when we lose someone

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   b. Malinposted 13 years ago

   How do you handle the death of a loved one or a friend?  I usually find it healing to write about it. It doesn't take away the grief....but it helps.  As writers, poets etc., what do you do?

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      Eiddwenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Grieving is a very personal process and I am going on my own personal experiences here. Eleven years ago my only sister passed over and at the time I did not like to talk about it. However I did write a lot; mostly poetry and this is how I came to terms with my loss. However I did this subconciously and only realised after wards that this had helped to heal me. It felt comfortable to do this, so that 's what I did.
      
      Last year  tragically  my beautiful youngest  daughter passed over and I wanted to talk about her 24/7. This is what I did and I still do, however my writing again is helping me; I am in the process of writng a book of memories in her memory along with the fact that I set up a charity in her name connected with a children's hostel. I want her memory to live on.
      
      To go back to the subject of writing as a therapy then yes it most definitely is , as our fingers flow then so do our suppressed feelings, grief and love.
      
      It is important that we give ourselves enough time to grieve and the best advice I can give is to  to go down the road that we feel most comfortable with. Take care.

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         Karandaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Eiddwen I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, have had a daughter and have had to learn how to live with the grief for these past eight years. It is not an easy road this learning to live without someone you love, but writing, at least for me, has been extremely cathartic, especially in those early days.
         
         I find now as the years pass that writing is only helpful at certain times. To write about my daughter means all the memories of her come flooding back and it seems as if it was only yesterday so the grief comes back too.
         
         Time, acceptance and allowing yourself the right to grief is most important. I wish for you much peace in your journey.

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            Eiddwenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            You are right , allowing ourselves the right to grieve is so important. At the end of the day we are learning to live with it.
            
            It is never going to go away and I know that I will never 'get over it' and to be honest I don't think that I would want to.
            
            Thank you so much for your comments and my heart also goes out to you.
            
            If I am having a hard day I imagine my daughter shaking her head in despair and telling me to get a grip on myself. She never did mince her words. This usually helps and I know she wouldn't want me to be too sad.
            
            Remember you are never on your own and I am only a few clicks away. Take care and God Bless Karanda.

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      Mikeydoesposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I try to not let the emotions get to me, but its hard. What is hard for me is watching other people break down and cry.

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   rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago

   I think writing can be very healing. I have written through some losses and found it to be a beautiful experience.
   I think more than anything after losing a loved one, you need to allow yourself time to go through the process and hopefully have support from others. It helps to talk about the person who is gone.

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   schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years ago

   yes writing has helped me thru love, broken hearts too
   It def would help
   I never had anyone close die
   and I've thought about it and wonder if I'll cry for days
   I don't know
   I hope not
   I'm actually wondering if I could go to the wake. It would be so creepy I think.....?

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   khmohsinposted 13 years ago

   At the moment, its most hurting thing.. but with the passage of time, when our life gets adjusted...
   Time is the healing factor... More time .. more healing.
   Well, I pray, No one may lose the nearest one. Amen

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5. 61

   KristenGraceposted 13 years ago

   Writing helps.  I agree with time, too.  Time heals all wounds.  It is different and unique for each person, and I'm still not sure what exactly has helped me... I'm still trying to figure it out.

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   jeri741posted 13 years ago

   I lost my brother on July 13th of this year. I was very angry. Talking about it has been very helpful.But at times the anger still surfaces and I have to be alone for awhile..taking walks helps when I feel the need to be alone.

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7. 68

   b. Malinposted 13 years ago

   Our family, four years ago, lost my beautiful Artist niece to suicide.  It devastated  our family.  My sister has never been the same.  But in away, she has become a much stronger woman.  Just recently, I have started to bring my niece into my writings, with my sisters approval.  I'm still treading lightly with my thoughts.

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8. 61

   RevLadyposted 13 years ago

   For me, it was solitude. It was in the blessed quietness of God's nature where I could process my thoughts and feelings, pain and sorrows and share it with nature as I listened to the soothing songs of the birds, or symphony of the ocean beckoning me to sweet peace.
   
   I did not care to write, nor talk much for well meaning people exacerbated my grief.
   
   Later, when the pain subsided, I did write a couple of poems in honor of my loved one.
   
   Also, I chose to learn more about death and dying, grief and bereavement, which led me into the profession. I learned that in ministering to the grief needs of other, my grief needs was also being ministered to. I joined the fellowship of wounded healers.

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      mega1posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I really like the way you say it - helping others is about the only way I have found to get past my grief and go on. I have lost several close relatives and friends, and I know it will continue as I get older. Still, I have had to re-train my mind not to travel down the paths to those dark, sorry places where I just want to cry forever.  Instead I do things for others whenever the opportunity arises, and caring for others helps.  Also I train my thoughts to move onto real projects and activities.  A "fellowship of wounded healers" is a great way to describe it.  Many have lost dear ones and you would never know it as they move cheerfully in your life.  It is important to remember that we all have sadness and need to treat each other with much kindness and compassion.

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9. 68

   b. Malinposted 13 years ago

   I had a cousin, whom I called when my niece died to ask her to come to the funeral.  She said she could not, because she had lost a daughter to Cancer, who had wanted to live.  She resented my niece for taking her own life.  I told her I thought my niece had a sickness too...and we would celebrate the artist that she was. It was a terrible experience and I only recently shared this with my sister, about my cousins comments.

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    ssbrookhaven65posted 13 years ago

    I suffer, which is a natural part of life. However, I do learn and grow. Pain equals art. Art equals pain.

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       Jaggedfrostposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Maybe we write when we need truth because it is in itself a searching and in understanding our heart on the subject ascribed to a page, tear drops and all, we can come to terms with how we feel on the matter.  Some chose to use escapism to deal.  I find that remembering the good times helps a lot and the fact that I cherish a knowledge that they aren't really gone but merely passed from one state of existence to another. Dispute that as you will, it comforts me.

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11. 68

    b. Malinposted 13 years ago

    What a nice "up beat" answer Jaggedfrost!  At my nieces funeral...which was tragic, because she had taken her own life.  I found a "thank you" note that she had written to me six months earlier.  She was so full of life then and the letter was about the wonderful time she and her mother spent in NYC, just having fun on her Birthday.  I had sent her B-Day $$ to enjoy.  This letter not only helped my sister, but gave everyone a better insight to the wonderful "artist" my niece was, and not her tragic ending.

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    Denise Handlonposted 13 years ago

    Writing was one of my saving grace's when my husband died.  My daughters were the other.  I recently experienced the 5th anniversary of his death and wrote a hub about it if interested.  It's under my profile.

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    jessica.written.posted 13 years ago

    I cry. and as i soak my tears into the page, i write. about what i had, what i lost and the future that, now, does not look so bright.
    i scream. i lye in agony. tearing fingernails against my chest. i let every memory i have spill from me and leak onto the page from my pen. i write everything down so five years down the road when the mind has begun to remove the memories to create space for others - i can look back at my smudged paper and read and cry and write all over again. to keep the memory real and close. so i never forget what they meant to me.

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