No divorce please
92- JYOTI KOTHARI
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Modern days witness a lot of divorces. This is spreading like an epidemic over the globe. There are many divorces now-a-days even in the countries where family bond was traditionally very strong.
It creates a lot of emotional and financial problems. And , of course, legal too.
The children are the worst victims. They are penalized for an action of their parents.
We have to rethink the whole social structure.
Jyoti kothariOh so true. Unfortunately it is only going to get worse.
It saddens me when anyone I know is headed down that road.
94- AEvans
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Refster wrote:
Oh so true. Unfortunately it is only going to get worse.
It saddens me when anyone I know is headed down that road.I have seen many of my friends go through Divorce and I feel very blessed for being married to such a wonderful man and not have to go through that. I have seen children suffer and families fight, I believe if they do Divorce they should be respectful to each other for the kids sake.
JYOTI KOTHARI wrote:
Modern days witness a lot of divorces. This is spreading like an epidemic over the globe. There are many divorces now-a-days even in the countries where family bond was traditionally very strong.
It creates a lot of emotional and financial problems. And , of course, legal too.
The children are the worst victims. They are penalized for an action of their parents.
We have to rethink the whole social structure.
Jyoti kothariThe bible says, "God hates divorce". As a divorced person, so do I. One of the things that shocked me is that it was legally easier for her to divorce me than it would have been if I had wanted to return a car.
"Grounds" were a joke. The church I had attended for 12 years acted like I was a disease. Not like I had a disease, that would have called forth mercy. The acted like I was the disease. One guy, tried to reach out to me. I felt so sorry for him. He knew the right thing to do, and he tried, but he was so frightened. I ended up comforting him.
For the past nine years I've lived as a "divorced person". My message to anybody thinking about ... don't. (Except one, where she really was being abused, and I figured she might die... that one I said, "run away quick". ) Find a way to make it work. Learn. Pray. Think. Try. But more than anything else. Forgive. Forgive, Forgive, Forgive. 4GIVE.Refster wrote:
Oh so true. Unfortunately it is only going to get worse.
....Why? What convinces you that it is hopeless? Why do you assume that nothing can be done? Why must it get worse?
- 94
- AEvans
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BDazzler wrote:
JYOTI KOTHARI wrote:
Modern days witness a lot of divorces. This is spreading like an epidemic over the globe. There are many divorces now-a-days even in the countries where family bond was traditionally very strong.
It creates a lot of emotional and financial problems. And , of course, legal too.
The children are the worst victims. They are penalized for an action of their parents.
We have to rethink the whole social structure.
Jyoti kothariThe bible says, "God hates divorce". As a divorced person, so do I. One of the things that shocked me is that it was legally easier for her to divorce me than it would have been if I had wanted to return a car.
"Grounds" were a joke. The church I had attended for 12 years acted like I was a disease. Not like I had a disease, that would have called forth mercy. The acted like I was the disease. One guy, tried to reach out to me. I felt so sorry for him. He knew the right thing to do, and he tried, but he was so frightened. I ended up comforting him.
For the past nine years I've lived as a "divorced person". My message to anybody thinking about ... don't. (Except one, where she really was being abused, and I figured she might die... that one I said, "run away quick". ) Find a way to make it work. Learn. Pray. Think. Try. But more than anything else. Forgive. Forgive, Forgive, Forgive. 4GIVE.We realize God hates Divorce but sometimes things don't work out and who wants to stay miserable? How many murders have happened because one or the other couldn't or wouldn't let go? God also wants you to be happy and after nine years , keep praying as God forgave you a long time ago and find someone who will bring happiness and joy to your heart.:
97- Marisa Wright
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As a divorcee, I know only too well how devastating divorce can be. But I don't think "forgive, forgive, make it work" is the solution.
When I look back at previous generations, I see a lot of people who stuck it out in their marriages through thick and thin. Being divorced was so shameful that they stayed with partners they hated, husbands who were cruel to them, wives who were spiteful, spouses who were mismatched - and led a miserable life. Today's generations believe they have a right to have a happy, fulfilled life, and I think that's a reasonable expectation. If their marriage is making them completely miserable, then it makes no sense to struggle on. It only makes two people miserable - and probably the kids, too.
I think the solution starts right back at the beginning - in making sure that people get married to the right person in the first place. Our society teaches us that the person we should marry is the person we fall in starry-eyed love with, the one who sets fireworks off in our hearts - even though we may have nothing in common, and have completely different goals and desires in life. No wonder, when the stardust wears off in a couple of years, the marriage starts to fall apart. I think we should be making it harder to get married, not necessarily harder to get divorced.
Mind you, in Australia it takes two years to get a divorce - plenty of time for reflection. From what I hear, in some parts of America it's ridiculously quick.AEvans wrote:
BDazzler wrote:
JYOTI KOTHARI wrote:
Modern days witness a lot of divorces. This is spreading like an epidemic over the globe. There are many divorces now-a-days even in the countries where family bond was traditionally very strong.
It creates a lot of emotional and financial problems. And , of course, legal too.
The children are the worst victims. They are penalized for an action of their parents.
We have to rethink the whole social structure.
Jyoti kothariThe bible says, "God hates divorce". As a divorced person, so do I. One of the things that shocked me is that it was legally easier for her to divorce me than it would have been if I had wanted to return a car.
"Grounds" were a joke. The church I had attended for 12 years acted like I was a disease. Not like I had a disease, that would have called forth mercy. The acted like I was the disease. One guy, tried to reach out to me. I felt so sorry for him. He knew the right thing to do, and he tried, but he was so frightened. I ended up comforting him.
For the past nine years I've lived as a "divorced person". My message to anybody thinking about ... don't. (Except one, where she really was being abused, and I figured she might die... that one I said, "run away quick". ) Find a way to make it work. Learn. Pray. Think. Try. But more than anything else. Forgive. Forgive, Forgive, Forgive. 4GIVE.We realize God hates Divorce but sometimes things don't work out and who wants to stay miserable? How many murders have happened because one or the other couldn't or wouldn't let go? God also wants you to be happy and after nine years , keep praying as God forgave you a long time ago and find someone who will bring happiness and joy to your heart.:
Julianna, I've had time to focus on things that I would not have had time to if I had a family to look after. I am very aware and thankful for the forgiveness of God. I'll even go so far as to say that my divorce brought me closer to God than I thought possible. So, I'm not beating myself up or anything like that.
It's just like the time I fell through a window. It was fun and all, exciting, and I didn't get hurt, even though I should have. Clearly a miracle. But I don't recommend jumping through windows to see miracles. As far as finding someone ... that's another story ... like the rest of my life, highly ... unusual. Your prayers, in particular would be appreciated.
Marisa ... yeah, it's different here. But it's not something that "just happens." I think we've been sold a bill of goods on what marriage is supposed to be like ... Here's what I mean by forgiveness http://hubpages.com/hub/Is-there-sacrif … rgivness_1
67- Rhiannon_2009
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Divorce is tragic, but sometimes staying together is worse. Granted, it is much better for children to have a mother and father who stay together, and who love each other. But if that can't be achieved, 2 healthy parents who are personally happy and can co-parent their children is better than living in a household where adults are fighting all the time. How children adapt and adjust has more to do with how the parents cope.
I have been through this, and it was excruciating at the time. The hard thing to remember is that you need to put your own feelings aside regarding the ex-spouse, and do what you know is best for your children. It isn't easy.
Children are resilient, and they do survive. Sometimes it can take many years before you realize that divorce was the best thing for everyone, and that in the end, you did the right thing.- 92
- JYOTI KOTHARI
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This is a great discussion in the forum. A lot many learned participants have responded to the topic.
I feel that this is a burning question of the present time. We have to learn to live with. It needs little flexibility and patience.
If we compromise little life will be wonderful.
Thanks to all for participation.
Jyoti Kothari BDazzler wrote:
Refster wrote:
Oh so true. Unfortunately it is only going to get worse.
....Why? What convinces you that it is hopeless? Why do you assume that nothing can be done? Why must it get worse?
It isn't about that I think it's hopeless. It's Bible prophecy that things will get worse in the end times. Not trying to be negative. When I see things like this happening even more so it just gives confirmation.
86- Rangerwife
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Both my husband and I have parents who have divorced, and all but one (my father died) have remarried. I think their marital problems led both of us to have a very strong view of marriage. We both got into this relationship knowing that we wouldn't marry unless we were certain it would last. God brought us together, and no man shall separate us.
93- aka-dj
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Rangerwife wrote:
Both my husband and I have parents who have divorced, and all but one (my father died) have remarried. I think their marital problems led both of us to have a very strong view of marriage. We both got into this relationship knowing that we wouldn't marry unless we were certain it would last. God brought us together, and no man shall separate us.
I am not sparated, nor devorced. In fact we are about to reach a 30 annyversary. Though we had many opportunities to go separate ways, we chose not to. We strongly depended (still do) on God to help in times of need.
One thing that I have observed over the years is, that if one party quits, ( for whatever reason), it is all (but) over.
Thank God I have a wife who was always willing to give me that "second" chance.
Again, my observations have shown, that in a majority (though not all) cases, selfishness was the root problem.
79- TravelMonkey
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Relationships are based on love and the two people involved, compromising is one of your most powerful tools to stick together. A lot of people my age have divorced parents, more than half.
Marriage means nothing in today's society.Too many enter into it with the flippant attitude that if it doesn't work,there's always divorce.Too may do not realize that the vows taken are taken before God.This subject is very important to me.I got married at age 17(wasn't even pregnant) and though I did it for the wrong reasons in the beginning(to escape sexual abuse at home),it turned out to be the best decision I ever made.Christmas Day was our 19th wedding anniversary.God blessed us with 2 beautiful children ages 17 and 11.My paternal grandparents were married for 63 years!
I believe very strongly that the best gift that we can give our children is both parents that love and respect each other.A child needs their father,they need the guidance as well as the discipline.I'm not sure of the exact statistics,I'm sure it's very high,but the majority of our prisons are filled with children of divorce.Children need role models,all they can be expected to know is what they live with.
99- pgrundy
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People are so harsh and judgmental about divorce. No one ever talks about the negative effect intact marriages have on children when the marriages are awful and the parents fight and/or hate each other, or the whole arrangement is just sick and demented, which it sometimes is. My father used to goad my mother into bursting into tears at the dinner table. When he got what he wanted she'd run into her bedroom and lock the door for the rest of the night. He beat my brother with a belt and terrorized the whole family in the name of religion, and late in life became a leader in our Church, even though at home he was a tyrant and an abusive, cruel little man. I did love him, he was my father after all--but if I look at it honestly I can't say that particular 'successful' marriage helped anybody--not him, not my mother, not his four children. Two of my siblings are seriously addicted and chronically ill, the third is a violent sociopath, and I have been divorced three times, in therapy on and off my whole life, and will not try marriage again.
It's easy to sit back and judge, but until you have walked in another person's shoes it is really more compassionate and wise to hold your tongue.
On a historical note, the sanctimony surrounding marriage in the Christian tradition is completely unwarranted. The early Church only allowed it because some of the members couldn't manage to stay chaste until the end--they expected the world to end and Jesus to return in their lifetime, and celibacy was the preferred situation until that happened.
Marriage is disintegrating in the U.S. because women can get jobs. When they can't get jobs anymore (which may be soon in this economy) they will be unable to leave and their husbands will once again be free to beat them into submission or humiliate them at the dinner table or anything else they feel like doing.
91- LondonGirl
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pgrundy wrote:
On a historical note, the sanctimony surrounding marriage in the Christian tradition is completely unwarranted. The early Church only allowed it because some of the members couldn't manage to stay chaste until the end--they expected the world to end and Jesus to return in their lifetime, and celibacy was the preferred situation until that happened."it is better to marry than to burn"
95- SweetiePie
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Divorce is better than staying in a marriage where the two people are miserable.
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- aka-dj
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pgrundy wrote:
It's easy to sit back and judge, but until you have walked in another person's shoes it is really more compassionate and wise to hold your tongue.
That's true of any situation ! !
You may recall my story (about my daughter), the church judged our whole family harshly, and they did nothing to help her. (Further to that story, she got pregnant, and subsequently had an abortion).
My stance is still anti(abortion, or divorce), but I honestly want to encourage people to deal with whatever their decision is. Mercy and compassion FAR outweigh judgment(al attitudes). - 99
- pgrundy
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LondonGirl wrote:
pgrundy wrote:
On a historical note, the sanctimony surrounding marriage in the Christian tradition is completely unwarranted. The early Church only allowed it because some of the members couldn't manage to stay chaste until the end--they expected the world to end and Jesus to return in their lifetime, and celibacy was the preferred situation until that happened."it is better to marry than to burn"
LOL! You mean they're not the same thing?
