

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       Jewelsposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Gotcha. Thanks for that tip. Nice addition.

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13. 81

    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    Ah if we have the whiskey Amanda, then we have to include the power shower to stay with Mark's theory.

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14. 81

    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    Man oh man, that power shower can give a good start to the day!

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       Jewelsposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Oooooh yes!

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          Amanda Severnposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Is that what you call water therapy? And do you like your chocolate soggy?

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             Jewelsposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Well by this stage the chocolate has pretty well melted over certain parts of me.  The water therapy has several uses.  I like hard chocolate as a rule.

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    Mrvoodooposted 15 years ago

    This is getting too complicated for me, and I've had a lot of practice, but you're gonna have to be some kind of circus freak to pull this off (no pun intended).
    
    I wish you all luck, but I'm out.

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    1. 87

       Amanda Severnposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Wimp!

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16. 81

    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    I prefer my chocolate hard Amanda, and I like to let it melt slowly in my mouth.  I am a little worried it might melt if I have it in my pocket while I'm jogging.

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       CabinGirlposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I like it hard

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       Amanda Severnposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Not a good look, especially if you're wearing white jogging pants!

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          Mrvoodooposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          hahaha, no, really not a good look.

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17. 81

    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    So Mark, if a priest is diddling a choir boy or a pastor is bonking the tea lady at his church it's a sin.  But, if they both steal money from the collection plate then the one wrong balances out the other and they are saved?

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18. 81

    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    Oh my goodness Amanda, nooooo, we can't wear white jogging shorts, that's a no-no.  We'll have to stick to a dark colour and maybe wear a white sports bra on top.

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    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    We might have to get Cris to suggest some suitable music for us to put on our ipods.  Maybe we have to gobble th choclate rather than savouring it?

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       earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Try this!
       http://www.mtv.com/videos/hot-action-co … lava.jhtml

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20. 87

    Amanda Severnposted 15 years ago

    Why do I keep getting mental images of Marianne Faithful and a mars bar here?

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21. 0

    \Brenda Scullyposted 15 years ago

    Is hub pages really 4 me........ ha ha

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22. 81

    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    Of course Hubpages is really for you Brenda.  Now be a good girl and eat your chocolate.  Amanda, Marianne Faithful yes, what was that one song she sang about cobwebs in strange places.

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    1. 87

       Amanda Severnposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I don't know that one. I only know about the mars bar. Seems like a terrible waste of good chocolate to me, but I suppose a mars a day helps you work rest and play!

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          earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          I got a song for ya.
          http://www.mtv.com/videos/hot-action-co … lava.jhtml

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             blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Omg that song is awesome, did you see the way he caressed those two melons, what a man hey ROFL, that was so unique, my word Earnest I can see what you do in your spare time now aside from wearing my frocks hahaha

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                earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                I thought it was amazing, great music and video.

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23. 0

    \Brenda Scullyposted 15 years ago

    I am just thinking back to schooldays, we had two girls in our class, like Blondepoet and cindyvine, it was a laugh a minute, you are both very witty, but it is hard to keep up with so i will just munch my chocolate, and take a ring side seat.......

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       Jewelsposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Careful not to be mistaken for a voyeur Brenda. Mark will have to find the match for that and have it crossed out in the sin department.

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          \Brenda Scullyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          now what is a voyeur, if you dont mind me asking?

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       blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I was naughty at school oh my....loool...I would be sitting in a cubicle in the loo while class was on and one day my headmistress knocked on the door while I was smoking...I left my port outside the door amd she looked on my book to see who was in there. She said "Miss Murarenko is that u". I said "No" I always got in trouble as my hair was out or for nail polish, wagging school, smoking (bum puffing)

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24. 67

    blondepoetposted 15 years ago

    Cindy says hurry up and get here ROFL now she is not here oooooooooooooo

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25. 81

    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    Oh God Brenda, I am such a teacher.  A voyeur is someone who gets their jollies watching other people get their jollies.  Okay, Blonde I am here, was sorting out my son who wanted money from me.....again.

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26. 63

    Lisa HWposted 15 years ago

    Oh, my goodness.   I think I'll go find tk on a political thread and pick another argument.   

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27. 0

    \Brenda Scullyposted 15 years ago

    wow I am so on a learning curve today... totally corrupted.

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       blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Stick with us and you will never be the same again hahax0

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28. 60

    Teresa McGurkposted 15 years ago

    What if you're in a jacuzzi, eating chocolate, drinking champagne, masturbating, listening to your iPhone, while downloading porn?

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       blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Oh good golly Miss Molly listen to Teresa she has the experience for this kind of thing oooo

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       blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Do you have any Linda Love Lace movies Teresa I have heard she was a big star.

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          Teresa McGurkposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          No, but I hear Tracy Takes Tokyo is quite good

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             blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             You know I starred in "Debbie Does Dallas don't you?" Haha. I make my own movies never download them. Growl.

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             Jewelsposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             It's much more tasteful than Debbie Does Dallas - so I'm told.

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                blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                Ahoy you saying my movie is no good ROFL

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29. 81

    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    Brenda, be thankful Blonde is elsewhere celebrating, because if she was here.....
    Lisa, this has to be better than that political arguement stuff

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30. 81

    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    Well Teresa, according to Mark's theory that would make you balanced and not a sinner.  But what about the jogging and jogging shorts?  Would we ditch those?

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       Teresa McGurkposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       jogging?  too much like hard work. . .

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31. 81

    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    Actually Teresa, I think I agree with you.  The jacuzzi is a far better bet.  The jogging is too much like hard work and if you remember, I was really concerned with the chocolate melting in my pocket.  Now I think of it, masturbating while running might be a little difficult to do.

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       Jewelsposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Agree, scrap the jogging in Victoria Park Germany.  Go for the jacuzzi then you have more hands free, no water nozzles needed. Do the chocolate like soap on a rope, sipping champagne cause the red wine is empty. I'd like to go for the macadamia nuts if that's ok with you guys, listening to the iPod while masturbating - yeah that sounds right!  Is anyone taking notes, not sure if we are at odds or evens with the equal amount of sins thing?

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32. 81

    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    No Mohitmisra, Mark has a valid point, I can see it.  Mmmm nuts, maybe we can introduce nuts into our equation.

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       mohitmisraposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             you are all nuts

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          blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Haha and loving it

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33. 81

    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    Ah, but you like us, don't you?

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       mohitmisraposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Sure.

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34. 60

    scheinandrasposted 15 years ago

    Definitely not sin. They both stimulate the same little joy sensors:)

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       fierycjposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       That stuff cracks me up. Joy sensors. Imagine someone who wants to jerk off saying, "hey, lemme go stimulate my joy sensors!" lol. That kills me.

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35. 81

    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    Exactly Scheinandras, exactly.  And now we know from Mark, if we balance our wrongs they become a right.

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36. 63

    Lisa HWposted 15 years ago

    Oh, how I miss the tameness of the "how do you know if a Hubber is dead" and "how do you know if a Hubber is insane" series of posts.

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37. 74

    Eaglekiwiposted 15 years ago

    Nahhhh nothing tastes like chocolate except chocolate...but um masterbating while masticating hmm..seems a waste of perfectly good chocolate

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38. 65

    Julie-Ann Amosposted 15 years ago

    Depends what kind of chocolate it is

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39. 68

    diplessposted 15 years ago

    nope is the fastest way to heaven or hell depending upon your preferences

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40. 59

    Bob Cedarposted 15 years ago

    as long as there is peanut butter also involved, you're spanking sin-free!

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41. 68

    diplessposted 15 years ago

    bring on the peanut butter

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    Bob Cedarposted 15 years ago

    It's peanut butter-chocolate time! *brings out the dancing banana*

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       blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I would love to see a banana dance

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    goldentoadposted 15 years ago

    What thread did I slide into? Its all sticky in here.

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       blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Yea it is who has a spoon I am hungry

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    Mishaposted 15 years ago

    A spoon of what?

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       blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I want to eat all this chocolate going on here mmmmm

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    Mishaposted 15 years ago

    Don't have that, sorry

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       blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       What do you have then?, I may be able to utilise it hahaha.

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    Blackngoldbananaposted 15 years ago

    You can eat chocolate and masturbate, but only if you are married to the chocolate.  Here comes my husband the peanut butter cup now

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       blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I got a good answer to this one but I dare not say it or I will be banned for life for obscenities ROFL. BP has the perfect solution for masturbation and eating chocolate at the same time....you need a jar of chocolate body paint a rather large one for this mission.

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          sunstreeksposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          It's all fun and games until someone goes into diabetic coma

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             blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Oh god I would not want that to happen, would have to check for diabetes first I think

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                sunstreeksposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                Which is why I think It's important for all chocoholic masterbaters to look into seeking a doctors advice and getting a full physical first. Safety First!!!! =P

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                   earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                   To hell with safety! Bring on the chocolate body paint!

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                      blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                      Now you talking Earnest,enough talking on this forum it is time for the painting to begin woo hoo

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    kbloverposted 15 years ago

    Of course it is.
    
    It falls under gluttony

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    Blackngoldbananaposted 15 years ago

    Is gluttony a mortal sin or a venial one?  I didn't know that they made chocolate body paint.  Awesome!

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49. 81

    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    Just get the diabetics some diabetic chocolate

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       blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Problem solved action lights camera

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    cindyvineposted 15 years ago

    Okay, I have to go for a power shower, am heading out later.  The jet from that shower head, oo la la la

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