Limericks - Limericks - Limericks

1. 91

   Paragliderposted 15 years ago

   RedElf - you've the lightest of touches -
   Your humour (inverted) too much is!
   If you bide your time
   for the one-thousandth rhyme
   we'll proclaim you the limerick Duchess!

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2. 0

   LEWJposted 15 years ago

   More Etti For Kagal
   
   Perhaps you saw Johnny Confetti
   The guy with the bowl of spaghetti
   Get up from his seat
   To pile on the meat
   To find that the pot was'nt ready

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3. 91

   Paragliderposted 15 years ago

   With only fifteen more to go
   our travelling limerick show
   is near consummation,
   the best in the nation
   (and everywhere else, don't you know!)

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4. 0

   LEWJposted 15 years ago

   There once was a Romeo M
   Whose lady was quite a fair gem
   He swore  "Juliette
   I'll never forget"
   Then ran off with Sushea Kym

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5. 69

   scarytaffposted 15 years ago

   I wish I could stop all this blather
   about limericks, I know I would rather
   Be lying in clover, getting a leg over
   No more limericks and blather - I'd Father

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6. 0

   LEWJposted 15 years ago

   A pirate with feminine parts
   Familiar with feminine arts
   Makes Egypt King Tut-less
   The western world what-less
   A ship captain rip up his charts

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7. 69

   scarytaffposted 15 years ago

   If I were a pirate, I know
   I'd be good and incredibly so
   I'd rob and I'd rob
   drink rum like a slob
   but go to bed when my mummy said so

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8. 91

   Paragliderposted 15 years ago

   The waves are a terrible bore
   so the typical pirate, ashore,
   to set his soul free
   from the weeks on the sea
   will rush to the handiest whore.

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9. 91

   Paragliderposted 15 years ago

   And if he is happy to spend
   his silver, she's sure to extend
   the best of her wiles
   so that, in a short while,
   he will come to the stickiest end...
   
   (whoops!)

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10. 91

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    And when he is more or less sated,
    his appetites dulled or abated,
    she'll show him the door
    knowing he'll come back for more
    in the evening when he's celebrated.

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11. 91

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    I've brought it to nine-ninety-five
    and that's where I'll leave it, for I've
    no wish to conclude
    my own thread. That's no good.
    Is there anyone out there alive??
    
    home straight, guys - go for it!!

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12. 56

    Shalini Kagalposted 15 years ago

    Where oh where is the Limerick Lord
    Don’t you think it decidedly odd
    To race to the finish
    Of the 1000-mark wish
    Without earnestshub’s presence aboard!

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    1. 61

       GeneralHowitzerposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       earnestshubs seems missing
       and left us guessing
       earnests the amicable
       makes other amiable,
       my pal sprout out like a mushroom now...

       replyreport
13. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    I dug myself out of religion
    (like teaching Shakespeare to a pigeon!)
    It's more fun in here
    with the crew and good cheer
    than to bother religion a smidgin.

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    1. 61

       GeneralHowitzerposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Good thing your out in that thread,
       for misunderstanding now is widespread,
       Hubpages fellas are now divided,
       Hope we will be all guided,
       By harmony and love for hubs and hubpages...

       replyreport
14. 91

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    Some forums are thoroughly naff,
    hounds waiting to pounce on each gaff.
    It's not like that here
    in this place of good cheer
    where we all hang around for a laugh

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15. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    It's time for the big number post
    the space was reserved for our host
    but as Paraglider
    has left the decider
    to us it is time for a toast!

    replyreport
16. 61

    Cranooposted 15 years ago

    There's a place called Limerick in Ireland
    
    That's what attracted me to this post thinking it was a discussion about Limerick city.

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17. 91

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    With limericists in cahoots
    we've finally gathered the fruits
    of this greatest ever
    collective endeavour
    (and bored everyone else to their boots!)

    replyreport
18. 61

    GeneralHowitzerposted 15 years ago

    Grats paraglider for the 1oooth replies in this thread and you too earnestshub for doing the honor of posting the 1oooth of paraglider's...
    
    Nice thread here and hope it will hit few thousands more...

    replyreport
19. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    Ah let them be bored if they choose
    We limerists have nothing to lose
    we make up our rhyme
    in nano's of time
    while appearing in some other ruse

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20. 91

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    You're right. It's a use for the spare
    old neurons just languishing there
    awaiting their chance
    to take part in the dance
    and if others are bored, we don't care!

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21. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    "What's troublin' you Farmer Brown?"
    "Can't get this horse into town
    I struck him but once
    But he, like some dunce,
    Keeps tossing me off to the ground"

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22. 0

    papajackposted 15 years ago

    An old man from Oklahoma,
    Coined verses while in a deep coma,
    But awake from his dream,
    He had no memory gleam,
    The verses had left his old dome-a.
    
    Aye yi yi yi,
    In China they don't eat much chili,
    So let's have another verse,
    That's worse than the other verse,
    Then waltz me around again Nelly.
    
    He then climbed a mountain that he knew,
    In search of a wise man or guru,
    He said, "pay your bills",
    Or come live in these hills,
    And stay in a cave like me boo hoo.
    
    Aye yi  yi yi,
    In Juarez the tacos are zesty,
    So let's have another verse,
    That's worse than the other verse,
    And ladies please don't get too testy.
    
    He then met a gal from West Texas,
    Who had a real cute solar plexis,
    He suddenly learned,
    That his rimes had returned,
    But they were all rated with exes.
    
    Aye yi  yi yi,
    The memories this brings are delightful,
    So let's have another verse,
    That's worse than the other verse,
    And see that we never get hateful.
    
    He married that gal east of Dumas,
    They had 15 kids that's the rumas,
    Each night they would add,
    A new verse that would pad,
    To their copy of the Karma Sutra.
    
    Aye yi  yi yi,
    This honors some old vets I served with,
    They'll ne'er sing another verse,
    Or utter a nasty curse,
    But sang long and loud as we shared a fifth.

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23. 56

    Shalini Kagalposted 15 years ago

    Now wasn’t that really quite a ride
    Swimming against the usual forum tide
    One thousand limericks
    In two months is slick
    It’s what you’d call a limerick landslide!

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    1. 0

       LEWJposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       replyreport
24. 60

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    we posted our one thousanth prize
    now reaching higher, with stars in our eyes
    all trying to be famous
    from Andy to Zamus
    busy writing our 5 line suprise!

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25. 91

    RedElfposted 15 years ago

    Paraglider, I am devastated;
    For the 1000th limericks I waited;
    But my program went down,
    And I missed out the crown,
    "Late Lady-Past-Due-Date" I'm rated.
    

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    1. 91

       RedElfposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       But the record was not mine for breaking;
       Honest Earnest a tribute was making;
       His hub rightly shows
       Where the crown truly goes -
       'glider, yours, for this brave undertaking!

       replyreport
26. 60

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    I say it with a writers pride
    I am in for the twenty-ten ride
    at just 3 a day
    we can do it our way
    5 original lines, done in confident stride.

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    1. 0

       LEWJposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Then it's on!

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27. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    I know of a flying Dutchman
    An excellent airborne clutchman
    'Tis truly a treat
    To sit near their seat
    When the cockpit's run by suchmen

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    1. 71

       earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       It's easier now we have LEWJ
       we'll get more limericks each day
       we all should get goin
       the limericks flowin
       let the limericks flow if you may!

       replyreport
28. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    I'll bet e.h. can learn us
    To publish hubs that earn us
    At least 69
    Or four sixty-three times
    The number of fans who discern us

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29. 71

    Epsilon5posted 15 years ago

    When pictures are one thousand words,
    and limericks are written by birds,
    it's not something you've bought,
    we'll give you the thought:
    sheep don't always gather in herds.

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30. 61

    osws_bluemoonposted 15 years ago

    A girl by the name of bluemoon
    Once stayed up past midnight til noon
    Reading all of this thread
    'stead of sleeping in bed
    Now she's bags neath her eyes like balloons

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31. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    Her brother whose nick was Buffoon
    Kept staring so hard at the moon
    His feet and his head
    Leapt up out of bed
    And parked in the nearest lagoon

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32. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    I wish I were closer in time
    with the others who rhythm n rhyme
    I'm not a failure
    I live in Australia
    it isn't an actual crime!

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33. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    Are we keeping to limerick time?
    we need three a day to be prime
    and meet our joint goal
    climb the top of the pole
    while sucking a lemon and lime!

    replyreport
    1. 60

       dutchman1951posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       a young american ladd traveling in OZ
       stopped way out in the Red for a pause
       when a Rue hopped on buy
       and exclaimed with a sigh
       they'll let anybody out here by god!

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    2. 0

       LEWJposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I'm hating a lemon and lime
       They're bitter and tart all the time
       I'd like somethin' sweet
       While patting my feet
       And adding more rythm n' ryhme

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34. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    A camel in our red outback
    became tired of being a hack
    he through off his rider
    then offered her cider
    he kept in a fluffy backpack

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35. 91

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    I see that it didn't take long
    for the thread to come bouncing back strong.
    We had a brief rest
    at the one-thousand test,
    but now we are back in full song!

    replyreport
36. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    We're rolling along fairly well
    the numbers have something to tell
    we enjoy ourselves writing
    limericks enticing
    with paraglider, our pal.

    replyreport
    1. 60

       dutchman1951posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       an experimenting youg maiden named Alice
       tried a dynamite stick for a phalic
       it went off with a boom
       and as smoke filled her room
       three fourths of her a** fell in Dallas!

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       1. 0

          LEWJposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          A horny young maiden named Alice
          Chose a dynamite stick for a phallus
          It went off with a boom
          And as smoke filled the room
          Three-fourths of her @ss fell in Dallas!

          replyreport
37. 60

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    A Nun from the Old Diocese
    Told a young Priest, she'd caught the disease
    So He told the Abbott,
    Who said she must kick the habit
    Of Spending all day on her knees!

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38. 60

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    There was a young Chef at the Dinner
    who proclamed that His Beans were much finer
    and he'd laugh with a hoot
    as he'd start out to  toot
    then finish baking his Fartada- in B minor!

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39. 60

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    A Big Blood Hound named Officer Bently
    Kept digging in the hole, quite intensely
    until He uncoverd the Bod
    The Old Man hid in the Yard
    said I thought this thing smelled- quite immensely!

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40. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 15 years ago

    A very sad man from Milwaukee
    Said why won't my gal talk t' me
    When his friends pointed out
    that he's quite the mean lout
    He said oh my now I see.

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41. 0

    Brenda Durhamposted 15 years ago

    A homesick young sailor at sea
    Said "I see land" with much glee
    Til he looked once more
    and saw it wasn't the shore
    and wailed Oh woe is me!

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42. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    A hungry young sailor Mahoney
    Was eatin' up all the baloney
    His shipmates, suffice,
    Thought  "This ain't so nice"
    And stared at his face all stony

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43. 61

    osws_bluemoonposted 15 years ago

    Mahoney cried 'What is the matter?
    Help yourselves to a share of my platter.'
    So they all tucked right in,
    washed it down with neat gin.
    Now the sailors are drunk and much fatter.

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44. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    Then ship Captain Jo came along
    With gin-soaked vocals so strong
    They shook the whole ship
    With D-flats that slipped
    But all spent the night there in song

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45. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    I once knew a don named Juan
    Who loved his fun in the sun
    From week to week
    And cheek to cheek
    He steadily stayed on the run

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46. 81

    elisabethkcmoposted 15 years ago

    I've noticed that in the hub forum
    some conduct themselves with decorum
    and then there are some
    who just wanna have fun
    guess it's better to wow 'em than bore 'em!!

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47. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    Of Lady Fluellen
    
    I know of a Lady Fluellen
    Who made a livin' from sellin'
    She rolled in the snow
    Not too long ago
    With who and how long I ain't tellin'

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48. 80

    marcofratelliposted 15 years ago

    Well my limerick lover's affair
    Has left me in a state of despair
    It's a kick in the gut-bag
    I'm a take off my name tag
    Ultimatum: it's me or it's Pierre

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49. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    Of Pierre
    
    I knew of a boy Pierre
    With caterpillar hair
    He played with his toys
    And all other boys,
    Who always managed to stare

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50. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    'Twas once upon the Isle of Wight-
    My daily water not in sight-
    I popped a pill
    That made me spill
    All dam day, all dam night

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