Is religion the reason marriage has these preset rules?
Ask almost any divore related question and everyone jumps on the death till you part train. Is religion the reason people think unhappy people should remain married? If people are unable to fix their marriage to keep them equally happy why should they remain married? Why do people care so much about what other people do in their marriages? Or who someone else should be able to marry?
Religion has historically set all kinds of patterns to live by and obey. Even war wears a cloak of religion or strong beliefs and expectations. Original purpose of organize religion was to control the masses. It is the epic story in every faith. When it comes to the sanctity of marriage, that is between the individual and the Creator and not a choice design by church rules. Too often we fall short of simply listening to our hearts and reason.
Not sure you can blame religion for what goes on surrounding marriage, but when a man and a woman stand together and promise "til death do us part" they are making a promise to each other, before God, AND before the community. It's like they are saying we are making this promise to all of you and by doing so, we want you to help us on this journey.
When you hit a rocky stretch, everyone cares and wants to help you through whatever you are going through. That doesn't mean that a couple should stay together if there if abuse or addiction, but it does mean that a couple shouldn't break up because things aren't as exiting as they used to be.
A happy marriage doesn't just happen. It must be worked on, as anything worth while requires effort. Why do others care? Why can't we leave if we don't want to be married anymore? Besides hurting the children, breaking up a marriage hurts the community, leaves a hole where once there was these two happy people with a promise to love through sickness and health, till death do us part.
Community is more important than most realize. As each new child is received and welcomed by the community, they become a part of the whole. The community watches the child, and all children, while they grow, marking each milestone, marking each passage, caring every step of the way. When a couple divorces, it hurts everyone. That's why they care.
Marriage was created because for 10,000 years women were not allowed to own property. It's a cultural institution that religion decided to cling to and claim for itself. Marriage does not serve much of a purpose anymore unless people want to have a single-income house with one parent raising the children. It works for me, but I don't think it works for many people.
Which religion are you talking about? It is interesting that similar rules have existed in almost all cultures and religions all over the world since the beginning of time. So, unless there was originally one religion, or one law giver, I have no idea how so many diverse cultures could come up with the same rules. This is even more enigmatic since, as far as we know, ancient people had no way to communicate with each other around the world. Kinda makes one think that all people are descended from the same "Adam" doesn't it? Or, maybe the same God traveled around the world handing out the same rules to all people.
This is a most difficult and significantly controversial question. I do believe the Universal Religion (Catholic Church) had a significant input with regards to what you refer to as "preset rules." Although remember, divorce is a product of the more modern religions and one could argue "the so called death till you part train" was somewhat derailed with Henry the 8th... Henry did not get permission to anull his marriage; therefore, being an absolute ruler he left the Universal Church and placed himself at the head of his new Christian religion and re-married in order to procur a son/heir...
There is indeed a great misunderstanding about marriage. Most have forgotten the history behind the Christian idea of marriage... It is based on Christ's words, A man and wife are to be regarded as as a single entity/organism; that is what he meant when he said, "one flesh"... Therefore, one could argue that as far as Christians are concerned that we believe the inventor of the human machine was stating that its 2 halves, the male and female, were made to be combined together in pairs, not simply on the sexual level, but totally combined (in a Sacrament, if you will)...
Quite frankly.............YOU have so little idea of what goes on inside a " marriage"
After 30 years together, EACH one of us, could have " quit", years ago.
"equally happy"..............it is a pipers dream
some days, I am content, on other days, my spouse is.
"marriage" is not about "happiness" alone...............it is about " protection"............until, you get this,...........no matter who you are,............you will not ever be " happily married".
So, yes, let us go now, and ask the " divorced" people about marriage...........!
It depends on which religion we are talking about. Some of the most ancient religions didn't but then they belonged to civilizations that fell apart eventually because of the lack of fidelity and the basic dramas that ensued at the highest levels because of it.
To get a very good answer to your question I advice you to read the wonderful book of Elizabeth Gilbert-Commitment.
It goes into all the details about why people marry, why they stay married, why they divorce and how much religion and culture influences this all.
She's famous from the book Eat, Pray, Love. Commitment is the follow up of this first bestseller and I'm almost finished reading it. It answers exactly what you just asked.
It's an easy, interesting and fun book to read!
Religion, certainly, carries ideas about marriage that many people share. As a person and an interfaith pastor, I encourage consciousness - ideally before marriage, but bringing it in at any time is valuable. What commitment is healthy for you?
I do not believe that happiness is a key measure of what to do in life. Of course, happiness is, in a sense, the purpose of everything. But we can learn that happiness does not depend on our external situation. My wife and I initially chose "till death do us part." We went through many difficult years, but not because of that, simply because we were still deeply in love, and had never learned to get along. Part of love is learning to be happy together. And any one day of my marriage now is worth the 30 years of pain it took to get here. (And it wasn't all pain along the way.)
I encourage clear thinking. What acts are a basis for divorce? Spouse or child abuse? Imprisonment? Inability to live one's spiritual practice or life purpose while sharing a life with the other? Infidelity?
In today's multicultural world, we are informed by religious views, but we are only guided by religion if we choose to be. And we live with the consequences of our actions.
What brings the deepest level of unconditional happiness, love, and wisdom? Can you live your life purpose and continue your marriage? These, I think, are more important than conditional happiness.
When I said to my wife, "til death do us part," I made that promise because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I try to follow the Bible, and my convictions therefore confirm that God also wants me to make that promise. In the end, making this promise to my wife strengthens my resolve to be faithful to her in the face of all of the struggles and sorrows of this life. So, yes, I did make the vow because I believe that God wants me to. But there hasn't been a day since then that I haven't wanted to be with my wife, and to learn to love her more and more and more. The vow I made helps me and reminds me that my commitment to my wife is important.
Why are you asking questions that you have already a pre-conceived answer to and you don't care about people's opinion simply voicing your own stupidity.
Let me state my opinion since I didn't state it in the question yet got personal attacks in 2 answers, very mature guys. Thanks for the other answers. I may not be a religious person but I think marriage is not something to take as a joke. Just because times get hard doesn't mean you should run for the hills. I do believe though that marriage is like a job. You work at it and work at it and if you end up hating your job you should quit. If you don't love what you're doing you shouldn't be doing it. When all the therapy in the world and communication fail, no one should be forced to stay married for fear of letting down a faith. Marriages are never happy all the time that would most likely be unhealthy, that doesn't mean being miserable should be excepted. I have known people who have stayed married in emotional and physically abusive marriages because they feared the family backlash because of religious opinions. No one should ever feel that way. So there you can call me stupid and say I know nothing now that you know my thoughts on the subject.
Jesus Christ specifically said "What God has joined, let not man put assunder." The idea is that marriage was created by God for a specific purpose that is a lot bigger than our individual happiness. Destroying marriages destroys this ideal.
As to the idea that people are "unable" to fix there marriages....that's a false concept. People ARE able to fix their marriages. God said that some things are impossible with man, but with God all things are possible. To say that God commands people not to divorce and then doesn't provide the means to fulfill that commandment is really quite silly.
The problem is in people. They don't WANT to fix the problem, so they divorce. If they really wanted to, they would....but people in our society are weak in general and don't understand the weight of a vow.
Good answer - and it is a reminder that we all need to be there to help people who are struggling.
Should someone who is being physically or mentally abused, cheated on, or lied to all the time WANT to fix their marriage? There are many in these situations.
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