Do you understand the relationship of same sex attraction?

1. 68

   BuffaloGal1960posted 10 years ago

   Do you understand the relationship of same sex attraction?
   
   If a woman is attracted to a woman, why does one of them need to be masculine?  And if a man is attracted to a man, why does one of them need to be feminine?

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2. 38

   ChristinSposted 10 years ago

   That isn't always the case and is a generalization. Who says one needs to be a certain way? There are plenty of same sex couples who are not that way.  It's not right to generalize same-sex couples, because like heterosexual couples, they are not all alike.
   
   We actually have a marriage taking place within our family today and neither one is more "feminine" or "masculine" than the other - they are simply two people who fell in love and want to share their lives with each other and I am thrilled for them.
   
   There are plenty of heterosexual couples also where the woman is more "alpha" than the male - usually considered a masculine trait. What about families where the man stays home and the woman works - complete gender reversal there compared to history. There are all kinds of ways traditional gender rules are being changed all the time.    To each their own - what other people do or who they love is their own business.

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      JThomp42posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Not if it infringes on my families values. How do you explain to a 4 year old why 2 men are kissing in public?? Advice please?

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      ChristinSposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I explain to them that everyone is different and people love who they love. Why should I teach my children to discriminate? In my eyes, disliking others for being different would be far worse than a child seeing two people share a kiss.

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      JThomp42posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Are you really serious? Two men kissing in public in front of your children will have no ill effect on this young child? Is this what this country has come to? Just because someone wants to commit a crude act in public, a child is confused for weeks?

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      BuffaloGal1960posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Well, I try to not include ALL in anything I say online or in person.  I don't really think I implied ALL here, did I?  I better go back and look!  But even some like you say, I'm just looking to understand. I have some in my family too.

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      ChristinSposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      A 4 year old doesn't see a kiss as a crude act.  Most 4 years olds wouldn't give it a second thought unless their parents freaked out about it. Older children should know that not everyone is the same & that doesn't make someone "bad" just differ

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      JThomp42posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Well, mine did. And wouldn't you know it. Three days later is a talk with her teacher in pre-school that she is kissing other students? Coincidence? I will not even kiss in front of this child. And yes, she asked me why they did this.

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      ChristinSposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      A kiss is an expression of affection. I'd simply tell my child when it is and is not appropriate to display the behavior and be done with it.

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      JThomp42posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Christin.

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      Ericdierkerposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I am old school. PDAs make me uncomfortable. Holding hands and pecks are cool, love hugs. But anything even kind of sexual in public makes me cringe. What sex don't matter.

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       JThomp42posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Agreed Eric!

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       PoeticFailosophyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       If your child sees two men kissing in public, tell your child they are from Argentina.  No joke, that's how Argentinians greet one another.

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       IDONOposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       JThomp. What if up the road, your daughter tells you that she is more attracted to an alternative life style other than the one you have already planned for her? Will you still love her? Can you explain why or why not? It could happen. Be ready if so

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       SmartAndFunposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       My kids have seen 2 men kissing & they didn't even notice or care. Seeing 2 men kissing will effect kids only if parents teach that it should. People also used to teach their kids that blacks & whites shouldn't drink from the same water fount

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       JThomp42posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       SmartAndFun....... That is apples and oranges. How dare you compare what African Americans went through to this vile lifestyle. All I can say is what are you people thinking??

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       ChristinSposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       We're thinking it isn't right to judge people as vile simply because we do not think like them or love like them. What is vile to me is discrimination in any form against people for simply being different.

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       aliasisposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       JThomp - also, here's some advice for what to tell your daughter. "Sometimes, when two grown-ups love each other very much, they kiss! It's normal and just means they are really in love. But it isn't something for kids!" There, easy.

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       JThomp42posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       ChristinS.. It is totally apparent that you have become an adult with a totally different moral fibers than I. Some countries "tolerate" juvenile prostitution.  They just look the other way. Does this make it right? Toleration does not = right decisi

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       ChristinSposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       All I can say to that JThomp is "Good" I am happy to have moral fiber that doesn't feel the need to judge other consenting adults for their own private lives. Comparing this to child prostitution? Wow, just wow...

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       JThomp42posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Christin..... the point I am trying to make is if society deems something tolerable it does not make it right. Do you feel drugs should be used in coffee shops? Should prostitution be legal? Well, this is the direction in which this accepting is goin

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       IDONOposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Referring to your response to Sm&Fun. If we are thinking anything different than you, you see us as wrong. That world of isolation, disguised as "moral fiber", must be very lonely. Open-mindedness is freedom. Allow others to be themselves: pricel

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       SmartAndFunposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       JT, I am comparing discrimination to discrimination. Sexual orientation is not a moral issue. I realize you will never see it that way, just as my 80-year-old father-in-law will never feel in his heart that blacks deserve equal treatment.

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       JThomp42posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       IDONO........ I am only speaking about what I believe. This country is going to hell in a hand basket because of those who "tolerate" this vile behavior that is clearly "NOT" moral nor behavior that is pleasing to God. R U A Christian IDONO??

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       MysticMoonlightposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Disagreeing with something ppl do is fine but calling those ppl vile because u don't like what they do actually speaks volumes about you not them. Vile behavior can be hate, discrimination, and intolerance and I see plenty of that in some Christians.

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   24. 0

       JThomp42posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       My Bible tells me this behavior is not acceptable. I will stand by this until i MEET my maker. God almighty. Why don't you people mind your own business and quit interrupting threads?? I am sickened by your opinions. One day you will see the truth.

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       MysticMoonlightposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Who/what is the 'you people' you're referring to? Those that disagree with ur belittling of ur fellow man? Go back and read the words you spoke publicly about ur fellow man and then tell me who sounds like the Christian here you or me. Funny that.

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       MysticMoonlightposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       I feel sorry that you find comfort in name calling. Again, who sounds like the Christian here, you or me? Jesus loves everyone, certainly can't say the same about you. U are one his people correct? It certainly does not show in you.

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       JThomp42posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       SMH.......

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       IDONOposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       JT: Quit throwing tantrums on other people's space. You asked if I were Christian. Yes. And God may not be happy with this gay issue. But, I'm not God. And neither are you. We are God's followers; not enforcers. Let him judge and worry about yourself

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3. 86

   Alphadogg16posted 10 years ago

   I've never understood that as well BuffaloGal1960. If you are attracted to men/women, then why don't they have the appearance of a man/women? Its almost as if they are confused/unsure of there preference. I understand everyone has the right to make their on choices, but that to me does not make any sense.

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      BuffaloGal1960posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I think it's deeper than just "appearance", don't you?

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      Ericdierkerposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Ask them. You may be surprised. I have known some river runner gals and athletes, that just seem naturally alpha. I do not see any feminine qualities in Nancy Pelosi. I doubt that is what would attract a woman to them. But maybe. Murderers have loves

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   3. 86

      Alphadogg16posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I'm not sure it is deeper than appearance, some people tend to care what society's perception is and will try to adhere to it. Eric, I ask a gay friend, he said they are probably not comfortable with themselves

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      Ericdierkerposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Seems to me you are right to a degree. Like a "Napolean" complex. I must say that normally they are defensive about it,,,, which is a red flag to me. (in my experience)

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   5. 68

      BuffaloGal1960posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      It goes deeper than appearance Alpha. Good point on Pelosi, Eric. It seems odd that one would go out of their way to perform & be like the opposite of their attraction. That's my point. It would be like me asking my man to dress as a woman. Odd.

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   PoeticFailosophyposted 10 years ago

   Neither woman in a lesbian partnership has the be masculine.  And ofttimes both are masculine.  Similarly with two gay men it isn't necessary that one of them be the feminine one, it could be that both or neither are effeminate. 
   
   Your difficulty in understanding it lies in your trying to view it through the lens of  straight relationships.  Think of it more as a close friendship between two people of the same sex who also happen to be physically intimate with one another.  It's not really so complicated if you view it like that.

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      SmartAndFunposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I agree; it is not correct to say every gay relationship "needs" to have that dynamic of masculine and feminine.

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      BuffaloGal1960posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I NEVER said EVERY. And I don't see how this could be compared to straight really. I just don't see.

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      PoeticFailosophyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Stop comparing it to straight relationships.  You don't see because you are looking for something that isn't there. You seem a little obsessed with your inability to understand it.  Stop trying so hard, it's really quite simple.

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      BuffaloGal1960posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Not comparing to Straight. It's not really comparable to Straight.

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   IDONOposted 10 years ago

   Why do some men wear jeans and T shirts and their wives wear Prada? Who knows? As straight people, we may never fully understand same sex attraction. Who knows? If we all did, there may be a huge increase in those relationships. But, part of the reason we get so confused is that for some reason, in a heterosexual relationship, we put love, trust and dependability as the foundation or basis of a successful relationship. We, as straight people, immediately assume a gay relationship is totally based on sex and reproduction. That is far from correct.
        The simple fact that we don't understand, and certainly can't relate to this relationship, should be reason enough to not form an opinion of these people and certainly should not damn them for it.

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      BuffaloGal1960posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I don't think I am damning anyone by trying to understand. I can't be really very blunt here, but I don't think some are seeing my point.

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      PoeticFailosophyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      You should be more blunt then, because it's hard to see what you are REALLY asking.  People are trying to answer you question as politely as they can considering that the question you posed sounds a bit bigoted. Did you mean to ask something else?

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      IDONOposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      A relationship is a life team and all successful teams have a team leader. In these relationships you speak of, someone has to take the lead and someone has to concede.Right or wrong, history has shown male domination throughout. Maybe that's why. ??

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6. 75

   aliasisposted 10 years ago

   BuffaloGal - they DON'T. Some gay/lesbian couples choose to fit themselves into the "gender norms" that society pushes on us, but in real life, that's more often than not, not the case. It's just two guys or two girls together, and that's it.
   
   I find that it's most often straight people that are obsessed with knowing "which one is the guy" when I'm in a lesbian relationship, which really is frustrating. Like, neither of us is the guy, that's why we're lesbians! It's kind of offensive.
   
   But if some gay people choose to act/dress in a way that's stereotypical of either men or women... in the end, they are just gender stereotypes (man must be butch, short hair cut, and woman must act more dainty and dress better or something). In the end, a gay woman is still a woman and a gay man is still a man.

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      JThomp42posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      My question is do you still want to be a woman? Or would you rather be a man? Because you are attracted to women.

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      aliasisposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      To add: my point is that stereotypes don't define our genders. I could accuse a straight couple, too, if the wife likes sports and the man likes to cook - but we know that's silly, right? For any couple, we should focus on people, not societal norms.

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      BuffaloGal1960posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Aliasis. I know a lesbian couple who are both masculine. I get what you are saying. It is difficult to elaborate on this because this is public forum.

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   peeplesposted 10 years ago

   Buffalo, I think I get your point and I may be wrong but I don't think it was asked will ill intention. Correct me if I am wrong but it appears that what you are actually asking (in a very indirect way) is Why is it if a woman is attracted to a woman then why does one of them need to be a dyke? I'm guessing you didn't want to use that word for fear of the reaction where some would claim it would be a derogatory slur. In reality I don't know one dyke who is bothered by the term and quite honestly I'd be shocked to meet one who would be offended by such.
   So here is my two cents based off my own bisexual lifestyle and the many (and I mean the majority of people I associate with are gay or bi) homosexuals I know.
   In reality not all homosexuals have the predefined male and female role. However it is really common. The reason for this is because some gay people are just gay while others have always identified with the opposite gender. If a person spends their life (often starting as early as toddler years) feeling like a male even though they are a female, then naturally they will have more male characteristics. Now on to your question. Why would a feminine gay female be attracted to a "dyke" female? Well quite simply that person is still female.
   The best example I can use to help you understand is this. A man who likes a woman to wear modest clothing doesn't see what is underneath those clothes upon first attraction. Often the positives to a woman wearing modest clothes is for the male to be able to imagine what is underneath. The same can work for homosexuals. No matter what clothes the person wears (such as the woman who wears giant baggy clothes) there is always the thought of what is underneath. Now for the actual way they act. Masculine and feminine traits are defined by society. So when someone says a man acts like a girl or a woman acts like a man, this isn't really the case. Just because a male is into fashion and style doesn't make him stop being a man. His sex is still male.
   Now I know this was a long answer and honestly could have been a lot longer. This is a hard subject for people to understand if they do not have gay people in their lives, are gay, or incredibly open minded.

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      aliasisposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      About "dyke" - I think some women just "reclaim" the word, like gay men calling each other "f-g" or even like black men using the n word. Since you're bi it's a bit different, but I'd be mad if a straight person called me a dyke. Still derogatory.

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      peeplesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I have to ask do you present yourself as male? Cut all your hair off, hide your breast? Those are the women I know who don't mind being called a dyke. Though I'll admit it isn't a word I normally say unless in a close group of people I know are ok.

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      aliasisposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      No, I'm not a "butch" lesbian, but I HAVE been called dyke by homophobic straight people, as well as f-g. If a close friend or gay person says it in a joking way, I don't care, but it's been used against me as an attack, so... yeah.

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      IDONOposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      These terms are stereotypical to men or women. They are stigmas created by a few.  But, they don't fit most. The number of gay people that fit this term are few. To most, sexuality is private and not advertised. Except those that are promiscuous.

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   MsDoraposted 10 years ago

   I don't understand it either; but I'm sure there's a rational explanation.  Would like to find out.

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   M. T. Dremerposted 10 years ago

   Actually, every straight man/woman can quite easily understand the relationship of same sex attraction. It was never put so bluntly than on a documentary I watched about Christian parents coming to terms with their homosexual children. A father asked his daughter "But, how do you know you're gay?" and the daughter replied "How do you know you're straight?"
   
   Straight people don't think about being straight, we just are. I don't wake up every morning and decide to find women attractive, just like I didn't decide that I like dark hair more than light hair. While I'm sure that any relationship could be psychologically analyzed, it isn't something we think about when forming relationships. And, that ingrained love and attraction is no different for gay couples than straight ones.

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      JThomp42posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      What about Bi-sexuals?

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      M. T. Dremerposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Bi-sexuals are no different. It just means that the person they find attractive could be male or female.

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      JThomp42posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      What about the levels of their hormones?

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      aliasisposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      JThomp - being straight, gay or bi has nothing to do with your sex drive. Every individual is different. If that's what you mean about "hormone levels"... Great comment, M.T. Dremer. The relationships aren't different, only how society treats them.

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      JThomp42posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Whatever

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      aliasisposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      JThomp - lol is that your usual reaction to science..? Check out the American Pschology Association (APA) website if you want more info - it's a lot more substantial than biases and accusations.

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      JThomp42posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I was talking to M.T. about this hormone level thing. I just do not understand any of it. Just my opinion. I do not need to understand. Have a great day.

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    mintinfoposted 10 years ago

    The reason why we don't understand is because education pertaining to human behavior is thought mainly in colleges and universities and is not mandatory. The answer is it is hormonal, having to do with the production of Estrogen, Androgen, and Testosterone. The only way to know if you have a defect in the genes that produce either according to your gender is by your sexual attraction once puberty kicks in. Many people may not like the word "defect" but that is exactly what causes same sex attraction. It is also not a choice to Gay as we have no real control over our hormones.
    The second part of your question has to do with why one partner in a same sex relationship always tend to be either more masculine or feminine. Nature made it that way having opposites attract. So even though the hormones are not strong enough to allow a Gay man to find a woman attractive the hormones are still effective in recognizing the female tendencies in his partner and vice versa.

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       BuffaloGal1960posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       This is closer to what I was seeking. I didn't intend for this to be a debate for pro and/or against gays. I was trying to understand. Not comparing but as a straight, I just wouldn't want my man to be dressed as a "woman".

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    kineticpoetposted 10 years ago

    Honestly, it goes beyond looks. In the past I didn't really understand this either and I would think 'Why not just date a man if the person you're with looks like a man'. Sexuality isn't about just the physical... for me personally sex is an entirely mental experience. The connection would matter more than the cash and prizes someone is sporting under their clothes. Though masculine and feminine energy do compliment each other, it's okay to have a mix of both. I am a woman and dress up, and wear make-up, and love shoes and pretty smelling things... but I also know how to build things, do heavy yard work and those other sort of "man things". Just as I have different sides in me, others do too. I truly do think it's the way we connect on a mental level... opposites don't always attract, or pseudo-opposites either. I think it's difficult to understand because we see life in terms of roles and what 'box' to put things in in order to understand them. This doesn't fit the normal relationship box we're used to... but when you look at the very basis of how attraction is related to the mental, physical and spiritual - it's possible to love anyone. I think of it like this: Who do you want to live with and spend the majority of your time with and find physically appealing? If you want to live with a woman, she turns you on and satisfies your needs (and you hers) then that's what you want... whether you are a man or a woman.

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       BuffaloGal1960posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       That's an interesting concept. Thank you for your opinion.

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