What do you do when your husband shuts down during arguement and refuses to fini

1. 81

   mgeorge1050posted 10 years ago

   Sounds like you just like to argue.  I have a close friend whose new wife loves to argue, and she has made his life miserable.  When my wife and I disagree, we discuss the matter calmly and normally come to a quick compromise.  Good luck!

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2. 81

   tehgybposted 10 years ago

   Start throwing plates at him.
   Kidding, DON'T!
   
   Just stop arguing and go do something else. Give him time to cool off and bring it up later, but don't be confrontational when you do or it will escalate and you'll be right back where you started.

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3. 61

   days leaperposted 10 years ago

   stop arguing!!!  And take time out to try and work out where he's coming from.  When you've both had time to calm down a bit ask him questions.  And make sure you listen then take time to let it sink in.  Ask more questions if you come up with them.  Dont assume you know.  repeat the process.  Then asking him if there will be a point soon where he'll be ready to hear where youre coming from.  Remember a man needs (often to the point of desparation) to feel he is respected.  Giving up his way to some-one else too often let alone every time is not congruent to this feeling.  If you want to do things all your way better off alone!

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4. 57

   spock28posted 10 years ago

   lets have peace ,!!! its never too late !! Adjourned for the day further discussion tomorrow !! lets sleep over it!!

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5. 70

   cebutouristspotposted 10 years ago

   Give him a pat in the back.   Nothing good comes out of an argument.  Most of the time you will say something you simply will regret.
   
   Wait an hour or two when head are cooler and talk about thing.
   
   P.S> talking is not arguing

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6. 69

   baybpnkposted 10 years ago

   Find a constructive way to get through problems without arguing. Arguing never solved any problems. You know what does? Compromise and keeping calm during constructive discussions. Many men (or people) feel as if you are attacking them if you even have the slightest hint of "bitch" in your tone, even if a womans "bitch" tone is the equivalent to a mans sarcasm. Keep that out of it and keep the conversation focused.

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7. 0

   Kristyn05posted 10 years ago

   Sometimes the reason for a shutdown is them not feeling like they are being heard or that they feel the conversation is going no where. I would allow them to calm down and get to a place where they can think better as well as for yourself to recharge and rethink the argument for clearer thinking. Hope that helps!

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8. 0

   enjoy lifeposted 10 years ago

   The real question is do you want to solve the issues being argued about or are you just looking for a good fight and yelling match at each other?
   
   Solving issues requires respect, from both of you toward each other. Each others views and opinions, but often in an argument it becomes all about pushing your point and not listening to the other. Maybe your husband realises that the discussion has reached a place where trying to discuss it further right now is pointless, as nothing will be solved and many hurtful words will be said.
   
   Sometimes it is better to both walk away, calm down properly, then when you can talk reasonably to each other decide on a time when you can both sit down and talk about the issues that need solving, without it becoming an argument.

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9. 64

   Chuck Bluesteinposted 10 years ago

   You already know the answer. You can just accept it or tell him that you want a divorce because of it.

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10. 60

    flpalermoposted 10 years ago

    He won the argument!
    Why would YOU continue?

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11. 52

    tanuj sharmaposted 10 years ago

    u dont argu with your husband because argu is not good for health argu is main moto is tension and miss under standing

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12. 0

    swilliamsposted 10 years ago

    Don't fight with him. There is an old saying, "A wife who complains is like a dripping faucet." Nagging. Just let it go. He may be shocked that you are the one that is no longer arguing, and then he will try to communicate with you. Women never really want to argue, we want communication.

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13. 52

    kennysocoolposted 10 years ago

    I think it's best to just, leave it alone as well.

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14. 46

    padmendraposted 10 years ago

    Some men have an aggressive nature while others have a tendency of minimizing the hot arguments. When we are leading a family, there are so many constraints and obstacles than one can hardly keep himself/herself cool all the time. So, the more we take things casually, the more peace we will getting in our relationship.
    
    Your husband has done the same thing usually people do in such a situation. Instead of standing in the argument, he preferred to skip it, thus the situation going to be more complicated was avoided by him., if I am right.

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15. 60

    Sophie Mihalkoposted 10 years ago

    Did you know that most arguments will require that one of the two people in the argument be made wrong? Best way to win an argument is to agree with the other person. Once the argument is over you can start discussing options.

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16. 75

    Oztinatoposted 10 years ago

    Try champagne and a bubble bath followed by sweet nothings. That is a sure fire way to get him talking.

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17. 55

    lostohanababyposted 10 years ago

    Why are you wasting precious time in life, 'arguing'.   Maybe that's your husband's way of 'stopping' while he is ahead and it could be to your advantage, to keep from taking the 'anger' that comes into an agreement that often leads to 'violence' to the argument between you.  He knowns his strength and maybe he doesn't want to hurt you.  Go make dinner.  Or go on 'half-time' or take a 'time-out'.   Get along.  Pick up the issue later, but without arguing..Say a prayer, ask God to give you 'guidance and patience!'

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18. 0

    Mother Birdposted 10 years ago

    Be kind. Be honest and don't forget how much you love him. Although, he's frustrating he is still your husband and thats a bond you need to fight to keep. My husband and I did this frequently in our first year of marriage. He liked to drink too much and that caused a huge problem. After arguing for a while, he'd just stop and not want to reconcile. Patience is a virtue, and it is something that we need to make sure we remember during arguments with our spouses. Love is rare these days, its worth fighting for, not about.

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19. 86

    Kathleen Odenthalposted 10 years ago

    Ugh, I wish I could help, but unfortunately I am the one who shuts down during arguing with my significant other.
    
    For me, I feel like I just need some space to breathe, reflect, and be by myself before I can finish the conversation with a cool head. Maybe he is the same way.

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20. 60

    Katie Crossposted 10 years ago

    Learn how to spell argument everybody is different and they need time to cool down. Respect that

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    1. 79

       Relationshipcposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       I'm not a grammar expert by any stretch of the imagination. But, when you don't capitalize the first word of a sentence or use punctuation, you shouldn't critique anyone's spelling.

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21. 59

    NiaLeeposted 10 years ago

    I just let him run. Done with arguing, I discuss with who wants to hear and talk sincerely, if not, it is a waste of time, energy and emotions. It can be very frustrating, but apparently a lot of men run in that situation. There is that stigma of the nagging wife and the poor irresponsible annoyed man... the truth is we can all run in some situations, we are not always ready to discuss things, and some situations, just can't be dealt with with a discussion.

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22. 61

    old albionposted 10 years ago

    Hi. After 70 years of life and 45 years of marriage I feel I can answer this although it has to be in general terms. The reason a man shuts down is because a woman will not accept his clearly logical point of view. Frustration is the word that comes to mind. Again I say 'in general terms' after all many women take a logical view and sometimes a man does not.
    Graham.

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23. 70

    Soumya Mukherjeeposted 10 years ago

    This always happens to me, whenever we argue. But I have found a solution. I too stop the argument there itself and hug him after a couple of minutes. That sets everything right again. I bring back the argument at a point of time, may be some other day, when he is in a perfect good mood and when I know he would agree to whatever I say and I win.

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24. 61

    zacharybrownposted 10 years ago

    I would advise you to give him some time to calm down and process. I don't like to argue if I am overly emotional. Therefore, I ask for time before continuing the discussion. It was something that was difficult for my wife early on in our marriage, but after we discussed why I reacted that way it became something that she appreciated because we were able to have more constructive conversations and find solutions. It can lead to discovering that an argument was simply a misunderstanding that required further discussion rather than being a fight that was unproductive and hurtful.

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25. 49

    erorantesposted 10 years ago

    You wait.Until he is come. If he refuses.  Write him a note with the discussion.  He is not going to like the note. Next time, he will listen. He figures out that too much mental  disconfort you when through,  and he feels guilty.

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26. 58

    LDThorntonposted 10 years ago

    I have found this on many an occasion with my husband. For whatever reason our styles of communication differ. I know that the more I talk or explore issues he shuts down. Sometimes this can be traced back to the dysfunctional style of communication he grew up with at home. I tend to find other ways of reaching him. If you see he's no longer listening its a waste of time trying to get your point across. Leave him and try again when he's in a better mood, and not feeling as vulnerable.

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27. 60

    langsonposted 10 years ago

    Its better when he shuts down during argument.Its either a way of preventing himself from using bad words, and actions which may be coming to his mind.At this point don't force him to talk.

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28. 48

    Visa Perlingerposted 10 years ago

    I was married for 27 years and i was the one who shut down.  You may need to think about how your husband processes things and by that I mean, is he an introvert or an extrovert.  In my case I am essentially an introvert so when my ex husband and I would fight I would have to think about what was being said, what was happening, and take the time to think about it before I was ready to answer his accusations or decide why he was upset.  By shutting down it gave me the chance to analyze the situation and when I came back we were both calmer and I had my answer.  It really is important to give him the time and space to think it all over and "get his head around" the problem.

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29. 60

    Amusementsposted 10 years ago

    I would shut down during sex and refuse to finish it ... and ask if "he would be willing to settle that argument now?"  But then again, I'm not married!

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30. 70

    Melissa Noonposted 10 years ago

    If he doesn't want to continue a argument there might be a good reason for it. Maybe it is to prevent one or both of you from saying something that can be hurtful. So just say that we will discuss this later. Therefore you also give yourself time to really think about what you have to say and plan it in a way that your anger be left behind and his anger will be left behind. Therefore you should be able to have a stable conversation and be able to come up with some good solutions together

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31. 0

    Old Poolmanposted 10 years ago

    From a males perspective, it seems at times that a small argument will be never ending and no progress toward agreement is being made.  When this situation does happen, it is really best to just end the argument until both parties have had a little more time to think about it.
    
    Most men don't really care to spend their valuable time off work arguing with a spouse or girlfriend. I know I would rather pull weeds than argue with my wife.   It is doubtful that even a compromise will be reached unless both parties are in the proper mood to discuss the issue at hand.

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32. 54

    peter565posted 10 years ago

    He think arguing with you on this topic is a waste of his time.

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33. 80

    chuckandus6posted 9 years ago

    Men have a shorter conversation span,and in.an argument when they r done they r done! You will not get anywhere so just drop it and pick a different time when he is more open mood.

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34. 0

    Joshtheplumberposted 9 years ago

    Nothing. You just won. That's all he wants from an argument. For it to stop. Keeping it going at that point will only make him aggressive. Quietly insult his manhood as you walk away then get your camera phone ready. In a few minutes he's going to show you what an idiot he can be.

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35. 70

    somethgblueposted 9 years ago

    Jab a sharp stick in his eye and make him a pirate.

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