Professor McQuirk
I thought I'd go off to college
And get me a little knowledge;
Professor McQuirk
(That ridiculous jerk)
Flunked me for 8 years solid!
Professor McQuirk had a brother
A meticulous curve-grading mother
I made him look bad
He's still mighty mad
He failed when he graded me "Other"
The class was the cutting of meat
In Ag we must pass or repeat
When I would not kill
His rage tried to spill
But still he went down to defeat
I told him I'd hunted before
And slaughtered good cattle and more
But kill for a grade?
Not how I was made--
He stomped and he spit on the floor
It insulted what he thought was good
He'd have flunked me then if he could
But curve as he did
Through that class I slid
Took a "C" and got out of the 'hood!
I wish we could write a lot more
limericks to help the score
of the poets enjoyment
of rhyme-word deployment
it's enjoyable right to the core!
If there were some eternal Internet
With a hubber named Marie Antoinette
If she let them eat cake,
Would it truly be fake,
Like some electronic silhouette?
I've not been around for a while
but see we're still rhyming in style.
It's better than fighting
and quite as exciting
as drenching the Forums in bile!
Please forgive my lack of ability
When I'm asked to write some poetry
I'm not blessed with the talent
But I'll post and be gallant
That I'll be panned, is a distinct possibility!
Professor McQuirk was so fat
His head hardly fit in his hat
He stuffed out his belly
With strawberry jelly
And biscuits and all such as that.
For certain he shined his best
At the National Pie-Eatin' Fest
Where he shocked a million
Outdone civilians
By beating their Champion guest.
I hear that McQuirk is retired
From his post so highly desired
But for Turkish cuisines
And for eating the Dean
I really do fear he was fired!
I'm back with a few words to say
I went riding my bike on this day
I ran out of puff
Said I've had enough
so went off to sleep in the hay.
There was an old codger whose spider
was hungry for sex. He denied her,
insisting she ought to
be celibate. Not to
distress her, he shot her and fried her.
Her ghost (for they have them) returned
to haunt him. She taunted - You spurned
eight legged advances,
d'you fancy your chances
surviving the shade that you burned?
He said (I know this is pathetic)
I thought you were peripatetic,
bestowing your favours
on shakers and ravers
alike - you were always athletic.
She said - I was certainly pliable
my suppleness quite undeniable
but wasn't I worthy
of something less earthy
than redefinition as friable?
I'm off to Brisbane for work
My boss over there's a big jerk
But the city is ace
Fell in the love with the place
But the job just gets me beserk
I'm a train ride away from the coast
I might see Steve Irwin's ghost
At Australia Zoo
Feeding kangaroos
So cool! (I don't mean to boast)
Then down at Surfer's Paradise
At the beach there, to be quite precise
All the ladies are hot
Showing off what they've got
So discreetly, I'll try to look twice!!
I'm tired, it's late, I have flue
there is little I feel I can do
but try to write one
be a son of a gun
and stay in the chair with some glue
Thanks mate, but I feel a bit rusty
All my rhymes are a little bit dusty
It has been a while
So I'm not versatile
Like when snot can make boogers, some crusty
A wonderful turn at the end
from Marco, our flexible friend.
Some say he's a bit
of a wonder with wit
and some say he's quite round the bend!
A twisted mind I can handle
to Marco I can't hold a candle
funny and witty
honest and gritty
I'm happy to pass him the mandle.
Oh, what glorious fun
To make such limericky pun
It's lasting effects can be thrilling
And often uncontrollably chilling
But I shall not shun them, not one
Time for another limerick.
I copied this from myself. I originally put it in the incredibly silly religious forum.
You'll notice that in megalomania
the people all think they are brainier
The sad truth is they
washed their brains right away
which leave them a little insaneia
Earnest, I look in the mirror
The reflection looks queerer and queerer
I washed out my brain
It went down the drain
Yet still I look highly superior!
I looked in a mirror one day
they had to take it away
is that really me?
I don't wanna see!
I won't look again if you pay!
The limerick thread is so quiet
I'm thinking of starting a riot
of words like dissuasive
and be quite evasive
then make up a word just to try it.
If we need to make up a word
Perhaps we could use Hagathird
Which stands for the type
Who is so full of tripe
He shakes like a featherless bird
I remember the ball bearing bird
It is said that it's never been heard
I think that is crazy
the bird is so lazy
and probably dumb as a turd
Okay, just one last bad rhyme
Though truly I've not got the time
That bird bearing balls
Is bouncing off walls
And making the cuckoo clock chime
Salutations ghost. you are one very funny dude!
Ghost we're both on 92
is there somethin we should orta do?
if we stay the same digit
it will make me fidget
then write one hub more than you do.
I care but so little for score
And care to build my new home more
When we're in the house
And chase out the mouse
Hub Rank won't be such a bore
Which brings me to sadly confess
The clock on the wall is a mess
I've got to sleep now
Or by the dawn, Wow!
I'll curse Limerick's bawdy address
A limerick is a poem with 5 lines.
It is very complex in a way, as the first second and fifth line has about nine syllables and the the third and fourth lines usually have five or six syllables and rhyme seperately, and that is why they can be changed a little from the formula but not much.
Hey earnest thanks ...... you are very impressive .....
Most kind, thank you, and I think I feel a limerick coming on!
The day has been long and hardworking
although I had no time for shirking
I found enough time
to do one more rhyme
to keep my limerick mates smirking.
It has reached that time of the day
when I'm heading off for the hay
I'll grab me some kip
then lickety split
I will dream of whatever I may!
working all day is a drag
less time for being a dag
so when it gets tough
I shout "thats enough"
then come here to suck on a fag.
That last line Earnest has written
Could well get a gay fellow smitten
I know you'd not mean it
But me, I would screen it
Before a great writer gets bitten!
Fag don't mean that in Australia
or else I am headin for failure
You guys talk funny
just like bugs bunny
if I wanna talk dirty I'll mail ya!
I see here our Ghost Understood
That Ernest was referring to wood
Inept I may be
It occurred just to me
That a cigarette is sucked as it should!
It is so long since I posted here
the thread is near dead now I fear
It is a real shame
with no one to blame
so I'll add one and not shed a tear!
it is not yet dead my dear,
it is just starting to appear
dont just disappear
you get more everytime you appear
prettydarkhorse you're a dear
we sure need some help around here!
some of the rhymers
are only one timers
when I want to rhyme for a year.
Since prettydarkhorse came to write
we could win the limerick fight
to keep alive
rhyme that can thrive
when written with love and not spite.
It's time to do it again
I don't mind the limerick pain
limerick first aid
by a pretty young maid
is welcome as summertime rain!
I should try to make one that's funny
maybe starring a riotous bunny
who loses the plot
when he sits on the pot
producing a substance that's runny.
Writing all day is good fun
but after the writing is done
I need a rhyme
to help pass the time
so now I'm delivering one.
Said the girl to the knight in her fantasy,
Are you a vision, or real to me?
He said well it would seem
that I'm just a dream
'Cause I'm here and then gone, you see.
Brenda it's good when you rhyme
you should do it all of the time
a giggle amuses
it seldom confuses
while making our time usage prime.
I love a good rhyme or nice prose
or a limerick sharp on it's toes
if it's nippy and bright
it suits me alright
I can whistle it out of my nose.
Hey there you limerick lover
come out from under your cover
spin me a yarn
about an old barn
that houses a psychotic plover.
I hope that this thread hasn't died
We near reached the sky then it fried
Lets do it again
come take up your pen
and do a quick verse on the side.
Where are the limerick mob?
Are they at work in their job?
They should all be here
to drink the free beer
and carry on like a yob!
Who started this line again?
Just someone who's dying to be read.
Just rhyming away
when it's a work-a-day
He deserves a smart smack on the head.
There once was a young man named Eenis
Who had quite a substantial penis
Earth girls thought him a bore
'Cause with their toys they did score
So he hopped the first rocket to Venus.
There once was a hubber from Minsk
Who thought all online lovers were finks
Until the right man did beckon
And said cool words like "reckon"
Now her thoughts are in blues and in pinks.
a limerick is a kind of wine
that leaves hangover everytime
may one drink it
may one smell it
everyone returns to this shrine
limerick rock on every occasion
i made those in personal vacation
the events rocked
everyone shocked
how hubchief became a limerickation
I'll give it a try what the heck
My keyboard I'll hunt and I'll peck
But I must confess
I started to press
And now it's a pain in the neck
Aha, someone found this thread!
I've been searching so long, like I said
I love me a rhyme
(Almost all of the time)
When I don't, I just write hubs instead...
But alas! All those hubs are in verse!
Like some Paddy has put me a curse...
HubChief, don't go makin'
up words, Sara's achin'
Show me a limerick in reverse!
Bill was the best,
Even in a vest,
Dam you Monica
You are a pest
limerick went so far
that hub mob forgot this shining star
I am bringing it back
to continue the stack
and write these hotricks with high bar
I've so missed this fabulous thread!
Although it deprives me of my marvelous bed.
I miss my limericians
they're crafty technicians
but don't let that go to your head.
hub mob getting to limricks page
crafty limricians back in shape
some more to come
in this empty drum
keep enjoying this delicious cake
The limerick's cake tastes of chocolate
my indulgence I have to admit.
Our art's misunderstood
if only people could
taste from our marvelous wit.
limricks are a special taste
does not attract people in haste
needs attention
not to mention
its not merely cut and paste
Someone once tried the cut and paste
Paraglider was stunned and defaced.
Put an end to it fast
we were all aghast
that limerician was quickly replaced.
good to know about this history
paraglider is true twistery
we'd keep it alive
till everyone jive
limricks have their own chemistry
by Rupert Taylor 2 weeks ago
The closest I get to poetry is the noble limerick. Here is one from my fevered brain. I'm sure fellow versifiers can do better - much better.A Yankee website called HubPagesPublished stories written by sagesIt was bought out by TAGThat gave not a shagAnd, gobbled up all of our wages
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I only ask because everyone I've come accross so far is from America... I am from england. HI PEOPLE I'm a newbie......
by Lynda Gary 15 years ago
Hi Hubbers,I hope I'm posting my introduction in the correct place; if not, someone point me in the right direction?So far, I'm psyched over this site. Though there are tons of warnings "out there" for "serious" writers to stay away from these types of sites, I have a...
by FaisalKhan2121 13 years ago
I say thank you Panda for helping to restore quality content to search engine results. Hubpages definitely has gotten better-- the spam is gone and the cream is rising to the top. Also, I'm making more money than I ever have in the four years I've been on Hubpages so I'm a very happy...
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I ran out of space on my blog when I tried to put up a 15,000 word essay (about 125k). Sigh. Thus the topic. I'd heard about HP awhile ago, a little tickled at the idea of making a few cents instead of nothing. In trying to get up a test hub, I read the stuff on subdomains,...
by Pete 8 years ago
Isn't posting a "limerick" that is NOT a limerick actually false advertising??I have bit my tongue for quite a while now about all the "limericks" that get posted on Hubpages which are NOT true limericks. They may be poems, but they are NOT limericks because they do not...
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