My best friend died today

1. 88

   Nell Roseposted 13 years ago

   I lost my best friend today, and it's breaking my heart, her son was given something like drugs last year and he is now in a complete vegetative state, and my friend who always drank, has died today because of the stress and drink, I feel like I should have done something, I don't know what, but it hurts, so I wanted to tell somebody I can't stop crying.

   replyreport
   1. 92

      habeeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Oh, Nell, I'm so sorry. You can't blame yourself. I know how you feel, though. One of my oldest, dearest friends killed herself, and I felt guilty for a long time, thinking I should have done something to prevent it. I'm sure you were the best friend that she would allow you to be!

      replyreport
   2. 63

      Wendy Krickposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Oh Sweetie, I'm so sorry for your loss and that your are hurting. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

      replyreport
   3. 0

      Stevennix2001posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I'm sorry to hear about your loss.  that's so terrible to lose anyone that you care about.  I hope you feel better soon

      replyreport
   4. 60

      Kimberly Bunchposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Losing people we love and care so much about is always hard. If you are spiritual know that they are in a better place in heaven, happier; and that everything happens as it is suppose to -- for a reason. And that are real home is in the spirit world. For we are only here alive for a short time learning for our soul's growth.
      
      Some believe that we pick our time to go out of this world and how we want to do it. I believe that. No matter what your belief is in religion or spirituality death is always heart breaking.
      
      But it is our real home is in heaven for we only come to Earth for a shorten time to learn and grow spiritually.

      replyreport
   5. 71

      tritrainposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I'm sorry that your best friend passed away.
      
      
      *Make a positive out of the tragedy and help someone else in the same situation.  Maybe volunteer at a rehab clinic or someplace that could have helped your friend more.

      replyreport
   6. 60

      saraperryposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Nell Rose,
      I am very sorry for your losses:  the death of your best friend and the loss of her son to a coma state.
      
      It is natural and normal that you would feel so sad and that you would wonder if there's anything you could have done to prevent it.  I'm guessing that other people close to her are wondering the same thing and feeling guilty. 
      
      It is very very very likely there is nothing you could have done to prevent her death.  When someone is on a self-destructive path, we can reach out to help in various ways but we can't make them receive the help or effectively use the help to turn in a different direction. 
      
      I'm hoping you will find some comfort in letting go of the guilt and letting go of your possible anger at her for not making different choices. 
      
      You may want to try a time-limited activity that helps you zoom in on what you're telling yourself about what you could have done.  It may help to write her one or more letters to explore and express your thoughts and feelings about all of this.  You could, for example, start at the top of the page with a phrase, like "If only I had... and then write non-stop for 15-20 minutes.  If you can't think of something else to say during that time, write the phrase again and again until your thinking starts again.
      (Park your internal editor a block away.  Spelling, grammar, sentence construction, how it sounds or reads - none of that matters for this activity).  This is a way to clarify for yourself what you might be telling yourself and feeling guilty about.  Then look at what you've written and re-evaluate what probably would have happened if you had said this or done that.
      
      Let us know how you're doing.  It's hard enough to go through something like this any time of the year but especially hard during the holiday season when there are so many messages about this being a happy, wonderful time of year.

      replyreport
2. 87

   Denise Handlonposted 13 years ago

   Wow, I'm so sorry for your loss Nell. I'm glad you reached out and shared this news. I know what it is like to lose a best friend. Mine died 5 yrs ago and I miss him still very much.
   I am sending you a huge hug for comfort and lots of prayers for your peace.  Healing a broken heart takes time, so be gentle with yourself.  Take care.

   replyreport
3. 59

   Ohmaposted 13 years ago

   Nell,
   So Sorry for your loss. Sometimes nothing you do can help. stop beating yourself up about shoulda, woulda, coulda's. You cared enough to call her friend. I am sure you did everything in your power to help.
   My thoughts are with you.

   replyreport
4. 79

   KCC Big Countryposted 13 years ago

   I'm sorry to hear that, Nell Rose.  I posted a quote just yesterday on my Facebook account that I found and had no idea why it meant something to me, but now I do.  This is what it says:
   
   "Letting go does not mean giving up, but accepting that there are things that cannot be." ~Anonymous

   replyreport
5. 75

   Mighty Momposted 13 years ago

   Go ahead and let the tears flow, Nell Rose. That's the most healing thing (besides sharing here and getting lots of Hub Love).
   There really is no response to incomprehensible loss but crying.
   
   My heart aches for your friend and the loss of her son to a vegetative state. I can imagine her intolerable pain.
   My heart aches for you, also.
   Death doesn't have to make sense -- it is what it is.
   MM

   replyreport
6. 69

   lrohnerposted 13 years ago

   My thoughts are with you, Nell. So sorry for your loss.

   replyreport
7. 61

   katiem2posted 13 years ago

   Oh my dearest Nell I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain!  My most positive thoughts and prayers are with you.

   replyreport
8. 88

   Nell Roseposted 13 years ago

   Thank you all so much, they had so much bad luck over the last couple of years, my friends daughter went to New Jersey to see her uncle and had a car accident she only went out to get over what happened to her brother, she was just coming home. I have to be strong for her now.

   replyreport
9. 87

   Denise Handlonposted 13 years ago

   My gosh, Nell. This is incredibly sad.  That poor family. Very tragic.  Be strong, but take care to be kind and nurture yourself as well.  Don't forget to follow the basic: rest when you are tired, eat when you feel hungry and seek comfort from others when you need it.  Take care.

   replyreport
10. 73

    seanorjohnposted 13 years ago

    Nell, you are in my prayers tonight. I am not a very good Christian but hope that God gives you the strength to carry on. Be  strong. Take care.

    replyreport
11. 88

    Nell Roseposted 13 years ago

    I couldn't find anything to do I was just wandering around my house, so thank you all for your kind thoughts, I seem to be calming down a bit, but I am dreading going to bed, even more when I wake up, thanks again

    replyreport
12. 66

    2uesdayposted 13 years ago

    Thinking of you Nell, what can I say except that.

    replyreport
13. 82

    lex123posted 13 years ago

    It is really very sad to know about your loss. I can very well understand a friend's feeling. You can now only pray God for her soul to rest in peace.

    replyreport
14. 83

    donotfearposted 13 years ago

    Nell, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend under such disturbing circumstances.  I'm sure you were the best friend you could have been.  Sometimes nothing we say or do can change another person's behavior.  It's the choices they make. You are in my thoughts.  Allow yourself to grieve and remember your friend with love.

    replyreport
15. 60

    ediggityposted 13 years ago

    I am sorry for your loss Nell Rose.  I said a prayer for you.

    replyreport
16. 60

    saltposted 13 years ago

    celebrate their friendship. For they are always with you!

    replyreport
17. 90

    Urbane Chaosposted 13 years ago

    There's nothing anyone can say or do to ease the pain, but just know that we're here for you.. We'll be praying for you and your friend.

    replyreport
18. 69

    Diane Insideposted 13 years ago

    sorry for your loss, I had an old friend I used to run around with alot, who was into drugs, which is why we drifted apart, since I don't like that kind of lifestyle. 
    
    I tried to reason with her about the evils of drugs but she wouldn't listen.  I'm sad to say she was found dead from an overdose a couple of years ago. I often wonder what else I could have done. She was only 38.
    
    So I understand how you feel you could have done more, but what? I wonder myself but I know I said what I could and they make their own decisions.
    
    I hope you are able to find peace. My deepest sympathies.

    replyreport
19. 44

    Mikeydoesposted 13 years ago

    I just lost a 23 year old beautiful friend, it was hard on everyone and still is. So I know the feeling.
    
    Don't beat yourself up over it, remember the good times. I really hate to hear this.

    replyreport
20. 71

    Sweetsusiegposted 13 years ago

    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.  It's hard to lose someone you love.

    replyreport
21. 92

    prairieprincessposted 13 years ago

    Neil Rose, so sorry about your loss. It must be so painful for you. Take care. Prayers out your way.

    replyreport
22. 89

    RedElfposted 13 years ago

    I am so sorry for your pain. Remember to care for yourself, or you will be unable to help anyone else. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    replyreport
23. 80

    europewalkerposted 13 years ago

    Nell, sorry for your loss. I'm sure you were a good friend to her. Take care.

    replyreport
24. 83

    CMHypnoposted 13 years ago

    So sorry to hear of your loss Nell, as losing a dear friend leaves a big hole in our lives. Sending you some healing

    replyreport
25. 93

    Dolores Monetposted 13 years ago

    Nell - I lost one of my dearest friends one week ago so I know, in some ways, how you feel. It is devastating and you have my sympathy. I have cried every day, several times a day since and spent a lot of time sitting outside, staring into space, and crying. So it goes. There is  no comfort, only know that you are not alone. And the love that you feel for your friend is forever.
    
    I made a little 'alter' for him, with photographs, flowers, candy, and candles. Every time I see his dear face, my  heart breaks. God Bless you, dear.

    replyreport
    1. 88

       Nell Roseposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       I am so sorry for your loss, we both seem to be doing the same things, I also sat outside and just stared into space, I couldn't think, I tried thinking about her but my mind kept veering away as though it didn't want to think about it, we both should just allow ourselves to cry and take care of their families if we are needed. thank you everybody for your support, I seem to be coming around a bit today, and know that I will have to keep an eye out on her daughter, so I will be strong, thanks again

       replyreport
26. 58

    sid_candidposted 13 years ago

    I am sorry to hear about your loss, Nell. May the soul rest in peace. I will pray God to give you and your friend's family strength to overcome this death of your death.

    replyreport
27. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    What a terrible loss, Nell.  My deepest condolences.

    replyreport
28. 93

    Dolores Monetposted 13 years ago

    Nell - just wonder how you are doing. I have cried every day for a week and a half, less every day, but still...I had the honor of throwing my friend's chair in a fire recently and I thought that I could have put the fire out with tears. I guess the lesson to learn is to appreciate those we love, to tell them so, and to make sure we take time to spend with them, just hanging out.

    replyreport
29. 60

    Green Lotusposted 13 years ago

    I cannot find the right words to express my sympathy for your tragic loss. I do like tritrain's advice and I agree, something positive can always come out of breakdowns. Be strong and stay sweet. GL

    replyreport
30. 44

    Mikeydoesposted 13 years ago

    very sorry for your loss

    replyreport
31. 77

    sofsposted 13 years ago

    Nell sorry for your loss, hope you feel better soon.

    replyreport
32. 70

    Tammy Lposted 13 years ago

    Nell, you have my deepest sympathies.  I'm not sure what you could have done differently, if anything at all.  Don't beat yourself up.  That's not going to do the rest of your friends any good.

    replyreport
33. 83

    Maria Ceciliaposted 13 years ago

    I am very sorry for your lost...what you feel is normal, and I do believe that our Lord understands it if we cry (though not in resentment)when He recalled his children that are close to our hearts.  Just cry until you feel better....and then pray and leave everything to God.  Crying does not mean lack of faith and spirituality...

    replyreport