Why are some people just polite and nice for no reason?

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   Eric Graudinsposted 14 years ago

   There's another thread here about mean and rude people.
   
   Well, I'd like to know why people are polite and nice for no reason.
   
   You know the ones - always smiling, cheery, and happy.
   What are they on?
   what do they know that others don't?
   No matter what happens, they take it in their stride and don't get flustered, angry, or cross.
   It it all a big con? do they go out into the bush and punch trees when nobody else is looking?
   I admire them - and would like to know how they do it.
   
   (And I'm also REALLY curious about how long it will take for someone to hijack this thread and get it totally off topic. I give it about 5 posts )

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      candice5posted 14 years agoin reply to this

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      Pamda Manposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Make that 3 posts!
      
      Hey usmanali81, you are a rubbishist.

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         Eric Graudinsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         If I had known you were around, I would have made it 2 posts.

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            Pamda Manposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Lol. Combo breaker. Oh wait, it's 4 posts now. I've lost the bet. But I can't let Eric win. He said 5 posts. This thread cannot be in flames within 5 posts!!!111oneoneone XD

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            Eaglekiwiposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            its the bamboo I tell ya

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         candice5posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         You have just told me I am stupid, also not to talk to him. Then you went on to say Hubpages would be full of etrophy, so I am kind of amazed that on this new forum, devoid of all the not mentioning  stuff, that you have addressed the Man you told me not to, and in a very provocative manner as well.

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            Pamda Manposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Lol. Sorry. But this thread is mainly made to see how many posts until this thread burns. I apologize. What can I do to make you feel better? Should I delete those posts?

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               candice5posted 14 years agoin reply to this

               No its all a bit of a Laugh, besides I haven't been able to find many new ones that are so enlightening.

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                  Pamda Manposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  So are we cool here?

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      onthewritesideposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Eric,
      
      I have always respected your posts and opinions, and I hope that I have never given you any reason to feel otherwise.
      
      I try very hard to respect the views of others, and I know you do as well.
      
      Sometimes, though, it's just really hard to "bite my tongue" when people insist on repetitively throwing the same crap out over and over again.  It bites my nerves.
      
      So sometimes I get a bit "out of character" and lash back.  I think of it as more of a "fight dumbshit with dumbshit armor" kind of thing.  I know that sounds childish, and I really should have more self-control, but when I've had a few, and read some of the crap (can we say Usmanali) that I read from time to time, I feel compelled to respond.
      
      I guess my point is that depending on my mood, (like anyone I guess), my posts have the tendency to reflect the moment I'm in...good or bad...

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         Pamda Manposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         onthewriteside,
         
         Sometimes if you disagree with someone that's purely crapping, you should ignore him. Fighting with him just wasting your time.

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            onthewritesideposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            You're right pamda...he just gets my goat...

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               Pamda Manposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               Call me Panda.

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                  Candie Vposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  Maybe you should leave this name and rejoin under the correct spelling?  Put out a hub saying you're changing and let your fans know to follow you there.. transfer your hubs along with you.

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                     Pamda Manposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                     Perhaps it's destined for me to mispell my name on such a wonderful site. I leave it for Pandagod to decide.

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                  onthewritesideposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                    sorry 'bout that mate!  I knew better!

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      chicago girlposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      
      
      From what i have seen and the people that i have meet that are always happy are truely unhappy and in time you find out they are on some kind of happy pill from the dr

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         Candie Vposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Sorry to hear that you meet people like this.

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      Sharing Insightposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I think sometimes it's an innnate trait and also by choice really. For me,  to be nice, and expect nothing in return is the best!  Positivity attracts good things happening to you...and so it becomes  habit. 
      And no..I don't go around punching trees when no one else is looking..but that sure was a funny visual!

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      getpaidtopostposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I think they are all on happy pills, I was told these are available from my GP, but he does not know nothing about them Please all you happy jolly people, please let us know your secret.
      
      

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      Ivorwenposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      My sister use to carry a key chain that said, "I smile because I have no idea what is going on."  It suited her pretty well as a teen. 
      
      I think it is easier to smile, be nice and not take life too personally, than to get all upset over what some complete stranger did or said.  This attitude also helps when there are three stores to go and the kids are being complete brats, because they have been on the go for 5 hrs already.  Those moms aren't clueless or unconcerned, they just refuse to loose their cool over other's behavior.
      
      There is a song that sums up life like this:
      "God is great, beer is good and people are crazy." 
      
      My brother says when he remembers this he doesn't get POed at idiots. 

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   badcompany99posted 14 years ago

   Just because they appear to be all cheery, smiling and happy doesn't mean they are within. Some people just get on with life and don't worry about some silly sod in the traffic. There are worse things to get worried about, nice post Eric and may I say how nicely your beard is trimmed, do have a nice day !

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      Pamda Manposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Yay. This thread has not ended in flames within 5 posts! You lose Eric.

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         badcompany99posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Do Pandas sleep, or are you a Bot ??

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            Candie Vposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            I think his name is Pamda Man.. lol, what's a "pamda"??
            
            I'm generally a happy person.. I think! Am I a happy person BC?
            Ok, happy and insecure..

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      Colebabieposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I look cheery, smiling and happy. And for the most part I am all three. Do I argue? Yes. But I don't take any of it personally. I find it fun to be witty and smarter than the other guy. And if I'm not, then I won't even start. I've always been the "tree-hugging mom" of my circle of friends. That title is fine by me. I think people that are so negative, sad, pessimistic, need to learn to love themselves and be happy.
      
      Oh and yes Eric, the beard is lookin' mighty nice

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   world of the wiseposted 14 years ago

   They just find themselves like that- for no reason.
   call it mother nature

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   badcompany99posted 14 years ago

   It's actually about "Well, I'd like to know why people are polite and nice for no reason."
   
   I know you can't spell, I see can't read is also in your cv along wth can't sleep

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   earnestshubposted 14 years ago

   Hey Pandaman, you can't have it both ways. You have complained about others posting to the threads you continue to post to yourself, and don't call me stupid!

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      badcompany99posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I think we know who is stupid Earnest and it isn't you.

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      Pamda Manposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Okay. I just got carried away. I apologize for going both ways. But really responding and feeding the flame isn't very intelligent, and so I can't think of a word other than stupid. Besides, I know you aren't stupid. It's just my vocabulary. But anyway, I'm sorry.
      
      I'm a happy person, but I just hate it when people don't listen. I hope you will understand.

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   badcompany99posted 14 years ago

   The fool spelt his name wrong when it joined Candie and I wonder if it lives 24/7 on Hubs because anytime I log on it's there spurting out pure garbage !

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      Candie Vposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      He's typing with the wrong end of his body!! HAHAHA I crack myself up at midnight!  ok, so now I'm happy with insomnia!

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         badcompany99posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         So you have read it's hubs as well then, read more that will put you to sleep

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            Candie Vposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Are you still available to read me a bedtime story?

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               badcompany99posted 14 years agoin reply to this

               Just in work Candie but saw the new J Depp movie last night about John Dilinger, jeeez deff Depps best movie, loved it !

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                  Candie Vposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  I can't wait to see it.. get your butt to work slacker.. loves ya my friend!!

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   Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

   I'll take a stab at this one (although I'd like to point out that even if I generally come across as pleasant to others, I don't smile very often at anyone other than babies - but that's another issue).  I think people who are friendly and pleasant believe it's a responsibility (as a mature person) not to inflict their misery on others.  (The post turned out long, but I may as well leave it in.) 
   
   Some may be shy by nature but have overcome it for the most part.  Because of that, though, when/if they aim to treat others (strangers) as they would like to be treated; they think other people may be equally shy or a little uncomfortable, so they make it a point to be nice and try to help the other person feel comfortable.  And then there's the people who have been through enough in their lives that they feel as if they know what's truly important in life and that something like being stuck in traffic just isn't important.  Of course, one's family background/culture probably make a difference.
   
   One other thing could be that there are people raised to believe that self-control is a very important thing to have.  They don't respect people who have trouble keeping their emotions under control as much as they respect those who can/do.   This probably goes back to the thinking that if one is mature he'll think of other people (not inflict his misery on innocent victims) AND he'll aim not to make others feel uncomfortable by demonstrating "going crazy" when upset.
   
   For me, there are things I find frustrating and things that make me REALLY angry; but I dispose of the small frustrations by reminding myself they aren't important; and I see anger as a flame:  If you let have it have more oxygen it gets bigger and out of control.  I smother it before the flames are beyond my control; and later I process what's left "intellectually".  Maybe when you've had young kids (as a mother) you know that no matter how serious troubles are you can't let the kids feel as if their mother is not in control.  Also, making them laugh when there's sadness in the family can give them a "mental break".  There's just that drive to overcome whatever your issues are and act in a way that's healthiest for the kids.  (My kids saw me cry at times, but sadness is different from being out of control or chronically sour and gloomy.)  The trouble for cheerful-seeming people can be that less cheerful people think they're too stupid to see the gravity of the situation; so the cheerful people go around feeling secretly proud of their self-control and maturity without ever feeling that others realize what that cheerfulness is.  The good thing about being someone who remains reasonable and in control is that even if people don't think you're very intelligent, they think you're nice - so they tend to be nice to you.       (I'll admit to secretly beating up two rolls of toilet tissue and one roll of paper towels over the course of my life, but that just made me feel worse.)

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   badcompany99posted 14 years ago

   Lol I am having my cup of tea and choc biscuit, gotta get fueled up first, ya know

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      Candie Vposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      

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   Candie Vposted 14 years ago

   So all that chatting aside, why is it so hard to believe that a person can be a genuinely happy person?  I've gone thru my share of crap in my life, and who hasn't?  But it's the coming out at the other end "more excellent" than I went in that is what makes me who I am.  There is a choice in it for me, and I can only speak for myself.  I choose to smile.  It may change someone else's day.. ya just never know who needed it.

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      badcompany99posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Because people basically are never content, they always need more. Something new, another holiday, ok they can be smiley, cheerful but deep down every single person is not fully happy. I need a holiday abroad, I need a new car. Most are on here for one of two things. Money or a Laugh.
      
      If its Money then they are not happy moneywise, if its a laugh then they need a laugh to cheer them up. Nobody is happy all he time, except Undertakers !

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    HubChiefposted 14 years ago

    Well, take your time to study Franklin Covey's 7 habbits of highly effective people.
    
    Some people are god gifted and some have mastered the skill of ignoring teasers and focussing on pleasure.
    
    I have been trying and it is not as hard. One only need to know his/her triggers and then controlling them. Stop telling story to yourself when someone is talking to you and focus on their words, message and action. See always positive side and try being constructive.
    
    These are some tips that have made me polite and happy over time. When I get back home, I do feel frustrated but not so much that I can not focus on the learnings of my day and schedule of next day.
    
    It is just to share but not preech. Try to igonore it, if you do not like it.

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       onthewritesideposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       It's a nice "form" to practice...but I guess in my mind, we shouldn't have to "practice" it.  If all of us were open and real from the get-go (yea I know...we all wish), then there wouldn't be any need to learn how to deal with the idiosyncrasies of the insecure.

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    Eric Graudinsposted 14 years ago

    @badcompany - thanks for dropping in.
    
    @Lisa HW: Thanks for your comments. I totally understand what you are saying.
    
    @onthewriteside: I rarely let the trolls and dorks get to me. Occasionally one slips through and stirs me up a bit, but most of the time I just ignore them, or respond with stuff that goes a bit over their heads.
    
    @panda man. You give good advice about ignoring the trolls. The next step is to take it yourself.

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       Pamda Manposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       They are far from qualified for being a troll. Trolls are very noble and intelligent creatures. And as far as I've seen, they aren't very intelligent. More suitable to be regarded as flamers.

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    HubChiefposted 14 years ago

    Absolutely right.
    
    However a lot more of us seem to built from environments we grew up in.
    
    When i strpped out of that environment, I found myself searching for answer to the same question. "How people can stay nice and polite always? I would like to be the same."
    
    As child and youth if I learned and practiced frustration and aggression, then that is what became real me when I am ready to venture as adult. So at this point when I got to know the ideas of "staying happy", it sounded like i have to adopt a practice to change "true myself angry" to "true myself polite"..
    
    can't say more philosophically that "staying happy and polite" is much more difficult than "staying angry and frustrated"

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       onthewritesideposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Well you know the old saying, (And I'm extending this on my own) "It takes a lot more effort to frown and lash out, than it does to smile and walk away".

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    Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

    Speaking on behalf of people who have trouble remaining "all cheerful" or "all composed"; not long age I read how nurturing in the first few years of a child's life can determine how well his stress response system will function for the rest of his life.  In general, there are appropriate responses to different types of stress; and some people get too frazzled too easily.  I'm not under the impression it takes awful mistreatment to make a baby's/small child's brain develop the wrong "wiring".  I'm under the impression that a baby who just kind of lives frazzled may be less likely to develop the right "wiring" than a baby who always feels secure and safe.
    
    So, in fairness to people who have way too much of a stress response in response to minor things, there's at least the chance it's because of "brain wiring" that makes remaining composed more challenging.  Of course for everyone whose mother may have let them be a little too frazzled too often in infancy there are those who just haven't had a parent tell them to knock off the tantrum behavior when things don't go well (not including any two-year-old tantrums, which are a different thing).

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    Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

    chicagogirl, oh - how cynical.        People I know who generally come across as cheerful and pleasant aren't lampshade-on-the-head or la-la-land kind of happy.  They're just cheerful and pleasant.  They don't pretend not to have sadnesses or difficulties in their lives, but they tend not to put their "blues" on anyone else (unless, maybe, they end up having a serious conversation, in which case the conversation is usually in private).  I have to say that these people I know (close friends, relatives) aren't people to ever consider taking any kind of pills (other than aspirin or hay-fever pills).  I don't deny that drug abuse is a problem, but there really are a lot of people who are cheerful and pleasant and have never taken any "happy pill" in their life.  I have to say that of any of the drug users or alcoholics I've known, they were not the ones to come across as delightfully cheerful.  Managing moods and finding a little something to be cheerful about is usually easier when someone hasn't taken anything to alter his mood.  I don't mean to come across like "Suzy Sunshine", but I do hate to think that some people don't realize there's such a thing as plain old, drug-free, cheerfulness and friendliness.

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    Pamda Manposted 14 years ago

    http://hubpages.com/hub/An-Introduction … And-Trolls

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    frogdroppingposted 14 years ago

    Chicago girl - that's a shame and yet incredibly cynical at the same time.
    
    Panda - spammer. Now do behave
    
    And now for Eric. hey I'm one of the 'type' that you're talking about. It's easy - the quicker you realise that it's all good (even when it stinks) the happier you'll be ... Oh and I'm not nice for no reason. I kick like a mule now and then. And I never punch trees.
    
    That's just plain cruelty to wood ...

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    kirstenblogposted 14 years ago

    A lot of silliness and having fun in this post but I thought I might take a stab at a serious answer....
    
    I reckon these polite and nice people are on some level aware of this concept call the law of attraction.  Its pretty straight forward, what you put out there comes back in like.  So be nice and polite and the world will respond in kind.  There is a bit more to law of attraction tho as it is also connected with emotions, so the nice and polite person who is slowly dying inside isn't sincere and thus the world will still throw a lot of crap their way.
    
    I wanted to post about this one as I am the sort of person who is nice and polite most of the time but am still working on internalizing those cheerful happy feelings.
    
    Fake it till you make it i guess

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    Research Analystposted 14 years ago

    This is a good post because it is a mystery on how a person can stay so cheery and happy, no matter what happens. I would say it is a mindset.
    
    Because a persons circumstances or upbringing or economic status or physical beauty would not be a major contributing factor, I'm sure it helps but for long term sustainability it would have to be a conscious effort to stay up beat and polite to others.
    
    Oh yeah how a person is taught manners would play apart too!

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    Hillary S. Pikeposted 14 years ago

    they have a positive attitude about life and don't let the small things get them down. Some people dwell on negative and don't move on. Others take the negative and learn from it. Those are the happy people.

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    countrywomenposted 14 years ago

    In my opinion there is a reason: "Violence" is not only caused by actions but also by words.  Unknowingly itself if I cause hurt to someone then I feel bad about it, and when knowingly if I say something that hurts someone then it causes even greater pain to me. Hence better to be on the safe side.

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    Dame Scribeposted 14 years ago

    I try to be a role model to my kids even if they do threaten to step on me, lol

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       countrywomenposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       DS- I am sure you are an excellent role model. But are you sure your kids aren't talking like this behind your back?
       
       

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    Dame Scribeposted 14 years ago

    Hi CW o yes, they are quite proud of their mom n still insist they can step on me anytime, maybe that's why I found their pic under mischievous in the dictionary hmm..off to ponder lol

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       countrywomenposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Even if they are "mischievous" they are still so lovable

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          Dame Scribeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Ah...explains why I find bags of chocolate now n again n me room they steal my stash then return a new one later imagine that.

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             countrywomenposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             I hope they exchange for the ones you really love. I love Toblerone and here is one for you. Have a great weekend.

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    Eaglekiwiposted 14 years ago

    Sex
    
    Its good sex or memories of it that makes people nice n friendly
    
    
    
    
    
    And perhaps that is why some people get touchy an shhhitty, or plod around the forums casually spouting of one liners designed to charge the air.
    
    PANDemic games..hmmm

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       Pamda Manposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Maybe you are suffering from Pandamonium. Oh! The propapanda! Noes!

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          Eaglekiwiposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Awwww...

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       Colebabieposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Agreed. If someone is sexually frustrated I could understand them being a little high strung and ticked off. But get it taken care of people. No reason to rain on my parade

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    Pete Maidaposted 14 years ago

    I think everyone should be polite and nice until given a reason not to be.  I think most people are.  What's the point in being nasty to someone who hasn't done you any harm.  Sure once in a while you get in a bad mood and snap at someone.  When that happens you're likely to apologize.  In general mature people are polite and nice.

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    ripplemakerposted 14 years ago

    I used to be such a cry baby and it was so exhausting.  When I found my inner peace, I discovered the beauty and joy in choosing to be happy. As I wrote in my profile, there are days when I feel I can be mean and be "monstrous like".  But more often now, I find happiness even in the simplest of things.  I am grateful for that. Thanks for the post Eric.

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    Eric Graudinsposted 14 years ago

    Thanks for all the great responses about this.
    
    I know that cheerfullness is just a front for some people, but I know some people who are genuinely are happy all the time without being on any drugs, etc.
    
    I guess it's all about perception, and the glass half empty/half full thing.
    
    I find it useful to try and put things into perspective, so that small matters do not grow to overwhelm you. When you've got problems on your mind, it's hard to be polite and nice.
    
    @Pete: Yes, the policy of treating people like you'd like to be treated has a lot going for it. And even when they behave badly, it's no reason to do likewise.
    What other people do is out of your control.
    How you react to them IS in your control.
    
    
    @ripplemaker: My "monster" times are getting fewer and fewer too
    
    @colebabie:  I'll have to put up a new pic. the beard is a bit longer now. I'm growing my winter coat.
    
    @sharing Insight: Thanks for your thoughts. I'll reply to your note tomorrow - it's after midnight here now
    
    cheers, Eric G.

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    Beth100posted 14 years ago

    I'm one of those people, and I'm nice without any reason or expectation.  It's quite simple to do.  When an occurence happens, step back mentally and ask  yourself whether it's something that is your responsibility or not.  If it isn't, don't sweat it.  If it is, take action.  Ya know the old question, Is it your issue, or is it theirs?  Yours, you fix.  Theirs, let them keep it and you walk away.  Okay, I repeated myself... BTW, another secret:  don't expect anything in return.  When it happens, you'll be pleasantly surprised and you'll be happy.  Oh, and another thing, you have to be happy with yourself first before any of this works.

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       Eric Graudinsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I suspect that this is about the most important thing.
       Cheers, Eric G.

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    ralwusposted 14 years ago

    There doesn't need to be a reason for politeness or being nice. It is just the best way to be. Why be sour when honey is better? Know that the other person is human too and may be having problems that you are not aware of, like a poppy seed under his denture or a blister on his toe. Maybe he is slightly irregular and needs prune juice. Anyway, nicer is nice.

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       countrywomenposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Such a wonderful view. I totally agree with you. I hope people are nice not only to others but also towards animals. I am sure your "species" wouldn't like this fashion statement.
       
       

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    candice5posted 14 years ago

    Goodbye

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    Pamda Manposted 14 years ago

    Hello. My name is Spongebob Squid.

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    blondepoetposted 14 years ago

    Oh I just dig that new avatar EG, If only I had said Eric G in the thread what has two brains I would have won some candy. Serious it is a great one.

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       quicksandposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       How! My name is L Vispres Lee.

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    Eaglekiwiposted 14 years ago

    Eating marmite on my toast, an eating all my crusts made me  nice or was that to give me curly hair ?
    
    Lol @my big hair

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