How do you deal with your anger? Do you simply let it out or do you have any particular physical or psychological techniques which help you keep it under control?
By confronting what makes me angry.
First, I evaluate my position by understanding and knowing myself. Secondly, if the person angered me is still standing in front of me, then I usually do a palm to face and get control of myself, so as to prevent myself from doing something I might regret later. Third, if it truly matters to me, then I'll restart the conversation, by asking them if they are listening to the words that are coming out of my mouth.
If they happen to interrupt me, while I am saying that, then the conversation is over and I walk away, because it's evident that they are not listening.
I find I am more of a cryer. I tend to cry when I am really angry about something because I become so overwhelmed with emotion that I can't control it. I suppose it is better to cry than to lash out unreasonably.
Any distraction will do. I usually go for a walk to cool off. Then I'll talk it out with the person who has made me angry. If I can't talk to the person or if it's something I can't control (like a stranger cutting me off in traffic), I give myself a time limit on how long I'm going to stay pissed off. Which is probably something like four hours max or even less. I will also talk about my anger with someone who is close to me. I will "write off" my anger by creating a story or an article. I took up spinning, recently, and I've spun some of the best yarn while angry.
It's a very rare day indeed that I find myself angry. During a time of great suffering in my life, I studied philosophy with the same intensity a drowning man has for clinging to flotsam, and, after spending a long, long time rebuilding my shattered psyche around, among other thoughts, Descartes' "I think therefore I am"; Buddhism's "Suffering is caused by attachment to desire", and, "All things are impermanent"; and Integral Theory's conception of 'AQAL', I don't know if I've ever experienced a situation since where deciding to become angry would be a response that would be beneficial or at all pleasant - so I haven't.
I redirect my anger through meditation. I place all of the negative energy into a massive rose and blow it up and then I restore my energy with sunlight and happiness. A friend taught me how to do it and it really works.
I try to serve goodness in everything I do. And when I say try I mean I don't try hard enough. But I control my anger by remembering that dark entities or those with a darkness of the spirit feed off of anger, hatred and fear and so on.
Generally I am angry at something specific, and I deal with it by walking away for a while.
I don't remember ever being angry.
I don't know how I'd handle it.
I'll let ya know if and when it happens.
yep, it sure is.
It's a sign that everything is "little stuff" not worthy of wasted emotion.
I replace "anger" with disgust and try to rid my life of it.
Simple as that.
Another way of looking at it is that you don't invest yourself in much. Disgust is what we use when we need to maintain an emotional distance between ourselves and others. If you can never remember being angry, it's likely you're disengaged. I'm speaking from experience, by the way.
Yep, yer right again.
I don't invest myself in things that might make me angry.
I usually go into everything prepared. Then I can only be disgusted with myself if things don't go my way.
There are always options and I pick the ones that enhance my life. Not the ones that might make me angry and do something foolish.
Life itself is a gamble. It's just the way it is. Anger teaches ya nothing but an awareness of your weaKness.
If I were to get angry, I'd not let it control me to the point of jeopardizing me in any way.
My attitude is that I won't be bothered by the small things and just about everything in life is small...but my son and I.
I can hear myself in your words, qwark, especially the preparation part. I hope it doesn't back up on you at some point.
68 yrs have gone by.
I think I've got a pretty good handle on my emotions.
At this age... I'd better have...:
If it ever became necessary to to hurt someone (that would only be if the life of my son or me was in danger), I'd have no problem killing someone. It wouldn't be out of anger it would be an instinctive, defensive response.
I think I can make it the rest of my life and not experience that need. :
The way you refer to your son...I did think you were both younger.
I think that anger is both a necessary and decent part of being a human being. If put in a situation to take someone else's life, I'd rather do it with anger. For me, there's no fate worse than non-feeling, and that goes for the full range of emotions.
You presume that I'm insensitive?
I've never known family love. I was a foster kid.
Everything I've done in my life, and I've done so much, has been inspired by a "sensitivity" to life and all it entails.
I am a gregarious man who "LOVES" human interaction and have spent the majority of my life and education in the fields of "Psychology and the Humanities."
I never knew love as it relates to one human being for another until my son was born. That was the most meaningful event I've experienced in life. He is my only child and the ONLY reason I'd gladly die for.
I'm a very passionate person. Life is to be enjoyed, to be relished! Anger is a waste of time and emotion. It should be recognized, controlled and sublimated with understanding.
When that has happened,the result is "control" and a reasoned logical response is the consequence.
I am a caring sensitive man who has lived life fully. Anger has no place in my life. The only exception would be anger toward anything/anyone that might jeopardize the well being of the only love of my life: my blood," my son!!
Your "presumption" is based upon ignorance and a preconceived erroneous notion that "...anger is both a necessary and decent part of being a human being."
Anger is a "response" to a stimulous.
Being human is being "willful." "Will" can conquer anger and its potential for harm. I recognize the stimulous and render it impotent with logic and reason.
But..."man" is a combination of base animal instinct and willful intelligence.
My first response to potential harm may be "base animal instinct" which may take a life. But anger was not the stimulus for my action, it was an instictive response, evolved over 4 1/2 billion yrs of genetic programming which has been responsible for my survival!
I am in control of "ME!" Anger is controlled by "ME!"
Life is good! There is no place for anger in it.
Intelligence, logic and reason should prevail.
Humankind has not reached that level of "response" yet.
"I never knew love as it relates to one human being for another until my son was born."
This is why I recognize myself in your words, qwark. Almost everything you're saying sounds familiar to me. It's hard to grow up without an understanding of love, and then absorb it later in life. I understand. You love your son fiercely, as I love mine, but both of us developed a necessary distance between ourselves and others early in life. It was our way of controlling our surroundings, and that drive to control is very hard to shake, even with years. Anger isn't a waste of time. It's honest and open, just as love is. That's what I meant by my previous post.
I'm with ya on all but: "Anger isn't a waste of time."
It may not be to you. To me and to humanity anger is just a response to stimulous that is usually related to doing harm.
It can be controlled by will.
One day, if mankind survives, I'm sure the genetic programming for anger will be engineered out of our "system."
There will come a time when man will create another human species.
When that happens it will be "evolution" functioning at full bore.
The "new" man will be programmed to adapt and evolve... much better prepared to engage in a journey away from this planet to other worlds.
Anger will be a historical response that the "new" man will not understand.
But we're here and now, qwark. I won't hammer this point any further after this (I promise), but many things can be controlled by will. Why do you think anger is all that different from emotions like love? I don't believe it is. I believe that honesty concerning some emotions should translate to honesty about all of them, if possible, and anger is part of a broad spectrum. I can control many emotions, but there is a difference between controlling emotions and replacing emotions with a sense of control. The latter is an unhealthy replacement, and I suspect, as a result of our brief exchange, that you and I have both done this at various times in our lives.
As a foster child, I'm guessing you saw an ugly result of anger a few times. I understand. You know I'm not advocating that, I hope.
Yep we're here and now...agreed! How can I not? :
Love is but a word created to express attraction.
Being a "willful" creature I can also control that.
There is one exception and that is the natural and powerful bond one has for his progeny.
THAT "love" is a congenital, genetic attraction that "bonds" the parent to the offspring...in "normal" mammalian life.
No, all "love" but that for a child, can be compared in ability to control, to the "response:" "anger."
No problem Shogan...:
We agree on some points and agree to disagree on others.
Thanks for the chat! :
PS...as a foster child, yes I did witness anger, but never from my foster parents. They were the parents of 13 kids! 6 of their own and 7 of us. The anger I witnessed was involving my sires.
I would never want to emulate their anger at anytime in my life.
Bravo, Qwark! We may disagree on many things, but I think you nailed this one solidly. From my own experience, not being attached to or invested in a viewpoint or idea has helped to keep anger a non issue.
I would like to say that I have fared as well as you in this, but I have experienced anger on many an occasion. Each time I could find that I was too attached to something and that made me feel vulnerable. I see this as a product of ego -- my own arrogance.
Very nice, Qwark.
with difficulty. I don't get angry easily but when I do, everybody takes cover.
I've never hit anyone. That would be below my dignity.
I've never been in a situation like that in my whole life.
I had a friend flip me with the tip of a wet towel and it drew blood.
I didn't hit him, I shoved him thru a stack of upright barbells. They came loose and fell on him. Bruised him up pretty bad. I thought we were gonna have to call 911.
I wasn't angry. It was an instinctive move. He saw the bloody cut on my ass and spent the next week apologizing.
Other than that, I've never felt it necessary to hit anyone.
I've always been so damned strong that I think if I had, I might be in jail.
I'm just not an aggressive guy.
If you mess with my son tho, I will, with great determination, try to end your life...and worry about the consequences later!
I don't get angry easily. I box 6 days a week so I let any frustrations out on the bag or in the ring. Outside of the ring, I am pretty mellow. With that said, if I do get angry I try to think it out, see both sides and if I cannot come to a rational decision, I sleep on it.
I was a Yoga teacher and practitioner for a long time. I tend to just focus on other things or breath really slowly and profoundly.
I walk away...this works best for me!
I once went to a poetry reading, and a guy said, "I don't take the bull by the horns...I take the bull-sh__ ny the horns!"
AND I say, "If you can't get rid of the bull-sh__, then get rid of the bull!"
After the copious amounts of tears I shed, I'm afraid to say I resort to passive-agressive behavior. I've learned to stuff anger and other 'unacceptable' emotions.
I start by forgiving, even if I am sure the other person is wrong. By setting them free, it sets me free. Then I get quiet somewhere and if I still have a battle going on inside, I pray about it till I can get some peace.
I try to remind myself that anger is usually a symptom of something else. That's easier said than done, of course.
I don't get angry very often because I think it's mostly a big waste of time and energy, but when I do get angry, well my reaction all depends on what I'm angry about.
The only thing that really pushes my buttons enough to get a serious reaction out of me usually involves a romantic partner being dishonest with me.
My temper is explosive and legendary among my friends and acquaintances. Everyone knows to run and hide when I'm angry. I may rage, rant, cry, break things, and put on a display of unrivaled emotional excess. Drama queens step aside because you have nothing on me.
I try to avoid that excessive behavior by taking deep breaths, walking away from the situation, I may pray, meditate, or think about how much joy I have in my life, and I often write about my feelings. But those things don't always work and sometimes my emotions get the better of me, and then watch out, because all hell will break loose.
The worst part is that once I'm angry, I tend to stay angry for a long time. I can stay angry about something for weeks or even months. Of course it feels awful, so I try to avoid getting angry at all costs.
It probably sounds stupid, but I count to 10. It gives me enough time to get through my 'instantaneous' response.
yes, very wise.
Your statement reminds me of a Buddhist quote, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
I hardly ever get angry anymore. If I do, I generally go outside, breathe in and look up, the sky calms me and helps put the situation in perspective. Some things really are beyond our control, so why get angry? Do something constructive. Or take a walk, swim a few laps. Holding on to anger basically shortens your life, both physically and psychologically.
At one time, I had some real issues with anger. When I got angry, I would go into a sort of panic attack...chest pains...shortness of breath, etc. It happened enough times that it really scared me. So after awhile, I just had to learn to let it go a little...well, not just a little, alot! I've learned that people are going to do what they're going to do and there's nothing I can do to control them.
Maybe I've become jaded or maybe I just don't care anymore. Who knows? But my well-being is more important than some stupid person who tries to push my buttons.
I never learned anger at home. My parents were not angry, and our extended family of aunts uncles and cousins all got along well.
Of course, there were occasional frustrations, but they never got out of hand. I guess when I really saw anger. I was quite confused, and couldn't believe that someone would really react that way.
I know that for me when I am angered I usually like to talk about it or isolate myself. Depending on why i am mad. If it is something that I made a mistake at doing I prefer to talk to people to get their opinions on it. If it something that someone else did to make me mad I will isolate myself because I temporarily lose trust in people.
I have found that anger increases the flow of adrenaline. Thought processes increase and the body moves quicker. It's an energy boost. I find anger to be exhilirating, a natural high. I move faster, chop wood quicker, and generally accomplish more than in my normal staid, laidback state. After a good bout of anger, I feel physically, although not necessarily emotionally, sated.
Depends on where I am. When I get byself I yell........... or if in public I go to a quiet area and just open my mouth to scream, but without the noise. Must have something to do with exercising the facial muscles
I treat it like I would any flame - smother it as soon as it starts to flare up. I have to, because I've found that "going with it" just fans the flames and gets out of control (as far as what feels "emotionally manageable" goes). So, I smother it when it flares up, and then I let it stay in "some mental file" for processing later, when I can process it more on an "intellectual level" (as opposed to "emotional level"). One problem can be that if I "go back to the mental file" to try to process it, there's the risk of it flaring up again (in which case, I smother it again until that risk has died down).
I know some people would call that "bottling it up" (and maybe it is, but I only bottle it up until I'm cool enough to process it/address it).
It reminds me of a time when I opened the broiler "drawer" on my stove, and a giant flame (as high as the top cabinets) came out. Instinct was to shut the drawer quickly, and my husband said, "You don't HIDE a fire!" Well, my plan wasn't to "hide" it, but my instinct was to shut that drawer. Anyway, the fire went out.
To me, it's the same with anger: If I don't "stash it away" as quickly as it flares up it'll get bigger/taller than I am, and I'll feel less likely to be able to control it. I think the difference between temporarily "stashing it away" and "bottling it up" may be whether someone goes back and addresses/processes it once he's calmed down some. (I once tried "letting it out" on a brand new roll of paper towels (); and - believe me - the "letting it out" approach doesn't work for me. It just makes the anger seem "bigger and more powerful" than me. I'm not about to let that happen when it comes to any emotion. Nothing good comes from wildly out-of-control emotions.
Many times, you become angry when you strongly disagree with something.
Beliefs that are strongly tied to faith will make a person angry when questioned. To control your anger, you must first get rid of these AUTOMATIC emotion based reactions. Every time you start o be come angry, analyse your anger from all sides. Question it and see the situation from multiple perspectives. More so than less you'll find that you're being angry over trivial matters.
I'm not one to ever get angry over trivial matters, and I'm really not one to get angry over the simple thing of someone else thinking differently than I do. My "thing" is getting angry over someone doing something to hurt (not necessarily physically) my kids and/or people who hurt other people or animals. I also get angry when people automatically assume the worst in others, rather than assume the best and just wait to see if that other person is as "bad" as he assumes. I also get angry when people don't respect other people as absolutely equal human beings. So me, it's usually one form of "righteous" anger or another, which makes it all that much important to keep under control (because there's always going to be a whole lot of people who are rotten to, or feel superior to, others).
Anger is rare for me, but the solution is music--not listening, but playing. The piano is my salvation when it comes to anger management. Somehow the experience of playing focuses my mind and calms allowing, allowing me to return to the issues that were causing frustration later with a cooler head.
One of the many benefits of studying music, and one that's not mentioned as often.
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