If a person has divorced 3 times, would you conclude that the person has an unde

1. 61

   sam evensonposted 9 years ago

   I would have to say if someone has gotten divorced 3 times it could be rushing into things but it also could be people change. There wont be one specific reasoning for getting that many divorces. Some people make better friends than lovers. There are multiple reasoning's that a divorce may occur but does that person have an underlying problem?
   I personally don't think so.

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2. 69

   monic-alangposted 9 years ago

   Of course yes, if a person has divorced three times that means there is something wrong

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      fpherj48posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      This answer is much too general as well as too simplistic. Marriage may seem "right" for 2 people at a certain time.  Time marches on and much occurs & changes and that includes individuals.  Dissolving a contract is not the end, but a new begini

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3. 61

   MichaellaJeanneposted 9 years ago

   I'd say yes. This person may have a commitment issue, unlikely if they've been married three times. Some girls are just looking for a fairytale, and jump on the first horse drawn carriage. Some guys, may be looking for something serious and get married so they don't have to hear their mother complain anymore.
   
   Sometimes people always create the same relationships, not realzing that the people they are with are the same person as before with a different name and face.
   
   If you let me know more about the situation I may be able to tell you in detail and help you move on to better horizons.

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4. 82

   lawdoctorleeposted 9 years ago

   There is an old saying that applies to most things:  one time is a mistake, two times is a coincidence, three times is a pattern.
   
   If I had been divorced three times, I would bet that it's one of two underlying problems:
   
   1.  I do not know how to be a good partner in a marriage, or
   2.  I do not know how to choose the right partner for marriage
   
   Personally, I think many people get into a marriage too quickly or, alternatively, leave a marriage too early without earning their way out.
   
   Marriage is constant negotiation and readjustment to life's circumstances.

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5. 61

   RATHEESH Aposted 9 years ago

   We cannot conclude like that but we can judge in two ways one thing his love is true and he did not find that true love from that three persons. The second one may be he is not fit for family life and he may be a wandering person.

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   Curtis Lemoineposted 9 years ago

   Not necessarily. A few bad choices, maybe. Too young? And last but not least-love is blind.

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   CrescentSkiesposted 9 years ago

   Yes. If you marry 3 times and divorce 3 times there is something inherently wrong with your personality. Either you're moving too fast and not choosing carefully enough or you're just choosing the wrong person each time and taking way too long to realize it.

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   MrDanielAbramposted 9 years ago

   I would conclude that that person rushes in to things and should take a step back.

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   FLYINGBLIND3posted 9 years ago

   If the cause for multiple divorces is something like chronic cheating than yes I'd say there is an underlying personality flaw.  But if each marriage and divorce revolved around different circumstances and situations than it's just unfortunate that none of the marriages have worked out. I've been married /divorced 4 times in 15 years. Each marriage was different and each succumbed to divorce for different reasons. I initiated one, two were mutual, and one initiated by him, which I had no control over. It's important to take accountability for your role even if you're not the initiator of divorce. I don't feel like I have "issues".  I feel like I've tried. I've given and received. Hurt and been hurt. And when you factor in abuse, addictions, kids, step families, etc.  I think all anyone can say is,  "Stuff Happens.

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10. 39

    DamonKinneyposted 9 years ago

    Sometimes things just do not work out! Keep in mind, in today's world it is much easier to "give up" on something then to work through one's problems. It is possible they could be the problem, the other people could be the problems or maybe just bad luck in general.

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11. 71

    Darrell Robertsposted 9 years ago

    I would not conclude that there is an underlying problem with the person if they have had three divorces.  Sometimes we have to fulfill karma with other people from previsous lives before we could move on to our final destination and that may be the case.
    
    If the person is sincere and they truly believe they love the peole that they are marrying, I would not say they have a problem.  I do think that they may need to consider if the other person is really right for them.  If they have to hide their true colors then most likely things will break down in the long run due to the lack of honesty.
    
    There are many things to consider in relationsips in general.  Goals and long term plans should align, personalities should be conpatable. There are also cultural influences, influences from friends and family that also may impact relationships.  Also people grow and change over time, that is also one more thing to consider.
    
    I do not think it is so simple to say because a person has three divorces, that the issue is solely with that person.

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    Manikandan001posted 9 years ago

    We can't say anything directly without knowing the persons behaviour.
    1. Person may be in changing mind.
    2. Person may be good but loving ones problem.
    these two things are related to that aspects

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    melbelposted 9 years ago

    I would think maybe they don't really think about whether or not the relationship has a true chance of lasting. This would lead me to believe that perhaps the person makes quick decisions. OR the person could have commitment issues.

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    Laendra Bookerposted 9 years ago

    I would not make the assumption unless I truly know the person, the reason for three divorces could be due to the other persons issue.

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    Gsuhaneposted 9 years ago

    all human beings are forced by circumstances. Marriage means that two people understand each other well and ready to take responsibility of each other. If somebody marriages with the divorcee, his or her level of maturity should be high and not to hurt the sentiments. I am not agree with this point if a person has divorced three times, he has an underlying problem.

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16. 0

    SteviJayposted 9 years ago

    No! Life circumstances have to be considered. I have been married three times and believe me third IS the charm! I was married right out of high school (mistake), then I was married later in life had three beautiful children and my husband died. After several years of being a single mom and widow, I found my soul mate. You cannot assume....life happens...so you ask questions and get the answers you are comfortable with and move forward or back up! good Luck!

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    Marcel Wposted 9 years ago

    No, there's not a problem. It’s just someone that ranks hope much higher than experience.

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    zighodposted 9 years ago

    No. This does not mean that. But was unsuccessful in marriage the right person

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    Himanshi Singh25posted 9 years ago

    basically, such matters directly relate to a person's character. if one is having more number of affairs or marriages it is more to do with his/her character. but apart from it, its always better to look out for the deep lying problem.
    it may be that the person is unable to communicate his problems properly or there's lack of communication with him that arose problems b/w the both and ultimately led to divorce.

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    Shortrich1posted 9 years ago

    Wow, lots of negativity here. Speaking as someone that has been divorced 3 times, every relationship is different. #1 was my high school sweetheart knew him 5 yrs, after a stressful marine tour he became an alcoholic and abusive--he changed.  #2 married  him after 2 yrs and after 7 yrs he cheated on me over and over and abused me when he couldn't have his own way,  yes I divorced after years of unhappiness l. #3 never saw it coming after 3 yrs married and on month 3 he suddenly decided to go back to his ex wife. 
    
    So tell me, how could I have known these men would change so drastically? I know some will say I should have risked my life and stayed with abusive men but I'm happy to be alive, happy,  and single at 60 yrs of age today!

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       Sherry Thornburgposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Staying in an abusive situation is never a good thing.  Be happy you were strong enough to say no and live to be 60 yrs old.

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    Shadrack2posted 9 years ago

    I too think so. Unless if he was marrying the wrong people each time

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    twistedatticposted 9 years ago

    In my case, getting married once would conclude I had an underlying problem.

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       frumpletonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

       I got married when I was 17.  Became a mother at 18 and a widow at 19, so I don't believe in marriage.  Never remarried and never will.  (I get the bed all to myself!  :] }

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    Joe Lusticaposted 9 years ago

    Absolutely, the person has a real problem which is not understanding the component parts to relationships. That would be the basic reason. All other reasons stem from that. It's not this "fear of commitment" or any other made up phrase that people use to explain away problems. The basic problem is the person doesn't know what marriage really is and what relationships with others consist of. Once they learn that they can actually have a successful relationship. I'm not going to share what the component parts are here but if you'd like to know you can request more information and I will gladly share. (The amount of time it would take to solve the problem is only a few minutes)

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       dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       "The basic problem is the person doesn't know what marriage really is.." Just because someone is divorced doesn't mean (they) filed for it or wanted it. Maybe their spouses didn't know what marriage is....

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24. 0

    Sherry Thornburgposted 8 years ago

    I might say they have a problem picking people or they have a problem other people can't live with. 
    
    Getting divorced three times is proof that something is going wrong and it takes two people to make a divorce.

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25. 0

    Joshtheplumberposted 8 years ago

    I would not conclude that they have a problem. I would conclude that they are an idealist. They probably grew up watching Disney movies and believe in Knights in shiny armor and damsels in distress. It's not that having that philosophy dooms a marriage to fail, it's that when the other person actually becomes what you are trying to change them into, you lose interest.

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    quaid-e-azamposted 8 years ago

    yes , because after divose the contact with your husband is not leglle and with the point of view of religious it is not true

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27. 61

    beyoulouposted 8 years ago

    I cant say that a person has an underlying problem based on the amount of they've been married (or divorced)! I think there comes a time when need to take a step back and reflect on why this pattern seems to be developing. Yes it does take two people to make a marriage work but maybe its a sign that you don't know yourself well enough to know what you want, or perhaps this is just a necessary part of your journey to help you become clearer on what is important to you in a relationship.
    I don't think it is for anyone else to judge except for the couple involved.
    Every experience teaches us something. learn from this and grow.

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    Brandon Nesbittposted 8 years ago

    This could mean that the person has a hard time committing him/ herself to one person, could also be that they are just having a hard time finding the right person to spend the rest of their life with.

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    icvposted 8 years ago

    I never say like that. Because the number of divorces is not a matter. More than that you must examine the reasons and circumstances in which the person lived. You may see some other unexpected reasons. Of course, generally we consider such people as bad. But the reality may be different from predetermined thought.

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    Mihnea Andreescuposted 8 years ago

    I think 3 divorces are enough to conclude that that person has issues.Marriage is a strong commitment so the "I just haven't found my true love" argument is not relevant.That person should not have married in the first place if he was not certain of his feelings and his relationship with the one whom he/she inteded to marry.

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    Lila Rainesposted 8 years ago

    Yes, I would conclude that. There may be a temptation to blame the other person, but when it happens three times with three different people, you have to wonder.
    
    There has got to be some commitment or personality issues that are causing rifts in relationships. Either that, or someone who has been divorced three times is really bad at picking life partners. Maybe he or she likes picking very submissive people because he or she is domineering. Or, maybe they like picking very needy or disturbed people because it makes them feel better about themselves.

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32. 68

    Christopher Jay Tposted 8 years ago

    Yes, Most of the time the problem is choice in their mates.

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33. 84

    Dakkposted 8 years ago

    While this is an absolutely ancient question, I'll answer it anyway :v
    
    I work as a divorce lawyer and I've observed that some of my clients have gone through multiple divorces before (one lady had her 5th divorce with me, she was 58 years old when it took place, although I've had clients on their 3rd divorce also) is that there is usually a correlation between that person's outlook in life/behavior/psychological conditions and how often he/she divorces.
    
    The characteristics I've observed in clients that divorced multiple times are:
    1 Starved for affection and unable to stay single for too long;
    2 High expectations of their partner that stem from their own convictions/beliefs rather than actual affection;
    3 Seek a partner for everyday life or someone who can provide for them in some way (financially, materially or emotionally, this applies to both males and females);
    4 Come from a cultural background in which marrying is considered the only reasonable way to maintain a long duration relationship (marriage is usually always their goal, even after they've just started a new relationship).
    5 Easily irritable or emotionally unstable in certain ways. Feelings of worry and jealous are common (this is mostly true for women then men, at least in my experience).
    6 If they have children, they tend to use children as emotional backups or even "hostages" (start to suffocate their children with attention that didn't exist before the divorce and/or use them as a mean to "get back" at their partner, IE "I won't let you see your children").
    
    Of course, I only know this due to my experience as a divorce lawyer, which is usually the individual that's exposed to the mostly negative parts of a situation such as this. A psychiatrist, a psychologist or a therapist could probably give a better answer.
    
    I must make it clear, though, that we cannot exactly assume that a certain person has a problem due to the amount of divorces she had during her life. Hell, said person might be great, but their partners could have been people who exhibit these traits I list here. In divorces, usualy the problem is in both parties, but not always.

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       dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Very true. Everyone is assuming (this person) wanted or initiated all three divorces! Sometimes it's a matter of choosing the wrong mate. In other instances their mate may have cheated or abused them. It only takes one person to end a marriage.

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    dashingscorpioposted 8 years ago

    There would be a lot of factors to consider.
    For example if the first marriage happened right out of high school most people would attribute immaturity to be the cause of divorce.
    Lets say in the second marriage they learned their spouse was cheating on them. Most people would list infidelity as being one of their "deal breakers". Dumping a cheater is understandable.
    The third marriage may be to someone who became verbally/physically abusive or they completely withdrew from the marriage and it dissolved into a loveless/sexless relationship resembling being (roommates with the same last name). Rather than cheat he/she decided to file for divorce.
    Anyone who keeps attempting make marriage work after past divorces is someone who clearly believes marriage is a "good thing".
    Their motto is: "If at first you don't succeed try, try, again."
    It's possible they haven't figured out how to choose (their ideal mate) or they have unrealistic expectations. I think there are 3 top reasons for divorce.
    1. Choosing the wrong mate
    2. Getting married for the wrong reasons
    3. They "fell out of love" over time and grew apart.

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    MonkeyShine75posted 8 years ago

    I would say there is a pattern there, and yes, there's a chance that the person in question is the reason for the failure of the relationships
    The person is obviously not interested in sustaining a one on one relationship for one reason or another
    It could be out of fear, or the need for something "new, and exciting"
    They may have a hard time feeling mental/emotional pleasure with one person when the relationship grows old.
    They may be insecure, and start problems so the other person will express their love
    Hope this helps

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       dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Lot's of people assume that this individual initiated the divorce. It's also possible that (their spouse) left them, cheated on them, or was abusive.

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       MonkeyShine75posted 8 years agoin reply to this

       I didn't assume anything you mentioned, and regardless of who divorced who, there are still 3 divorces which shows a pattern. Because the only thing the 3 divorces has in common, is that one person. So obviously that person is at fault somehow

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       dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       I didn't say (you) made any assumption. You said: "The person is obviously not interested in sustaining a one on one relationship.."
       If they didn't file for these divorces & continue to want to be married (they're interested in sustaining)!

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       sockiiposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       It is also quite possible that the person's only problem is choosing the wrong partner. Some women I've known are desperate to always be in a relationship, even if it is an unhealthy or abusive one.

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       MonkeyShine75posted 8 years agoin reply to this

       N.P-Choosing 3 wrong partners is a pattern too People choose people to help them with the end result-which in this case is divorce. The person is very obviously at fault
       Dashing Scorpio I apologize

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36. 79

    Rabadiposted 8 years ago

    First time shame on you, second time shame on me, third time.. you just need help.

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    hubsyposted 8 years ago

    I have to say that with men I usually am skeptical if they have been divorced three times. It usually makes me think that they are afraid of commitment or move on when they get bored etc. With women, I have less negative associations. I know its not right to have double standards, but its just my natural assumptions at this point. Of course this isn't true for all people.

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       dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       At least you admit you're applying a double standard. According to statistics in the U.S. (women) initiate 66% or 2/3rds of all divorce filings in the U.S. The friend of mistresses worn them "The husband never leaves his wife."
       Ask who filed?

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    victor okumuposted 8 years ago

    Yes because for someone to divorce three times means that that person has got a problem how can one just end marriages with people that way? Perhaps the person may be the violent, an unreasonable, easily agitated, or simply a freak. So yes when someone has got a divorce history in their CV there is an underlying problem.

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       dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       It take two to make a marriage work. It only takes one to cause a divorce.
       You are assuming that this individual filed for the divorce or wanted to be divorced. Maybe it was their spouse who pushed for it. Their spouse may have cheated/abusve

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39. 62

    Perspycaciousposted 8 years ago

    Only if the second and third marriages were to the same person married in the first marriage.

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    marwan asmarposted 8 years ago

    Definitely, yes, co me on three times, it means  you don't really want to marry

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       dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       It could also mean they keep choosing the wrong mates for themselves! Just because a person is divorced doesn't mean (they) initiated it. No one keeps saying "I do" unless they really want to be married. Divorce is costly.

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    Shilpa Chavareposted 8 years ago

    No. The way number of times that you fall in love does not give people the rights to judge, divorces shouldn't either. A relationship takes two to make. If it doesn't work, both the people are responsible for it, probably the contribution differs in the magnitude but it really exists. YES, there is surely an emotional part of the person that needs to be supported and fostered. We all have our insecurities, life's just about understanding them and fighting the odds.

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       dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       "A relationship takes two to make..." - Very true.
       However it only takes one to end it. People seem to assume this person initiated the filing of all their divorces. Anyone who marries that many times wants to be married.

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    the rawspiritposted 8 years ago

    How can I judge a person, especially without knowing them. Everyday people change, people grow. Blessings

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    Qmarpatposted 8 years ago

    Three may not be a problem. I knew people a long time ago, that had ten marriages and ten kids, I think they had a damn problem. Child support and alimony must be fun!

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    Ryan Gornezposted 8 years ago

    A person who has divorced three times doesn't mean that he has an underlying problem. It is just that we people lack contentment. We crave for something better. A person who finds another one despite the fact that he is already tied up with the sacrament of marriage just feels discontentment. He just does not find the qualities or even flavors he wanted to savor from his partner. Discontentment will make us to crave for something we haven't tasted or experienced.

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    passionatelearnrposted 8 years ago

    Bad luck could also be the reason.If a person has repeatedly failed an exam three times doesn't mean that person is dumb.she might succeed somewhere else.

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       GARH608posted 8 years agoin reply to this

       I agree with exam theory. I took a class once, and had to retake and still failed it the 2nd time. I just could not understand the professors thought processes whatsoever. Or, it could be that Economics just sucks. LOL

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    bluesradioposted 8 years ago

    Would definitely hope that they have analyzed what 1, caused them to get married, and 2, why it didn't work out...Should hope that they have learned from their lessons, and that it is not  a recurring problem that consistently needs monitoring...

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    YvetteParkerposted 8 years ago

    It would seem reasonable to believe that the person may be entering into relationships too quickly without assessing and/or taking responsibility for his/her part in the dissolution of previous marriages. Hurting, broken, angry, insecure, emotionally charged individuals should take time to heal and forgive themselves and their spouse before engaging in a relationship with another. Otherwise, he/she brings all of the baggage of past relationships into new ones, sabotaging that one as well.

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    tamarawilhiteposted 8 years ago

    At least bad criteria for picking a partner, if not underlying problems with maturity or impulse control.

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    Knowchristposted 8 years ago

    I have been married three times. I am currently divorced and have been enjoying being single for over seven years. My marriages ended due to domestic violence, infidelity, and emotional separation. I would agree that I am not a good judge of character and married poorly. i have my battle wounds but plan to marry again. I believe in marriage and love.I just have to find someone that share my sentiments and listen when my friends tell me he's not right for you.

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       frumpletonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

       Sounds like you are too nice and so they try to brainwash you or pick apart your friends or where you go.  Tell them to get a life.  And if you have kids and the person doesn't like them, get rid of him/her.  Your kids know if someone is bad.

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    roselinsojanposted 8 years ago

    Dear friend, Yes ,I think the person has some problem.

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