Limericks - Limericks - Limericks

1. 70

   earnestshubposted 15 years ago

   Asha can argue like Aristotle
   this ain't no kid with a bottle!
   If ever you saw her
   you'd scream for a lawyer
   she's sassy and she's got the mottle!
   
   Lauren explains that your wrong
   with a gesture and even a song
   but if you've been naughty
   she can even get haughty
   her lectures then get very long.

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2. 61

   tantrumposted 15 years ago

     we got crossed

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   1. 70

      earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Yeh strange result my end!

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3. 70

   earnestshubposted 15 years ago

   Hey! I'm too young to die!
   and one look from Asha "the eye"
   would send me of running
   I'm old and quite cunning
   and can hide till it passes me by.

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   1. 61

      tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this

        Mercy, mercy! earnesthub!
      I'm hiding behind a shrub
      I can't think any more
      I will go to the store
      and buy some wine and more... Good bye !!!

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      1. 70

         earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         See ya tantrum, i'm outta here soon too.

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4. 61

   tantrumposted 15 years ago

   To some 'true believer' in the religion forum
   
   So what's up in your labtop my friend?
   are you happy to fight and contend?
   Using words, using witt,
   falling into a dark pitt,
   and forgiving yourself or pretend

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5. 64

   Drew Breezzyposted 15 years ago

   flyer than brad pitt
   all the ladies I get
   highter than the planets
   lighter then cigarettes
   rhyme when i spit
   
   
   haha

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6. 71

   maven101posted 15 years ago

   I once knew a man of the World...
   
   Under the Sword of Damocles he twirled...
   
   Neither right nor left, his politics bereft...
   
   Of any passions that would have imperiled...

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7. 91

   Bibowenposted 15 years ago

   The lim'ricks need a jumpstart
   As lim'rickers move to depart
   They’ve moved on to new things
   Trying to become the Hub Kings
   Renouncing the rhyming art

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8. 70

   earnestshubposted 15 years ago

   Ah! Good to see some of you back
   it was stifled and showing a lack
   of really good verse
   could it get any worse?
   Sure! Now that I'm here on the rack!

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9. 91

   Bibowenposted 15 years ago

   I was not aware and I was not wise
   I posted 700 unapprised
   Whenever we get
   to a 1000 we hit
   What’ll PG provide for a prize?

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   1. 92

      Paragliderposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Such gifts as I choose to bestow
      are dark until I let you know
      my plan for reward.
      If we all can afford
      a weekend in the mountains, let's go!

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10. 0

    Ghost32posted 15 years ago

    The mountains sound breezy and cool
    As I sit here and dream of a pool
    Out here where I be
    There is no AC
    Just dust devils, sweat, and a fool

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    1. 70

       earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I got a fool here that's true
       I'm freezin my arse till it's blue
       I would love to be hot
       but seein I'm not
       I offer my coldness to you!

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11. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    PG! A prize! is it so?
    this is something I'd wanted to know
    We'll climb up the mountains
    and bask in it's fountains
    and on the way home we'll go slow!

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12. 0

    Ghost32posted 15 years ago

    I've talked to a number of hicks
    Who swear it's no good in the sticks
    It's no fun to climb
    Steep grades all the time
    While wondering where you've got ticks

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13. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    I've never been fond of those either
    they cover you with their saliva
    they get under your skin
    then others get in
    till your body's no longer the driver!

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14. 92

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    Sheep ticks are a pain if you've got 'em.
    I love them no more than I ought. I'm
    immune to the heat,
    mountain walks are a treat
    with a welcoming pub at the bottom.

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15. 0

    Ghost32posted 15 years ago

    A pub would be great if it's near
    Except now I'm allergic to beer
    I'm one of those fools
    Not even O'Doul's
    The price to be paid is too dear

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16. 92

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    A pub would be great if it's open!
    In Ramadan, that's beyond hopin'
    for here in Qatar
    they close every bar
    for a month, with no alcohol shoppin'

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17. 0

    Ghost32posted 15 years ago

    Though I have not been to Qatar
    I'll bet you could use a good bar
    A month without wine
    Will detox you fine
    And then you'll get drunker by far

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18. 92

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    But stranger by far is Dubai.
    They silence the bands (or they try).
    No music, but ale
    and girls are for sale.
    I find myself wondering why?

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19. 59

    kjwassanaposted 15 years ago

    Dubai, shop till you drop today
    Tonight on clouds, peacefully dream away
    Let imagination take you to a place afar
    Where vacationing now rates five star
    Eat, sleep, play and everybody can stay

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20. 92

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    One thousand is on the horizon
    and lumbering up like a bison.
    If we think we're the best
    we should stick with the quest
    (or go seventeen rounds with Mike Tyson)

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21. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    I'd never get in with big Mike
    his brain is like that of a tike
    I'd not put it past him
    to chew on my limb
    or hit me with all of his might!

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22. 92

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    Mike Tyson,to give him his due is
    a fearsome opponent, but who is
    his nemesis? None
    but Britain's first son
    that gentlest of giants, Lennox Lewis!
    
    It made my day when Lennox beat Mike, twice

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    1. 70

       earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I recall feeling a little happier than I should have.

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23. 92

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    Your limerick's surely a hit
    and graces the thread quite a bit.
    So give us some more
    if you have them in store.
    (But that last line in blue doesn't fit!)

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24. 0

    wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

    My colon's clean, I believe.
    the berries I think I will leave.
    Acai and I,
    no need to try...
    or perhaps I'm a bit naive.

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25. 92

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    Some like to employ irrigation
    which seems like a nasty invasion
    of regions behind,
    out of sight, out of mind,
    but perhaps that's too much information?

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26. 0

    wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

    TMI, well maybe a bit.
    Fact is, we all have to sh*t.
    Some need assistance,
    if there's any resistance.
    Depends if the sphincter's well fit.

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27. 79

    marcofratelliposted 15 years ago

    I've crawled back in through doggy flaps
    I just knew I would fold and relapse
    This limerick addiction
    With absent restriction
    Makes weeks and then months just elapse

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28. 92

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    I'm glad that you make no apology:
    excretion and its methodology
    can both be discussed
    and in fact it's a must
    if we're plumbing the depths of scatology.

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29. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    I just can't imagine the blast
    as the gases all come way too fast
    these sort of oblutions
    and rear executions
    should really belong in the past.

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30. 0

    wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

    I'm feeling hungover myself
    limericks so long on the shelf.
    I'm now on a bender,
    But, filled with such splendor!
    So nice to relieve oneself...

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31. 79

    marcofratelliposted 15 years ago

    At work when you have to go poo
    There are things to remember to do
    In the stall it is wise
    To "fake cough" to disguise
    Any noise you make while in the loo

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32. 92

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    We've started again in a flurry
    of flatus (that's farting!) No worry
    if people complain
    that we're stuck in the drain
    we can 'dump it' and move in a hurry.

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33. 0

    wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

    Another method I use
    when suddenly faced with the poos.
    Is wait for the dryer,
    to begin to fire.
    Then quickly let it all loose.

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34. 92

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    Will nobody come to restrain us?
    The rules are too small to contain us.
    The room is as rank
    as an old septic tank
    from the rhymes that come out of our anus.

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35. 60

    goodfriendiamposted 15 years ago

    This will be my last time
    cause I sure can't rhythm
    though maybe if it was poo
    I would have a clue
    And then I would be an anus

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36. 61

    tantrumposted 15 years ago

    Oh please guys ! Give me a break !!
    This is way too much for my take
    All the noises and blasts
    These are things from the past
    Now I'm a cyborg and clean plastic fake !

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37. 79

    marcofratelliposted 15 years ago

    I've heard that the stalls in Japan
    Have a button right next to the pan
    Makes the sound of a flush
    So you don't have to blush
    A good invention (second best to the fan)

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    1. 0

       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       It's true, I lived there, you know.
       Had fun when I needed to go.
       Made sounds like the sea,
       you could still hear the pee.
       just as well as the noisy brown flow.

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       1. 79

          marcofratelliposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Oh really it's true? That's so great!
          But it's bad if you want to "lose weight"
          And the sound can be heard
          When you slip out a t*rd
          Not much point, I'm sure you can relate

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          1. 0

             wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

             At first I was baffled:  What's this?
             I'm just trying to take a piss.
             whazzup with the sea sounds,
             as they drop their compounds.
             Seemingly in a state of bliss!

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          2. 60

             goodfriendiamposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Yuck oh my
             what a sad face
             to hear the sound
             as it is being flushed down
             but oh what a feeling it is

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38. 0

    wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

    It began with Acai Berry Dude,
    from there it became quite rude.
    We're on peristalsis,
    who can fault us?
    at least we've avoided the lewd.

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39. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    The "bottom line" so to speak
    is really beginning to reek
    as the smell starts to rise
    tears are blinding my eyes
    at the start of a smelly old week!

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40. 92

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    The bathroom, the WC
    the cludgie, the john, lavat'ry,
    the bog and the stank,
    the pisser, the Shanks,
    now where will I go for a pee?

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41. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    You could try the outhouse or loo
    or the dunny would certainly do
    the toot if you English
    would help to distinguish
    the different regions for you

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42. 92

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    In Qatar they don't go for paper.
    A hose by the pan is the caper.
    A strong jet of water
    but sometimes it's hotter
    than coffee and comes out as vapour.

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    1. 0

       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       These vapours they have in Qatar...
       Must give you a genitalia scar.
       What's wrong with t.p?
       nothing that I can see.
       Or perhaps it was banned by a czar.

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       1. 92

          Paragliderposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          If paper is torn or thin
          you're risking a sharia sin.
          The hose is ok
          in a primitive way -
          but test it before you begin!

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43. 0

    wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

    The latrine might be your best bet.
    when your pants are about to get wet.
    Johnny on the spots,
    are terrible pots.
    Wouldn't pee in one on a bet.

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44. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    Ouch! What a burning sensation
    to areas under your station
    It would hurt me so much
    I'd be grasping my crutch
    in the street in that water crazed nation!

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45. 92

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    Does Berry-man know what he started?
    He just came along and imparted
    commercial solutions
    for rectal ablutions
    then made for the door as we farted.

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    1. 61

       tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       That's typical commercial solution
       For s....ng and rectal ablutions
       You give some advise
       People think you're so nice !
       And then leave with a smile. What confusion!

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46. 0

    wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

    We need some cleansing indeed.
    From the dude who planted this seed.
    He dropped us a linker,
    we ran with the clinkers,
    our limericks he's yet to read.

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47. 79

    marcofratelliposted 15 years ago

    that's better!
    
    punoɹ, ʎɐʍ ʇɥƃıɹ ǝuıl ʇxǝu ǝɥʇ uɹnʇ ɹǝʇʇǝq
    ǝɯos pǝʇlıʇ pɐǝɥ ɹnoʎ ɥʇıʍ
    qɯnp ɐpuıʞ ʞool noʎ ¡ɐɥ
    uʍop ǝpısdn ʞɔıɹ,ɯıl ɐ ǝʇıɹʍ puɐ
    uʍolɔ ɐ ǝq plnoʍ ı ʇɥƃnoɥʇ ı

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48. 0

    wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

    I hung from my bed upside down.
    my smile turned into a frown.
    Blood rushed to my head,
    as your limerick I read.
    You should see what happened to my gown!

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49. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    It's been days, I cant leave this place!
    Look at the sheer lack of pace
    it all slowed right down
    like a small country town
    at the end of the weekly horse race!

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    1. 61

       GeneralHowitzerposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Sorry paraglider...
       
       
       earnestshubs wakikik you just hijacked the other thread LOL on you...

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       1. 70

          earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Which one?

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          1. 61

             GeneralHowitzerposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             the one with jolina nyahahaha unfair play grrr on you nyahahaha

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50. 61

    tantrumposted 15 years ago

    Wandering and strolling the posts
    I have to laugh at some hosts,
    Who's OP's look so serious,
    Meaningful or misterious
    but their answers are ignorant stock !

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    1. 60

       goodfriendiamposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       An the tantrum throws a tantrum
       in forums of all places
       he's high and he's low
       oh what a blow
       but I still kinds like him!

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       1. 70

          earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          I think it funny as hell
          that so many posters can't spell
          in the religious thread
          cos their gods are all dead
          and they are beginning to smell.

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          1. 61

             tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Some people are here to find
             someone who's friendly and kind
             I'm only for fun
             A joker I am
             If you don't get it you're out of your mind !

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             1. 60

                goodfriendiamposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                I'm out of my mind
                cause I kind of find
                I like it here
                ya with all its ups and downs
                especially with them CLOWNS....lol

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