Is it ok that I don't want to have children?

1. 91

   davidlivermoreposted 10 years ago

   Is it ok that I don't want to have children?
   
   Considering my age I have realized that I won't have children.  Is that ok?  I know this always disappointed my mother (who is now deceased), but the last couple of years I feel guilty I haven't had a child and probably won't have a child.  The family name won't carry on, but my genetics will in other relatives.  What do you think?

   replyreport
2. 60

   duffsmomposted 10 years ago

   I think people should have children IF THEY WANT THEM. It is completely a personal decision and only you know if you would enjoy raising a child or not. I think it is perfectly okay not to have children if you do not want them.

   replyreport
3. 84

   liesl5858posted 10 years ago

   It is perfectly okey not to have children but this depends on the decision of both husband and wife or single women who do not want to have children. Sometimes it is a blessing to have children and sometimes not. It is a big responsibility to raise children especially nowadays when things are hard. I won't be having one now not because I don't want to but because of many reasons I can't say.

   replyreport
4. 78

   DexisViewposted 10 years ago

   I sense some inner conflict in your question.  This is not the kind of question that you need to ask anyone other than yourself.  Only you can know whether having a child is right for you.  You mention age and disappointing family members.  For men, age is really never an issue but rather once again a personal choice.  For women, age definitely influences how long a women's body is capable of conceiving.  I do believe that having a child at an older age is unfair to the child.  You see older men father children all the time, but then leave it up to the younger wife to tend to all of the child's needs.  What's the point of that??  To satisfy an ego?  A child needs vibrant, active parents.
   Guilt and continuance of the family name should never be a motivating factor in bringing a child into the world.
   I would recommend that anyone who is unsure of having a child not have one unless they are absolutely certain and doing it for all the right reasons.  There are enough challenges in the world for children born to parents that wanted them for all the right reasons.

   replyreport
5. 79

   dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

   I never had the desire to have children and chose not to. The world is not endangered due to a reduction in population. People who don't want children should not have them.There are enough of them that are neglected and abused as it is.
   Life is a (personal) journey. Only you can decide what is best for you.

   replyreport
6. 72

   lburmasterposted 10 years ago

   Children are not for every couple. I've known a few mothers who never wanted to have kids. Their hard on their children and still have difficulty with motherhood. Sometimes it's the best thing for you. For example, I wouldn't be able to stay at home with my son. My husband has more patience and is a better cook. I'd rather not get our child sick by spending time in the kitchen.

   replyreport
7. 78

   nanderson500posted 10 years ago

   There's absolutely nothing wrong with not having kids. You shouldn't have to feel guilty about it. There are more than enough people in the world.

   replyreport
8. 75

   Lady Wordsmithposted 10 years ago

   Absolutely. I'm not sure why everyone thinks they're supposed to have children. I love having my children, but I can see that it's not for everyone. A member of my family was sterilised when she was in her early 20s, she knew so decidedly that she would never want to have children, and she has never regretted her decision. There's something to be envied in her situation - she has total freedom, the kind that a parent can never have, the kind that parents give up.
   
   What's so important about carrying on the family name? I can't see why that's important at all - what's in a name? I can't even see why it's important for a family's genes to continue to multiply - what does it matter whose genes populate the planet? My family name doesn't carry on through me, because I'm a woman and my children have their father's surname (for the time being, though they might change it to my surname when they're older, that's up to them) - but since I have a few different names that I use for different purposes I don't think a name means much at all.
   
   Who do you feel guilt for? Yourself? The children you haven't had? Your mother? I think your guilt is misplaced. I don't think guilt has any place at all in someone's decision not to have children. People should feel guilty for bad actions or deeds only. Not having children is neither bad nor good.

   replyreport
9. 74

   ParadigmEnactedposted 10 years ago

   It's completely your option, and I'll say that a person really has to make sure that they are cut out for it because it takes a lot out of you. You also have to consider what you are bringing them into with the state of the world, existing relationships, etc. That being said each generation is better equipped to handle existing conditions than any of us are. A lot of people also talk about the world as a deterrent to having children as a cop out but then are only refusing to grow up and lacking in responsibility. But if it is just honestly a choice or the way things worked out, then it's probably meant to be that way, and you can pour your energy into something else.

   replyreport
10. 54

    poetvixposted 10 years ago

    Yes, it is OK to not have children.  If it were not, that would imply that every woman in the history of the world who did not produce a child was somehow less than a woman.  What about Mother Teresa?  Did she ever have a child?  Yet, she was a positive influence in the lives of so many children.
    The world is full of children that are unwanted.  Why on earth should anyone feel guilty about not adding to those numbers?  In fact, I would like to see more people adopting the millions of children across the globe that are starving, abused,  ill cared for and living from hand to mouth now. 
    The very idea of having a child to carry on a family name is problematic at best.  Suppose one buys into it and pumps out 10 kids.  If they are all girls, chances are the family name is toast in one generation anyway.  As for the genes, considering we all came from someone, chances are they are already out there in abundance in the gene pool. 
    Don’t let the narrow minded beliefs of those who never stopped to question them anyway make you feel guilty.  It’s your life.  Live it how you want.  When it’s over, the only person you will be answering to is yourself and God.

    replyreport
11. 90

    Astralroseposted 10 years ago

    It is best for everyone and for the environment NOT to have children anymore. There is no need for more children and more mouths to feed. And we don't need to please anybody by having children, we simply cannot because it is not our responsibility to make others happy, like our parents or relatives. And if you want to have children so that your family name carries on think of Christ, he didn't have any children but his name carries on. How about Einstein's father, he is not even remembered.

    replyreport
12. 60

    Harsh Sharmaposted 10 years ago

    I believe it is perfectly ok not to have children of your own keeping in view your age and health.But you can always adopt a child and bring her up as your own.

    replyreport
13. 0

    MIMI-LOGOSposted 10 years ago

    Yes, it is ok, and I admire you for asking this question on a public forum like this. I takes a lot of courage to do so, especially when others can be opinionated. I believe when it comes to marriage, relationships, having children, and spiritual convictions, these things are a personal matter and the right and privilege of the individual(s). Follow your heart, be true to yourself. Most importantly, release yourself from the sense of guilt you feel regarding disappointing your deceased mother. Live life to your own fulfillment.

    replyreport
14. 0

    Dawn Aliceposted 10 years ago

    People do not put enough consideration into having children; they simply have them because it is the thing to do. I have a high respect for those who put thought into such important issues. If you do not have the desire or have had the opportunity then that is your path in life.
    Congratulations on being an individual making a difference to the world in your unique way. Your essence does not need a name to live on.

    replyreport
15. 60

    Kevin Peterposted 10 years ago

    In your question itself you have said that you don't want to have children. Then what's the thing to worry or think about. It's your personal decision and no one else can say an opinion about it.

    replyreport
16. 60

    TheRealSummerposted 10 years ago

    There is nothing wrong with that decision. And it is yours and yours alone to make. There are plenty of people who not only don't give such an important decision some thought, but seem to think producing a child alone qualifies for being a parent. I am only 35, but did not get a chance to contemplate or even grasp what being a parent truly meant. My oldest son just graduated high school and has awarded me a grandbaby, and I have a daughter just starting high school. And though baby mania has struck all around me, my husband and I have decided we do not want any more children. I have watched children be born to parents with selfish motives, children used as status symbols, children learning horrible morals or none at all. After the cute cuddly, stage is over, comes the hardest work of all. It truly is , as it should be, a life long change. Keep your head up about who you are and what you want or dont want out of life. Just because a person can have a child, doesn't mean they should. and it is more responsible to make that decision based on individual realities and expectations, than to make it just because the Jones did.Good luck to you.

    replyreport
17. 61

    TKirTigsposted 10 years ago

    Honestly, the world has changed. So many more women and families are deciding not to be parents. There are so many problems with the world that as an adult if you feel that you can not be a parent it is alright. Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi summed it up the best.
    
    "There comes some pressure in your mid-30s, and you think, Am I going to have kids so I don't miss out on something that other people really seem to love?" she mused in the Out interview. "Or is it that I really genuinely want to do this with my whole heart? I didn't feel that my response was 'yes' to the latter."
    "You have to really want to have kids, and neither of us did," Portia continued. "So it's just going to be me and Ellen and no babies."

    replyreport
18. 60

    RominaDposted 10 years ago

    Having a kid is a big responsibility, if you feel you cant handle it, its ok and dont think of the family name thing. In case you change your mind try having one. Ive seen women over 40 having totally healthy babies or you can also abopt a child.

    replyreport
19. 71

    Man of Strengthposted 10 years ago

    Yes, it is 100% okay. Children are a joy. They're your own little mini-me. The joys of having children are amazing. It's a fascinating experience. You develop this person from an infant to an adult. Also, there are challenges that come with having children. For their first 18 years of life you have to abandon all selfishness. The child's needs are more important than some things you'd like for yourself. During the teen years, most kids will become rebellious in some form. You weather many storms during your child's life. Even when he reaches adulthood, he will still depend on you at times. It's a life long responsibility. I admire you for being honest. So many children are born under less than ideal circumstances. It's not a decision to be taken lightly.

    replyreport
20. 60

    amz347posted 10 years ago

    I feel that if one makes the choice to not have children or makes the choice to have children that it is all based on their own personal preference. People don't have children for a variety of reasons: they may not have the time, they want to focus on their career, they do not have a partner to have children with, etc. It doesn't mean anything other then the fact that you decided not to have any. I wouldn't be too upset about it. Use the extra time you have not caring for children and put it into  other things.

    replyreport
21. 84

    gmwilliamsposted 6 years ago

    Yes, it is fine if you don't want to have children.  It is also mature, intelligent, & a thoughtful decision to make.  Not everyone wants children.  Not everyone even likes children.  Children are beautiful, precious entities but children aren't the end &be all in life.  There is more to life than children.  If people thought more carefully before having children, there would be far less social problems.

    replyreport