If a person has divorced 3 times, would you conclude that the person has an unde

1. 0

   EllyrizzaPazposted 9 years ago

   I dont believe that a person that divorced 3times has a problem,  i believe it is just picking the wrong person. You may have found your soulmate but not at the right time. I think that if the person divorced 3times,  he/she is rushing into things and the other person have not shown his/her true self.

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2. 73

   yecallposted 9 years ago

   Personally, I don't care to judge others.  Judging is not my thing.  You could also say that this person doesn't give up and truly wants to have a good marriage and continues on and perseveres.  Who knows?

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3. 78

   Stella Kayeposted 9 years ago

   Yes I would say they definitely have a problem but I'd examine the details thoroughly before passing judgement.It could be that they have been incredibly unlucky in their choice of partner but on the other hand it could be that no-one can put up with them for any length of time!

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4. 75

   realtalk247posted 9 years ago

   Yes. At some point the person has proved they do not honor their commitments. Where is this person's staying power?
   What are you changing spouses every 5-7 years? The person could be a problem OR they continue to chose unhealthy people OR they can not be alone and will marry anyone OR they fail to work on themselves before entering a new marriage.

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5. 60

   LELAND MICHAELposted 9 years ago

   NOT AT ALL...BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD...IF YOU MEET SOMEONE AND FIND THAT THEY HAVE BEEN DIVORCED THREE TIMES...MAYBE TAKE IT REAL SLOW OR SLOWER AND FEEL THIS PERSON OUT FOR AWHILE....AND IF THEY CAN'T AGREE THEN HALF YOU'RE BATTLE IS DONE RIGHT THERE...TO ME IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW MANY TIMES OR HOW MANY KIDS....THEN AGAIN MAYBE THAT'S WHY I'AM NOW SINGLE...TRYING TO PASS A LAW HERE IN CALIFORNIA  CALLED DEJA VU'S LAW....IF I AM ABLE TO GET THIS LAW PASSED THERE WILL BE SO MUCH LESS PHYSICAL AND VERBAL ABUSE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN...AND THE LAW IS "MARRYING YOU'RE DOG" FOR ME MY DEJA VU MY SWEET DEER FAWN PIT BULL....LOL....

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   1. 60

      LELAND MICHAELposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Very interesting and accurate comment...

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   2. 61

      fpherj48posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Leland.....OH No, you didn't!   You just commented to yourself on your own comment.  (Oh brother....help me remember where the exits are)

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6. 43

   MelangeSpace1posted 9 years ago

   Yes, and I say this not because the problem necessarily has to be with the person themselves, but their problem could be that they are just naturally prone to choosing to be with people with massive problems.....which is still something they need to look within themselves to resolve.

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7. 60

   Julie Nouposted 8 years ago

   No matter how great the person is, the fact alone is obvious - the wrong choice he or she made AND his or her view of marriage.
   
   1. The fact that the person made a decision to marry and somehow wants to get out of that marriage is rather a statement of the person's character and judgment. If you get into relationship with this person, you may have to face a very hard time convincing him/her about certain thing, OR he/she may just alludedly to all decisions. Similarly, even if the person isn't the one who filed the divorce, it is also very telling that the decision of getting married again without even learning from the past experiences or rather at least be very careful to the next relationship, which is again, a statement of a person's character and judgment.
   
   2. Being divorced 3x already states very boldly to me that he or she isn't taking relationships very seriously. If you want something, you won't let go of it, easily or without having a fight. Excuses like "oh I have tried my best" apparently doesn't seem to convince me, why the heck you got divorced if you DID tried your best.... See, marriage is a sacred thing, and it still works! For me, it is not like a toy, that if you grew tired playing it you can just toss it and buy another. That is not how marriage is suppose to be. It says "for better or for worse". If he or she cant keep up a marriage, WHY THE HECK MARRY in the first place? Although I am not the kind of person that you can just simply shack with, but that's just my opinion. Which again, leads me back to point number - hasn't he/she learned something from the past?
   
   Just my two cents...

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8. 56

   Nathan Andrewsposted 8 years ago

   I have two friends, and one relative who are serial divorcers. The first has been divorced 3 times before the age of 38, the other divorced twice and about to try his luck again at age 35. The last one has divorced 3 times and was about to try his 4th when her brother exposed his past (he was about to hide it).
   
   The first one I have know him for 15 years and have always found him to have weird views on religion and society. The second one seems to not want to get close to any woman unless he is married to her (not religious at all). Seems fine on the surface of it but clearly doesn't know what the purpose of getting married is because as soon as he spots someone else he starts making excuses to get out of his current marriage! The last one is just an idiot who has no idea how relationships work and seems to think women are his slaves. He rushes into things too quickly.
   
   I'm in a marriage of 15 years. We argue several times a week, I've had a fling, we've discovered we have nothing in common and I don't even share the same religious/political views as her. However we gain strength from our differences and pull together for the sake of our 3 kids. Because that's what it's really about. I come across selfish people everyday who bend and buckle at the first hurdle and start to head for a divorce ruining the lives that depend on them.
   
   Marriage is hard work, fine we're not all cut out for it, but we should recognise that after the 2nd time!

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9. 38

   Mary Ann Behlingposted 8 years ago

   That's a yes indeed!  I will be his 3rd ex very shorty lol!

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10. 64

    Glenis Rixposted 8 years ago

    Yes, that person has a problem. Lack of commitment, poor judgment, the list is endless.

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11. 61

    AntonListovposted 8 years ago

    Yes. At the very least, they're a poor judge of character. Also, the only common denominator in all 3 failed relationships is the said person.

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12. 53

    frumpletonposted 8 years ago

    If the cause of the break-ups aren't due to death, then I would think that that person has an immaturity, still, and can't successfully accomplish and carry through, a solid relationship.  But, sometimes, the 4th time is lucky.  My sister married her 4th husband and is still with him after 20 odd years.

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13. 58

    Belisariusgwposted 8 years ago

    Yes. However it could be a really negative attribute of the person or just an innocent weakness they have trouble fixing. Either you want too much or stand up for what you want too little.

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14. 77

    Nila saysposted 8 years ago

    3 or 30 - They are just numbers. A successful long-term relationship happens to some and they are indeed lucky and gifted. Too many factors play in determining the fate of a marriage. Not to forget that situations can be nasty villains. In general, the soulmate thing is just a myth and many fall for it. Some keep looking for that soulmate through out their life experimenting with new relationships.

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15. 64

    Brians Reviewposted 8 years ago

    The only thing that I can conclude is that, any person who has divorced three times is at much higher statistical rate for divorce in their next marriage. If you consider the inability, or unwillingness for an individual to stay in a relationship as a problem, then yes. I would consider three divorces a problem.

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16. 50

    Nicole Weltonposted 8 years ago

    I would ask you to define a problem.  Sometimes it is better to be specific with wording.  The person may not follow their gut, or may have self-esteem issues.  It doesn't mean anything about their future decisions, and so therefore it seems pointless to worry about their past.

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17. 57

    Theophilus Arthurposted 8 years ago

    People who lose the most important relationship of their life tend to spend some time thinking about what went wrong. If they are at all self-reflective, this means they will acknowledge their own mistakes, not just their ex's blunders. And if they want to be lucky in love next time, they'll try to learn from these mistakes.
    Research shows that most divorced people identify...

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18. 96

    michelleonly3posted 8 years ago

    That underlying problem would be that the person likes to get married and not be married? There are three things in life you should not talk yourself into:
    1. A Relationship (if you catch yourself trying t justify it, run)
    2. Hiring someone (when your gut says meh, don't hire them)
    3. A house (you shouldn't ever have to talk yourself into moving into a place)

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19. 60

    carolyn0210posted 8 years ago

    Maybe they have just been unlucky.
    These days it is so easy to meet new people, but perhaps people do not get to know each other properly before they get married.
    There could be an underlying problem if the person has been too trusting or taken in by lies.

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20. 60

    Araazposted 8 years ago

    first person that hit my mind is ROSS GELLER...its not always necessary...sometimes fate contribute and sometimes he is too desperate for a commitment while its totally different on the other side..

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21. 75

    Shyron E Shenkoposted 8 years ago

    Yes, that person's major problem is he is attracted to the wrong people.

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22. 60

    Civil Inquestposted 8 years ago

    The problem isn't the divorce, it's the concept of marriage. Monogamy is overrated. Humanity would be much better served in polygamy. You could write a book on the genetic benefits alone, but emotionally it is better for the individual as well. Relying on one person for your every emotional need is cruel and unusual punishment that should be outlawed. In short, marriage says "I don't want you to change for the rest of your life, and I won't change either". You grow into a different person everyday, why hold back yours and another's growth for the sake of marriage?

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       Faith correyaposted 7 years agoin reply to this

       The definition of marriage is two people who love each other and agree to monogamy. They decide to help each other grow and look forward to growing old together not alone in a nursing home. That being said, marriage is not for polygamists of course!

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23. 0

    Whose Reviewsposted 8 years ago

    Yes, and no. The problem could be that the person had a tendency to gravitate to the wrong types of people, or the wrong types of people gravitated to him/her. That could have been because of low self-esteem, which is technically an underlying problem.
    
    Divorce happens for a lot of reasons such as infidelity and abuse. I'd say that this is a case-by-case situation. Don't assume that the person has a problem even if divorce occurred more than once. Give him/her the benefit of the doubt, and get to know that person as an individual. Then you can determine whether a problem exists. You'll know real soon if one does.

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24. 0

    Gemma Minda Isoposted 8 years ago

    No. The person could just have gotten into serious complications that he/she could not handle.

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25. 73

    iwrite100posted 8 years ago

    I would presume; not conclude
    
    These days that divorce is so common, 3x may not be shocking. Someone told me that most couples do not last for 2 years.

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26. 53

    vkaleposted 8 years ago

    No problem in divorces. Its always the compatibility that comes into question. When you find the right partner, you stick together like glue. If you don't you find the one that you can stick with.
    
    There is no rule book as to how many people you will go through till you find the right partner.
    
    Having said the above, loyalty, trust, complete honesty/transparency along with being understanding and compromising on both sides help immensely in keeping a person in you life for a long time since these bring about a sense of respect.
    
    Also, spending money equally on each other helps a lot. so, your pockets don't drain one way :p.

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27. 59

    Faith correyaposted 7 years ago

    I would say yes but, the problem doesn't necessarily define him/her as a bad person. Some just keep making the same mistake choosing the wrong partners based on troubled or traumatic childhood. They are magnets for the wrong kind and they are attracted to them! An example is narcissist co-dependents. I just found out a week ago what a narcissist husband/wife means and how their partners turn into codependents over the years without even knowing but when something drastic happens they wake up confused and disoriented suffering from PTSD. It's all out there, hundreds of articles and research addressing narcissism in a relationship. Devasting wake up call for codependents. Narcissists are up there with sociopaths and psychopaths, always in the same sentence in research. The question is: with so much material on the subject, how come codependents never come across it?  My guess is, they're so brainwashed they can't see the truth if it slaps them in the face. Besides, narcissists are so charming, experts at manipulation and devious planning, and wear a kind and genuine face it makes it so difficult to spot. Trust me, I've been a codependent for 19 years. Just woke up a week ago. Nothing is what it seems.

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28. 61

    TimFilmooreposted 7 years ago

    the divorce might be caused by a lot of different factors, maybe in the first glance i'll think that the person might have a lot of problems but i wouldnt mind getting to know it, unless he/she has a criminal record or something scare to hide

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29. 80

    Becky Callahanposted 7 years ago

    I think it indicates an underlying problem, but not necessarily with the person's character. There could be a tendency to choose risky relationships, based on a person's unhealthy or traumatic history. When they choose partners, people can also place extra emphasis on superficial factors like initial physical attraction; they may then ignore more important success predictors such as shared values and views of marriage.

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30. 70

    Tusitala Tomposted 7 years ago

    Probably - most likely.  Still, we'd have to delve into each relationship and determine why, though.   We cannot take it as a cart blanche answer to why the person chose to be divorced or was divorced by the other, unless we know how and why each of the partners felt as they did.
    
    Let's take for example a woman who, after being badly abused for years, finally plucks up courage to leave her spouse and, later, divorces him.  Then, as is so often the case, attracts the same sort of man into her life again.  She then leaves him, too, and so on, never quite learning the lessons as to why she is attracting such men into her life.   In such a case, could we really say it was the WOMAN who had the underlying problem?   Maybe?   But could we say  this lady is at fault for not knowing WHY she has, on three successive occasions, attracted the same sort of partner?
    
    Some would say, "She brought it on herself."   But is that fair?    If one isn't aware of something is it blameworthy?   Maybe under statute law, but certainly not under laws emanating from the heart.
    
    This is a highly controversial area.  Perhaps that's why it continues to get answers coming in after seven years.

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31. 70

    livenlearn87posted 7 years ago

    I would say yes, even if the only problem is not being selective enough or choosing someone who doesn't share the same commitment to marriage.  I'd venture to say there are probably more problems with the individual than that because after all we all have problems, but without more information I'll stop there.

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32. 61

    vinadetaposted 7 years ago

    I sincerely believe there is two sides to every story. Anything could of happened to have had them divorce 3 or 4 times.  Doesn't make them a bad person at all just because they have had a few divorces.  I say get the story first and decide from there if it's going to be worth it. Especially if the person has a good character.

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33. 67

    Facts On Pointposted 7 years ago

    I would need both sides to conclude anting. Just because someone was divorced three times does not mean at fault every time.

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34. 60

    tithi5683posted 7 years ago

    Of course he has a mental problem and as soon as possible to go to a mental doctor.

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