Limericks - Limericks - Limericks

1. 64

   GeneralHowitzerposted 16 years ago

   My good friend Iam made it to hubpages,
   Doing hubs she soon publish it as webpages.
   Oh how I wish she could be a friend,
   For if not i will be a fiend.
   Iam my dear please accept my welcome...

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2. 70

   earnestshubposted 16 years ago

   I think I should write something nice
   today i have been full of spice
   and other concoctions
   with questionable options
   I hope that I don't pay the price.

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   1. 64

      GeneralHowitzerposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      Oh earnest the handsomest,
      Wish you nothing but the best,
      Oh earnest you're the greatest,
      You'll surely hurdle every test,
      But, Earnest my pal, please don't hijack a forum topic...

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3. 61

   tantrumposted 16 years ago

   Sock puppets, pathetics, spammers
   You get them in all brand and manners
   I play with them cool
   even sometimes they're fool
   Raising up their statements and banners !

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4. 70

   earnestshubposted 16 years ago

   I like to have fun all the time
   thats why I come here to rhyme
   it's so much fun
   when you all get the pun
   that I whistle and do things to mime!

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5. 61

   tantrumposted 16 years ago

   I'm out of this limerick spree
   I've been laughing too much, don't you agree ?
   People go get a life!!
   Get your husband, your wife !
   All the forums are virtual.  Not me !!

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6. 70

   earnestshubposted 16 years ago

   Hijacking the "last post" is fine
   you do it all of the time
   I think that the smell
   of Joli did tell
   it affected dear tantrum's mind.

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   1. 64

      GeneralHowitzerposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      No its not fine,
      'Cause that topic is no longer mine,
      Poor Jolina's smell so good,
      But put me in bad mood,
      Please bring me back my plaything...

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7. 70

   earnestshubposted 16 years ago

   General Angelina is mine
   I fight for her all of the time
   between you and Brad Pitt
   I'm having a fit
   I must have her while in her prime!

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   1. 61

      goodfriendiamposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      Who said she was in her prime
      she looks like a dish
      between you and I
      only fitting
      she stays with brad pitt

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   2. 64

      GeneralHowitzerposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      Earnest please don't dream,
      For I have first Joli's cream,
      Hmmm tastes and smells so good,
      this makes you no good,
      Before Brad and Earnest GH was Jolina's ex !!!

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8. 70

   earnestshubposted 16 years ago

   I must have her I say
   I dream of her night and day
   she has got such nice toes
   and a great pair of those
   i could screw her till early next May!

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   1. 64

      GeneralHowitzerposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      Oh earnest I'm tired already,
      Joli's yours everyday,
      You could screw her all day,
      Just to make your day,
      Earnest my pal I need to go...

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   2. 61

      goodfriendiamposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      Hell screw her till there is no longer day
      I wouldn't go for the toes
      oh smelly are those
      day and night
      but a soft kiss on the nose would be just fine

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      1. 64

         GeneralHowitzerposted 16 years agoin reply to this

         ROFL...

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9. 70

   earnestshubposted 16 years ago

   Her toes have had a great ped
   none of the skin there is dead
   i could lick them a while
   then with only a smile
   I would have the young lady in bed!

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10. 0

    wordscribe41posted 16 years ago

    Earnest, you're lewd again,
    worse than you've ever been.
    You give Marco and me,
    trouble, you see,
    when YOU are so full of sin.  (tsk tsk) 

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    1. 93

       Paragliderposted 16 years agoin reply to this

       Wordscribe, are you in seventh heaven?
       seven hundred and seventy seven
       was the mark of your post
       better number than most
       and is worth a vacation in Devon.

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11. 0

    wordscribe41posted 16 years ago

    OH! 777, not 666...
    I'd then be in an awful fix.
    Didn't even notice,
    was sniffin' a lotus,
    while rhyming just for kicks!

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12. 0

    Ghost32posted 16 years ago

    While driving my car down the street
    A rattler I happened to meet
    I ground it to dust
    But then found I must
    Grind another 'neath Subaru feet

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13. 70

    earnestshubposted 16 years ago

    Ghost, you got yerself too many snakes
    The lethal ones give ya the shakes
    I used to have fun
    in the bush on the run
    From the "tigers" that we call Joe Blakes!
    
    (Joe Blake is Australian rhyming slang for snake.)

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14. 64

    GeneralHowitzerposted 16 years ago

    Ghost and EH are again present,
    In limericks they're really decent,
    But when Jolina appears
    Both of 'em disappears,
    I don't know where they enjoy poor Jolina...

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15. 60

    still4realposted 16 years ago

    Been reading the limericks here
    and lauhing til bustin in tears
    although must admit
    was furious, pissed
    cuz I spilled more than half of my beer

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16. 64

    Drew Breezzyposted 16 years ago

    something
    nothing
    I see
    I see
    Nothing

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17. 0

    Ghost32posted 16 years ago

    That's not quite a limerick, Drew
    Nor would it be seen as haiku
    Still, give it a try
    The typing will fly
    Like socks when you kick off your shoe

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18. 0

    Ghost32posted 16 years ago

    Earnest, you're right about snakes
    I generally call 'em Big Jakes
    Turns out I've seen
    A Mojave green
    Whose venom has got what it takes
    
    The green is no mere diamondback
    Its poison is way out of whack
    Hits nerves and the blood
    If bit, yell, "Oh crud!"
    Your widow is soon wearing black

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19. 93

    Paragliderposted 16 years ago

    I opened the window a smidgen
    and in blew a cloud of religion.
    But now it's OK.
    I sent it away
    with help from a carrier pigeon.
    
    

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20. 0

    wordscribe41posted 16 years ago

    Getting hit by pigeon crap,
    isn't fun for any old chap.
    When my hair's fully coiffed,
    And not to be scoffed
    I then have to buy a new cap.

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21. 0

    Ghost32posted 16 years ago

    You can't trust that bird even so
    You never know where it might go
    One leg has been tagged
    That pigeon is bagged
    It dropped its last load in the snow!

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22. 93

    Paragliderposted 16 years ago

    I've spoken to several who've
    been marked by a pigeon, and you've
    surely got to agree
    with the message. You see,
    it means that their luck will improve!

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23. 0

    Ghost32posted 16 years ago

    Not sure I'd heard that one before
    But truly could not agree more
    I'd rather hear splat
    On top of my hat
    Than deal with a knock on my door

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24. 93

    Paragliderposted 16 years ago

    Among things that go bump in the night
    and demons that give you a fright,
    I'm perfectly clear
    it's pretty small beer,
    a splatter of avian shite.

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25. 70

    earnestshubposted 16 years ago

    Eric our bird sure can shit
    that isn't the worst part of it
    he eats like a fool
    to make oodles of stool
    and gets it all over you kit!

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26. 85

    Don Wposted 16 years ago

    Limerick's the third largest city
    in Eire. They say it's quite pretty.
    It's sole claim to fame
    is sharing it's name
    with rhymes like this, what a pity.

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    1. 70

       earnestshubposted 16 years agoin reply to this

       I think it's a beautiful name
       hubpages will bring it real fame!
       If we could make it rhyme
       in a matter of time
       the tourists would all feel the same.

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27. 80

    Bibowenposted 16 years ago

    All this ave speech that I heard
    fancies the disfunctional, lim’riking nerd
    I fear that our readers
    will pick up their bird feeders
    and vacate and be gone in a herd

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28. 53

    Shalini Kagalposted 16 years ago

    A city called Limerick – indeed!
    Do you think that its air would just feed
    A poetic soul
    And gently cajole
    It into a this five-liner read?

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29. 70

    earnestshubposted 16 years ago

    A clever use of the limerick
    to get the word limerick in it.
    So wise and true
    my hat's off to you
    you rolled that out in a minute.

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30. 80

    Bibowenposted 16 years ago

    Yes, “limerick” in a limerick is clever
    His wit and his rhyme to endeavor
    And probably as grand
    As the guy that once jammed
    “whether we can weather the weather”

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31. 0

    Ghost32posted 16 years ago

    Yet the limerick gets no respect
    The purist its rhyme will reject
    Though it should be known
    His cover is blown
    When his closet is set on "INSPECT"

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32. 70

    earnestshubposted 16 years ago

    Ghost, you made the 800th prose!
    I wish I had got in on those!
    you must feel so proud
    that your singin out loud
    with 800 you get a red rose!

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33. 69

    imadorkposted 16 years ago

    There once was a man from Nantucket....

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    1. 70

       earnestshubposted 16 years agoin reply to this

       .. who put all his balls in one bucket

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       1. 0

          wordscribe41posted 16 years agoin reply to this

          one fell out

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       2. 69

          imadorkposted 16 years agoin reply to this

          I was gonna say..."whose dick was so long he could suck it."

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34. 69

    imadorkposted 16 years ago

    He said with a grin, as cum dripped from his chin, "If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it."

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    1. 0

       \Brenda Scullyposted 16 years agoin reply to this

       lovely

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35. 70

    earnestshubposted 16 years ago

    I woz gonna do a line for line, but that's OK

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36. 69

    imadorkposted 16 years ago

    I find it funny that cunt was not censored but fuck was.  What do you people think is worse?

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    1. 70

       earnestshubposted 16 years agoin reply to this

       I dont know, but s**t is always censored!

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37. 0

    wordscribe41posted 16 years ago

    There once was a girl from Nantucket...

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    1. 69

       imadorkposted 16 years agoin reply to this

       Whose clit was so long she could suck it?

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       1. 0

          \Brenda Scullyposted 16 years agoin reply to this

          you know what imadork you will regret all this later

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          1. 69

             imadorkposted 16 years agoin reply to this

             No, I am fully able to make my decisions willfully.

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             1. 0

                \Brenda Scullyposted 16 years agoin reply to this

                wish i could still type and make decisions when i was drunk  good for you

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                1. 69

                   imadorkposted 16 years agoin reply to this

                   I thank you.

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38. 0

    \Brenda Scullyposted 16 years ago

    i only need to drink a glass of wine, and i make loads of typing errors he he

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39. 93

    Paragliderposted 16 years ago

    Your welcome to lower the tone -
    Nantucket is near to the bone,
    but certain to bore
    cause we've heard it before
    (many times). Give us one of your own?
    
    yawn...

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40. 53

    Shalini Kagalposted 16 years ago

    Would a terrible surfeit of limericks
    Make you truly and abominably sick?
    You might need a time out
    To prevent burnout
    Before it’s back once again to the rhythmic!

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    1. 70

       earnestshubposted 16 years agoin reply to this

       Oh Shalini you rhymed it again!
       I need limericks to stay out of pain
       if limericks I must forfeit
       My head's under the faucet
       to loosen the words in my brain!

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41. 53

    Shalini Kagalposted 16 years ago

    I probably need a hard kick
    And look at rhymes beyond limericks
    But it’s stuck in my head
    Like butter and bread
    It needs a change that’s somewhat drastic!
    
    Now for some limerick laddies like you
    If limericks you choose to eschew
    The withdrawal symptoms
    Might cause a few spasms
    When you’re addicted, ’tis hard to undo!

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42. 0

    \Brenda Scullyposted 16 years ago

    well i can't believe i missed this thread
    Did it appear whilst i was in bed
    so many good rhymes
    i am counting the times
    That i've been somewhere else instead

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43. 80

    marcofratelliposted 16 years ago

    Wow, some words here have hit the obscene
    When I left I was sure it was clean!
    Well, clean enough to get through
    The moderator's review
    I was shocked when I looked at the screen!

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44. 70

    earnestshubposted 16 years ago

    We did have a slight interlude
    when imadork got a bit rude
    he had consumed a few
    of a powerful brew
    to get himself in the mood!

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45. 80

    marcofratelliposted 16 years ago

    Yeah I saw that charming display!
    An uncensored, unashamed cliche
    With no move to hide it,
    Too quick to press "submit"
    (Cover your kids eyes right away!)

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46. 70

    earnestshubposted 16 years ago

    Nice your here again Marco Fratelli
    The rhyme became stagnant and smelly
    while you were away
    what more can I say
    but welcome to limerick's rally!

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47. 80

    marcofratelliposted 16 years ago

    I have failed, cause I did relapse
    I had told our friend wordscribe perhaps
    I might have been cured
    (She knows what I've endured)
    It's like no time had ever elapsed...

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    1. 0

       wordscribe41posted 16 years agoin reply to this

       HI MARCO.  I've missed you so.  To heck with the rhymes.

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       1. 80

          marcofratelliposted 16 years agoin reply to this

          Wordscribe my dear, you're a sweetheart!
          True, I've been away for the most part
          But I'm hanging around
          Sorry 'f I let you down
          Now I bask in the love that you impart

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          1. 0

             wordscribe41posted 16 years agoin reply to this

             Without you I haven't rhymed much,
             Sine Marco I haven't my touch.
             My words had no meaning,
             with you not convening,
             it seems you became my crutch!

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48. 70

    earnestshubposted 16 years ago

    I've been in the religious forum
    I think that I've started to bore em.
    some became nice
    one did it twice
    so I guess I'm about to ignore em!

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    1. 64

       GeneralHowitzerposted 16 years agoin reply to this

       in religious forum you'll find foe,
       but friends are abound too,
       the religous forum is intense,
       some would give such non-sense
       but earnestshubs gives them sense i guess

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49. 53

    Shalini Kagalposted 16 years ago

    In a forum that’s anything but passive
    Where the war cry levels are so massive
    If niceness slips in
    It would do many in
    Do you think many of them would be active?

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    1. 64

       GeneralHowitzerposted 16 years agoin reply to this

       in the forums i tangle with mark,
       now i wish i didnt gives such remark,
       mr. knowles is indeed nice,
       and now i'm paying the price,
       in forums i must always be cool...

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    2. 70

       earnestshubposted 16 years agoin reply to this

       You can be nice once in a while
       and offer a hand or a smile
       but when they demand
       that I join their band
       I know they have missed by a mile.
       
       I never hate any religion
       that bird is never my pidgeon!
       It is all of the hate
       and how they berate
       those who make their own decision

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       1. 80

          marcofratelliposted 16 years agoin reply to this

          I'm religious and not scared to tell
          But I agree with your viewpoint as well
          When there's passion entwined
          People can lose their minds
          We can choose - just choose Heaven not Hell
          
          To my faith it has helped to revert
          When that b!tch ****ed my life up, it hurt
          When you hit a new low
          Something clicks and you know
          It can help when you choose to convert
          
          But I hate to argue 'bout religion
          Not to fire, then run like a chicken
          But for me, it's the path
          To avoid God's wrath
          Can't imagine vanishing to oblivion
          
          (or even worse being sent into fire
          when you die, cause Satan did conspire
          that he just wasn't real,
          said that God's no big deal,
          he wouldn't care if you called him a liar)

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50. 0

    wordscribe41posted 16 years ago

    Imadork had some doozers that night,
    a hangover surely his plight.
    Stretching of body parts-
    the thought simply smarts,
    too much information came forthright!

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