Limericks - Limericks - Limericks

1. 70

   earnestshubposted 15 years ago

   Not enough limericks today
   we need them here on display
   To keep it all flowing
   with the numbers growing
   of those who make limerick hay

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2. 0

   LEWJposted 15 years ago

   Though joyous to bake and adore 'em
   'Tis fattening to gulp and explore 'em
   To make the mistake
   Of eating a cake
   Without the details of decorum

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3. 0

   LEWJposted 15 years ago

   Malt liquor is all that it seems
   Sweet wines flow forth like a dream
   Still E & J Brandy
   Comes in awful handy
   Especially the Cask and Cream!

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4. 70

   earnestshubposted 15 years ago

   I'm all for having a drink
   not too much for me though I think
   if I drink a lot
   I talk only rot
   and the end of my nose goes all pink.

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5. 0

   LEWJposted 15 years ago

   When the edge of a nose is pink
   There's been too mucha liquor I think
   Gets easy to splatter
   Insensible chatter
   Or splatter the stuff in a sink

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6. 70

   rhamsonposted 15 years ago

   Oh, oh let me try one.
   
   I knew a young lass from Australia,
   Who painted her ass like a dahlia,
   The color was fine,
   And likewise the design,
   But ah, the smell was a failia.
   
   I'm sorry.

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   1. 70

      earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      No need to say you are sorry
      the smell is a bit of a worry
      if she used a nice spray
      she would not smell that way
      or she could wash herself in the Murray

      replyreport
7. 0

   LEWJposted 15 years ago

   Monday I drank my scotch and gin
   Tuesday brought my whiskey in
   Wednesday went away
   Thursday could'nt stay
   So Friday I drank it agin'

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   1. 0

      LEWJposted 15 years agoin reply to this

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      1. 0

         LEWJposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         There---that's better.
         Now I can go to sleep....

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8. 61

   stuart747posted 15 years ago

   <adult content snipped - keep it clean, people>

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   1. 70

      earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Well poor stuart got snipped
      tho his limerick was never pipped
      But he mentioned a part
      not seen in fine art
      that looked like a small tear or rip!

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      1. 0

         LEWJposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Good gosh, I'm killin' myself laughin' off this one!!!!

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         1. 70

            earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            LEWJ! Naughty!!!!

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            1. 0

               LEWJposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               Totally innocent here!

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9. 0

   LEWJposted 15 years ago

   Out one night to find me brandy
   Ran right into homeboy Andy
   He said  "I got wine"
   "That's lovely and fine,
   And fine and lovely and dandy!"

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10. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    I ran to the local for beer
    All happy and full of good cheer
    When I get to the store
    There's a sign on the door
    'ONLY BON-BONS AND WEENIES IN HERE!'

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11. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    I would enjoy a beer about now
    I've coffee and milk from a cow
    things could look brighter
    if grog got me tighter
    but that would be breaking a vow.

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12. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    I NEED a beer about now
    To lighten the pain of the vow
    That made me a thinker
    And then a big drinker
    Of coffee and milk from a cow

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13. 68

    Sue Adamsposted 15 years ago

    There was a young man called Hubber
    Who couldn't stop writing blubber
    Without any flair
    He fell off his chair
    I found him dead with a shudder

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14. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    I hardly know now what to say
    'cept my laughin's complete for today
    I'm callin' a truce
    To drink orange juice
    And be on my merry old way....
    
    See you later

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15. 0

    Ghost32posted 15 years ago

    We got our brand new water tank
    Had one crazy trucker to thank
    He pulled in our yard
    Then popped the clutch hard
    The tank quickly sank with a clank

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16. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    NEVER AGAIN!
    
    I'm hereby denouncing liquor
    It's lead me to barf and to bicker--
    O one last swill
    That grants me a thrill
    Before I become any sicker!

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    1. 61

       osws_bluemoonposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Before LewJ climbs on the wagon
       he takes one last sip from a flagon
       not his usual tot
       man this liquor is hot
       now he’s breathing out fire like a dragon

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       1. 60

          Richard VanIngramposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          There was an old poet from Texas
          tryin' to save money to buy him a Lexus.
          His pockets were void
          so he took to writing ads selling steroids
          and when we complain he sold out, he decks us.

          replyreport
17. 60

    Deborah-Lynnposted 15 years ago

    CAN YOU GUESS THIS HUBBER?
    
    
    There once was a man who like to play games,
    He especially enjoyed them with top heavy dames
    A list he would make
    Famous people might die,
    But he'd pass out the points without Blinking an eye!
    
    Happy Halloween!

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18. 75

    HubChiefposted 15 years ago

    lifting life in both hands
    i got busy in deep sands
    today when i saw my score
    it surprised me more
    i am still above 80 bands!

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19. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    No, no--LEWJ is done with that drinkin'
    He's traded his flagons for thinkin'
    In the midst of this crowd
    He now limericks out loud-
    "I'm more sober than Abraham LIncoln!"

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20. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    Was dear Abraham not an imbiber
    Not even some alcohol cider?
    the poor old fellow
    could have turned yellow
    or become a real outsider.

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21. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    If old Abe WAS an imbiber
    He still was of fairly good fiber
    I don't think he drank
    Nor played hankypank
    Nor even cahooted with bribers

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22. 0

    Ghost32posted 15 years ago

    If Abe had to come back to life
    Incarnate as Bill Clinton's wife
    The things she would see
    Would shock you and me
    In terrible marital strife

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23. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    Had he years ago come back to life
    He's elected to much worser strife
    With his features revealed
    On a five-dollar bill
    And the war with Iraq for a wife!

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24. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    Procrastination's commonplace
    Let me clip and paste his face
    Upon the walls
    Inside the halls
    Of a striving Human Race

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25. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    Abe was a strange looking fellow
    his appearance decisively mellow
    his easy manner
    would be as a banner
    to those who are nasty and shallow.

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26. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    Well, there's 932 to go
    Maybe 933 or so
    More I think than 3 a day
    More like ten a day I'd say
    In a ready steady flow

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27. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    I think we should post when we feel
    we can turn the limerick wheel
    it's often great fun
    to lie round in the sun
    inventing and making them real

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28. 0

    Eva Hanssonposted 15 years ago

    Limericks remind me of my youth
    back when I was seeking the truth.
    Haven't done 'em in a bit
    my rhyming's turned to sh*t
    Now my truth comes from Vermouth.

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29. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    It's nice that your at it again
    it keeps off the snow and the rain
    Whenever I rhyme
    I'm dry all the time
    and never feel any real pain!

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30. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    Ah, evening has almost begun
    I'm watching the last of the sun
    for one more day
    I really must say
    That was a barrel of fun!

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31. 53

    Shalini Kagalposted 15 years ago

    The longitude’s different for me
    So ‘tis noon I’m approaching, you see
    So I’ll make me some rhymes
    Before sundowner time
    This verse break is welcome, yippee!

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32. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    It's 1:16 in the a.m. here
    Mine eyes aburnin' but still clear
    Alas! and Alack!
    To bed I go back--
    See ya' after I leave the sack!

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    1. 0

       LEWJposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       oops!  That's not a limerick--the rhyme scheme's off!
       
       So...            It's 1 in the a.m. here
                          Mine eyes aburnin' but clear
                          Alas! and Alack!
                          To bed I go back
                          With pillows up under my ear

       replyreport
33. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    Goodnight LEWJ my friend
    tomorrow when were're on the mend
    we will limerick away
    for most of the day
    until we come to the end.

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34. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    Shalini you lovely young thing.
    your limericks make this thread sing
    I love when you write
    either daytime or night
    giving the limericks zing!

    replyreport
35. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    If I drink too much I feel dead
    my toenails get stuck in my head
    I throw up all day
    in the usual way
    Then crawl off to die in my bed.

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36. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    I was on my way to the bed
    When I looked up and saw what you said
    Your symptoms are good
    For drunk neighborhoods
    But boonful for all parameds

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37. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    Now this time I'm goin' to sleep
    If not my body will weep
    While my eyes, ablaze,
    See purple haze
    Instead of those ninety-nine sheep

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38. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    I'm thinking of Danny McCool
    Who riled every teacher in school
    To be sure not to spoil it
    He slept on the toilet
    And flushed away all of their rules

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39. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    And then there was Johnny McBunny
    Who thought it was so very funny
    To pick out a seat
    And pour out a treat
    Of water or syrup or honey

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40. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    One morning his mates got a notion
    To feed him a dose of his potion
    He was fit by his mates
    With a pair of pink skates
    Propelled by perpetual motion!

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    1. 0

       LEWJposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Say, listen---if 5 limerick writers posted 2 limericks apiece per day starting now, this forum would accumulate 2,010 limericks by Jan. 1st, 2010.  Volunteers who have enough spare time to do it would be excellent.
       Other posters are always welcome of course!

       replyreport
41. 67

    Artin2010posted 15 years ago

    Well I've come here
    but not sure why,
    While reading here
    had reason to cry
    Crying is over
    and now I feel better
    So let justice be honey
    made from pure clover

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42. 53

    Shalini Kagalposted 15 years ago

    These limericks sure play their part
    In warming the cockles of my heart
    To be called young   
    In any tongue
    When you’re old – oh what joy it imparts!

    replyreport
43. 60

    Deborah-Lynnposted 15 years ago

    My Mustang is down once again
    I called for some help from a friend
    He looked at me funny
    And said,"Hey, ok Honey",
    How will you repay in the end?

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    1. 70

       earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Now this really sounds like the dregs!
       When your wheels don't work use the pegs
       cos this sounds a bit sus
       Do I feel that I must
       tell you to put straps round your legs!

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       1. 60

          Deborah-Lynnposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          How dare I reveal such a scandal
          Twas you sir who offered your handle
          My peg a bit lame
          And You out for game
          Yet left me with Nought but a candle!

          replyreport
          1. 60

             Deborah-Lynnposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             So I fear you may think me just thorny
             Your eyes as you searched mine forelornly
             You then dropped your attraction
             Lamely feigned some distraction
             Sadly leaving the two of us quite

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             1. 60

                Deborah-Lynnposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                replyreport
                1. 70

                   earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                   When a man offers to fix your car
                   you may think how lucky you are
                   but when you offer to pay
                   always state in which way
                   or he may try make you his star!

                   replyreport
                   1. 60

                      Deborah-Lynnposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                      When a woman appears a helpless bit
                      Some men may think she's an opportuned twit
                      But when he tries to access
                      Her state of undress
                      He'll find she's quite physically fit!

                      replyreport
44. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    I once asked a speeding tornado
    Outside the sweet town of Laredo
    "Hey, why such a flurry?"
    "Cause I'm in hurry-
    Now shoo! or I'll smash your tomato"

    replyreport
45. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    LEWJ, the man on the job
    is leading the limerick mob
    the story lines funny
    can't buy that with money
    and he does it for less than a bob!

    replyreport
46. 0

    LEWJposted 15 years ago

    'Tis merely a matter of fun
    To squeeze out, one by one,
    A pot full of limericks
    By various gimmericks
    And go gloating right after they're done

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47. 60

    Lee Booleanposted 15 years ago

    there once was a hubber called lee
    who saw all religions with glee
    he got into trouble
    for bursting their bubble
    and learnt that persistence is key

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48. 53

    Shalini Kagalposted 15 years ago

    Should he be called Limerick LEWJ?
    It would be so fitting I’d say
    The rhymes roll out fast
    From his keyboard, oh blast!
    There’s no way to keep up, night or day!

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    1. 48

       Jackson Riddleposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Woops, I didn't realise how similar my limerick was to this one.

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    2. 0

       LEWJposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       HA!

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49. 48

    Jackson Riddleposted 15 years ago

    I took a swig from the bottle
    my foot slammed down on the throttle
    it went really fast
    we all had a blast
    in the car that was beautifully mottled

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    1. 0

       LEWJposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       NICE ONE

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50. 70

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    Welcome here Jackson and Lee
    It really is so good to see
    both of you here
    so full of good cheer
    to keep the limericks in key

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