Is it so wrong to always want to be the homemaker?

1. 74

   Victoria Stephensposted 13 years ago

   Is it so wrong to always want to be the homemaker?
   
   I loved my life as a homemaker and a full time mum?  due to finances, I've started back at work but miss it all so much.

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      Bel Marshallposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      There is nothing wrong at all with wanting to be a homemaker.  I loved being home with my daughter and even now, I work from home, because it is where I am happiest.
      Best of luck to you, I hope you are able to get back home soon.

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      1. 74

         Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks Bel Marshall, 
         
         I'm really pleased for you that you are able to work from home, it's lovely to hear someone is following their happiness.  I'm working on it 
         
         Thanks again.xxx

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   2. 57

      dawnMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Victoria, thanks for asking this very important question that for some reason, society is making it harder on women who want to take care of theri kids and it is the hardest job in the world, so as I said below good job mommies of the world....lol

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      1. 74

         Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         I think it's awful that parents no longer have as much of a choice to stay home with the children, yet so many people are quick to judge and ask "where were the parents while the kids were up to this, that and the other"?.   I can only think to myself, 'well they'd probably have been there if they weren’t forced out to work instead.  I completely agree, it is the hardest job in the world but the rewards are also the best in the world too.  Having been one my self previously for many years, I solute the full time homemaker.xxx

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   3. 59

      Nicole Nposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      There is no right or wrong - it's what works for you and for your family.

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      1. 74

         Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Totally agreed! xxx

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      schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I think it's natural, Victoria, just as natural as being a mom.
      I think nature makes women nuturing moms and that's a very good thing. Also children usually get a more quality education as children with a loving and caring Mom to protect them from bad nanny's or day cares and give their child the love and attention they deserve, hopefully with lots of reading, and interactive games, and walks in the carriage etc.
      
      I feel that if I was a Mom, I would stay at home full time until at least the kid was at least prob 3yrs old ....then I would only work pt but then again, maybe I'd stay home till the kids were 12. Not sure cause I'm not a Mom but what you talk about is I feel a really good value system, of course if it is affordable etc.

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      Brenda Durhamposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Why would you even ask?
      
      Awesome!  I hope you become able to go back to being a full-time homemaker.

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2. 62

   CASE1WORKERposted 13 years ago

   No. its not wrong and I believe most women would jump at the chance to spend more time at home- whether they have children or not. I also think that a partners career can be enhanced by a stable home life ( call me old fashioned) however I have worked all my life with odd breaks ( this year 6months) and i love being at home

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   1. 74

      Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hi case1worker,
      
      Thank you for your point of view. I am quite old fashioned too. I've always been the rock behind my family, the one that holds us all close, the one that does the emergency school pick up's when someone else can't, the one that drops everything a seconds notice to help someone out.  I feel completely dead and unchallenged in my job, like a robot.  I don't even get time to cook what I would consider a proper meal anymore, homemade and everything from scratch.xxx

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3. 86

   rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago

   I see nothing wrong with those desires. everyone is different and how lucky for you and your family that you enjoy the role of the homemaker. the period you're going through now may not be what you desire, but you're doing what you need to do to help with the finances. I think a lot of jobs are like robots. I was thinking of that over the weekend after watching the movie, My Dinner with Andre. life can turn into a robotic type lifestyle if we don't take time for the things that we enjoy.
   maybe with your job, is there a way you can challenge yourself?

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   1. 74

      Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for commenting RebekahELLE,
      
      There's absolutely no room for challenge in my job, my biggest challenge at the moment is trying to stay awake through it!  I am trying to get some money saved up though, so that I can get out of there asap - so I am at least working on changing things.  I have such a playful character; it kills me to feel like I’m doing nothing.  I defiantly went into the wrong line of work.

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4. 78

   Shadesbreathposted 13 years ago

   If it's what you love and you do a good job at it (and your family can afford it), I think having someone at home taking care of the 9,000,000 things that need done is awesome for the family.
   
   The person out working gets a nice, clean, organized place to come home to, a meal if desired, that sort of thing.  Having a home that is run, in a way, like a business, is a source of power and stability for EVERYONE in the family.
   
   My wife stayed home for our family up until 2 years ago when the bottom dropped out of the auto industry and my customers were boarding up their shops.
   
   While our kids are older and we make them do more stuff around the house, it's not the same.  They hate doing it; we have to MAKE them, they don't do it as well as my wife did because they are "just doing it because they have to" not because they value the contribution they are making.  It's not an act of love for them like it was for my wife.  I would argue, and she might disagree, but I think now that she's been working (which she actually wanted to), she'd love it even more if she could have her old life back.  I wish I could give it to her    Stupid economy.

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   1. 74

      Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks shadesbreath for all your feedback,
      
      It really is what I love doing.  I cried non stop for days when I first started at my job but decided I had to pull myself together because my family were feeling my upset too.  Now I just get on with it because of finances but I really hope to get back to my normal home and family life as soon as possible.  I can't describe just how much I miss it.

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5. 0

   Home Girlposted 13 years ago

   I hate it! You feel financially dependent, dumb and just a kitchen gudget that anybody can turn and switch at will!
   "Mom! I am late, give me a ride!"
   "Mom, cat is sick in the bathroom!"
   "I need to go, where is my breakfast?"
   "Mom, I don't have lunch money!"
   And so on and so forth! At least when you at work you are just doing your job and can forget about everything else at least for 8 hours. What a blessing!
   Though I agree that handling your job and family at the same time is very stressful, but we have to do it. What if something happens to your partner? Mine lost his normal life and health in a flash and I was left without a job, money and with 3 teenagers to the bargain! If I was working at that moment, at least! I was so stressed out, I started losing my own health rapidly. That was scary. Again, if you have money - it is a different story.

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   1. 74

      Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Home Girl, 
      
      Thank you for commenting, I really do appreciate all points of view. 
      
      I totally understand that it’s not for everyone, but it just feels right for me.  I like being the one that organises the ‘would be very manic house’ if I let my guard down just for a minute.  I can see that it would be very difficult if anything happens to the person that is bringing in the income.  A similar situation happened to a friend not so long ago.  It was a very hard time for her too.   It does make a lot of sense to be financially secure first, but that seems so hard to achieve at the moment though with the way the economy is.

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   SteppingForwardposted 13 years ago

   I also enjoy the pleasures of staying home.  I wouln't trade being available for all school functions, spending the summers with the kids and cooking wonderful meals for my family.  Sure it is chaos and would be nice to have breaks but on the other hand if it meant me giving up most the benifits, for get it! I hope you are able to obtain your goal soon and can return home.
                          Good Luck and God Bless

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      Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hi SteppingForward,
      
      I really hope I can soon too.  I begrudge every second of working when I know I should be at home where the real difference is made.  It's really nice to hear that you wouldn't trade it in for the world, I hope you can have the freedom to stay home for as long as possible and for as long as it's what you love doing, there's no greater job in the world.xxx

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7. 73

   Diane Insideposted 13 years ago

   I dreamed of staying home and not working for eighteen years I finally got a chance to and loved it. I thought that I was going to get bored but I loved it my house was cleaner, my bills were always ontime and (no memory loss.lol) and I was able to cook good wholesome meals for my husband, I wouldn't trade it for the world. And my husband felt like I supported him even more, as a helpmate not just someone who helped with finances, so I don't blame you at all for wanting to do that.
   
   I also got to spend time with my mom,which I never seemed to have time to do before.
   
   So I loved it I wish this country could back to old fashioned values, and have stay at home moms more, I think kids turn out so much better knowing that support is always at home.

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   1. 74

      Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Diane Inside,
      
      I don't get to see much of my sister or nephew now that I'm working, which is such a shame, we've always been so close and my nephew use to come and stay with us in the school holidays but he can't now.  I hate that all my family misses out on that.  I use to surprise him and meet him from school sometimes, his face would light up and you know it's made his day.  I don't get to do that anymore. 
      
      I hardly ever get to spend any decent time with my partner now either, we're still going strong but it is a strain on us all.
      
      I really glad you finally got the chance to experience staying home, I hope many people do, there's no better feeling in the world.xxx

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8. 75

   sofsposted 13 years ago

   Victoria Stephens, I love being a home maker, i threw up a job which was paying me quiet a packet ....to stay at home.. ..but the way my kids are growing up and the way our marriage is working is nothing compared to all the money that you can get.  so don't ever feel bad about wanting to be a homemaker .. it is a 24x7x365 job that no other job can hold a candle to...  

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   1. 74

      Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Sofs,
      
      I would also trade money for time with my family any day; you just can't put a price on it.  Well done for taking the leap to try it and I'm so pleased for you that you like it and that have the opportunity .xxx

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9. 68

   Donna Janelleposted 13 years ago

   I am working full time right now, but as soon as my husband and I decide to have kids, I know that I want to be a stay at home mom. I don't exactly like working at my job, but it helps with the finances, and we are waiting to have kids until we are financially enough stable so that I am able to quit my job. Hopefully you will soon be able to go back to doing what you love!

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      dawnMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Donna, I know how hard the push and pull is when a women wears so many hats, hopefully that will happen for you and you can just have one focus.

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   2. 74

      Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Donna,
      
      I really hope you can experience it too and don't have to put it off for too long.  I'm sure you will love it.xxx 

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10. 68

    fortunerepposted 13 years ago

    i will be the first to say that being a hmemaker is hard work, very little gratification and very few thankyous becuase it is expected.  I have figured that working a part time job and doing the best i can at home will have to suffice.
    
    dori

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    1. 74

       Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Hi Fortunerep,
       
       I will agree that it is a lot of hard work and sometimes there is little gratitude but I've always been happy to do the giving without the receiving bit.  I totally see that it's not for everyone though.  It's about having the right balance that works for you, and if having a part time job is what works for you then you already have the kind of balance you could want in your life.  If you and your family are all happy then there is nothing wrong with that at all.
       
       Best wishes.xxx

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11. 63

    pisean282311posted 13 years ago

    well i dont think it is wrong in any way..it is personal choice and right of every woman but i still prefer women to be in and out of jobs ...you never know when you would seriously need a job...experience is always better...

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       Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Hi pisean282311,
       
       Very interesting point of view, I hadn't given that one much thought before.  It is nice to know I have the experience in times of need.xxx

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12. 57

    dawnMposted 13 years ago

    I having been in both situations I would say that it is easier to go to work every day then stay home and watch kids, that is why I applaud all women who are given the opportunity to stay home and raise kids that they do, because at the end of the day, you where the one to fix the boobs on their knees, tell them right from wrong the way you want them to learn it, and spend quality time with them in those first precious years that one can never get back.  There are May sacrifices that men and women have to make now days for a woman to stay home, but I believe that it is in the best interest of the children.  Now I also believe in time off for mom's a person to come and help clean the house once a week and dad putting in time when he can.  I also believe in grandparents being around and moms groups so that moms can have a social life to.  When child go into elementary school than if a mom wants to she can get a part time job or work from home, or be on the PTA or girl scout leader, the job never ends with children.

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       Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Hi dawnM,
       
       It nice for the mum to have some support and if they can have family around them that are willing to pitch in and help,  then it certainly builds a stronger family bond.
       
       It's amazing how much the homemaker does in a day but if they are happy then it should be there choice to do that.  It's a shame that so many people don't have the privilege anymore.  A good lot of years ago it was the only way things were done, but now the world has gone 'money motivated' mad and you have to join them to keep with basic everyday living expenses.xxx

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13. 61

    prettydarkhorseposted 13 years ago

    Staying at home I think is wonderful and the best if you have a choice. If you can take care of your children and your hubby plus have your own time while doing it is I think ideal. I have been working, studying all my life and all I wanted to do is to be a homemaker. I imagine going out and have some circle of friends will help so that you don't get burned out.

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       Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Hi Prettydarkhorse,
       
       You do find that you loose touch with quite a few friends that don't also have children, because they don't often want to hang out in all the places that you can only go with the children (it's worth the sacrifice though), some that enjoy kids a lot will stick around and you meet lots of other mums that become part of your circle too.  It does help a lot to have some good friends around you.   
       
       I hope you get your dream of being a homemaker as soon as possible, I’m sure once you get to try it, you’ll never look back .xxx

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14. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Nothing wrong with choosing to be a stay at home mom.  If money is a factor, maybe there's a way for you to be able to make money from home, whether it's with a telecommuting job or staring your own small business at home.

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       Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Hi Fightkeeper, 
       
       I have considered work that I can do from home that I would enjoy doing; I need to get some finances put aside before I can do any of it.  That is now my goal though as soon as I can.xxx

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    adenmark99posted 13 years ago

    I have stayed home for the last 3 years and I have a 3 years old and a 10 months old. I have always felt ambivalent about it. I know that my husband thinks it is a wonderful thing to do for my family but I often feel lonely frustrated at not being able to do anything else. On the flip side my kids (especially the baby) are happier at home, they can take their time eating, playing, taking naps without being rushed. So now I am trying to do more than just taking care of them, cooking and cleaning. I opened a small jewelry business (hand made jewelry) and I write a blog. I met a lot of moms who feel the way I do. So the new trend seems to be the "working from home mom, the creative mom". We can be modern moms, try to think outside the box to make money (or to do something we want to do) but yet spend a lot of time taking care of the family.

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       Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Hi adenmark99,
       
       First of all, let me congratulate you at stating up your own work from home.  As a mum, I'm sure it was very difficult for you to get it all started whilst looking after the family at the same time.
       
       Sometimes I can't decide if I need to think outside of the box or think less altogether. If I think too much I tend to talk myself out of things.  I need to adapt the 'just do it' attitude a bit more I think,  I'm sure I’d get a lot further that way.
       
       Thanks for your input, it's very much appreciated.xxx

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    china manposted 13 years ago

    Any change in life is stressful - and having to leave the comfort-zone of being a full-time housewife to get a job is more stressful because being a housewife you might have been busy but you were pretty much in charge of your life.  You have lost a big freedom.
    
    But change is how we get bigger, it opens up new ideas and possibilities.   - if you have to change, then the best approach is to look for the good stuff and work on making more of it rather than pining to get back into the kithchen.  There must be some things better, new friends, meeting customers, more money so less worry ??

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       Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Hi China man,
       
       I sure miss that freedom; it has been hugely stressful to make such a change.  I am trying to look at the good stuff as much as possible because I my personality is quite natural at seeing the good through the bad, but I have to admit I am struggling with this one sometimes.
       
       So far the only good I can find is that it will give me at least a little more experience of working on my own, if and when I can set up my own business working from home. 
       
       I've gone from the standard family ciaos everyday to working in an office alone, (which is not what I was expecting when I took the job).  In a day, I work with no one, see no one and meet no one new, it’s all by email and sometimes phone, and all very impersonal.  It's just quite, lonely and boring.  The income to be honest is not much better than what I had coming in before, but I am hoping to save as much as I possibly can so that I can finance something of my own.xxx

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17. 78

    Uninvited Writerposted 13 years ago

    There is nothing wrong with choosing to be a homemaker, in the same vein that there is nothing with choosing to work out of the home.

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       Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Hi uninvited writer,
       
       You are very right, it's all about peoples own preferences and I am really happy to see that so many people are supportive of what ever other peoples choices are.  Good on you all.xxx

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18. 61

    ErinEliseposted 13 years ago

    No, it isn't wrong at all to want to be the homemaker, at least I don't think.  The other day I overheard someone say something to the effect that "Oh, you're working as a stay-at-home mom", and I thought it was a good reference because it is definitely working, but so rewarding.  When I had my first son, I had to go back to work when he was 14 weeks old and it broke my heart.  I wanted to stay home with him so badly, but wasn't able to. Several years later, I had three more children and it was more cost effective for me to do childcare than return to work full-time so I was able to stay home with them.  I was and am very thankful for that.  It is not at all wrong to want to stay home with your children, as long as finances aren't a factor.  It's wonderful to watch your children grow up every day and not have to be away from them.

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       Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Hi ErinElise,
       
       I was once told that when writing up a CV that you should still put paid or volunteer work down as a job, paid or unpaid it is still a job and I fully believe that a homemaker should be considered as having a 'very' full time job too.  I have to agree I would have been well happy if someone had said to me before that 'I was working as a stay at home mum', it’s a brilliant phrase, and one I hope to hear more of.
       
       I really feel for you that you had to return to work when your first son was only 14 weeks old, but very glad to hear you finally got to stay home with the other children. 
       
       I have enquired about childcare, but at the moment Ofsted say that there is so many childminders in my area that are unable to assist me with any help to get started and that I would completely have to set it up on my own, plus they also said there is a lot of childminders that have a lot of empty places. 
       I think I could set it up ok on my own, but if there is already so many in my area it may not prove to be such a successful move financially and I stand to lose quite a bit in start up fee's, which at the moment I can't really afford to lose if it isn't going to generate an income.  I am keeping it in mind for future references though, if the situation around here should change much.xxx

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    Megavitaminposted 13 years ago

    Every family has to choose what is right for them--which includes stay-at-home dads!  I just wanted to give them a little shout out in this thread. 
    
    Every family is different and has to figure out what works best for their situation, and finances seem to always be driving the train.  I hope your situation becomes what you want it to be.  Ignore the haters :0)

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       Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Hi Megavitamin,
       
       Defiantly worth giving the stay-at-home dads a shout.  I know several and they seem to get more stick for it than woman.  It's harder for them too as there are still many places only designed for mum and baby - rarely dad and baby.  Although it's becoming more popular to see such places now.xxx

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    dawnMposted 13 years ago

    I think that the computer has made a big difference for stay at homes moms because they can write and create and make money from the computer.  Zazzel is a fun creative place to make and sell products.  I do think that it is harder for a dad to stay home, but I have to say that with this economy if one parent can stay home instead of putting kids into day care then, the children will really benefit from it!

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       Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Hi dawnM,
       
       Zazzel sounds interesting, I shall take a look at it. 
       
       The computer certainly does offer a bit of a lifeline to many people,  I just need to figure out a way of getting it to help me a bit more!
       
       Thanks for your input, it's much appreciated.xxx

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    LondonGirlposted 13 years ago

    Nothing wrong with it at all!
    
    I wish mothers in general would be less judgmental. Some women are working mothers, some work part-time, some are housewives. Whatever suits the family in question is the right thing to do.

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       Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Hi LondonGirl,
       
       I wish the system in general was less judgemental and was able to see that a parent should always have the choice to stay home with their family.xxx

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    LSKingposted 13 years ago

    I've been home for 9 years. I have no plans of going back to work. I enjoy what I do online and I absolutely love being available to my kids when they're sick, out of school, or in need of my attention.
    
    My husband has never had a 9 to 5 job. He was able to climb the ladder rather quickly with me supporting him at home. We've moved several times due to his position, and each time he would receive a promotion.
    
    I never thought that I would love being a homemaker. It just kinda fell into my lap. We're not the wealthiest of people but, we never go without. We have a nice house in the suburbs, plenty of food, clothes, and toys.
    
    We sacrifice a lot, this is the part that baffles people. I didn't get a new car until my online earnings could cover the payment. We shop at thrifts stores and second hand shops. I get groceries and other items at discount stores. We rarely vacation, and if we do, it's always local. I don't got to the beauty salon or have designer clothes. We lead a very frugal life but we're happy!

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       Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Hi LSKing,
       
       It's lovely to hear your story,  I was never 'well off' either when I was a stay at home mum but all my family was happy, thats what counts and matters most to me. 
       
       I would give up time and money for our happiness any day, the second I can afford to!
       
       Best wishes.xxxx

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    Jo Deslaurierposted 13 years ago

    Not wrong at all; it's a job that plays a vital role in shaping children's lives and what's more important that that? I hope circumstances improve so that you can rejoin your children at home. Best of luck!

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       Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Thanks Jo Deslaurier,
       
       I can't think of anything more important than that.  We bring kids into the world to love and care for them, It hurts when I'm not there to offer full time care.x

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24. 74

    Eaglekiwiposted 13 years ago

    100% right in my opinion

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       Victoria Stephensposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Thanks Eaglekiki,
       
       It really has been lovely to have so much support from everyone.xxx

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    mommyloves2writeposted 13 years ago

    I am a SAHM and love it!  I worked full-time as a teacher, on and off, until my oldest was seven.  My friends and family noticed a remarkable difference in my being when I was off for breaks and during the summer.  I was so much happier!
    
    Going back to work after my twins were born would have meant work three weeks for child care and take one week home for profit.  Not worth it.
    
    Add to the fact that up until recently, my DH worked 60-70 hours a week.  If I was working, I would have had to deal with everything kid and house related and a job.
    
    I have always worked part-time on the weekends,as well as teaching preschool when my twins were younger. I have been working from home for the past year.  I volunteer a lot... my resume does not have large gaps in it. 
    
    Has it been financially easy?  NO!  In fact, I may have to find paid employment outside the home during the week in the new year, and I do not want to! 
    
    I also think it is important to be home when they are teens.  When do they get into the most trouble?  After school when no parents are around!
    
    It's definitley a personal choice, and I love my life at home.

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    ThoughtfulSpotposted 13 years ago

    So much has already been said, but I had to add in my word or two of support.
    
    Not to "toot my own horn" but, I'm a smart woman who did very well in school and has managed a solid career, and a lot of people made it clear they thought I was crazy when I wanted to stay home w/ my boys.
    
    Its, unfortunately, not an option for me, but I looked at if from every which way to see if I could.  It tore me apart each time I had to return to work and leave my sons when they were 12 weeks old.  We've managed though, to make the best of it.  I work an off schedule w/ odd days and hours, so my sons have only had to have daycare 3 days per week since they were little.  Its made it a bit tough because my husband and I only have 1 day per week when we are home together, but its been worth it to give the boys as much "home time" with a parent as we can.
    
    Now that my eldest is in Kindergarten and in school 5 days per week, I'm working on my teachers certification so that I can work my way towards having the same schedule as the kids and being home with them as much as possible.  (I also have always wanted to teach - I'm not naive enough to take on that kind of major responsibility w/o having a passion for it! lol.)  I'm so looking forward to that first summer I am home.  It will be my first real taste of being a full time mommy (w/o a job - I'm still a full-time mommy even though I work 40hrs outside the home! ) - which is what I've always wanted.
    
    My point is that everyone has to find their own path.  We do some things because we want to, and others because we need to.  Working at home, working as a full time mom, or working from the office - as long as its done with love and for the right reasons, then its just fine... and should never be looked down upon.

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27. 54

    jennyb30posted 13 years ago

    It's not at all wrong to want to stay at home with your kids. I gave up my full-time career three years ago to move to the country and bring up my kids! Its the best thing I ever did! Giving them your time is most important! In only a few short years they will grow up and grow on! I feel that by staying at home with my kids will give them stability in their adult life! That's theory anyways! I have two great boys who I love dearly! I also feel that I am young enough that I will have time to do other things when they are older!

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28. 0

    Christy Zutautasposted 13 years ago

    I think it is totally normal for you to want to be a homemaker. Plenty of women enjoy taking care of their home and family. After each of my children were born I took about a year off of work and I loved it. I love baking...sewing...all of it. I've always managed to find a way to work from home. I ran a home daycare for 10 years and then figured out how to make money online. I don't think I'll ever leave the house to work, lol, but I definitely do need to earn money because one income isn't enough for our family.

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