Do you say hurtful things when you're angry?

Jump to Last Post 1-30 of 30 discussions (30 posts)
  1. atlovesbm profile image69
    atlovesbmposted 13 years ago

    Do you say hurtful things when you're angry?

    When you are fighting with your significant other do you say hurtful things purposely? Do you think it is okay?

  2. salt profile image59
    saltposted 13 years ago

    I have, yet I never used to. Someone used to have me blocked in the kitchen for hours at a time until I said the one thing I didnt want to.

    I used to be very good at saying bless you and wishing you well. I hope Im getting back to that approach to others upsets again. I am also beginning to understand my emotional reactions when I feel pushed, cornered or that I have to say something. Yet sometimes saying something is better than imploding.


  3. Vishaaa profile image72
    Vishaaaposted 13 years ago

    I say it. I know it is not good. But I do it. It is very difficult to control my anger. I say hurtful things if they have hurt me purposefully. I can't tolerate lies.

  4. profile image51
    dlonniesposted 13 years ago

    I really don't think about it at the time, because my significant other might say something that triggers the anger.  My feelings may have gotten hurt, at the time, and that can or will cause the hurtful emotions to ascend.  But no I don't think it is right, to say hurtful things purposely.

  5. maria.rose profile image39
    maria.roseposted 13 years ago

    of cores I think it is natural thing  that we  do  hurt when we are  angry, me also  do hurt other  when i am angry i know it's bad habit, and i am try to control on it ......... sad

  6. Lisa HW profile image62
    Lisa HWposted 13 years ago

    I've always been very careful not to (or at least not to intentionally).  I'm someone who won't "verbally hit below the belt" because I know words cannot be taken back. 

    The problem with that "philosophy", however, is that if I'm in a verbal "thing" with someone who DOES say hurtful things I come across as the one who can't keep up my end of the battle because I chose to remain silent or walk away (one or the other).  So, I look like "the loser" to the other person; and I feel like "the loser" in the situation.

    It's easy to become the "victim" of verbal bullying when you won't say something that's "good and hurtful".  Inside, you know you're the better, more reasonable, and stronger person.  Outward appearances, however, make you look like someone who can't win the argument, no matter how reasonable you remain.  After all, a lot of people don't argue in a civil, reasonable, reasoned, way.

    On the whole, though, I don't believe being angry is ever an excuse to say hurtful things.  Expressing anger, yelling, whatever - all part of being angry.  Going for what we know will hurt someone (or hope will hurt someone) is another thing.

  7. Ajay Mathews profile image39
    Ajay Mathewsposted 13 years ago

    Even though now I say that I really don't want to do that. The fact is that I have done this.!!

  8. ChristineVianello profile image60
    ChristineVianelloposted 13 years ago

    I do say hurtful things soemtime in the heat of an argument. I wonder why people push other buttons in that moment? LisaHW said, "Words can not be taken back," I belive that is very true.

  9. profile image0
    bhaveshpatel03posted 13 years ago

    Many time i got anger but not always like to say hurtful thing to other as due to this only i have faced bad incidence in my life. so i have learnt to keep my mind cool.

  10. Jarn profile image60
    Jarnposted 13 years ago

    No. When I'm good and mad, I lose all verbal capacity, so I just walk away and wail on a punching bag for a half hour. Gets the point across rather well when the impacts shudder the entire house.

  11. Supercellbaebe profile image61
    Supercellbaebeposted 13 years ago

    No, I would never do that.  I've had hurtful things said to me and it REALLY hurts so I make sure I NEVER make anyone else have to feel like that. 

    I don't see how personally insulting someone can possibly help or resolve a situation, all it will do is upset and inflame them.

  12. atlovesbm profile image69
    atlovesbmposted 13 years ago

    @ LisaHW: I am the exact same way! I always have been. Although lately I've caught myself saying mean things in arguments and I'm really trying not to. A lot of people say things that they don't mean out of anger but my motto is, "Say what you mean and mean what you say." I'm the type who, especially in a relationship will take it to heart. If someone said to me, "I think we need some time apart" - I think they really want it. But when they  say, "Oh, I didn't mean it, I was just mad." I don't know, people are different and I know its hard to control your words sometimes especially when someone is pushing your buttons.

    @ Everyone Else: Thanks for all of your answers! Its nice to get different opinions about this. I know its hard to control your emotions/words especially when it comes to someone you care about or someone who is just pushing your buttons.

  13. WillDigges profile image59
    WillDiggesposted 13 years ago

    Yes, I often say things I do not mean when I get infuriated.  I am usually a very nice and relaxed person, but when I get angry I have the tenancy to say hurtful things I really don't mean. 

    I always feel bad afterwards and apologize to the person I was fighting with.

    I believe that this is a way of venting, although it may not be the best way, we all know that it happens.  All you can hope is that the person does not take it to heart and that they will accept your apology.

    Some people are prone to hold judges against you for saying hurtful things to them, but I believe that we should forgive and forget.  Move on and stop dwelling in the past. 

    Do not beat yourself up over this!  I cannot stress this enough, because you cannot change the past, all you can do is learn from an experience and improve yourself in the future.  Thinking about the past will only put you in a bad place.  I have been there myself and I'd prefer to move onto bigger and better things.


  14. profile image0
    Ghostflowersposted 13 years ago

    If you are angry enough, I think your brain is focused on that anger instead of the words coming out of your mouth. I have certainly gotten that way with my family before, but never a significant other. The guilt and shame of hurting them purposefully would be too much to bear, and I know many people who feel that regret. I do not think it is okay, I think it builds onto whatever problem cause the anger in the first place.

  15. stclairjack profile image78
    stclairjackposted 13 years ago

    i took some time to think on this and read the other responses before i answered this.

    i dont think i've ever said something with the intent of hurting my significant other,... some times my self controll fails,.. and i say the truth,... and it hurts,... i'm usualy very good at measuring my words for propper effect,... its when the fight is between me and someone i care about that my self controll can fail, and my measured response with it,..

    on the other hand, if i'm in a verbal match with some A** that needs a intelectual smack down,... i will squish him/her like a small bug,...  smile while doing it,... and never loose a wink of sleep. i dont like seeing the bad guy win.

  16. hannaym profile image61
    hannaymposted 13 years ago

    I do say hurtful things soemtime in the heat of an argument

  17. profile image52
    eoghan1234posted 13 years ago

    If i dont realy like the person i would but there isnt that many people that i hate so i wouldint realy.  I do try to keep it in and if it was with someone i was with i do try and keep it in and try and act that im not that angry because you may regret saying something later when you relise you made a mistake and it is vdry diffcult to recover from it.. And i dont think it is okay to say hurt full things because if your with the person you are ment to like/love them so it is nearly as bad for a guy to say hurtful things purposly then it is to hit a girl.. Well that is just my say..

  18. kknde profile image70
    kkndeposted 13 years ago

    usually i try not to, but sometimes I can't help my self. In general, I try to talk nice.

    It is not ok to say hurtful things purposely....In my oppinion those thing should never be said. although there are situation when those things have constructive effect.

  19. faiza taj profile image71
    faiza tajposted 13 years ago

    no its not good to hurt others just because of our anger. i think we have no right to verbally abused other.

  20. Alaba Gbenga profile image61
    Alaba Gbengaposted 13 years ago

    sometimes i do.But knowing fully well that words are like eggs,when broken, it cannot be gather together again then i speak with caution and with the help of GOD.

  21. Caramus profile image65
    Caramusposted 13 years ago

    I have and do say hurtful things when I am angry. I can honestly tell you that in "the heat of passion" I have said vile and hurtful things to my wife. I pray to God I can take them back, as in most cases what I am saying is not always how I feel, but lashed out to defend myself or attack and break her down.

    I do not think it is okay. I make no excuse for my actions. I am flawed.

  22. YuBeKillingEm profile image59
    YuBeKillingEmposted 13 years ago

    I must admit, I have said some very mean things. I was very upset. That dosn't make it okay!

  23. tinaroden profile image60
    tinarodenposted 13 years ago

    I have always been known to hold it all in until I explode. That side of me was inherited by my mother, but I have to say that I am working really hard, lately, to talk things out instead of holding it all in.

  24. 6hotfingers3 profile image60
    6hotfingers3posted 13 years ago

    There was a time I could spit out some pretty mean words. I wanted the person to hurt as badly as I was hurting. Now that I am much older and wiser, it does not happen. That is a deliberate decision on my part. If I can not change the direction of the conversation or the intensity of the moment. I have to just wait and let the person have their say. I will respond but not with a desire to hurt the person. I no longer feel a need to argue with a person or try to convenience them. I say my part and if they are in agreement, that is good. If not. so be it.

  25. profile image0
    jasper420posted 13 years ago

    we all do its part of our nature to hurt the ones we love the most out of anger

  26. meow48 profile image67
    meow48posted 13 years ago

    yes, one time my son and i got into a shouting match over something very major... using mom's credit card on the net.  I will never forget that fight as i stood up against my then sixteen year old, six foot son who was close to three hundred pounds at the time.  Not realizing how  heated the argument had become, my asperger's syndrome child came downstairs and quietly stated... "Brother, when you scream like that no one can hear you."
    "Same to you mom.  You are hurting my ears."
    I have always held that moment in my heart... forever. and truly try to keep the anger out of my discipline as much as i can.

  27. Wendy S. Wilmoth profile image65
    Wendy S. Wilmothposted 13 years ago

    We're all tempted to say hurtful things. I recommend removing yourself from the situation before saying anything, then coming back when you are calmer.

  28. KissTheRain profile image57
    KissTheRainposted 12 years ago

    Definitely. It's one of my downfalls...

    I'm working on it, though.

  29. Disturbia profile image60
    Disturbiaposted 12 years ago

    No, I do not say hurtful things on purpose because it solves nothing and you can't ever take them back.  It's not "fighting fair" which I very much believe in, and no, it's never ok. But I do say the truth. If you lie to me, I will call you a liar, but I will not bring up every single time in the past that you may have lied and I avoid name calling and finger pointing. I have spent a lifetime learning how to control a bad temper and impulsive behaviors, so I really try to practice what I preach.

  30. profile image0
    msorenssonposted 12 years ago

    I don't do anything when I am angry..........................


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)