Would you say something to a pregnant woman who is drinking alcohol?

Jump to Last Post 1-50 of 57 discussions (180 posts)

61
NYMiskovicposted 14 years ago
I have a friend that is 3 months pregnant and has been drinking alcohol like a fish! I haven't said anything to her because it is her body, her baby, and her choice. But I can't help but be angry with her every time I see her do this. I also feel guilty that by not saying anything, I am just as guilty as she is....almost like I am endangering the welfare of this child. Should I say something to her??? If so, what do I say?? How do I say something without coming across like a pompous ass?
reply report
1. 62
  kmackey32posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  OMg yes I would prolly flip out on her. Now thats just wrong to do!!!!!!!!!!!I would say someting and if she dont listen to you call your local Child Protection Services. They might beable to do something. The baby could come out having fetal alcohol syndrome.
  reply report
2. 66
  waynetposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  If she'll do that before the babies born, who knows what she'll do after, but however, we live and learn, mistakes are easily avoided in hindsight!
  reply report
3. 61
  Davinagirl3posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I think I would say something if she was drinking to excess. You don't want her to think you are judging her, just make sure she is aware of the danger. Does she make her monthly OB appts.? If she does, then she is aware of the do's and don't's of pregnancy.
  reply report
4. 68
  lrohnerposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Once the baby was born, if you saw her injecting said baby with drugs or feeding it alcohol, would you say anything to her? Would you report her to the authorities? There's no difference in what she's doing now.
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  This is where we seriously differ. Jesus was reported to the authorities, too...
  reply report
  68
  lrohnerposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Must be having a blonde moment. Don't get your point.
  reply report
5. 64
  Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Child abuse is a choice. And the consequences are pretty horrific for the child, not to mention the consequences to the perpetrator. It's her body, but she's committing a crime. She needs to be reported as a child abuser. Fetal alcohol syndrome is absolutely a life of hell. Her child doesn't deserve this. If you don't have the courage to confront her, report her. Scream it to everyone until someone in authority takes this by the horns.
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Rhetoric aside, what exactly you expect authorities to do?
  reply report
  58
  AsherKadeposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  all they can do is wait for the poor sap to be born and then be taken from the mom. That's if the baby survives..and then you'll need someone with a heart and sould like the Florida couple that was murdered to take the kid in...
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Great, adding insult to injury. I think you had a chance to talk to foster kids. Ask yourself, on average, could they be better off if allowed to stay with their parents?
  reply report
  58
  AsherKadeposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  doen't sound like it in this case...
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Uh-oh, you did not even hear the case. You have one witness with vague information. And you already drew your conclusions... If you really work where you pretend to work, it is scary.
  reply report
  58
  AsherKadeposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  <snipped personal attack>. I was just making an admittedly biased conjecture on the limited info that I was given and the experience I have to fall back on...
  reply report
  58
  AsherKadeposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  ...wow, personal attack? if I did that to every comment I didn't like, there wouldn't be a lot left in forums...all I said to Misha was that he needed to understand my point of view...from the line of work I do. I NEVER tried to attack anyone...be careful Misha, I didn't post half naked pictures and say threatening things...
  reply report
  61
  NYMiskovicposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that the "authorities" are not the traditional police that many people think of but rather the local Family Protective Agency that deals with these types of special issues--child abuse and such. I believe they are legally required to investigate all complaints made.
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Fine, you reported, they investigated. What next? How do you see the outcome?
  reply report
  61
  NYMiskovicposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  That is an interesting point. I have talked with my husband about this a lot as she and her boyfriend are friends with both of us and my husband tells me I should mind my own business. Keep my noise out of it were his exact words I believe. I guess the issue now comes down to "how" do I broach this subject with her--not if I should.
  reply report
6. 0
  dennisemattposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  If it makes you feel guilty by being quiet, you need to say soemthing. My mother drank heavily while pregnant with me, I was born a month early. My sister inlaw got real drunk, once, when she didnt know she was pregnant, and her baby was born with only 2 chambers in her heart. NOW, there is no way of knowing these happend cuz of alcohol, but if you thought something was dangerous, why risk it? Just let her know you are saying this becuase you care, not that you are judging, you only want whats best for her and her baby. After youve said your piece, its up to her to make the right choice.
  reply report
7. 70
  JKSophieposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I will definitely say something to make her stop drinking alcohol...for the sake of the unborn baby.
  reply report
8. 42
  privateye2500posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  If you love her enough - you will say something.
  
  Even if she gets angry...because love tells the truth always.
  
  No pompous ass at all - you CARE. Tell her with your heart and that is all you can do IMO.
  
  Do you see her as having alcoholic tendencies prior? Do you know what those would be? If not, let me know ... I have friends who are in AA and there is TONS of info online about alcoholism.
  
  If she has a drinking problem - she may need that one loving person to say something...she may feel sick inside about this but just cannot stop.
  reply report
64
Mishaposted 14 years ago
There is no harm in moderate drinking, even while pregnant
reply report
1. 62
  kmackey32posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  When I was pregnant my pregnancy book said different.. Who truly knows how much is a safe amount. Shes taking a risk there.
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Americans believe that. French believe differently. Did not see stats showing that French have higher level of alcohol related baby problems.
  reply report
2. 0
  fierycjposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  The weirdo speaks.
  reply report
  0
  wordscribe41posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I wish we could do without these insults in the forums. It's completely counter productive. If you don't agree with Misha, well then alright. It's a forum, people have the right to share their opinions.
  reply report
  60
  Ambitionposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I think if i will be at his place my be i will reply something bad but he is much matured and knows what is right and may be understands which i don't.
  reply report
  68
  Pearldiverposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Why would you make such a derogatory remark cj?
  It makes you look like a smartarse!
  reply report
3. 60
  janni321posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Hi Misha, There is no harm in excessive drinking also, it is good for health.
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I would argue that excessive drinking is harmful, pregnant or not. There is enough evidence for this.
  reply report
4. 60
  Ambitionposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  no thats completely wrong
  
  i am a health care expert and i knows that excessive alcohol can lead to baby having no limbs or a huge hormonal imbalance.
  
  a pregnant mother should not drink excessively.
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Do you read? I did not say excessive, I said moderate
  reply report
  60
  Ambitionposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  let me be more precise, it all depends on amount of alcohol( ethanol and butanol) present in the drink. A drink like 30% or more alcohol would be deadly.
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Care to prove this with some stats? No wikipedia please, some reputable sources, better independent.
  reply report
5. 61
  NYMiskovicposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I'm not sure if you've ever been pregnant, but any doctor will tell you NOT to drink ANY amount while pregnant. There is no research that can conclusively state that any amount of alcohol is safe. Any thing you eat or drink during pregnancy passes from you to the baby via the umbilical cord and being that the baby is not fully developed he/she can't properly digest the alcohol. It can have very serious consequences!
  reply report
  60
  Ambitionposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  nice one
  
  i found this one hub on hubpages
  
  http://hubpages.com/hub/healthy-pregnancy
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Any AMERICAN doctor. And I am not a complete idiot, and know a few things about babies and such, both from my own experience, my wives, my friends, and from a vast amount of literature I read on the topic, thank you
  
  That said, looks like you really want to go ahead and say it - and this is all that really matters at the end, so just do it.
  reply report
  60
  Ambitionposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  misha, will you allow your wife to drink in moderate quantities during pregnancy.
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  First, I never allow or deny anything to another grown up person, including my wives. Yes, both drunk when they felt like that, And all my three kids are very bright and healthy.
  
  That said, during pregnancy they both wanted a drink much less often than usual
  reply report
  62
  kmackey32posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  You have 2 wifes?
  reply report
  60
  Ambitionposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  yes, its easy to understand reading his post.
  reply report
  62
  kmackey32posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Why is it ok for a man to have two wifes? What about a woman more than 1 man? LOL
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Don't have any problem with this Kristie Your husband might not like it though...
  reply report
  62
  kmackey32posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Why is it ok for a man to have two wifes? What about a woman more than 1 man? LOL
  reply report
  60
  Ambitionposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  No problems to me. its completely woman's decision.
  reply report
  60
  Ambitionposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  what about one in home and one outside
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I was divorced and married again
  reply report
  89
  Shil1978posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Good question to ask of him - lets see what he says to that?
  reply report
  60
  Ambitionposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  he has already answered. read up
  reply report
  89
  Shil1978posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Yes - I didn't see his post when I posted that.
  reply report
  81
  LondonGirlposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Misha doesn't own his wife (if he has one). He doesn't allow or deny this hypothetical woman anything.
  reply report
  62
  charanjeet kaurposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Very well said no doctor that i know in my country would advice drinking in pregnancy. I would say this is not the time to leave her to her fate. Talk about it make her understand what is at stake; she may initially shun it. In the long run she will appreciate the help, do it for the new life that is yet to be born.
  reply report
62
kmackey32posted 14 years ago
And Misha she said like a fish.
reply report
1. 64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Every one have own definition, and i would think that American lady would consider "fishy" something very moderate by other countries standards.
  reply report
62
kmackey32posted 14 years ago
I thought you were Russian not French?
reply report
1. 64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  LOL Yeah, but Russians tend to overdo drinking on average. French seem to strike a golden spot on it
  reply report
62
kmackey32posted 14 years ago
No like a fish means ALOT in American terms.
reply report
1. 64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  LOL For completely abstinent American a glass of red wine every dinner might seem to be a LOT, really
  reply report
61
fishmoxposted 14 years ago
you said she is your friend, then say something.
I would.
reply report
70
fortunerepposted 14 years ago
I was a bartender while in college. I ran into this problem alot. I would refuse, no way not in my bar. Those women shoud be ashamed, fetal alcohol syndrome in a newborn is crucial and life threatening. She should of though about that before she got pregnant. Not in my bar is all i say. Tell her your concerns, if you dont you might as well be an enabler.

dori
reply report
1. 61
  NYMiskovicposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I'm glad you took a stance against this : ) I am really leaning towards saying something to her I just don't know who to approach the subject with her. I once jokingly said "Wow! I never took a sip of alcohol when I was pregnant. You are brave." I thought she was going to punch me in the face.
  reply report
  0
  SirDentposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Pro 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
  
  Alcohol is the enemy in this situation.
  reply report
  75
  Eaglekiwiposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  And shes a friend?
  reply report
  61
  NYMiskovicposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Yup!!
  reply report
2. 0
  girly_girl09posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Good for you. If I was a bartender, I'd refuse to, as well. Other than that, if I didn't know the woman I'm sure I'd gape and give very dirty looks....not sure I'd say anything. If I knew her, I definitely would say something. Also seeing pregnant women smoking makes me so upset.
  
  Some U.S. doctors are now saying that having a glass of wine is ok every once in a while, while pregnant. That is SUCH dangerous, STUPID advice! A glass of wine can mean different things for different people. 4 oz, 6 oz, 8 oz, 10 oz....every one has a different understanding as to what one glass of wine means.
  
  I would never risk it. Anyone who has ever learned/seen a child with fetal alcohol syndrome will probably never drink while pregnant.
  
  When I have kids someday and if my doctor tells me that I can have a glass of wine once a week, I would find a new doctor immediately.
  reply report
3. 81
  LondonGirlposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Wow, how remarkably bossy of you!
  
  I had two half-glasses of wine when I was pregnant, one at Christmas, one on my birthday, in March. The March one was in a restaurant with my dinner. I didn't drink more than half of each, because I didn't feel like it. Had someone refused to serve me that glass, I wouldn't have been a happy camper.
  reply report
0
SirDentposted 14 years ago
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

I would definitely say something about it to her.
reply report
64
Mishaposted 14 years ago
Sorry SirDent, government has its own agenda
reply report
1. 0
  SirDentposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I think 5 posts were made while I weas trying to make mine. This thread is moving faster than my connection.
  reply report
2. 89
  Shil1978posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  And what the agenda in this case - care to elaborate?
  reply report
62
Greek Oneposted 14 years ago
If I knew the person, I would ask her if she wanted a vial of crack to go along with her drink, so that she could REALLY play Russian Roulette with her baby's life
reply report
1. 61
  NYMiskovicposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  LOL!! That would really drive the point home wouldn't it??
  reply report
64
Lady_Eposted 14 years ago
I wouldn't say something unless it was in excess. Looking at it from their point of view - if they are used to drinking alchohol, it must be hard to refrain from it for 9 months.

So, a few sips shouldn't hurt. (not every day)
reply report
71
lafentyposted 14 years ago
A pregnant woman is responsible for the life she is carrying. If she can't refrain from drinking and smoking for 9 months while she's carrying a child, then she has no business getting pregnant. It is just the beginning of the sacrifices she is going to have to make.
reply report
70
fortunerepposted 14 years ago
Misha,

I think the world of you but drinking while pregnant is very dangerous. No credible MD would say it is ok even in moderation, at least thats the way us Southeners look at it. In this state, if you are caught drinking by an officer or a Social Worker even in a rest. you can be arrested for endanering your child and CPS could take that child at birth.

May be someone should explain these things to her. If she gets a light buzz so does the baby, if she drinks too much so does the baby, an innocent miracle.

Would you put in a baby's botttle and feed it to them, you might as well.

with love
dori
reply report
64
Mishaposted 14 years ago
Yeah Dori, and every American MD will tell you to not let your child sleep on the stomach, and to make all vaccination, too...

There are things one is required to say, if they want to stay with this profession...
reply report
1. 61
  NYMiskovicposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Seriously??? Are you implying that American MD's say this stuff just because they have to in order to "stay with the profession"? What about the research that supports this???
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I am not implying "stay with profession" refers only to American doctors, it is much more wide spread across countries and professions. But those particular issues are specific to American doctors.
  
  And no, I never seen a conclusive research on any of these issues.
  reply report
  89
  Shil1978posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  So, in your opinion "no conclusive research" = letting pregnant women take a chance??
  reply report
  60
  Ambitionposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  thats right, you cannot do everything on researches. Many dies because of liver problems caused due to alcohol.
  why taking risk for 9 months.
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I think it's none of my business to tell anyone what to do, research results notwithstanding
  reply report
  89
  Shil1978posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  That's not what you said to start with!! You implied motives behind fetal alcohol syndrome - which you still haven't explained. So, what is it? No explanation for what you said. Just your random, irrational feelings is it?
  reply report
  60
  Ambitionposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  now he is running away.
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Umm, how exactly?
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  You have a problem with me Shil? let it out girl
  reply report
  89
  Shil1978posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  No probs personally Misha, but I just don't like your trivializing this subject (which is a serious one IMHO). Fine, you have your personal views on it and I am okay with it - but why would you attribute motives to everything (without any evidence to back it up)?
  
  I mean I just think it is soooo wrong to drink (moderate or not) while one is pregnant!! Now, its none of my business what a woman does, but I sure would tell her what I know. What she does after that, of course, is up to her. But, I sure wouldn't tell her that drinking alcohol in moderation is okay during pregnancy!!!
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I do think differently, and I am fine with you thinking differently too
  reply report
  61
  NYMiskovicposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  The campaign to put your baby "back to sleep" implies that you need to put your baby on their back when they sleep because there has been a direct correlation between babies who sleep on their stomach's and SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). Please read on: http://www.sidscenter.org/documents/sid … osleep.pdf
  and
  http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/extract/313/7051/180
  
  As for immunizations...why wouldn't you get those for the health of your child?? The shot is much better than getting the diseases they are meant to protect against.
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  We completely disagree on both accounts. But this will bring us way off-top, and we are unlikely to change each other's mind.
  
  Let's just agree to disagree
  reply report
  61
  NYMiskovicposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Sounds like a plan Misha! Thanks for your thoughts on this question : )
  reply report
2. 70
  fortunerepposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  My MD is British, and he agrees with me.
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  LOL Dori, I would argue that Brits are pretty much following Americans in many areas nowadays. Does not make much sense to me, but this is how it looks...
  reply report
62
Greek Oneposted 14 years ago
international views on drinking while pregnant:

http://www.icap.org/Table/International … dPregnancy
reply report
64
Lady_Eposted 14 years ago
At the end of the day, every pregnant woman can choose to do what they want. It's their Call.

If they are close to you, then maybe you could intervene.
reply report
62
Greek Oneposted 14 years ago
although I would abstain from drinking while pregnant, I do think that alcohol should be used heavily during the conception process
reply report
1. 60
  Ambitionposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  there must be some logic if coming from you.
  reply report
59
Shirley Andersonposted 14 years ago
These are all valid points but I'm not sure someone else's life is my business.
reply report
60
janni321posted 14 years ago
may be more than two..LOL
reply report
60
Colebabieposted 14 years ago
I would definitely say something but not in a lecture sort of way I would just be like "do you think that's a good idea? FAS is pretty scary" The woman would feel extremely bad if in 3 months she gets an abnormal amnio. FAS is a leading cause of birth defects and developmental disorders. Some doctors (even ones I've worked for) have told their patients to have a glass of wine to calm their nerves. But the truth is that there is no "safe" level of alcohol consumption if you are pregnant.
reply report
66
waynetposted 14 years ago
Yeah, I'd say...Oy pregnant drinking girl......nooooo! you drink like this..... glug glug glug!!
reply report
1. 61
  NYMiskovicposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  LOL!! That's helpful : )~
  reply report
61
goodfriendiamposted 14 years ago
Yeah know maybe, if we began to just accept people the way they are, then that acceptance would lead that person to maybe recognize, that it is harmful to her unborn child to drink excessively. but Give that person your unwanted right and wrong living attitude, and she'll just rebel, and more then likely go get drunk again. Because Yeah know what, It is the right and wrong people that create others to feel hopeless and worthless.thanks
reply report
1. 61
  NYMiskovicposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Thank you goodfriendiam! I don't want to impose my beliefs on her and cause her to rebel and do something harsh but on the other hand, I know what she is doing is harmful to her and her baby. I truly only want to help her have a healthy happy baby. I don't even know if she knows that what she is doing is wrong...
  reply report
  61
  goodfriendiamposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Know problem, I just remember how I was once on both ends of the spectrum. On one hand I was imposing what I believed and then on the other hand I had others imposing what they believe on me. And I have finally come to a place that, I am o.k with who I am and accept others for who they are. Thanks
  reply report
75
Eaglekiwiposted 14 years ago
Why is it a womans choice when its about abortion,

Yet eveyone elses choice when its about alcohol?

Personally I wouldnt recommend it ,yet my family doctor with my last two children seemed less worried, he was more concerned about nicotine .

After seeing a documentary on crack babies , youd think all drugs laws would be stiffer too.

I think society has double standards.
reply report
1. 61
  Davinagirl3posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Of course it does! I think you are very right. Although, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is nothing I would want to see happen to anyone's child. Even if the chance is slim. I would want my friend to know I care for her and the child. It is not about judgment. Although, it is easy to say what I would do, since I am not in that situation. That is a tough one.
  reply report
60
Colebabieposted 14 years ago
Nicotine is a whole different subject. My mom smoked when she was pregnant with me and I have asthma. I was also very very colic-y as a baby, very possibly due to me withdrawing from nicotine that my mom had transferred to me. As far as alcohol is concerned, I already posted my comment.
reply report
1. 64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Don't remember the exact latin wording, but in reverse translation from Russian it sounds like "After this does not imply because of this". There are quite a few other things that can contribute to asthma and colic, like epidural, early cord cut, excessive antibiotics, formula - just to name a few wide-spread American habits
  reply report
  60
  Colebabieposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I didn't have any of it. While what I'm speaking of is correlation, you are right, it doesn't necessarily mean causation. However, since my mom is a super healthy person, minus the smoking part, and I was her first child and had lots of prenatal care, I blame the smoking. My mom breast-fed and breast milk also has a nicotine concentration.
  reply report
  60
  Colebabieposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  A Study on Nicotine in Breast Milk Disrupting Sleep Patterns in Infants
  
  A Study on Smoking During Pregnancy Producing Behavioral Changes in Infants
  
  There are more links but they're from scientific journals that you have to be a member of a service to read, but I can quote them.
  reply report
  61
  Davinagirl3posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I don't mean to say that you are not right about your nicotine withdrawal. That would make you colicky, for about three days, unless you were breastfeeding and constantly recieving small doses. You received 2% of whatever she got.
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Absolutely, if you made a research for yourself, and it shows this, I don't argue a tiny bit. I was just saying that there are other things that could have caused this
  reply report
  61
  Davinagirl3posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  This is very true. My sis-in-law always thought that my nephew had allergies because she smoked. It turned out that she was on antibiotics early in her first trimester. Antibiotics, being taken during pregnancy, are responsible for a lot of cases of childhood allergies and asthma. This can be proven, also. All that can be proven with cigarettes is low birth weight in some babies, which is not good, but it puts things into perspective. I was sick through much of my pregnancy, and I refused to take antibiotics. I would have taken them if absolutely necessary, but fortunately my doc was in agreement with me about the dangers.
  reply report
  60
  Colebabieposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I could see how this could be a possibility, but it wasn't in my case. So sorry you were sick during your pregnancy. That's no fun
  reply report
60
love my yorkiesposted 14 years ago
if she were my friend, you better believe i'ld set her down and give her an ear full. my step daughter is living proof of the dangers of drinking while pregnant and i don't mean that in a funny way. Believe me, I would still love to get a hold of her mother and beat the living daylight out of her. My step daughter is physically, emotionally, and mentally handicapped. If you're her friend and you don't say something, who will?
reply report
59
Fiction Tellerposted 14 years ago
If you do mention something, I recommend you don't do it in a hostile or challenging way. Rather, take a supportive approach. Chances are the woman's heard it elsewhere and could use help rather than a lecture.

And by the way, this discussion inspired me to write a hub on the topic, my first in ages. Yay!
reply report
1. 61
  NYMiskovicposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I'm glad I was able to inspire you : )
  reply report
61
Gerard Danielsposted 14 years ago
YES. yes i would say something. Times have changed since i was a kid. Knowledge is there now where it wasn't before.
Drinking in vast quantities can hurt a healthy person. so imagine what it's doing to an unborn child, whose only source of nutrition and sustenence is from the mother.
a selfish person would ignore what they saw. a selfish person would not listen to others about their drinking problems and the damage they may be inflicting on the unborn child. STOP being selfish. for the mother, the game of life is now a team sport.
Stand up, walk over and remove the booze from the mother-to-be and then let her know that she's eating for two out of necessity. she's drinking for one out of pure selfishness. the unborn has not asked for a rum and coke with a lime twist.
get a grip people. the knowledge is out there now. stop being a fool and use it.
reply report
61
drummer boyposted 14 years ago
It would depend on how much they are drinking. If I saw them out there getting drunk, and if I cared about them, I would feel it to be my duty to say something to them. I would however be nice about it. I feel like there is a wrong way and a right way to approach a subject.
reply report
64
Mishaposted 14 years ago
Thank you Wordscribe, I appreciate it.

I've grown a thick skin during my years on the net though, and our friend needs to make more effort if he wants to hurt me
reply report
60
Colebabieposted 14 years ago
Totally agree with you Misha. Just, as far as I know, not in my case. Not that I've found anyways.
reply report
58
danielle pposted 14 years ago
Personally, I would sit her down and tell her flat out she is wrong. In fact I would discard her as a friend. She's being selfish. what if she stumbles (sober) and fall down and cause damage to her baby. Wouldn't she be concern and feel guilty that would be an accident and her remorse would be unbearable. Drinking like a fish while pregnant a woman know she's taking a 50/50 chance so I would tell her any damage done was intentional on her behalf.
reply report
64
Mishaposted 14 years ago
Reporting to the authorities is the last thing I would do. In fact I won't do it ever, unless it is a kind of direct assault against me.
reply report
1. 68
  lrohnerposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Hmmm....if you were walking down the street and saw a couple of young kids beating on an old man, would you keep on walking? Would you call the police? Would you help?
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  As much as I can speculate, I would either help or walk away.
  reply report
  68
  lrohnerposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  So....this woman is physically hurting a defenseless little baby and you wouldn't do anything? The elderly guy in the scenario I gave had more of a chance to defend himself. I really just don't see the difference between the two.
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Let me re-frame your example, may be it will make my point better.
  
  Imagine that you are back in 1900s, in a slavery state. And the boys are white, and the old guy is black. Would calling authorities make it any better?
  
  On a second though, with your original example, providing we are talking about nowadays safe area in USA or another Western country, I might call the authorities.
  
  Which does not make me to agree on your original proposal though, cause this case is not that straight forward as your example, and actually what do you expect authorities to do?
  reply report
  68
  lrohnerposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Actually, I probably wouldn't call the authorities unless I had spoken with her first. If she still continued, I would speak with her again and let her know what I was prepared to do by calling the authorities. If she still didn't stop, I would call them.
  
  I (grudgingly) admit that you are right (as usual ) in that this is not a straightforward case. The authorities will not do anything unless the drinking is excessive to the point that the baby undoubtedly will be harmed. And then they would stop her, even if she had to be jailed to do it.
  
  I guess that I just have a hard time sitting around and watching defenseless beings like babies/kids, the elderly and animals being needlessly harmed.
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Oh no, I am wrong quite a few times, but thanks for the compliment. I too don't like a sight of helpless suffering, and try to help as much as I can. But I think this case may fit, or may not, depending really on the amount of her drinking, as I already said. We don't really have any way of knowing it. And no, I do not think that ANY amount of alcohol is harmful, after all some regular drinks contain a small amount of alcohol.
  reply report
  68
  lrohnerposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Perhaps I'm a bit hyper-sensitive to the subject. I spent almost 20 years in the beverage alcohol business with the largest BevAl company in the world. We worked quite closely with the Century Council to help stamp out alcohol abuse and had a zero tolerance policy when it came to advertising to kids. (We would have worked with MADD too, but they don't want to stamp out alcohol abuse. They just want to get rid of alcohol altogether. Nutjobs...)
  
  Bottom line, I think I'm just too close to the statistics and the unfortunate outcomes to make a really rational argument here. Sorry for any thread hijacking I might have unintentionally done.
  reply report
76
Uninvited Writerposted 14 years ago
Since she is a friend, I would point out to her what experts say about it. I really can't believe a pregnant woman would continue drinking these days with all the evidence of how bad it can be for the fetus. But...all in all, it is basically her decision.
reply report
75
Eaglekiwiposted 14 years ago
Im with you on that Irohner ,and y'know despite whats the norm , or what authorities might ,or might not do , I would do all that I could to convince this 'friend' that she was putting her baby at risk.

If the pregnancy ended in stillbirth , I would deeply regret, not trying to help.
reply report
1. 68
  lrohnerposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I hear ya. Not sure I could sleep at night if anything was wrong with that baby and I didn't do anything.
  
  Hey -- how's the trip going?
  reply report
64
Mishaposted 14 years ago
Oh yeah, MADD mothers, don't get me started on this money machine...

And if you are close to statistics, do you have any meaningful one on mothers drinking and baby problems? Not MADD style, but real one?
reply report
1. 68
  lrohnerposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I've been away from it for quite some time, but I can tell you that it really wasn't fully tracked until sometime in the 90's in the US, since the long-term ramifications of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome weren't known until then. Most of the studies have shown that FAS differs with the group studied -- different age brackets, income brackets, geographic regions, etc. Right now, the incidence of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome varies from 1 in 100 live births to 1 in 2000 live births. No one to date has been able prove that there is any amount of alcohol use during pregnancy that is safe -- or disprove it either. I've given birth to three kids though, and I know I wouldn't take a chance on their health.
  
  It's also been proven that even occasional "binge" drinkers have a chance of having children with FAS symptoms, even if it's not full-blown FAS.
  
  Oh, and totally agreed on the MADD money machine. Century Council, however, is doing it right.
  reply report
64
Mishaposted 14 years ago
Umm, something to ponder about, thanks
reply report
68
Anamika Sposted 14 years ago
I already have written a hub on Drinking Side effects for all including pregnant woman.

http://hubpages.com/hub/Why-should-you- … sm-reasons
reply report
0
L. Andrew Marrposted 14 years ago
Just tell her not to drive as well, that would be strike three.
reply report
59
Anam Cara999posted 14 years ago
As far as my knowledge, there are no laws preventing a pregnant woman from imbibing in alcohol if they so choose. Surgeon general posted warnings in the US are required to be displayed, but a woman does not have to follow them.
reply report
1. 68
  lrohnerposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  You are so right, Anam. There are no laws against it. There are also no laws against a woman smoking while she's pregnant. Or smashing her belly with a hammer. Or a host of other things she could do to hurt her baby. So sad...
  reply report
58
AsherKadeposted 14 years ago
Pray for the kid NYM....
reply report
64
Mishaposted 14 years ago
I know as much as you do, and what I am saying there is not enough information to draw a conclusion here.
reply report
70
Beth100posted 14 years ago
Of course I would speak up. I'd give factual information but leave the choice to that person. I have seen first hand how alcohol can devastate the mother and her future born child. How could I not say anything, knowing the resulting consequences??
reply report
77
soni2006posted 14 years ago
I would say NO seriously no but please don't mind. You can wait for some time. If you do not think about your health at least think about the new life who has taken birth inside you. Let the baby come out and then you are free to enjoy...... but then also it is your wish and is in your hands because it's your baby.
reply report
61
Gerard Danielsposted 14 years ago
I am not getting this hub now.
it's about would you let a pregnant woman drink or not to drink alcohol. with the knowledge we have now about medicine, science, and just the "trial and errors" of human nature that we have at our finger tips with this internet and the 10,000 freakin channels on the idiot box - this topic should be a no brainer.
if you have a friend who is drinking while pregnant you have a responsibility to tell her to stop drinking. if not for her, most definitly for the baby. The baby, whose life depends on the mother to survive the 1st nine months, needs a healthy host to be healthy itself. again... NO BRAINER.
The consiseration of the mother ( the adult ) is not the concern here with a boozing mother-to-be. or the rights of the mother to drink when she wants to.
Tell the mother to put the drink down. Sit down and talk to her about the reasons for her drinking, or just talk in general... what ever you talk about, it'll help as long as the drinking stops.
all this chat that has been going on in this hub is "very childish" to these eyes. just trash talking each other won't help the "woman" that has the drinking problem.
She can drink after the baby is born, IF she feels the want ( not need ) to drink. After the baby is born, social services can step in and do what needs to be done for BABY, and for mother, with the hopes to keep them together ( if mother wants baby instead of the booze.)
please stay on topic with this. It is a good hub idea, just the banter between conflicting opinions has to stop.
reply report
1. 64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  stop it then
  reply report
  61
  Gerard Danielsposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  are you kidding!!!!?????
  Misha, you name is ALL over this hub and you have yet to say anything important or even related to this hub.
  WHEN you become a parent ( i doubt you have any by the way you are speaking ) maybe then you can put a POV in. for now, all i see you do is flame this hub.
  get a life and maybe you'll save one some day.
  
  so much for a decent hub on a great topic
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  First, it is not hub, it is a forum post. Second, the only way to finish the argument is to stop arguing. It does not guarantee the desired outcome, but if you continue arguing, argument is guaranteed to stop not.
  
  I wonder what can you teach your poor kids if you don't understand such basic things.
  reply report
  58
  AsherKadeposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I think I am joining this guy's fan club because he has more brain matter than some...oop, did I OFFEND anyone??
  reply report
2. 61
  goodfriendiamposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Yeah social services, will get the job done. I think social services is part of the problem and don't have a clue that they are. First of all alcohol is not the major factor in this pregnant woman's life. It is the stress and emotional baggage she is carrying. She needs a friend, not a dictator. Thanks
  reply report
  61
  Gerard Danielsposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  at least social services will speak on behalf of the unborn child, unlike most of the people that have commented on this hub. CHILDREN are the future and if people are more concerned in the rights of the mother ( who is an adult and should know better ) then this hub should have been called " it is ok to allow a mother to drink while pregnant and ignore all common sense about it"
  no social program is perfect. that is up to us individuals to seam up the tears in the system and take control of our immediate surroundings.
  reply report
  75
  Eaglekiwiposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  unlike most people ? thats a bit harsh
  
  where is the person who began this thread anyway?
  reply report
  61
  Gerard Danielsposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  unlike most people ? thats a bit harsh
  
  where is the person who began this thread anyway?
  
  i messed up on her quote, but this is the person (Eaglekiwi) i was responding to.
  
  sorry. it is a harsh topic. re-read all the comments that followed the post. Look at where and when this hub went " left" in a hurry.
  I am a father of 4 and 1 on the way ( very soon ) and I find, as a father/ parent, it's quite upsetting that the fact that there are people out there that think that we should "tip toe" around the mother to be to the point of ignoring the potential harm being wrought onto the unborn child.
  If there is a time when a friend should step up to another friend and let them know what your thoughts are, THIS would be one of the top 5. Sure they have a problem; get my friend stressed from withdrawl or give the unborn a huge handicap even before their feet hit the ground? tough problem need tough resolutions.
  The withdrawl is short termed and if done early in pregnency i would think would help more than hinder the unborn and the mother. If done later, the stress would be greater on both unborn and mother.
  Education is a key factor for the mother of the story. She needs to make an educated decision on this problem.
  Ignorance and negative remarks will not help anyone.
  As i stated in my intial comment to this post, life is a team sport now for mother and child. so a teamate the mother must be now.
  in my respectful opinion
  reply report
  61
  NYMiskovicposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I am the person who initially asked this question and I was looking for some real perspective on this issue. I truly appreciate your opinion on this and you raise some great points about life being a team sport. I also agree that education is key and I think this is why I am having such a difficult time deciding whether to say something or not. This woman is very intelligent and I find it hard to believe that she doesn't know what she is doing is wrong. In my gut, I firmly believe that she knows what she is doing is wrong but chooses to do it anyway. So, what do you do then? Preaching, being confrontational, forcing my beliefs on her will do no good.
  reply report
  61
  goodfriendiamposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I do see that you care for her, but you got to let it go. Maybe she can't quit. And you don't think that that alone isn't killing her. I will tell you this she ain't dumb. But she is a person, with feelings, and needs most of all support, not a lecture. Yes maybe she will lose the child either by her actions or by the state. Also I know she loves her child. And I don't even have to know her.
  reply report
  58
  Mark Knowlesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Maybe she should be told to have an abortion instead? Because that is what god told me to say. Or rather - I was "convicted" to say this. It is the healthy option and god wills it.
  
  Better the abortion than this huh? Less trouble in heaven.
  
  Insh allah. And in the name of the FSM I will it and am taking control of my immediate surroundings.
  reply report
  61
  Gerard Danielsposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I am really unsure what all that is supposed to mean. and i will appologize for my ignorance.
  I am pro choice. A mother... and father can decide what's best for them when burdened with the knowledge that their lives are at a crossroads unlike any they have come across before.
  But, once the choice is made to keep, then all rights apply to that unborn from that moment on. And the right to start life as healthy as one can be is what we all want.
  reply report
  61
  goodfriendiamposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  thats the whole problem. everyone wants to be in control. We need to to just put dog leashes on everyone and be done with it. Then we could demolish free choice.
  reply report
  64
  Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  And then we'll fight over who's gonna hold the leashes
  reply report
  61
  goodfriendiamposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  well, if we are going to fight over the leashes now...then I want a pink one with little daisy's all over...lol
  reply report
75
Eaglekiwiposted 14 years ago
Yes I would say something, along the lines of this

What the **** are you thinking , drinking whie youre pregnant?

( shes my friend,right) we are direct with each other, its just like that.
reply report
82
SweetiePieposted 14 years ago
I probably would not say anything because I do not want someone to hit me because they were mad I told them what to do. If a woman is old enough to get pregnant I imagine she is aware of the dangers of drinking during pregnancy.
reply report
61
Davinagirl3posted 14 years ago
I don't think we are being fair to the woman in question. Remember she is not here to explain herself. We don't know how much she is drinking, or what she's drinking. My doctor told me I could drink one glass of red wine, a day. I chose not to, because I am not a drinker. We don't know anything about this woman, and we have people talking about taking her kids away.
reply report
1. 75
  Eaglekiwiposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Yes and it might not be a 'friend'
  nah if she were my friend Id still be the same thing, and I know my friends would care enough to tell me to.
  
  What if the baby is born dead ? nah I couldnt live with that myself.
  
  Of course people will always do whatever they want , but saying nothing??
  
  guess thats free choice too
  reply report
82
SweetiePieposted 14 years ago
That is interesting information about the red wine and I would not have known that.
reply report
0
SirDentposted 14 years ago
Pro 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

I posted the same thing yesterday but it seems to have been ignored. What it means is that a friend can tell a friend things like you need to stop drinking while your are pregnant because it will hurt your baby. A true friend will correct another friend when harm is likely to come to them or a loved one. If a friend cannot take it, then they are not actually a friend anyway.
reply report
1. 82
  SweetiePieposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I am not sure I would be hanging around someone who drinks in the first place when they are pregnant. Yes I agree with you a true friend would be able to handle the truth, but I am not sure I would want to tell someone who was drinking not too, no matter their condition. Some of them can be mean drunks, and I do not want to risk being injured.
  reply report
61
Capable Womanposted 14 years ago
I would say "pour me one"! Seriously, my mom drank vodka when she was preggers with me...maybe that's why I was born with this weird black burka thing over my head.

Seriously for real, hell yes you should say something! Sometimes a little social pressure is all it takes for people to "choose" to do the right thing.
reply report

Post a Reply

jump to first post

12 Next

Necessary
HubPages Device ID	This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
Login	This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google Recaptcha	This is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
Akismet	This is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google Analytics	This is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic Pixel	This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web Services	This is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
Cloudflare	This is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted Libraries	Javascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)

Features
Google Custom Search	This is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google Maps	Some articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google Charts	This is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host API	This service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTube	Some articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Vimeo	Some articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Paypal	This is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook Login	You can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Maven	This supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)

Marketing
Google AdSense	This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClick	Google provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index Exchange	This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Sovrn	This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook Ads	This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad Marketplace	This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexus	This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Openx	This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon Project	This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLift	This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say Media	We partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing Pixels	We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking Pixels	We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.

Statistics
Author Google Analytics	This is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
Comscore	ComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking Pixel	Some articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
Clicksco	This is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)

Would you say something to a pregnant woman who is drinking alcohol?

Arts and Design

Autos

Books, Literature, and Writing

Business and Employment

Education and Science

Entertainment and Media

Family and Parenting

Fashion and Beauty

Food and Cooking

Games, Toys, and Hobbies

Gender and Relationships

Health

Holidays and Celebrations

Home and Garden

HubPages Tutorials and Community

Personal Finance

Pets and Animals

Politics and Social Issues

Religion and Philosophy

Sports and Recreation

Technology

Travel and Places

About Us

This website uses cookies

Would you say something to a pregnant woman who is drinking alcohol?

Related Discussions

This website uses cookies