Limericks - Limericks - Limericks

1. 0

   LEWJposted 15 years ago

   I knew a man named Post-
   A conscientious host-
   Who chased a mouse throughout the house
   And then from coast to coast!

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2. 0

   LEWJposted 15 years ago

   The limerick is wonderful fun,
   A loaded and pointed gun;
   It triggers a pop
   Or fires a flop
   And lets you figure which one.

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3. 59

   dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

   To the President he screamed, its a lie
   as all heads turned with a sigh
   it was done in some haste
   with increditable dis-taste
   now he sleeps, looking out with one eye!

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4. 0

   LEWJposted 15 years ago

   A man on a flying trapeze
   Was trying his best not to sneeze;
   Thought he  "Without doubt
   I'll be splattered about
   Then after, they'd scrape up the cheese."

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5. 55

   Shalini Kagalposted 15 years ago

   We’ve so quickly reached 923
   This limericking sure is a spree
   A thousand mark’s in sight
   There will be a fight
   To see who that Lucky Limericker will be!

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6. 91

   Bibowenposted 15 years ago

   Much time since the last limerick has past
   The kids are on a limerick fast.
   Now do not delay
   It’s time for your say
   Before the last meter is cast.

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7. 0

   Ghost32posted 15 years ago

   I used to avoid politickin'
   Not that I really was chicken
   But now I can boast
   A regular post
   Screaming and squalling and kickin'

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   1. 0

      LEWJposted 15 years agoin reply to this

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8. 55

   Shalini Kagalposted 15 years ago

   The juggernaut inches along
   All laden with verse and with song
   The rhythm and rhyme
   The keeping in time
   Towards the Limerick landmark anon

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9. 0

   LEWJposted 15 years ago

   I use to "avoid"  it too,
   But alas!--there was nuthin' to do;
   So I "boast"  and I "rhyme"
   At the "regular"   "time"
   With the Washington D.C. crew.

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10. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    it's nice to be back and to post
    I like the limericks most
    when I see this thread
    something pops in my head
    and my brain is beginning to coast.

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    1. 80

       manlypoetrymanposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       3 days ago-Earnest was "bringing-it" with the limerick thang
       However-tonight my brain is fried-I can't "bring-it"...Well dang
       Ghost and Wordscribe will be along sometime soon-no doubt
       Whilst for me-at this time-I must call for a "time-out"
       I'd like to write more-but something in my brain-done sprang!

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11. 59

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    A rocker named Ali Altar
    would scream when he played the Guitar
    But King Fad got enough
    of that Head banger stuff
    and made him a Janitor in Qatar!

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12. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    I'm back in the frey you can see
    now there's dutch and manly and me
    outside is the sun
    but I still have fun
    inside with the limerick tree.

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13. 59

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    A Lass from down under named ANN
    anounced proudly she needed a man!
    but when I stood up to say
    I was ready to play
    some Aussie done grabbed her and ran!

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14. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    Ya gotta watch ozzie blokes
    despite all the "down under" jokes
    these guys have the moves
    the muscles and grooves
    to make sheila's agreeable folks!

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15. 59

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    While ryding on Her big Green John Deer
    Her field-hand hooked his spreader to the rear
    from Des Moines to Chicago
    and clear out to Fargo
    you could here Her exclaiming, "MY DEAR!"

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16. 59

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    number 936 is a hoot
    and we are shooting for 1000 to boot
    we all scramble and play
    just to hit it that day
    I jusy hope it comes in with some loot!

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17. 59

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    I gotta do one more!
    
    A Waitress from Marina Del-Ray
    Took fiday off for some personal play
    she greeted her host
    with coffee and toast
    then scrambled his eggs all the way!

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18. 69

    Debby Bruckposted 15 years ago

    Jus’ look at all I’ve been missing
    Like a tea kettle on the stove hissing
    The steam from your brains
    Is not at all lame
    Hubbers all playing word games

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19. 69

    Debby Bruckposted 15 years ago

    Reading your rhymes is like eating candy
    Put one to your lips its just dandy
    Sweetly melt in your mouth
    Next one you want to shout
    Man, that one will surely come in handy!

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20. 70

    scarytaffposted 15 years ago

    Whatever has happened to you
    the limericks are not coming through
    But wait, now I know
    there's lots more pages on show
    48 new ones to go

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21. 0

    Ghost32posted 15 years ago

    I'd ordered a battery cable
    The salesgirl said she was able
    But then she was not
    And though she was hot
    I shrugged and built a work table

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    1. 0

       LEWJposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Hope you don't mind my playful copycattting, Ghost32---I like your lims.

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22. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    I'd ordered an ivory table
    The salesgirl brought me a sable
    I said  "What the hell-!"
    Said she,  "Oh well,
    Next time I'll look at the label"

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23. 59

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    there was a young dancer named Bruce
    in his dancing clothes, he looked rather spruce
    but on his way to car
    he tripped in the bar
    landing upside down, spred-legged and loose!

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24. 59

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    The Tango is Pasion and flow
    and danced with an attitude you know
    but he mis-judged the distance
    when he reach for his mistress
    and she slapped him, and made him let go!

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25. 59

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    viagra is not all it seems
    just mearly an end to a means
    after a 4 hour wait
    its 5 minutes of fait
    then get up, and put on your jeans!!!

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26. 59

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    A ballerina named Lucy Beeker
    was known as an intestinal leaker
    She was doing ok
    through most of the Ballet
    Till she Pooted, and blew out her sneaker!
    
    
    I'm done...next!

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27. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    I know of a Norman Machete
    Who swallowed hot beer and spaghetti
    He dipped in a tub
    And tipped to a pub
    Then slipped on a pile of confetti.
    
    
                                      NEXT...?

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28. 61

    patfulposted 15 years ago

    A Hubber named Harvey McGoo
    Wanted a limerick, too.
    He tried hard to rhyme
    But failed time after time.
    Now he surfs all alone on Yahoo.

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29. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    I know of a Tommy Spaghetti
    Who manufactures confetti
    He cuts up the paper
    And manages taper-
    All with his purple machete

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30. 55

    Shalini Kagalposted 15 years ago

    Now spaghetti can lend itself to
    A million recipes on the menu
    But when it’s verse
    To make itself terse
    It’s got to be a limerick or a haiku

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31. 59

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    The Noodles were extra long size
    Plied high on the plate to the eye
    so we dove in the sauce
    with two spoons of course
    and tomatoes cean up to our Thy's

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32. 59

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    Now, The French Bred was magnificent
    the butter melted and spent
    when the lovely young wench
    asked how we know it is french
    I said, you can tell by the distinct accent!
    
    
    
    This is making me hungry...Phone....PIZZA!

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33. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    This post is starting to grow
    with people I don't really know
    I don't give a hoot
    as long as they toot
    the limericks come hail or snow.

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34. 0

    Ghost32posted 15 years ago

    Food is a subject so fine
    No wonder it's not one of mine
    But my sleeping wife
    Just popped up to life
    And ordered caviar and wine

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35. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    I love caviar and good wine
    both very good friends of mine
    I like it on bread
    while laying in bed
    it always makes me feel fine.

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36. 0

    Ghost32posted 15 years ago

    Feeling just fine is your right
    But maybe not wine in the night
    Or you may be on
    A run to the john
    To visit Sir Toilet of White

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37. 92

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    I just thought I'd drop you a line
    to say everything is just fine.
    I am (this this shocking)
    not hubbing but walking
    some old stomping grounds that were mine.
    
    (two more days in UK, then it's back to the desert)

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    1. 0

       LEWJposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       We'd welcome you back Paraglider
       With limericks and hot apple cider
       We trust with your stay
       Inside the UK
       You've stomped on a few Irish spiders

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38. 59

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    an experimenter named Charlie MacTot
    atempted an amature Moon-Shot
    on his third time around
    50 feet of the ground
    said, I guess this Idea's not so hot!

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39. 59

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    A Young Witch named Alice McFay
    practiced with her Broom every day
    she would dip and she would zoom
    and loop every room
    till the Cealing fan got in her way...
    
    
    whap...whap...whap...whap...whap!

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    1. 55

       Shalini Kagalposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       
       
       Now a witch that’s past tense isn’t hot
       Her broom’s probably starting to rot
       When the s*** hits the fan
       Then you need a dustpan
       To sweep up those black magic blots

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       1. 59

          dutchman1951posted 15 years agoin reply to this

          now the Surgeon told Young Witch McFay
          follow me and please walk this way
          she said sir if you don't mind
          just get this broom, OUT, of my behind
          then tomarrow, I'll try it your way!

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40. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    Of course you know Eleanor Reddy
    That maker of What's-It spaghetti
    Which dances at night
    Then puts out the lights
    And turns to a box of confetti

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41. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    Ah yes, I knew Alice McFay
    I told her to watch on her way
    That she should'nt try it
    Until she could fly it
    So now I got nuthin' to say

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42. 0

    wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

    A pirate's life is right for me,
    sailing tumultuous waters of the sea.
    I may look like a wench,
    for it's quite hard to quench,
    my cabin's boy's love for whoopee!!!

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43. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    It's that naughty wordscribe again
    with cabins and sex on the brain
    If her cabin boy's hot
    she may expose her plot
    and make a noise like a train.

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44. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    I knew of a Capulet
    By the name of Juliette
    Who frequented pubs,
    Massage parlor rubs,
    And slept in her own private jet!

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    1. 55

       Shalini Kagalposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Did Romeo know of her flight
       To vistas so outasite
       Did that Montague blood boil
       Or did he recoil
       When from that jet she did alight

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       1. 0

          LEWJposted 15 years agoin reply to this

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45. 0

    wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

    Dressed up like a Pirate Girl,
    thought I looked like a precious pearl,
    still bored like the rest
    even though I am dressed
    hot enough to make Pirates' toes curl!

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    1. 59

       dutchman1951posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       a stunning young Pirate named Gates
       how he'd dance the Fandango on skates
       but he triped on his cutlass
       and renderd himself nutless
       and now he's quite useless on dates!

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       1. 0

          Ghost32posted 15 years agoin reply to this

          A war loving fool I once knew
          Once served on that same pirate crew
          He'd chop off a head
          Make sure they were dead
          Yet fainted when Gates cut on through

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          1. 59

             dutchman1951posted 15 years agoin reply to this

             When Fair Bonnie learned of her first mate
             and his unfortunate swaray on skates
             his prospects slim, a bit dank
             she walked him straight off her plank
             then sold his rollers, for two pieces of eight!

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46. 92

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    Well Romeo shared this with Hamlet -
    the pair of them seem to get damn lit-
    tle joy from the flame
    their unfortunate dame
    in their mission of cherchez la femme lit.

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47. 79

    marcofratelliposted 15 years ago

    Boy, is it hot in this place here or what?
    All this talk of pirate ladies, uncut
    There's a nice hidden "plot"
    (That's not all that she's got)
    Getting me all worked up when they strut

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48. 92

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    A pirate with feminine parts
    will blow you away with her arts -
    one swing of her cutlass
    will leave you quite gutless
    you're safer with cribbage or darts.

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    1. 0

       LEWJposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       A pirate with feminine parts
       Can blow you away with her *arts
       One swash of her cutlass
       Will leave you quite buttless-
       You're safer with poisonous darts!
       
       QUESTION: DO PROSE ENTRIES SUCH AS THOSE ON PAGES 45 & 46 COUNT AS LIMERICKS?
       IF NOT, THERE'S A RECOUNT DUE IN ORDER TO ACTUALLY REACH THE LANDMARK OF 1000 LIMS MINUS THE PROSE ENTRIES.   I'VE GOT A FEW OF THOSE PROSE ENTRIES MYSELF ON PAGE 47, AND 1000 POSTS IS NOT THE SAME AS 1000 LIMERICKS.
       
       WHO'S GONNA DO THE COUNT?

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       1. 92

          Paragliderposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          I'm sure what you say is quite true
          yet some other postings have two
          or possibly three.
          It's apparent to me
          that when all's said and done, there's a few!

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49. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    BACK TO THE  "ETTI"
    
    I knew of a Julie Petretti
    She kept a shiny machete
    Was always so neat
    And ever so sweet
    And always eating spaghetti

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50. 0

    papajackposted 15 years ago

    As hubbing is new for this fella,
    I'm greeting you all with ciao bella,
    but poetry aside,
    I'm enjoying the ride,
    Like a bug on a fresh wad-a-jella.

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    1. 93

       RedElfposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Papajack, here's to you "ciao bello";
       For a "newb" you are sure in the know;
       Your humorous posting,
       I greet with much toasting;
       And shooters (of course) of Jell-0!

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