I have postnatal depression.

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   WryLiltposted 13 years ago

   Which is the reason I took a couple of weeks off not long ago.
   
   And I'm a very up front person and get sick to friggin death of people tiptoeing around issues.
   
   I have no close friends left in the real world (I think I'm awesome but not everyone agrees, not sure why!). I am flat broke. And I am beginning to hate my job.
   
   But I hate even more when people lie because it's polite or they're not sure what to say or what people will think.
   
   But don't worry about me. I'll be fine. And write a book about it one day. Or a hub.

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      Marisa Wrightposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      One thing to remember is to make a distinction between depression - when you're unhappy for no rational reason - and being justifiably unhappy about sh*t that's happening to you.
      
      It does sound like you have several factors in your life right now, that you're perfectly entitled to feel down about.  Good luck in tackling those issues and getting things back in proportion - then the depression will seem more manageable.

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         WryLiltposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Actually my life has been like this for the last 23 years. I don't think I've had more than a week in my life where there weren't big or little problems.

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   Kidgasposted 13 years ago

   Hope you get over the depression.  It can be potentially serious for many.  I think you are very driven and a good writer.

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   KristenGraceposted 13 years ago

   You are a strong person and talented writer.
   
   I cannot say I know how you feel, or have been where you've been... But I have struggled with hardships of my own and can, in lack of better words "relate" that is, to going through hard times.
   
   I understand it may be difficult now, but I wish you luck in overcoming this point in your life, and I'll keep you in my thoughts.

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   Rafiniposted 13 years ago

   Just some advice:
   
   You don't say whether or not you're getting help - if not, seek help ASAP.  Postnatal depression can worsen if not treated properly or soon enough.
   
   Find a way to have some "me time" every day, just for yourself.  Remember, it isn't selfish to take care of yourself - it's imperative in order to take care of those who depend on you.
   
   Do you keep a journal?  (sorry - can't remember if you've said so before, or not)  It's a great place to unload overwhelming feelings, thoughts, emotions, and memories.
   
   Take care, and don't forget to smile.  Life is good.

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      WryLiltposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks. And hubpages is my journal.

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   Lifeallstar1posted 13 years ago

   I didn't realize you had recently had a baby. First of all, congrats! I do not know how you feel since I have never gone through that but I do know the power of hormones and the thought of what happens to hormone levels after you have a baby is totally nuts on your body. Everything seems a million times worse and its hard to manage. That feeling must be horrible. I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing that. Hopefully knowing what is causing how you feel is some comfort to you since your hormone levels should even out in time. Try to keep your mind on good thoughts and give yourself a little more time.

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   KCC Big Countryposted 13 years ago

   You're getting some great advice here.  Don't you love the care and compassion so many hubbers have for each other? 
   
   I agree with Rafini that seeking help is good idea.  I know you said finances are an issue, so maybe professional help isn't affordable right now.  However, I bet there are some message boards or something online where others experiencing the same thing go to talk about how they feel.  It could be helpful perhaps.  Just an idea.
   
   Hang in there, kiddo.

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      WryLiltposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Everyone here is great.
      
      And might look into that - I don't want to take medication and not willing or able to spend $120/hour for having someone ask me "And how does that make you feel?"

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         wyanjenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         
         
         I had some big issues after my pregnancy. The baby was pre-term and she didn't survive.
         
         They put me on all sorts of meds - but I didn't get healthy again until I started talk therapy.
         
         Meds don't help, but talking is surprisingly helpful. I still go occasionally. He's never asked me "How do you feel" In fact, we spent quite a few sessions only talking about hockey. But, the guy got me to a good place. I have no depression and I don't take meds. (I'm actually bi-polar so this is quite a feat)
         
         My insurance doesn't cover this, so I pay out of pocket. His fee = whatever I can pay at any given time. Sometimes I don't pay him anything.
         
         Maybe there is a program that could help you. I only went at first because I was forced to. I can't explain how or why, but it has helped me more than I could ever have hoped.
         
         Hang in there, 'K?

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   sofsposted 13 years ago

   Wry may be you need to relax... you are being stressed out is my feeling.. Get help, talk to someone..you are welcome to get in touch with me.. that is, if you want to..
   I am sure you are strong enough to get out of this but do take help.

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      WryLiltposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Sofs

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   Mighty Momposted 13 years ago

   Hi Wry. I believe you are in Australia, yes?
   So I can't advise on what alternatives there might be there.
   Here, I have been able to find affordable therapy for my son.
   There are "sliding scale" places.
   But there are no doubt online blogs, chat rooms, etc. for new moms who are overwhelmed with ... it all.
   Having a new baby in your life is stressful even under ideal circumstances.
   When I was in your situation I found it helpful to pal around with other new mothers. I was lucky in that a good friend from college had a baby boy the same week I did. So we had a lot in common in addition to dealing with our bouncing bundles of joy.
   
   I do understand why many people are reluctant to take medication. However, I know many, many people (myself included) who find getting our brain chemistry sorted out by a professional to be a godsend. If not pharmaceuticals, are you willing to take natural/herbal remedies for depression?
   How about acupuncture?
   
   And never, ever forget you are loved and appreciated here and whatever is on your mind you can feel safe bringing it to us.
   (((WryLit)))
   MM

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      wyanjenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Absolutely!

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   Kangaroo_Jaseposted 13 years ago

   Wry,
   
   Talk to your local GP or OBYGEN that you dealt with when you had Lara. They will put you in touch with someone who specializes in post natal depressive care.
   
   When I became a father and lost my child, I went and got help and it helped me more than I realized, and I didn't realize until years later.
   
   Get help, you can still do everything your doing now (Including writing Hubs and stuff)

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    Karandaposted 13 years ago

    Kangaroo Jase beat me to it. Start with your doctor, we are very lucky in Autralia that there are counselling services offered for free, especially for women with postnatal depression.
    
    Maybe a lot of what you are experiencing is depression in general if other things in your life aren't going well. I thought I was going through postnatal depression after the birth of my first child but it turned out my life was full of so many other things going wrong I just needed someone to talk to. It helped, big time.
    
    Writing, as you know, is a great way to get things off your chest and if you write as if no-one is ever going to read it you might be surprised at how different the words and emotions flow.
    
    Chin up, hugs coming your way, except they look like smiley faces.

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    Polly Cposted 13 years ago

    Hi Wrylilt, sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Like others have said, talking about it is always good. And when you have your first baby, even though you love your baby more than anything else, things can seem tough at times, for any parent. Also, I can't be 100% but I'm pretty sure that there is a big  hormone change around 9 months after you give birth, which could lead to you feeling different - your hormones revert back to the levels they were before you became pregnant.
    
    When you have your first baby, unless you know a lot of other women with children it can feel as though you are alone sometimes, and that you have lost contact with some friends. Usually it is because you have taken a different path from them and your lives are a bit out of synch. If you can find time, take your daughter out as much as possible to places where you can meet other mums. I had my second child 2 years ago but because I already knew a lot of parents (my first son is 10), I didn't really care about making new friends. I took him to a group at 10 months to benefit him and to give him the chance to meet up with kids of his own age, and ended up making four of the best friends ever. We meet up a lot and life is always better when you have things in common with people - and you will find that many people experience the same feelings.
    
    We have financial problems too right now, and it can seem pretty stressful, sometimes. Ever since we had our second child it has seemed that way. All I do is try to focus on the good things, like having a happy, healthy family. When I don't feel happy I just try to adopt a different perspective on life, and you know the mind really is the most powerful thing. Have a positive mindset that things will be better and probably they will.
    
    Anyway, hope you feel better soon, and talk to your health visitor or doctor if you need to

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    Spacey Graceyposted 13 years ago

    Hey Wry - are you still online?
    
    I had PND and PTSD after having my first son and managed to get better without medication - took me about 9 months until I really bonded with him because of problems during pregnancy and birth.
    
    If you want to chat online we can do it on here or drop me an email. Don't feel alone because you are not, and I may be lovingon the other side of the world, but I still live in the 'real world' and I am your friend

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    kirstenblogposted 13 years ago

    Wry, I am glad that you felt you could share here. I have not experienced post natal depression but I have experienced depression and it is great that you feel you can share here! I hope that you find your hormones normalizing son and hope that you do contact those here who you feel close to. You are free to contact me any time you wish

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    Aficionadaposted 13 years ago

    I want to add my ditto and affirmation of all the good advice given here (I hesitate to single out any contributor, because there's so much that is good) - especially the part about remembering how physical changes affect mood disorders.  Besides the hormone problems, just the fact of having a young baby makes it easy to have a totally out-of-whack sleep schedule; and poor sleep habits (too little, too much, irregular pattern, frequently interrupted) are a big contributor to depression.
    
    I'll also echo the recommendations to get yourself checked out physically, take meds if necessary (under a doctor's care - they don't have to be forever) or herbal supplements, and find someone to talk with, whether it's an individual or a group.
    
    About your job - it's fun to have a job you like, if possible; but believe me it's better just to have a job than not to have one at all, especially when finances are tight.  Try to think of your job merely as a tool, not as a friend.  You can use a tool to accomplish the function it's made for, even if the tool is not to your liking.  The function of your job is to create income to help yourself and your family - to feed, clothe, and shelter them.  When you find yourself getting irritated or exasperated or frustrated with your job, just remind yourself that you are doing it for a purpose and that one day you will be able to change jobs and find one that you like better.  I don't know what the economy is like in Australia now, but for a lot of the US, now is still not a really great time to change jobs.  Hang in there, if you can!
    
    And finally, just as indicated earlier:  your friends in HubPages may have met you online, but all of us do live in the real world and we all are real people.  It would be nice to see one another face to face, but these friendships actually are real.  I would love to write more about friendships, but this is already too long, so I'll leave it at this.
    
    Just remember, you are truly loved!!

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       saltposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Wonderfully written!!!

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    Dolores Monetposted 13 years ago

    Having a new baby can be a tough time. We are so taught to think that everything should be just great. But when you are clobbered with crazy hormones, and a lack of sleep it can be very trying. you need to take a new look at your life. Everything has changed! Count your blessings and set small goals. Stop worrying about yourself and how you feel or the depression will just suck you under. Think about how important you are to that new little life, and how you, just by doing day to day baby stuff can create a happy, healthy person. Get help, and let that sadness go. Your baby needs your happiness! Reward yourself by taking pleasure from giving! God bless you, Wry!

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    prettydarkhorseposted 13 years ago

    Try to reach out to your close relatives there! Sometimes the world you are in may seem so friendless, but things will surely change. Concentrate with yourself and your baby (family)! Don't bother with others who lie etc...What you did when you took a break was great! I hope your hubby is helping you, talk to him about it. I was once like you studying post grad, raising  a baby, working and I was barely 88 lbs, my body was so thin. I worked while I study and and barely 4 hrs of sleep everyday. My mother told me to prioritize what is the most important thing. I had to reduce my study loads and told my boss I can't do OT anymore etc.
    It helped me gain weight and was not stressed out anymore, then I always looked at my baby and I know she needed me, that was the reason I have to give up some thing that I was doing...
    Talk to your mom, sister or anybody for support..thanks for entrusting us with your prob...
    
    Take care of yourself

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    Pcunixposted 13 years ago

    My wife had that with our first.  It was very difficult for all of us - she actually committed herself to an institution for a period that seemed like forever to me, but with the help of very good therapy, she came out stronger than before.

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       earnestshubposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Good comment, PCunix.  This too will pass Wrylilt.

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    Home Girlposted 13 years ago

    Everybody has it to a certain degree. Just don't let it overwhelm you. it's just stress and it will go away. And don't worry too much - your problems will be growing together with your baby,   they will change their character, of course. My "baby" is 29 now - no end of problems! Now I look back at diapers time and the lack of sleep with admiration. Everything looks like a child's play - then, not now. Now we are playing serious game - life. And remember:
    Lots of people have money problems - learn to deal wih that.
    Lots of people don't have many friends if any.
    You are not alone unless you chose to be.
    Learn to enjoy life - problems or not.
    Learn to keep your health and sanity - you'll need it. And your money - you'll need it too.

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    saltposted 13 years ago

    Ive never experienced post natal depression. Yet I would suggest breathing and try to understand the feeling - that can help seperate yourself from it. I use color when I get negative vibes around me. I fill dark with bright colors.
    
    Look for the rainbow and - well, if you live near a swimming pool, theres lots of mothers there and its great for children. It can be uplifting and you can make friends slowly. You can also find that the mothers around you can be really good with their children, you can see them go through the frustrations etc that happen to mums when its a difficult day and youll realize its all part of it.
    
    About the job, well, I wish you luck. Maybe youll find something good in it to cling too or maybe your meant to leave to find something else. Umm thinking kind thoughts for you and have been bringing in dolphin energy alot around difficult energy around me lately and it helps. Happy, intelligent, playful and energetic.

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    prettydarkhorseposted 13 years ago

    I almost forgot I have a hub about that one which might be useful to you -- http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Avoid-St … ving-Birth

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    WryLiltposted 13 years ago

    Thanks everyone for the great support. I can't afford professional help at the moment (and having had it before don't think it will help me much, honestly.) And I don't want to take medication since I did in high school and didn't like it. May try something natural.

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    earnestshubposted 13 years ago

    Wrylilt, it is so good you took a big step in trusting your online friends.
    Out Government have a new pre and post natal initiative announced today which looks at the problem for men and women. About time, as it is very common apparently 15% was the figure mentioned.
    
    The long term problems need to be addressed as well though.
    I do hope your well-being returns soon.
    
    You know you are well loved here and many people appreciate your help and hubs.
    Love and best wishes,
    Ern.

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